A sort of melancholy overtook me, I didn't go back to school until Monday. Everyone talked about my ring apparently it was more then noticeable. I'd barley looked at it since he put it on. People talked about how I was going to be rich. I barley paid attention in class. I looked for Charles but he wasn't there. I kept looking at the door all morning waiting for him to show up...Maybe he was sick or something. I asked around about him at lunch but no on had see him.
When I saw Carry at lunch with his girlfriend Abby Lynn was her name last week it was Sadie Pru.
I asked him "Have you seen...Charles."
"You mean Chuck?"
"Yeah,"
"Didn't yo hear?" he said.
"Hear what?" I said.
"He and his whole family up and moved in the middle of the night a few days ago,"
"What..."I said. "Why..."
"Don't not..." said Carry as if it were obvious. "He and his family up and moved in the middle of the night."
I bit my lip I...I had a feeling the Kessle's had something to do with this.
"Do you know where...they moved,"I asked
"No, it was the middle of the night" said Carry.
I sighed, "Sorry...for asking I just...I didn't know."
"It's okay congrats on your engagement." said Carry.
"I like your ring," said Abby Lynn
"Thanks," I said.
I spent the rest of the day in a fog when I got out that afternoon Atley was waiting for me.
"What happened to the Alby's," I asked,
He opened his mouth to say hi but closed it.
"Well," I said. "What did you do with them."
"Nothing," said Atley, "I just thought it would be better for them if they moved. Mrs. Alby missed her sister so I made arrangements for the family to move to Drendge. I even gave them some money to tide them over until they found a job,"
How much money did he have that he could just move people in the middle of the night and send them to Drendge I didn't even know where that was but it sounded far...farther then hee. I realized Charles was gone...gone...I wasn't gonna even see him in class.
"Amina,"
"What," I said.
"Where is my kiss,"
I moved to him and kissed him.
"That wasn't a kiss."he said.
"It was a peck," I said. "I'm upset,"
"Over...the move," he said.
"Yes,"
"Why...you already said goodbye." His tone was flat. I could tell he was jealous...He'd moved him away so...so we wouldn't be near each other. He knew we couldn't cause of this arrangement and now...now we really couldn't.
"I want a better kiss," he said.
"No." I said, "Let's just go,"
"Not until I get a better kiss," he said crossing his arms.
"You're being a baby," I said.
"So...if it gets me a better kiss," he grumbled.
I laughed he was kind of cute when he pouted but I was still so upset.
He grabbed my hand, "Amina,"
"What," I said.
"Don't be sore at me...I...I wanted to make things easier for you is all and...Mrs. Alby she did miss her sister. She talked about her...saying if she only had the money...she'd visit...now she can visit everyday," said Atley.
"I...I will just miss my friend," I said.
"You have me," he said, "And you wont ever have to miss me,"
"No," I said.
"Now can I have my kiss...a proper one,"
"Yes," said. I leaned in and kissed him longer.
When I pulled from he him smiled and said "Can I have two,"
"No," I laughed, "One now and one when we part..."
"How about...a dozen and we don't part," said Atley.
"You are silly," I said.
He took my hand and we walked home, he stayed for dinner and decided from now on I would eat at his house or he would eat at mine but since we were getting married he wanted to eat together. Father made Stewart apologize. When we were done with dinner Atley playing with my Ben's building blocks and held onto June for a while. I could tell mother was nervous when he picked her up but Dr. Neevis stayed close. Atley said he wanted to practice.
He smiled and I just sat quiet and still on the couch. When the younger kids were put into bed, Atley talked to my parents about my family maybe moving into a bigger house after the wedding. It was a bit further away but it had more bedrooms. Atley's family owned it and could have it fixed up by the wedding. He said we might visit them sometimes.
My parents got excited thinking it would be nice for the kids not to have to share one room. I just felt numb. At one point Atley sat with me on the couch, he'd brush my hand and ran his finger tips over mine and I just felt so numb…I knew I should feel something but I just...I didn't want to feel...I didn't want to think.
We celebrated my 17 birthday together. Atley had my party at his house. He got me a big cake and a lot of presents. After I blue out my candle he told me we only had one year now. For months he was over the moon all he could talk about was how we were going to be together, all the time. I wouldn't have school and my home would be his home. He'd danced about and talking about how nothing would ever come between us.
