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It turns out I got my wish…After they stopped the bleeding and assessed the damage it was determined I'd hurt myself so bad they couldn't undo what I had done. My doctors said I would never hear again. I had to get another surgery to repair what damage they could and clean things up but once it was finished, they released me from surgery ward and put me in the psych-ward.
For weeks they evaluated my mental state. My parents thought I had gone crazy for wanting to cut my implants out. They were all up for me being locked up but my doctor determined I was no longer a threat to myself or others that it had been a momentary break and lapse in judgment. They released me and continued to monitor me for a few more weeks before signing off on me.
My mom was so mad at me, for removing my implants. Marty didn't want to talk about it. I'd missed so much school that I couldn't graduate. I didn't bother going back. I spent several months in my room drawing and reading. I didn't really want to be part of the world anymore. I only came out to eat, use the restroom and shower. I wanted to stay in that room forever and just let my entire life pass by but Marty soon became livid with the situation.
He'd gotten a job again and wanted to clean house. He refused to allow me to just sit around and freeload off his and my mothers hard work. I'd been an adult for months now it was time I started paying rent and make up for my hospital bills. One day my mother slid a letter under my door rather then talk to me. The letter informed me she had signed me up for some classes that were starting at the adult education center soon.
She expected me to study and get my high school equivalency. After that I needed to get a job and pay them back. She made it clear that I would either do this or be kicked out of the house. Reluctantly I accepted their conditions. It wasn't like I had a lot of options, I had no where else to go and sadly no one else but them.
I bided my time until classes started. I had to take two buses to get to the center. It was made up of several building and kind of looked like a small college campus. For a moment, I wondered where I'd been now...where we'd be if things hadn't happened. Would we be in college? Would we have shared a dorm room or gotten an apartment.
The thought was beyond depressing and I started to cry. I'd gotten there early and darted into the bathroom until I could get control of myself. I spent a few minute cleaning up may make up in the mirror and made sure my implant scars were covered up by my hair. I didn't want anyone to know...I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be here but then again I didn't want to be anywhere. I wondered if I'd always feel like this or if things would ever get better. I couldn't imagine it would.
When it got closer to class time, I lifted up the hood on my hoodie and found my class room. Some others were already inside. I picked a seat some where in the middle and put my head down. I was hoping to just zone out. Some time passed and I started to feel sleepy.
I considered dozing off but someone pulled back my hoodie. I sat up in my seat and looked up, to see a man, standing over me. He pulled back as if he were surprised to see me. I watched his ice blue eyes hone in on me in an unsettling way. His mouth twitched before he put on a big smile. I read his lips as he asked me who I was.
I signed letting him know I was deaf then I signed my name 'Song Linorik'
He surprised me quickly signing back. 'Hello, Song I am your teacher Mr. Carter Jaids. Welcome to my class,"
'Thank you,' I signed back.
'You might want to keep you hood back and your eyes open. Maybe if you're lucky, I'll teach you something." He gave ma another big friendly smiled and I reluctantly smiled back. I looked around the room a few other students were staring at me. I bit my lower lip feeling somewhat embarrass.
I looked to the front and tried to pay attention after that. Mr. Jaids signed as he spoke and went about what our lesson plan was. His goal was to see where each of us were at and try to get us caught up so we could pass the high school equivalency test that was held every three to six months depending on how many people were signed up. I pulled out my note book and took some notes on listed months the test might be scheduled and what subjects they tested for.
He took questions and then handed out packets so we could begin taking tests. We had a small break for lunch and I found they had a cafeteria. I didn't have any money on me so ate the lunch I'd packed, an apple sandwich and juice box. I thought I packed cookies but couldn't find them. When class resumed we took tests until around five o'clock. Mr. Jades ended class telling us he'd have our scores for us tomorrow so he could know where each of us were at.
