13

The next time I woke up the lighting in the room was different. The doctor was giving me something. It was just him now and the police officer lady with a nice smile. He signed greeting me, he told me his name was Dr. Lemon, asking how I was feeling, reminded me to let him know if I was in pain. We went over up for yes and down for no and then that the police were here and wanted to speak to me and asked me questions. I followed his hands to the female police officer.

She introduced herself as kate. She smiled at me and then signed asking if Gideon was the one who hurt me?'

I was confused hurt...was I hurt. Why did they think it was Gideon I looked down.

Doctor Lemon signed, 'You're safe here Song. If he hurt you let us know. We can help. He wont ever hurt you again.'

I looked at him like he was crazy, I looked down, this was crazy. I looked around for him...had he been here. I swore he'd been here but I couldn't see him. Hadn't he been here? He said we made up. I vaguely recalled some letter but wasn't sure if I imaged them. I kept looking for him. Why wasn't he here? Had I dreamed everything? I must have...no I wanted Eon to be here. I missed him so so much. It was all my fault. It was all my fault he was hurt but he'd forgiven me hadn't he. I began sobbing. I kept looking around. The doctor signed, "Are you okay, Song"

"No," I looked down I wanted Eon.

I kept shifting my gaze.

"Are you in pain?" he signed looking over my machine.

"No," I looked down. I wanted him to understand me, to find Eon.

"Are looking for something?" signed Kate.

I looked at her then up, "Yes." then up again "Yes"

"Do you need something," asked Kate

"No," I looked down then around I needed someone.

"Someone," signed doctor Lemon, "Are you looking for someone,"

"Yes," up Again I wanted Eon. Where was he? Was he really here or gone forever. My chest sunk at the thought more tears escaped my eyes.

The doctor signed, "Do you want your mom?"

I looked down. "No"

The police officer signed "Do you want Gideon?"

I looked up, finally, I looked up again, then looked up to get and again to get my point across. Why wasn't he here? My chest ached...please let it not have been some hallucination.

The doctor asked again, "One last time Song, didn't Gideon, hurt you."

"No," I looked down again. What didn't they get, he didn't hurt me. He'd never hurt me. I hurt him. I cried and cried. The doctor and officer spoke and nodded to each my eyes were too blurry to see what they said. The doctor turned and spoke to someone else out of view, it hurt but I turned to just in time to see a male nurse step out. I blinked trying to clear my eyes.

My mother was in the hall she stepped into the doorway. "What's wrong?"

The doctor said, "She wanted Gideon."

"Oh he's here," she said looking around, "He went to get us food from the cafeteria"

The doctor nodded and turned back to me. He signed, "We're getting Gideon, Song. Stay clam."

I looked up calming down some. I looked up and I looked up. "Yes, yes."

The police officer looked at me for a second then asked, "Did anyone in your family hurt you?"

I paused, my mom had hurt me a lot...emotionally and mentally but I don't think that is what she meant. I looked down.

"Do you know who did this to you." I looked at her confused. This? What did she mean by this? What had been done to me. I looked around. Wait, why was I in the hospital again? I was so confused. The doctor pulled my attention with his finger. He signed 'It's okay Song, you're safe. Someone hurt you but you're safe now'

I looked at him grasping what I read. Someone had hurt me? Someone had hurt me! WHY! It must be bad to be in the hospital and like this. I tried to move my hands...I wanted to ask questions, I felt my finger tips on my right but my left felt weird. I saw a cast. I saw a lot of wires and casts and like metal stuff holding the casts. Had I been in an accident? I looked around. Then the doctor and officer suddenly turned to the door way. I turned to the door. It was Eon he looked winded. He came over dropped down beside the bed and touched my hand I looked up "Yes, yes."

He nodded I read his lips, "It's okay I'm here now. I'm here," He...he really had forgiven me. He really was here. It wasn't all just a dream. I looked at him wishing he could know how much this meant to me. My eyes watered up again this time because I was so happy. The doctor tapped Eon on the shoulder and said something to his ear. I didn't take my eyes off Eon's eyes. He nodded understanding the doctor. He smiled back at me then let go of my hand to slowly signed "Do you know who hurt you?"