Weeks, turned into months and before I knew it we were at a month before my eighteenth birthday, our wedding. Atley decided to surprise me. He showed me a big room on the second floor. He said we would be sharing it once we were married. He wanted to make sure I liked it he even had me lay on the bed. He wanted to make sure I liked it as well. He told me we would share a bed every night once we were married and how he couldn't wait to have sex.
I knew what sex was...well I knew I you had it to have kids but I wasn't exactly sure how you did it. Atley seemed to have read all about it. He told me he would do his best not to hurt me, when it was time but it wasn't exactly something he could practice. He admitted he was nervous but also excited to finally get to touch every inch of me.
I didn't say much about it but it got me thinking when I was at home. What did he mean he would do his best… "not to hurt me." Did sex hurt? The way I heard about it and the boys in our class make lude jokes about it I assumed...sex was fun...or funny. I mean if it hurt why would anyone do it…
That didn't make no sense to me, I felt so weird about it I decided to ask my mother. I figured it was better to know then not know, right? My mother and I had already told me about the birds and bees talk but mostly that was don't let no one touch your chest, your but and between your legs and never let a man see you without your clothes until you were married.
I wanted to know what happened when you let a man touch you and how you had sex. At first she didn't want to talk about it. She got so flustered she threw a dish away. She threw her hands in the air and said we would figure it out but I told her I really really wanted to know. I had to know if it hurt.
She finally sat me down a week later and explained it did hurt, the first time hurts for every woman and sometimes after but never as much as that first time. She explained men have a something that goes inside a women. I tried to have her explain what it was but but she wouldn't. She said I'd eventually understand. She told me to just accept there would be some pain but not to worry.
How could I not worry...HOW COULD I NOT WORRY. I quickly found it was all I could think about...Atley had something that was going to go inside me and it was going to hurt. I was beyond freaked out. Beyond… I laid awake at night thinking about it tossing and turning. It weighed so so heavy on my mind.
One night when I was having dinner at the Kessle Estate, Atley simply asked if I could pass the salt and I blurted out, "I don't want you inside me."
"What said Atley.
Mrs. Kessle was also eating with us, she'd been talking about what flowers Atley would like to smell for the wedding. After I said what I said she looked at me like I had gone mad.
I tried to explain."I...I don't want to have sex...it...it sounds too scary." I knew this probably wasn't the best time with his mother and Dr. Neevis, being there but it was already out in the air now and I didn't think I could say this to him alone.
Mrs. Kessle looked at me again and then Atley "WELL puh...you….no... you wont...don't have to" She was flabbergasted by the mere idea of it.
I was relieved to hear I wouldn't have to. I let out a sigh of relief but Atley said flatly. "We will have sex when we are married."
"Atley," said Mrs. Kessle. "Do you understand,"
"Yes mother...more then you think, it is what married people do."
"Yes but they don't have to, "said Mrs. Kessle. "Why...some people never even share the same room."
"That sounds nice." I admitted. If we didn't share the same room, the same bed, he couldn't get inside me at least, I didn't think.
Atley pounded the table with his fist. "We will share a room, we will share a bed and we will have sex. The law states a man and a woman must exchange vows and then consummate, for a marriage to be final."
"What is con..sum...mate."
Mrs. Kessle looked at me for once I was the ignorant one.
"Atley, you're scaring the poor girl. Don't...don't rush these things, you...you can wait."
"No I want to have children,"said Atley..
"C...ch hildren," Mrs. Kessle, shuddered, "You...want children,"
"Yes...I want many children. Mine and Amina's, we will have as many as we have and they will be ours."
"Atley you know... you're not like other men...having a child."
"I what...might not be able to take care of them! Just because I can't see doesn't mean I can't care for a child."
"But you... what if you dropped them...what if you were to be walking and you tripped… Children are very fragile."
"I do just fine and I know how fragile children are. I've held them,"
"When,"asked Mrs. Kessle.
"I've been practicing," said Atley. "On Amina's siblings. I hold June and Adly just fine"
"And I'll help," said Dr. Neevis. Both Mrs. Kessle and I turned to look at Dr. Neevis. I forgot he was even there for a second as he ate. He looked at us both like it was just sensible.
"There you go mother I will do what I can and what can't I'll have help with…"
"But….well what if..what if well...the child is like you."