I gathered up my things and checked the bus schedule to see which buses I needed to catch. Mr. Jaid's got my attention as I stood and signed for me to wait over my his desk. I waited as he spoke with a few students who had questions. I noticed a few of them signed as well. It was nice to know I wouldn't be the only one in class for once. I also noticed people seemed different ages. Some were around my age maybe even younger but most were older, a few even looked like they might be the same age as my parents.
When everyone had left he turned to me and signed. He wanted to know how I liked my first day of class and if his sign language was up to my standards. I was surprised he wanted my opinion and wondered if he might have been making a joke. I just shrugged and signed 'It was okay.'
He leaned against his desk and kept the conversation going joking that he couldn't settle for okay, he was aiming for great even amazing. He smiled at me chuckled. I realized he'd been joking now and teased him back signing 'Fine, fine it was good.' He shook his head still upset it was not great or amazing.
I laughed and he wanted to know why I needed my high school equivalency. My heart quickly sunk recalling why. I almost couldn't believe it but for a sliver of a moment, I'd actually forgotten about everything. He noticed my sudden change, he folded his arms in front of himself and looked concerned. Nearly a minute passed as he waited for me to respond, I didn't want to get into it, I signed I didn't want to discuss it. I worried he might push but he was nice and dropped it.
He quickly signed asking if I was hungry, he opened one of his draw and I saw all sorts of snacks. Admittedly I was hungry and knew I had a long bus ride home, I pointed to a candy bar and he gave it to me. I put it in my pocket for later and he asked what candy I liked, I signed signed I enjoyed the caramel chocolate ropes with the nuts, I'm wasn't sure if they make them anymore my grandmother used to buy them for me.
He told me they still made them and asked me more about what other things I enjoyed, foods, drinks, books and hobbies. For a moment I got caught up in our conversation, it had been a while since I'd been able to communicate with such ease. It was also rare to have someone interested in what I was interested in. Other then Eon I couldn't recall...the last time anyone cared. After a bit I asked if he always took such an interest in his students.
He paused for a moment, studied me and then slowly responded. I read his lips as he said he only took the time for the ones he thought were "special"
I was used to "special" being an insult from school. He could see my reaction and quickly corrected, that it was a good special, he meant it as a compliment. He thought there was something wonderful about me. I was taken off guard by what he was saying. I didn't know what to think of it or him for that matter.
His gaze shifted and I turned to see a janitor entering the class room. I realized how late it was getting. I quickly signed I had to catch my bus and rushed of feeling a big weird. On the way home our conversation was all I could think about. That night at dinner my mother had to get my attention to ask me how things had gone. I told he we just did our testing. She seemed content with that and let me be.
I turned in early and found myself a bit excited when I woke up. I wondered how class would be today...if it would be weird again of if it was just a one off. When I got to class he met me at the door and informed me he'd saved a seat for me. It was a seat in the front row. He gestured to it and I saw there was a chocolate rope sitting on it...just waiting for me. I was suddenly filled with this strange excitement. My cheeks to got all hot as I felt seen in that moment. Mr. Jaids had no lonly listened to me but noted what I liked and had gotten it for me.
I thanked him and took my seat, over the next few days that seat became my seat and it always had a chocolate rope on it just for me. We got our tests results back and I would need to stay for the full course. I was a bit disappointed to be so far behind but I quickly found I liked his class. When he taught, he'd always use sign language. If someone asked a question or had something to say, he'd sign what they said and then his response. It was so nice to be able to know what was going on around me at all times, even if I wasn't facing someone.
One night after the first week of classes, he asked if I could stay after and help him clean up. He signed, he wasn't feeling good. I had to catch my bus but figured I could always take a later one. He'd been so nice and it had been so long since anyone wanted my help. He sat at his desk and gave me instructions on what do to. I moved all the chairs onto the desks and closed the blinds. Finally I picked up any lose papers and brought them over to his desk. When I put them on his desk, he brushed his hand over mine and signed that it was so soft and delicate.