I paused for the longest time, then started seeing someone a dark figure a shadow of a man...but he was blurry then...not so much. He had ice blue eyes. He was looking at me, he was angry. He was so angry. I furrowed my brow. He was, I knew him, I looked around the room he wasn't there but I knew him. I looked up.

Eon sunk back, rocking slightly. "Who," He signed. "Who did this to you Song?"

I was confused. I knew him but he was. I saw parts of him. He had a penis. His eyes, he was signing in a class room. Hotel room shower… sex... he was pounding me into a shower it had felt good, my hand slid along the glass door. The water had been hot. I left a wet hand print, on a bathroom counter...toys...sex toys inserting. It flowed into my mind in scattered bits and pieces like a puzzle that had been broken up but it was all there, it slowly oozed forth into my mind. I knew him but in this moment his name eluded me. Why did I think it was him? He had a knife...in some kitchen. He was naked… I looked around trying to understand.

Eon looked at me and signed "Song you okay?"

I looked at him yes, no,"

"She doesn't know," said Ian, "She does both when she doesn't know?"

"Do you know who did this to you," the doctor signed.

"Yes," I looked up again. I knew him I just didn't recall his name.

"You know them," signed Ian confused.

"Yes," again looked up.

The doctor rested his hand on his chin, he looked to be thinking. Eon said, "I don't think she understands,"

"Let's try it another way," The officer said, she looked like she had an idea. She signed "Were you attacked by a group?"

A group, "No" I looked don.

"Okay was it one person who attacked you."

I looked up "Yes,"

"Good, Song," she signed "Was it a man,"

"Yes," he was a man.

"Alright, that narrows it down some," I read her lips as she nodded. She put something in a notebook then put the note book under her arm and signed, "Good job, Song. You're doing a very good job."

She smiled at me. I smiled back I think I felt it this time.

Ian's lips moved as his eyes shifted side to side, "She knows him but doesn't...A man," He looked at me then perked up. He signed, "Do I know him?"

I paused had they met. I recalled the test, the man had taken Eon's name badge they'd walked away together.

"Yes," I looked up.

"Fuck," Eon said, he pulling back. I saw a ripple of anger wash over him. His hands shook, he rocked for a second, he looked off to the side a man was speaking to him. I couldn't recall his name. He said Eon needed to calm down right now or stop." Eon closed his eyes and calmed himself for a minute or so. When he opened his eyes and signed again he asked, "Did we go to school with him?"

"No," I looked down but school yes…there was a class room. I rolled my eyes about. He was in the right area.

"What's that," asked the officer. "She rolled her eyes."

"It's new." said Eon. "I asked if we went to school with him she said no then rolled her eyes."

"Didn't she take an adult education classes?" said the officer, she looked through her note book.

"Yes," said Eon lighting up again, "Some prep courses. She had to take them twice but I didn't take those with her."

I wondered how he knew that. Had my mom told him? It sucked taking it twice cause...I recalled the class room, a desk, candy, being pounded into his desk, putting his stapler in side me. He pushed it too much I didn't want to put it inside me, it was dangerous, even in the condom. I put my hand on his arm pleading not so much just rub the outside. His ice blue eyes flicked up at me, he smiled at me but kept going till it went in, oh it felt weird, he didn't stop there he pushed till it filled me.

I felt it go in so deep that day. He put the stapler back on his desk. My eyes lip up, it was his desk, he was my teacher. I blinked and looked at Eon, he understood.

"Yes, he was from her prep course," he signed as he spoke to the doctor and officer.

I looked up, Yes,"

"A student," signed the officer.

"No," I looked down.
"The teacher," signed the officer.

I looked up. "Yes"

Eon looked ill, he shook his head and signed slowly, "Your teacher hurt you?"

"Yes," I looked up.