"You mean blind,' said Atley.
"Yes…,"said Mrs. Kessle.
"Then unlike you, I will get started on their adjustments as soon as possible."
"I'll help with that too," said Dr. Neevis.
"Oh, would you stay out of this." said Mrs. Kessle.
"He shall not, he is my doctor and will be my wife and children's as well. I am of age now and as the first male heir of the Estate it is now mine,"
"But…you don't know the first thing,"
"He does, I taught him," said Dr. Neevis.
"But still….Atley.
"What mother...whatever you come up with I'm capable of handling it. I will take care of my business. I will take of my own family and if you get in my way mother I will take care of you!"
I didn't like the way he said that last one, neither did Mrs. Kessle. "What do you mean you will take care of me!"
"You're not getting any younger mother, they have places for people of your age."
"Do you mean to send me away," said Mrs. Kessle. "I…I...I HOW DARE YOU AFTER ALL I HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"
"Do you really want to get into all you did..or rather didn't do for me."
"I could have sent you away you know they...they have places for...for you as well but I didn't...I would never because I love you,"
"Hmp…." Atley scoffed.
"Atley…..You need to get over this! What I did for you was what I thought was best at the time. I admit... I admit I could have done some things better."
"heh...heh you could have done some...things better….BETTER..."
"Alright...I admit I...I was wrong" she said, "Is that what you want."
Atley let out a heavy sigh and then let his head drop down.
"Atley," I said reached out for his hand.
He shook with emotion. "That...is…all...ALL I have wanted." he said "You...you were wrong."
"You have to understand Atley…. Dr. Stayle, given what we knew back then it...I really did try but they told me you'd never walk... you'd never be normal...you'd end up hurting yourself they wanted me to send you away...but I love you...You are my son and I will always love you"
"I love you mother."he said. "But please...STOP...interfering in my life. I will get married in two weeks and I will consummate my married,"
She sighed and waved her hand."Do...Do what you want."
"What about me," I said. "We didn't discuss this."
"I asked you to marry me and you said yes did you not," he said.
"I did but-"
"So you accept what comes with marriage.
Yes…but-"
"Then we're done...discussing it."
I let out a heavy sigh but knew there was little I could do...if...if sex was part of marriage then...then I would do it...I would do it and so...so much more.
Two weeks seemed like an eternity but it was the day of my wedding before I knew it. I don't know why but from the moment I woke up I felt like I was in a dream. I kept expecting to wake up...or expecting something too happen. I expected to see...to see. I tried not to think of him, tried not to think at all cause it all hurt too much and I already knew today was going to hurt a lot more. I just...I just wish I could see him again... Once more and tell him how I felt...I think he knew...I think we both knew how we felt but I wish...I'd said it...wished I'd held him in my arms just a little bit-
"AMINA!" My mother hissed.
"What!" I said realizing I'd zoned out. In the middle of my own wedding...during my vows. I was standing at the alter that was set up in the garden, my bouquet in my hands everyone was staring at me. My whole family was there, along with some people Mrs. Kessle knew and some others. Atley had said anyone could come to celebrate our union.
The preacher cleared his throat and repeated.
"Do you Amina Leria Lark, take Atley Ebin Kessle to be you husband till death do you part."
"I do…"I said faint heatly.
"Do you Atley Eb-
"Yes," he said.
"Let him finish," said Dr. Neevis standing behind him.
"Fine hurry it up..." said Atley impatient.
"Do you Ately Ebin Kessle, take Amina Leria Lark as your wife."
"I defiantly do."
He smiled at me and I I felt...bad for him. In that moment he was so happy...happy to be marring the woman he loved and I was just...there. Dr. Kessle moved the rings over and my mother took my bouquet. We put our rings on one another and the preacher continued. Ately squeezed my hand and I...I felt I owed it to him to give this marriage a shot.
The preacher asked if anyone disagreed with our union. I looked out at my family and some people from town. My father was holding Stews shoulder tightly. Before we left the house my father made it clear Stewart wasn't to say anything but congratulations. Stew had already said it four times through gritted teeth, he was angry. We looked at each other for a moment and then I looked passed everyone. My heart leapt looking for...for him...the last ouch of hope…
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. Maybe I introduce you all to Mr and Mrs. Kessle.
