I wasn't sure...what my parents could...or couldn't do...but it...it didn't seem right. I curled up on my bed and my mother came up an hour later. She brought me some dinner and rubbed my back, "Honey please don't be mad at us...We...we are just looking out for you. The Kessle's they will take good care of you and you really wont have to worry about money. You don't know how...how wonderful that is... You're father and I….you have no idea how hard we've struggled...how... how much we've gone through just to...to keep us all fed and clothed...how much we have worried...Why if...if it weren't for the Kessle's things would have been so much harder on all of us."

I knew she was right...but...

"With this...this arrangement, you...wont have to worry about your future...or your kids future...if you have them. We...we can send Stewart to college, and take care of Patty Jane, Ben, Adly and June. They wont have to worry about their next meals...their clothes or toys. There are so many things I would have liked to do...for you."

I knew what she was saying, this...this was good for the entire family. Yet my chest ached. I felt like my heart was being crushed. "Mommy," I cried. "I don't love him."

"Maybe not now, but you are so young and that boy... I see how he dotes on you, he is head over heels for you. You should have heard how he talked about you. He can't imagine his life without you… and in time you wont be able to imagine life without him…Not all love is instant Amina. Some things they...take time, just keep your heart and mind open please...can you do that for me, for the family..."

I dint' say anything, I knew I as being selfish...I knew...I knew we needed the money...and I knew...most of all how Atley was always attached to me but I just...I don't know...maybe things would have been easier if...if I felt the same way but I just...didn't. I cared for him I did...but I…didn't love him and I didn't know why… I couldn't explain why Chuck made me feel one way and Atley made me feel another way...

Mother got up after a few minutes and left me alone. That night I laid awake for hours even after my brothers and sisters had long fallen asleep. I could hear them softly snoring and then I heard a tapping at my window. I turned on our light and looked outside but couldn't see a dang thing it was so dark. I turned off the light and there was tapping again. This time I crept down stairs. I opened our front door and went outside, wanting to know what was going on and there was Chuckie.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered

"I...I need to talk to you," he said, he looked upset.

"I do too," I said.

"You can't work at the diner," he said.

"I know," I said.

"And we can't be friends no more…." he said clenching his fists. He...he couldn't look at me.

"Did you hear about the engagement?" I asked.

"Engagement"? He said looking confused.

"You don't know?" I said

"Explain," he said.

"You first," I said crossing my arms, "You're the one throwing rocks at my window," I knew that this wasn't the time to be stubborn but I didn't want to tell him about having to marry Atley.

"That asshole and his mother came to our house tonight," said Atley, "His mother told my mom...she might lose her job at the diner she...she implied she might not be be able to get a new one...and they...they offered us some money if...if...we need the money..."

I put my hand to my mouth thinking they had been busy tonight but I nodded, "I...I understand."

"Please don't be mad at me I just….I can't know you anymore," said Chuck. I could see it was hurting him to say this. He was shaking...it was cold...but not that cold.

"I'm not mad." I said quietly. I didn't want to be a baby...I didn't want to cry in front of Chuck...but my eyes they wouldn't do what I wanted...they started to water. I wiped them and said, "I...I can't be friends with you neither...I….I'm getting married to Atley once I turn eighteen."

Chuck just stood there, for the longest time his eyes looked hallow before he said, "Do you want to."

"What," I said sniffling.

"Marry him," said Chuck.

"I don't know," I lied, crossing my arms.

"Do you want to," he asked again, looking hard at me.

Our eyes locked and the tears...I couldn't hold them back no mor, "No…." I whimpered "I want you….I think...it's always been you...you make me feel."

I could see his tears then...his mouth shook and he pulled away before I could finish, "Well...I….I...I hate you," he said. His voice cracked giving way to his emotions. I knew he was lying.

"No...no you don't," I whimpered. "You...You said you always liked me,"

"I lied stupid…I can't believe you… you were always so...so gullible you'd believe anything you hear.…I was just messing…I don't like stupid and you're really stupid and your fat...and ugly so ugly and your boobs...your boob are too big-"

"So what," I said, "You.. You're...stupid...you...you don't know nothing,"

I stepped up to him and pushed him, it wasn't very hard but he stumbled back and then pushed me. I went to push him again but instead I...I hugged him. I wrapped my arms around him tight...knowing we...we couldn't be together...we...we couldn't even fight no more.