I think he did...didn't he. I looked off to the side. He kicked me between the legs but I liked it...no...I recalled being kicked and then being KICKED. It hurt so bad. They were different. I'd enjoyed one not the other. This room we were in where was it? Why was my memory all over? Was it this stuff I was on. I felt my thoughts racing. I also felt my body...like it was there again. It felt so heavy and painful I felt burning...my muscles ached I...I didn't like it.

Eon was waving at me.

"Your teacher hurt you," he signed.

"Yes," I looked up. How much longer would this go on.

Suddenly Eon's mouth got big as he turned to the doorway. I looked to see my mother in the door way. She stepped her lips moved "Who...who...was her teacher?" I just barely caught that.

Another man stepped the other man in the door way said. "Stay calm Ian. You have to stay calm."

I looked to Ian "I know," he said, "But we're close, we're so close, to finding the bastard. We just need a name."

I looked back at the other guy "It was here teacher?" the man seem surprised, "Shit that messed up!"

"I don't know," my mom said. "I didn't know here teachers...well," she paused thinking on it, "Wait one did come to the house, but it couldn't be him,'
Eon glared at my mother, "What was his name,"

"It's not him, he was just someone from the center I think, well no she did failed his class. I'm sorry so much has just gone on since then"

Since then how long had it ben. "Come to think of it...he also had study late with him and they went away that one week." She looked sick realizing it now.

"WHAT WAS HIS NAME!" Ian shot up. He was livid. My eyes felt like I was watching a tennis match jumping back and forth.

"His name," my mom tried to recall. "I'm sorry."

I stared at her, I needed to know, to remember it...maybe then I would...I kept trying to think of his name. I saw him staring at me, signing, smiling, in a car, behind a desk, glaring at me on the other side of my window. It was something with a...J. or a U... no it was a J...I thought. Why was this so hard to recall. Why did he keep dripping in and out of my mind. It was like I knew him but when I tried to get the name my mind would just blank. My mother's mouth moved. "Mr. Yade or Jade something, Jaids I remember it was like aids with a J. I think that's it" she said.

Mr. Jaids. I looked up at the ceiling as it clicked. I remembered being in his car. He was on top of me crushing me. We were in an alleyway doing it. I...I'd been having an affair with him.. yes or no I didn't want to but then I did...I fuck… I closed my eyes recalling some of the dirty things we did, flashes of it. I saw flashes of him outside my window again this time with pictures of what we'd done. He was threatening me why...if we were having an affair..

No I ended it, more then once but he wouldn't let me stop. I saw him naked in a kitchen with a knife, he was threatening me another time he had a chair leg...the back at my window he wanted me to meet him. He slammed me into a wall...my eyes flickered…flashes of box knife...dessert...I needed to focus.. the room was so dimly lit, not this room no the other room. I was on the ground...then back in my room, sign there is was. I felt like was was being flung around in my mind.

I read the sign he wanted me to meet him in the park…. I took my hammer… I did... I ever get to the park? I recalled him on top of me crushing my sex with his boot. Kicking me again and again. Writing...on me with that...box cutter.. carving..Whore...Hole. Cunt...Slut. He hurt me...he hurt me so bad. HE WANTED TO KILL ME! WHY! WHY!

Ian moved to stand over me, he was trying to get my attention. He moved his hands slow spelling " S."

I looked at him. Oh no...no... I didn't want Eon to know, not like this...about me and Mr. Jaids. I looked at him oh he was gonna know, my mom was gonna know...everyone.. ...not like this. I needed to explain. I'd been stupid with Mr. Jaids but I ended it before the test. He was a psycho. I recalled a video of me on a couch. Ian looked at me, I looked at him, my eyes tearful, again he read me, just looking into my eyes "It's him," he said calmly "It's her teacher." His eyes were glossy. "Mr. Jaids."

Officer Kate signed to me, "Song was it Mr. S."

"I'm gong to break you," I saw flashes of him, kicking me, the knife…I looked up. I looked up. I looked up. Then I closed my eyes tears escaped from the sides and rolled down my face. When I opened my eyes she was signing.

"-Jaids, alright, good," she siad then signed to me "Very good Song you did very good," She closed her notebook and left a moment later.