Atley reached out feeling for my lips. I turned to him and we kissed. My eyes watered as I sought...sought to give him my heart to give him what I could. The kiss was long, at one point Atley tangled his fingers in my hair. He wouldn't let me pull away and I thought maybe...maybe I felt something with in me stir ever so slightly. Everyone just waited for the kiss to finish. At one point I opened my eyes. People had their hands up waiting...some little kids started to laugh but still Atley persisted….I closed my eyes again as he leaned into me more and more pulling me into his arms. I began to think we'd gone on like this forever that we might be stuck like this.
Thankfully he eventually let go. we pulled apart and everyone clapped. There was the popping of champagne and they brought out the wedding cake. It was so so big...the biggest Cake I ever saw..."Oh Atley, it's huge."
"Is it, I told them to make me the biggest one they could." said Ately excitedly.
"It's taller then us I think,"
"Am I taller then you," he asked
"About," I said even though we were the same height.
"Good," he said.
I don't know why it mattered to him. He laughed and Dr. Neevis help him cut the cake. We fed it to each other. I had to move to his hand but we managed, After that there were gifts and music and dancing. We must have danced for hours. My father offered to dance with me but Atley wouldn't let me go. His mother asked to dance with him but he said he only wanted to dance with his wife for the rest of his life.
I admit that made my heart swoon. As it got later in the day, everyone started to go home and things grew quiet. Atley let me go and I was able to find a chair in the corning of the living room to sit in. Dr. Neevis came over to me at one point with a glass of champagne, "I still wasn't used to the taste of it," "Drink up," he said.
"I'm not a big fan," I admitted.
"Then drink it fast, the bride, must have a full glass at the end of her wedding."
"Really?" I said.
"Yes, it's tradition."
"Alright," I quickly swigged it down and then opened my mouth it tasted awful. Dr. Neevis smiled at me and took my empty glass. "I'm proud of you,"
"Why," I said.
"You made him happy,"
"Yeah well he deserves it," I said.
"He does," he said, "He really does. When I first came here I didn't know how much could be accomplished. If he could be even be reached...given his state...I want you to understand Amina… Atley is not like anyone."
"I know," I said.
"No...I don't meant the fact that he's blind" He said, "His spirt...his will...his pure determination. You have to understand Amina...most people wouldn't have made it this far not just physically but mentally but he…he doesn't relent, once he sets himself on something he...he never quits,"
I looked at Dr. Neevis he had a glimmer in his eyes, "I really admire him and I want him to be happy and you make him happy"
I didn't know what to say. I think it was the longest conversation we'd.
"You look tired...you should rest," said Mrs. Kessle fussing over Atley as they entered the room.
"I'm fine mother." said Atley. "Amina."
"I'm here," I said standing up. I felt a little light headed. I must have got up to quick.
Atley came to me and Dr. Neevis put his hand on both our backs, "You two should get up stairs and enjoy the rest of your night,"
"Yes," said Atley.
"I...guess," I said. I wasn't looking forward to what came next.
"You don't have to rush off just yet," said Mrs. Kessle. "We could have some more cake and look at your gifts, you got so many,"
"Tomorrow mother." said Atley he offered me his arm and we walked up stairs. Our bedroom was now on the second floor. I was glad I felt a bit winded after the first set of stairs. "Uh…."
"Are you alright," asked Atley
"I feel tired," I said.
"It's all the excitement," said Neevis. "It will make anyone tired,"
We kept moving when we got to the bedroom we stopped. "I want to carry you," said Atley.
"What," I said.
"It's tradition," said Atley, "You carry your bride to bed.
"I think we can ...skip...that." my eyes felt blurry.
"Nonsense," said Dr. Neevis. He lifted me and then Atley put his hand under me.
"And step and step." The two carried me into our bedroom. I felt so strange….so foggy. They laid me down in the center of the bed…
"Amina..." said Atley.
"She's fine," said Dr. Neevis.
I opened and shut my eyes.
"How much did you give her,"
"Enough," said Dr. Neevis. "Do you need help with her dress."
"No, I practiced last night,"
"Alright I'll just be outside the door if you need help with it,"
"Thank you," said Atley. "I think I can manage,"
I felt Atley get on the bed. I was just sooo tired… He began to pull at my dress undoing it, "Finally Amina...you...you are mine….all mine...now...and forever.
...ever
...ever
...ever
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