I read his lips as he said I was a very beautiful woman. He unexpectedly ran his fingers through my hair tucking a piece behind my ear. For a moment I forgot about my scars, I could see the moment he saw them in his eyes. I pulled back and quickly covered them. He frantically signed to me apologizing and asked what had happened.
I signed back I didn't want to get into it. He surprised me brushing my cheek. He lifted my chin and I read his lips as he said 'That I was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever had the privilege of teaching, even with the scars.'
Alarm bells were going off in my head. He was my teacher...I knew this wasn't high school but was he allowed to say such things to me. Wasn't this breaking some sort of boundary. We locked eyes and for a moment I saw him…really saw him beyond some authority figure. I realized I was quiet handsome and those ice blue of his were rather entrancing. I found myself blushing. I realized hadn't really looked at anyone like this since...Eon.
When I thought of Eon I got sad again. Mr. Jaid's noticed and signed to me asking me about it. I signed for him to leave it. I was worried he'd push me but he didn't. He apologize for upsetting me. I let him know it was already and he finished shutting down his class room.
We walked out together and he asked how I got home. I admitted I took two buses. He offered to give me a ride home but I was already far too flustered to even entertain the idea. I politely declined and wished him a good weekend. I could see he was let down but waved me goodbye.
That weekend felt like one of the longest of my life. I kept replaying what I did what he did and what it could all mean. It was silly but I liked the distraction. I liked having something else to think of other then what I had done and how I had lost everything because of it.
When the second week of classes started, Mr. Jaid's asked if I could regularly stay after and help him with small tasks. I agreed, after everyone would leave I'd help gather loose papers up, put it on his desk and then move all the chairs to the tops of the desks. Then I close the blinds and see what else he needed help with. He started to add more things to keep me later and later. He'd have me wipe down his board, sweep up and sharpen pencils.
Sometimes as I did these small tasks our hands would touch or we'd bump into each other. He'd see something in my hair or pull it back if it got in my face. At first every little interaction would set me off with a shock or excitement but slowly I got used to it. When we were done I always felt liked I'd been very helpful. Mr. Jaids would always thank me and reward me with candy.
Some nights we'd have simple conversations about the weather and how classes were going, nothing to major. One night I let it slip that it was nice having someone to sign with again. He picked up on that and asked what I meant. It was nice sign with someone again. I admitted that no one in my family signed. He wanted to know why no one signed. I admitted my mom had forbid sign language.
He stared at me for a moment but didn't say a thing. He simply leaned in and hugged me. It was so sudden but nice to be held again. I cried for a little bit and he gave me more candy. He walked me our and even took me to my bus stop. He offered to give me a ride again but I declined.
I got home kind of late that night but not one noticed. My mother was in a hurry to watch a show, she didn't notice my tears as I went to my room. She never noticed, her attention, her affection, was always somewhere else on someone or something else.
The next day after I cleaned up and he gave me candy, he insisted we watch a subtitled movie he found. I stayed but said I'd had to go as soon it was over or I'd miss my bus. We ended up watching the entire movie and I missed the last bus. It was dark and I got worried about how I'd get home. He offered to give me a ride and I took it but when I got in his car, he didn't take me home.
I signed my address and how to get there but he just kept driving. He took me out to the middle of nowhere and signed that he wanted to talk to me in private. He thought I needed to talk to someone. He signed that I had a profound sadness about me. After hearing about my home life, he wanted to know it all. He wanted me to tell him my story. I found it strange but admitted to him that I wasn't happy but I'd never really been happy, save for my grandmother, father and Eon but they were all gone.
He insisted I tell him everything that he was here to listen and help me let it all out. I was uncertain but I had held so much in for so long. He sat there as I sign about my childhood, about my mom and dad's love for music. How they had abandoned me and my grandmother took me in for a while. I went on about her dying, having to move in with my mom, reconnecting with my dad only to lose him. When I got to my implants and things with Eon it got hard. He insisted he cared and I needed to get this off my chest.