Eon squeezed my hand but he didn't look at me. I could see he was upset...lost in a world of his own. I just looked at him. Waiting for him to ask questions. Eventually he signed, "When, when did I meet him?"

I couldn't answer the way he'd phrased the question. It wasn't yes or no. He kept trying. I saw his jaw tighten. He signed "Was it at the test we had together?"

I looked up. "Yes."

He ran his hand over his mouth. I could see he was thinking. He was probably going over all the people he met. He shifted his gaze to the door. I knew he wanted to go...to find him. He looked back at me and rocked. He looked at the door then signed, "You rest,"

I had a bad feeling about this. I looked down, "No,"

He signed I could see him getting angrier and angrier, this wasn't good for him "You rest," He signed again

"No," I needed him to stay but he tore from me and moved out the door.

That other man near my mom tore after him.

The doctor was there. He signed, "Are you okay,"

Clearly, I looked down "No,"

I looked after Eon. I wanted Eon to come back. I wanted to know what happened to me. I wanted to be able to speak but I couldn't, my body was broken. He'd actually broken me. Why? I tried to recall why? I remembered him pounding into me from behind in the woods. I wasn't moving. I was limp. It was a video I'd watched. Why… I tried to recall more but I was tired now.

I rested for several hours then the signed and told me I was going in for some more surgeries soon they began prepping me. I wanted Eon. I waited for him to come back. They wheeled me out of the room. My mom was there but she just looked at me she looked confused. She tried to sign, she probably had questions, before I went in for surgery she just signed 'I love you'

When I woke up it was night and just my mom. She looked at me and smiled. She was peeling an apple, "When you were really little you used to love the curl," she said. "Remember you wore it as a bracelet. You were so silly, you were so small, it spirals all the way round she showed me her apple spiral. I looked at it and then she noticed I was awake.

She did sign language. "Song"

I looked up. She nodded, up is yes, "Hi,"

I wondered what she wanted...it was also rare to hear things from before when I was really little. She didn't like talking about that. From Grandma it sounded like a bad time for the both of us. I didn't remember anything about an apple peel but it seemed nice...maybe it was me...maybe I could only see the bad or maybe it was only bad I don't know.

She signed again, "I am sorry,"

I looked at her confused in more way then one. When could she sign again? She looked at me moved her hands and then stopped, frustrated by it She spoke, "You think I'd be better with all the instruments I learned, sign language should be like that but is' not for me at least." I don't know if she was talking to me or herself.

She lifted up a sheet of paper and put it over me. She mouthed, "Can you read it?"

I looked up saw letters. It was another of her infamous letters. She was sorry I'd gotten hurt. Sorry we fought...wait when did we fight. I read on she thought I'd run away. She knew things weren't easy between us, it was hard for her, she felt guilty for so many things. Maybe my lack of hearing was her fault, or my father leaving, not being able to teach me. She was always so perfect at everything, and she'd never failed at anything until me. I was her first real failure...but that was her failure not mine.

All those days and nights I was gone for class, she realized I'd be gone for good soon enough...that she might never see me again and she wanted to fix things or at least do better. She signed the family up to learn free sign language. It was suppose to be a birthday present to me but my brother let it slip. She was mad at the surprise being spoiled, not at signing. She should have allowed it but everything was just a reminder. She thought I'd run away that night. When she realized I hadn't run away, when they found me and I might die. She was sad that she never said things, did more things with me. She felt like she kept failing me. She was sorry, she wanted to do better but didn't know if it was too late.

I felt so many things reading this, my eyes watered up. I made her think of her failures...I was her first real failure. I knew something about failure now...Eon, I'd failed him, I almost killed him. Was that how she felt about me. He'd was so mad at me, I was mad at her but not like that mostly hurt…

With Eon...my failure had hurt so much. I hurt myself ripped out my implants, then I got tangled up with Mr. Jaids…I just kept failing...I did so many horrible things trying to kill the pain, to change, I let him do so many things to me, accepted so many things cause it was easier…

Now Mr. Jaids had hurt me…so bad I was in the hospital. He'd nearly killed me. I'd failed a lot. It wasn't nice to think about it all...For her I was just a constant reminder. I wished I could talk to her...I wished I could tell here it wasn't too late that I understood something about failure now but I didn't know. There were so many things I wanted to say but my voice had been stolen away.