He wrapped his arms around me and it...hurt so much more...cause it felt so good too good. I trembled in his arms breathing him him in. Before I knew it I lifted my head and he lowered his and we...we kissed. It...it weren't like we planned it...it...it were nothing special...neither of us knew what we was doing...

Our mouths were off and our noses were pressing into each other but it...it was our first kiss and we both knew...as it deepened, it was our last kiss. Without a word, Chuckie tore away from me he pushed me hard..I nearly fell as he cried "I HATE you!...I hate you so much! AMINA LARK...I HATE YOUR GUTS," he stumbled back unable to look at me.

I wasn't gonna let him get away with that...he...he wasn't gonna get the last word.

"I HATE YOU MORE….CHARLES ALBY," I don't think I ever called him Charles. "YOU...YOU SMELL LIKE ROTTEN TOADS AND YOU YOU ARE A CHILD...A REAL BABY!"

He stumbled back even more, I watched him take a step forward then stop. He threw his hands in the air and then wiped his mouth and without a word he turned and ran disappearing into the dark. I stood there for who knows how long...I was cold and shivering...by the time I managed to stumble back into the house and up to my bed.

Stew was standing by the window….he'd seen the whole thing...probably heard too with our thin walls. He looked at me and just shook his head and said, "You two are weird,"

I didn't say nothing, I don't know why but that ...that sent me over the edge and I cried and cried into my pillow until I thought I couldn't cry no more. I slept hard...I dreamt I was listening to music only there were words being sung with it and I was moving but I was sitting. It wasn't in a carriage I was in a metal box but it was hovering box.

I looked out my window and there were so many light so many sights. There were other metal boxes with other people traveling in them. They were going all over and there was...houses only they was tall, they went up into the sky as far as I could see and it...the sky weren't blue but the stars at night. There was also this...like...like this glass...it was like a big bubble.

I pulled back in my seat confused how I'd gotten here and what I was seeing. I saw someone else was in the box with me. I was scared but I somehow knew it was Chuckie. He was there but I couldn't really see him, he was blurry but I felt him he was sitting next to me. He was sleeping as the box was traveling. I leaned in and I told him, I told him how I really felt, "I love you,"

My voice came out weird. I wondered if he'd heard me he just kept sleeping. The box kept moving and then it went into this...this big thing...it was bigger then anything I'd ever seen. A lot of the boxes were pulling up people were getting out. I didn't know what it was but I felt I'd been here before. Our metal box stopped, it opened up like doors or something. I woke up Chuckie and he got out and we got on a plate form like at the train station.

He walked and I just kept looking around, he moved ahead of me and said. He said, "I love you too,"

I stopped looking around and smiled knowing, he'd heard he knew how I felt. How I really felt I said, "Chuckie,"

And he looked at me and for a moment his face was clear...he ...he weren't Chuckie yet I felt he was. He...he looked at me confused...concerned. He said "Miaki are you okay?"

For a second I felt...like I wasn't where I was suppose to be…I knew...I was me...but like this... He reached out to me and I woke up in bed, my head hurt... for a few seconds I tried to make sense of what I saw but then it slipped away and I couldn't remember anything, about it only...only this feeling...this feeling...this strange feeling...like...like I hadn't told Chuckie I hated him but I had...I did...I didn't tell him I loved him...he...he would never know and yet...I felt...like he might...

I didn't go to school that day...mother didn't make me. She let me stay in bed until noon. The Kessle's had sent over a pretty dress for me to wear tonight. I didn't look at it much...At some point Mother helped me put it on.

When father got home from work, everyone got ready to go. They all got dressed up and Dr. Neevis came over with the carriage and we road in silence to the Kessle Estate. Mrs. Kessle was there to greet us when we arrived, she called my parents by their name, "Stanly, Aberdeen thank you for coming, all your babies look so good"

"I'm not a baby," Stewart pointed out. He'd been moody since he got home from school. Mother said it was cause he was gonna be a teenager in a week.