I told him about Eon, how we'd been such good friends and how he was always there for me and how much I had loved him. I went on about his seizure condition and how when we finally did it for the first time, he'd had a massive one and I'd almost killed him because he gave me his coat with his medicine and I forgot it. I was crying as I signed about his coma, him waking up and hating me, how he'd told me to go away, how he'd looked at me. I told him about the restraining order and what I had done to my implants by the time I was all caught up, I was a balling mess.
Mr. Jaids pulled me in close and held me. He comforted me until I calmed down and then signed nothing was my fault that it was an accident, accidents happen. He said I was so bright and good that I deserved to be happy. He signed he wanted to be my friend. He didn't want me to have to hold anything in ever again. He was here for me now if I ever needed anything.
I pointed out he was my teacher and he insisted he was my friends first. He had such a way about him I thought maybe it was okay. He thought it was important I have someone on my side for once, some one who only wanted to see me shine in this dark world.
He made me feel better about myself for the fist time in a long time. When I'd calmed down he realized how late it was. I told him my family probably wouldn't notice I wasn't even there. He wanted to cheer me up and took me for some fast food. We ate in his car before he took me home.
When I got home no one noticed I was late, everyone was watching some late night movie. I might as well have been invisible, I just went to my room. The next night I stayed behind again helping Mr. Jaids. He asked how things had gone and I told him no one noticed. He signed my family sucked and that my mother shouldn't have kids, she's not a real mom. It was mean to suggest such a thing but it made me feel vindicated. I signed how my grandmother had told me some people just have their breaking points once but I didn't think it was fair to make me a breaking point, when I'd just been a child.
He agreed with me and we took another ride out to the middle of no where. We signed for hours, this time it was just about things we liked and our over all life experiences. He took me to fast food again and even got me a big ice cream. I signed he was going to make me fat and he signed he wanted nothing more then to spoil me. He brushed my cheek when we were finished eating and I did feel spoiled.
The next night things...changed. I stayed late like always but he was quiet, we drove out to "our spot" now and I started signing but he seemed distracted. At one point I noticed he wasn't reading my hands anymore. I tapped his shoulder, when he turned to me I signed asking what was wrong. I realized I'd been very selfish this whole time, I'd only been tell him about myself, I'd never asked him about his life. I read his lips he said, 'It was fine but he'd been thinking about something I'd told him for a while.'
I signed "What thing?
He tried to wave it off, he didn't want to upset me. I insisted he tell me, he signed he couldn't stop thinking about what I'd said. How I thought what happened to Eon was my fault. He signed that it wasn't my fault at all. I signed I didn't think that was entirely true. If I hadn't worn a dress for our first time, he wouldn't have needed to give me his coat when I got cold. I was also the one who wanted the ice cream that made me cold. And If I hadn't been so vain in the bathroom, I wouldn't have taken his coat off and forgot it. Also if we'd waited to have sex, we wouldn't have needed to sneak off and been so far away from the house and help.
He shook his head and signed it was natural to want sex, sex was a good thing, a really good thing. I shook my head and signed I didn't think so. He signed he could prove it was. I wonder how he could prove something like that. I hesitated for a moment but then signed asking how? He signed if we had sex it would be good and we'd both be fine afterward. I felt taken aback by what he said. He and me have..sex.
I quickly turned red but brushed it off thinking he was joking. I pointed out that was different, Eon had a seizure condition. Mr. Jaids, looked really upset then, he turned away from me and I tapped his shoulder to look at me, when he finally looked back at me I urged him to tell me what was wrong. I thought he had to be upset about something else. He signed Eon didn't deserve to be my first that I deserved a man that knew what he was doing and could follow through.
Again I was caught off guard, I didn't know how to respond to that. I wasn't used to adult saying inappropriate things to me. I mean I was an adult too now. I guess I should expect it but Mr. Jaid's seemed different. I knew he was my friend but he was also my teacher. He was handsome and all but I didn't really think of him like- He suddenly leaned in and kissed.