I looked at her hoping I could convey some feel toward her, some understanding. I wanted to try. I wanted to believe we could do better.

"What is it?" she said looking at me. She didn't get it.

She noticed I was crying and wiped my tears. I tried to smile at her. She smiled back, "There you go, you're getting better," she looked sad, "You're smile used to be so pretty. She shook her head.

"What did he do to my pretty little girl,"

I furrowed my brow...since when did she think I was pretty? She never said it but I guess she thought so...wait...she said used to be. I shifted my gaze what had he done to me, I looked at her, desperate to know. She picked up on it this time "Do you want to see?"

I looked up. "Yes"

She looked away, "Oh I don't know Song, we're suppose to wait for you to handle it better. You wont get upset"

I looked down, "No."

I knew I would but I needed to know. She pulled back and dug in her purse. She pulled out her hand mirror and shined it on me. My nose looked different, it wasn't like before, it must have been broken and fixed or just healed. My hair was super short...almost like it had been shaved and grown back some. I could see a large scar coming up from my chest. It had stitches. I saw some letting for the words he'd written. When I smiled I saw chipped or missing teeth. My bad hand was in a cast as well as my hips and legs. I was wrapped like a mummy.

All this damage...he'd done all this damage to me. How any person could to this much damage to another was beyond me. I started up at the ceiling and started to cry. Why did he have to do this. I couldn't remember...most of it...only vague splashes ever now and then. I wondered if I wanted to know...if his reasons mattered.

I remember recalling that video him holding me on the couch, the beer can inside me. He had no reasons good enough for the things he did to me. No he'd just done them because he could. I tried to feel my body out but I couldn't feel anything but the pain...the pain.

I started crying my mom got upset "Oh don't do that no I didn't show you so you could cry. Oh sweetie". I kept crying. She stood, "Nurse, nurse."

A nurse came in they gave me something.

**********

I woke to Ian standing at the end of my bed. He looked upset his head was sunken. The man from the other day was there he had a black eye, he was talking, "-let them do their job, they'll get this guy. Just stay focused on yourself and Song."

"You saw this guy," said Eon shaking his head, He closed his eyes, "The first time I saw him he was...I was at her desk, he came up to me, asking for my ID, then he took that note from you, even though you weren't taking the test and told us to go."

"Yeah I remember," said the guy,

"Today…what he said," said Eon, "After everything." Eon had spoken to Mr. Jaids" He was…he was...was." Eon snapped his fingers, "Smug, he did this to her...he threw her away like garbage and he said I hope she pulls through. You should have let me hit him,"

What? I was confused had they fought?

"Yeah right there in front of the police station. You're lucky I stepped in, you want to be arrested right now, hauled of to jail. How is that gonna help Song. She needs you and they would have remove you from the test trial. All your hard work would go down the drain."

What was going on...test trail.? Eon pushed off from the bed turning away from me his hand was wrapped. I saw Eon lift his hand into the air his back was to me. He was still talking but I couldn't read his lips. The other guy came up and put his hand on Eon's shoulder. He patted him. Eon turned towards the window, he looked really upset. The man slumped his shoulders and looked around. We made eyes contact, he tapped Eon. "Oh ho, she's up"

Eon spun to me, "Hi" he signed.

I looked at his hand again, he noticed and signed, "It's nothing."

I didn't think so but couldn't say that.

"How do you feel?" he signed then paused and reworded it, "Do you feel okay,"

I thought about it, looked up "Yes"

"Are you in pain?"

I felt slight pain but it was manageable, I looked down "No"

"Good," he signed, "I heard your surgery went well,"

I nodded I hadn't heard but I guess if he had then it did.

He came around to stand in front of me. "I made you something."