When we went into the dining room all the good plates had been put out and there was a table cloth on the table. Ately was sitting at the end of the table. Dr. Neevis tapped his shoulder when we entered. He stood and greeted us, "Thank you for coming Mr. and Mrs. Lark, Stewart, Patty Jane, Ben, June, Alby...Amina"

"Thank you for having us," said my father he bowed his head and looked around realizing Atley couldn't see that. I don't even know why he was bowing his head, Atley weren't know king. Everyone shuffled around to find a seat. I didn't want to sit next to Atley, I was upset with him but he motioned to a chair on his left. "Amina….come,"

My mother gave me a look and ushered me to go. I went and Dr. Neevis pulled my chair out.

When I was seated Atley moved his hand about and I met it. He squeezed it, "It is later,"

"Yes." I said remembering I'd said we'd talk later.

"I...I missed you,"he said giving my hand a squeeze.

I didn't say anything I felt sick. He...he hadn't even asked me to marry him...He just went to my parents and made all the arrangements. I tried to pull my hand back but he held it through most the meal.

Everyone was pleasant as Dr. Neevis and Madeline served everyone up. Mrs. Kessle pretended to care what was going on in our lives but I knew her.I knew the only thing she cared about was Atley. At one point, she began talking about the wedding.

"So we were thinking...we should set a date..." said Mrs. Kessle.

"Her birthday," said Atley, "Her eighteenth birthday,"

"Yes, well that is her...birthday," said my mother.

"I don't want to wait," he said.

"It should be fine, really we'll do it on her birthday" Mrs. Kessle nodding.

My parents looked at each other, my mother was nodding wanting my father to say something. Even I could read that. My father shrugged and said, "Fine...fine….it will make it easier to remember your anniversary...we can get you all two gifts."

Way to go dad, I gave him a look but it was nothing compared to my mothers.

Mrs. Kessle smiled, "Well there we go we have a date now I will take care of everything of course, you just need to bring her on the day,"

"Well, she is our daughter...we would like to help out some," said my mother.

"That's nice of you but well...I only have my one son. His big day needs to be perfect," said Mrs. Kessle.

Surely mother would say something...right but she just said, "Of course," and took a sip she looked uneasy but she didn't say anything. I suppose I could but...I felt like...I already didn't have a choice...if I had we...we wouldn't be here tonight. A minute of silence passed and then Stew pushed his plate away. It looked like he hadn't even touched his food.

"This is so stupid. She don't even like him!"

"Shush Stewart," said my mother. She gave him the look, but he ignored it.

"What its true! Said Stew.

"STEWART," said my father raising his voice. I knew Stewart was gonna get it when we got home but Stewart stood up.

"IT'S TRUE...SHE DON'T LIKE HIM SHE LIKES CHUCKIE! I SAW UM KISSING LAST NIGHT!"

I could have died of a heart attack...Everyone that could understand what my brother had just said had their mouths agape. I couldn't believe he'd just said that. Neither could my mother she quickly spat "You must have been dreaming Stewart,"

"I WASN'T! I SAW IT THEY WAS KISSED AND SAID THEY HATED EACH OTHER BUT I DON'T BUY IT! THEY WERE CRYING AND SHE CRIED ALL NIGHT CAUSE OF HIM," Stewart pointed at Atley.

Mrs. Kessle clutched her chest and cried out in horror and Atley, Atley he had my hand in one hand and a glass in the other hand. He'd been drinking when Stewart started going off, he squeezed the glass now so har it shattered in his hand. Dr. Neevis quickly him, I saw blood rushing from his hand but he didn't cry out he didn't make a sound.

I was so embarrassed...so ashamed...I yanked my hand free of Atley's as his mother cried out rushing to him. I got up with so much forced my chair fell to the ground. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in it wanting to die.

I sat on the bathroom floor hearding a lot of noises, Mrs. Kessle was crying, Dr. Neevis and my father were shouting. I heard glass moving about and footsteps. I covered my ears and drowned it all out with my tears. I cried and cried...when I finally stopped and pulled my hands from my ears it was quiet...too quiet. I heard a key a the door and Dr. Neevis opened it. He looked at me o the bathroom floor and walked off.