I jerked back not expecting it. I suddenly felt weirded out...uncomfortable... I didn't know what to do. He lightly caressed my cheek and signed that he could make me feel really good. I was a good person and deserved to feel good. Sex was the best feeling ever.
I signed to him I didn't think so again. I admitted I didn't think I'd ever be able to have sex again. I thought maybe it was time I go home but before I could ask, he pulled himself out. When I saw it, I nearly got whiplash looking away. I signed that this was very wrong, he was my teacher. He didn't respond he just grabbed my hand and took and put it too his member. I pulled my had back like I'd touched fire. I signed I wanted to go home, again and again and again.
He just sat there slowly stroking it, waiting for me to calm down. When I look back at him he signed that I didn't really want to go home, no one there wanted me. He was the only one who liked me and wanted to be with me. He was the only one I could really talk to. He signed we were friends weren't we? I nodded. He went on friends let their friends help them and he wanted me to know sex wasn't a bag thing but a good thing. I couldn't go through my entire life not having sex...our bodies were built to have it and it wasn't right not to.
I was so confused... I felt shell shocked that he was signing such things at me...with his fucking penis out. He grasped my hand again as I was trying to think. He put it to his member. I looked at him reading his lips as he said he really liked me. I'd made him so hard. He asked me to feel how hard I was making him. I didn't want to. I tried to pull my hand away agai but this time he wouldn't let go of me. I squeezed it really quick hoping that would be enough. It was soft but also surprisingly hard...Eon's had been hard but Mr Jaid's seemed really hard. I didn't know they could get that hard. Then again I'd only ever touched Eon's. Mr. Jaid's looed different and felt different.
Mr. Jaids let go and signed my hand was so soft, it made him feel good. He signed I was so beautiful and it would make him so happy to make love to me. Make love to me...Eon and I had tried to make love. I didn't love Mr. Jaids. I let go of his member. What was I doing here with him like this? I signed I wasn't ready for all this...it was a lot-
He quickly signed it was okay...he'd do everything, I didn't need to do anything. Before I could even grasp what he just signed, he started pulling at my clothes, then pulling them off. I felt like I should do something but I froze. It was so stupid but I felt a lot of pressure. I mean I didn't know if I could tell him no. He was my friend but he was also my teacher what if he got mad? What if he failed me? He'd been so nice, he was just trying to help me but this... somehow things had gotten really weird and wrong. Maybe he thought I'd implied something I hadn't meant to.
He put the seat back and I got scared. I began to panic, I tried to tell him we could think about it but not right now. I needed time to think but didn't hold back, he kissed me again and again, bombarding my senses. He kept putting his tongue in my mouth, he grabbed my breast and squeezed them. It felt like he was touching me and pulling at me everywhere.
He feverishly pulled off my pants and dived his hand under my underwear. Before I knew it he pushed his fingers up inside me...I violently jerked, no one had ever done that before. It was rough and unexpected. I shook my head. I didn't want this! It hurt! It felt wrong but he was no longer looking at me. I tried to get his attention to sign stop but soon he straddled me in my seat and put his member at my entrance. I slapped at him, put my hands on his chest and tried to push him away.
He just brushed my hands aside, h kept touching me and pushing me. He tried to put himself inside me but it wouldn't fit...I really wound up and it was too big. It kept slipping all over the pace, to the sides back and front. I tried to squirm away from it. He slapped my breast hard and I froze. I looked at him but he was looking at my crotch, he pinned me down. He was heavy so heavy and strong. I didn't realized how much bigger he was then me. I felt suffocated. I realized if he wanted to...he could do anything to me. I never felt so powerless in all my life.