I looked at him curiously, "Be prepared for your eyes to get tired," He got a book off a table in the room. Each page had a letter of the alphabet. Seriously.

"Now we can talk," he said.

I looked at it and cried realizing he was right. He was so sweet.

"Hey. Hey," he came over and patted my hand. "Think what do you want to say."

I looked up yes."

He started flipping the book, when it got to "I," I looked up. He started over "L...O...V. He paused "I love Pizza too," he teased. He was signing so much better. I recalled he had issues before. I looked at him curious.

"What is it?" he said. He flipped through the book several times till I spelled, "You better,"

"Oh, yeah," I read Ian's Lips, "New medicine, helps make better connections. I got in a special test trial."

"And he is killing it," said the other guy. "I told him I bet if he studies this next time he passes his test. Third time is a charm."

"Right," said Eon.

I looked at Eon. I lifted my good hand moving it some. "What is it?" He signed

He used the chart. I spelled "Third."

"Oh yeah, uh I didn't pass, the test," he said. "It was my second time. I was hoping I'd improved but I was taking it for the test trial. They need it to show where I was at mentaly and if its improving,"

We used chart. "Your sign better."

"Yeah," he signed

"His speech and sign language," said the other guy. It's all he's been working on for months now. He wanted to be able to talk to you when you woke,"

Months... I had been out of it. I looked to the chart. "How long out,"

Eon shifted his weight looking at it, maybe I should have spelled more of it. He nodded after a second then looked distant. After a long pause he finally answered "Your doctor will tell you. When your ready."

That wasn't a good sign. I wanted to know more. Eon and I continued to work with his alphabet book trying to talk until a nurse came in and saw what we were doing. She found us a better chart that was faster. I only had to select a few options to get the letter I wanted, instead of flip though them all till we found it. Still I thought Eon's chart was nice.

We talked about how he was doing, his sister starting high school as a freshmen, getting a boyfriend. His mom now had something else to worry about other then him. I asked about his mom being mad and he said she cooled off a bit and removed the restraining order. If she hadn't he would have violated it again and again they couldn't' keep him away from the hospital.

I told him I was the same for him. He brushed my hand and nodded, then he remember he'd brought notes he'd made me while I was out. They other guy brought a whole box full in. I finally asked who he was and learned he was Chad. It was nice to know his name. Eon opened each of his notes and let me read them. I liked them a lot. His hand writing was still big but he could fit more on a single page. He showed me how he held the pencil and had to focus when he did letters.

We talked about a lot except for what happened to me, what my injuries were and what the police were doing about Mr. Jaids.

**********

Later that night Dr. Lemon finally sat me down and informed me I had survived a brutal attack. He said I was very lucky to be alive. He wanted to start me on physical therapy and had a few more surgeries he wanted to do to improve my hand function and overall quality of life. Once he worked on my treatment plan with me, he slowly walked me through a list of my issues.

I arrived at the hospital in critical condition. They lost me on the table twice, I had a lot needed several emergency surgeries and for about two weeks a lot of it was touch and go. They put me into a medical coma at one point as they repaired some of the damage. At one point I had a blood clot and my heart stopped again. They were able to get it started but later had to crack my chest open and replace a valve.

There was also significant tearing in both my vaginal and anal areas but would recover in time and while I had an infection uterus it healed up after few days and would also make a full recovery. I had several skin infections, broken bones, fractures, lacerations and nerve damage. My hands...had a lot of damage almost every finger had been broken. They knew how important my hands were to me and had done all they could to repair them. A specialist hearing my story had even flown in. I'd already had several surgeries and there were several more lined up. It was going to take a lot of physical therapy and I might not have all the hand movement I used to. After that I got overwhelmed.

A lot of things blurred of felt beyond my scope, it all started to fade into one massive clump of injuries. The take away from this was, I was going to be recovering for months even years and I was also gonna have a lot of medical bills. When he was finished he asked if I had any questions I shook my head...the only question I had he couldn't answer how could anyone do this to another human being...How could Mr. Jaids.

Thank you for Reading^^