My mother tap at the door a few minutes later, "Amina...Amina dear..." She came in, she wiped my tears away and gave me a hug, "It's okay...it's okay,"

"No it's not," I said, "That really did happen, Stewart wasn't dreaming,"

"Oh my," said my mother.

"But we was...we was just saying goodbye I swear,"

"I thought so..."she said but still looked worried. "I told Mrs. Kessle that and Atley. I was sure you two were just saying goodbye. I know you would not want to hurt anyone"
"How….How is Atley's hand?"

"It's not good but the Doctor bandaged it. You're father took Stewart home. I should probably not leave Mrs. Kessle with the babies too long,"

"What should I do," I asked.

"Well...first I'd wash your face...then I'd go outside Atley is waiting for you in the garden, I think. Talk to him, tell him what you told me. I think he will understand...the two of you...you just needed to say goodbye."

I didn't want to talk to him but I knew...I knew it wasn't just me...it was my family… Chu… Charles family and I knew I'd hurt Atley, the way he broke that glass. I got up washed my face and went back into the dinning room. Mrs. Kessle was upset looking out the window at Atley. Dr. Neevis was taking care of Adly he was crying. Patty Jane didn't know what was going on, Ben was playing with his food and June was asleep...I swear she could sleep through anything. I shakily walked passed them all and went outside. I saw Atley standing in the garden his hands in his pockets.

"Atley," I said, my voice, it came out in a choked whisper but I knew he could heard me.

He turned his head slightly and said, "Come here."

I went to him and he turned around, "I'm sorry," I said. "Please don't be mad,"

"Shh…."he reaching out to me. I met his hands. I looked at the bandaged one.

"Does it hurt..."

"Not much," he said. He gently pulled me in. "I'm not mad...I could never be mad at you...I...I still need to do this properly."

"Do what?" I said confused.

He held my hand tightly as he carefully dropped down on one knee. "Amina Leira Lark, will you be mine forever and ever and ever."

"That's a lot of evers," I said.

He didn't say anything. I looked down at him see the top of his head as he waited for me to answer. I ran my fingers through his hair. I looked off to the side and saw his mother and my mother pressed against the glass, their breath was fogging it up. Dr. Neevis still had Adly in his arms, he looked at me as he bounced him. The looked stern he nodded I knew what they all wanted me to say.

I looked up the stars...were in the sky. I...felt...like I had seen them...I vaguely remembered my dream. A tear escaped my eye and I finally answered in a whisper, "...Yes..."

I heard Atley let out a breath like he'd been holding it, this whole time. He shakily took my hand moving his fingers over mind. I looked at his bandaged hand, some blood was soaking through. Then I saw something sparkle as he put a ring on my finger. "Ever...says it beautiful...do You like it,"

"Yes..." I said quietly.

"If you don't like it...I can get you another,"
"No," I said. It was like I only knew one word responses.

"You'll get another ring," he said as I helped him to stand. "I'll give you it when we exchanged vows,"

"Hmm," I said still looking at the stars.

He reached out to my running his hand over my neck and face, "What are you looking at?"

"The stars," that was two words right.

"What are they like?"

"I...they are like little lights in the darkness," I knew he couldn't know what I meant. "They make things the dark sky bright..."I don't know what I was thinking he didn't know what that was either...uh...I'm sorry

He brushed his fingers over my lips and I stopped talking "Kiss me…

"What," I said.

"Kiss me," he said even quieter.

"Do you even know what-" I stopped myself. I was just a mess tonight of course he knew...he knew what lovers were. I licked my lips and leaned into him. I pressed my lips against his. When I pulled back he was smiling. He was so happy, he brushed his finger tips across his lips and then reached out touching my face. He found my lips again and moved into me pressing his lips against mine for longer this time. I closed my eyes and he kissed me again and again and again until I pulled back.

"There," he said "Now we have kissed, from now on...we'll kiss when we meet and when we part." He lightly brushed my cheek with his hand and then checked my lips. I weakly smiled and whispered. "Okay..."

It only seemed fair considering I was going to be his wife… He offered his arm and we walked around the garden for a bit before, he took me inside and everyone cheered and clapped. The babies cried and I tried to be happy, I really did. I wanted to be...I wanted everyone to be sooo sooo happy.