He kept forcing himself at my entrance, poking me with his fingers. It hurt, it hurt, I not longer tried to get through to him and began to fight. He ignored my fists...my slaps and scratching. At one point when I got him in the face he grabbed my wrists and pinned them over my head with one hand. He spit between my legs and then on the end of his dick, he continued to force it. I continued to struggled, crying beneath him, suddenly my entrance felt like it was burning, I felt him, the tip go in. He smiled he was so happy, from there he forced himself up inside me the rest of the way. He was too much, I'd only done it once before, I jerked madly tears blurring my vision. This was nothing like being with Eon. We'd gone slow and it had felt nice. Mr Jaid's was, rough and forceful he just kept pushing.
I kept struggling beneath him but he didn't let up, he pulled back out a little then pushed in, pulled back out and pushed in. Each trust felt like it was tearing me up but after a doze or so my body began to reacting to his, it provided more lubrication. I don't know if it was my natural vaginal fluids or blood from him forcing himself inside me so roughly. I tried to get him off me, get him out of me but I wasn't strong enough.
Eventually I stopped fighting and stared up at the ceiling of the car. He began caressing my breast, taking them in his mouth, he squeezed my left breast so hard, I thought it might pop before he sucked at the nipple and nibbled on it. I could feel his teeth, I could feel his dick inside me...his hand pawing at me. I felt like he was violating every part all at once. I could barely see as I waited for it to be over. For him to finish raping me...that's what this was...wasn't it?
I didn't know… I didn't know. I knew him...weren't rapist's strangers? He hadn't seen me sign no...had I signed stop or just thought it. My thoughts were rattling around in my head as my body was being ravaged, I didn't know. I didn't know anything anymore. I felt so sick...so hallow inside as he pound me into the seat. The car was shaking...I just wanted to disappear. I felt like I was dying.
It hurt, it hurt so much. I close my eyes shaking with pain and then...then it started not to hurt...not as much. I kept trying to compare it to Eon and my first time but I kept thinking of everything that happened with him and me. It was all my fault. I'd hurt him, I'd pushed him to go farther, he wanted to wait until after graduation but I just...I wanted to try it. I'd wanted to feel him inside me.
I didn't think about him...only myself only what I desired. He'd had a massive seizure because I couldn't wait...because I'd forgotten his medicine. He nearly died because of me. I'd nearly killed the love of my life. I should have waited! We shouldn't have been so far out! I should have realized I'd forgotten the medicine sooner, gone to get help right away. It was all my fault!
I didn't think I'd ever have sex again after such a traumatic event I felt so bad about it all. Yet here I was spreading my legs for another man I barley knew, in his car...Eon was suppose to be my one and only, we promised each other but I here I was breaking my promise. I was dirty...I was a real tramp now as my mother would say.
I felt like I was being punished for being... for being bad and I realized perhaps I was, finally after all that had happened. I cried thinking that was it…that's what this was…this was my punishment for what I had done to Eon. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve to be happy. I made so many people unhappy. I don't know why but when thought of this as a punishment it….it made me feel better...the hurt...the pain, I deserved this yes...I...it began to feel different...almost… almost….
Mr. Jaids suddenly stiffened and I felt a strange heat inside me. I could feel his penis twitching and I realized it was over, he was cumming inside me. I felt it empty as he filled me up. Mr. Jaids softened his touch. He released my wrists but I kept them there. They ached something fierce but I didn't want to move. I just laid very still...very still. Eventually I opened my eyes as e started gently kissed my breasts and brushed the hair out of my face. I read his lips, I was very special to him, he admired my pussy, it was the best one he'd ever had. He thanked me for letting him be the first man to cream inside me. Cream? Did he mean semen. I'd only ever herd it be called seed? Could it all be cream?
My thoughts were silly...considering what had just gone on but I'd still failed to comprehend it. He signed, I made him feel special. He felt a lot better and we were both okay, no one was dying, didn't I feel better knowing I could have sex like everyone else. I just laid there, I didn't respond to him...instead I broke down, he'd still yet to remove himself and I felt it moving around inside me like some creature. When...when would he take it out. He ran his hand across my stomach and brushed on of my nipples as I shook crying. He looked unahppy with my reaction but finally pull out.
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