5
The next time we met I couldn't wait until the end class so I could tell him. However around mid afternoon, a strange woman showed up. Mr. Jaid's was in the middle of a lecture on how we should consider the essay portions of our tests. He suddenly stopped talking and I noticed he looked upset. I followed his gaze and saw this woman in the doorway, happily waving at him. I wondered if she was a student or something.
I had my legs open for Mr. Jaids but shut them as she rushed over to him. She practical leapt into his arms and kissed him in front of the entire class. My jaw dropped when I saw this, I couldn't believe it! Not once had he mentioned another woman in his life. I instantly felt sick, then a tinge of jealous followed by hurt.
I tried to read their lips as he lightly pulled away from her. He said she shouldn't be here, he was teaching. She said can't a wife check up on her husband every now and then. I gasped, realizing this wasn't just any other woman but his wife... he was married. MR. JAID'S WAS MARRIED! I felt everything around me fade away as I just focus on their lips.
She said she wanted to celebrate signing the papers on the new house. She couldn't wait to move in. She wanted to start planning the nursery. My eyes dropped to her stomach but I couldn't tell if she was pregnant or not. I looked back up, Mr. Jaid's was barely moved his lips… I just caught she wasn't pregnant yet. She said it was never to early to start planning.
He ushered her to the classroom door, telling her she couldn't bother him while he was working. I followed them with my gaze, watching as he led her out into the hall. I couldn't help but get up and got to the door way. I wasn't the only one a few other student stepped up as well..mostly the younger ones. I read two girls lips as they were surprised and he was married. One girl was upset thinking he was hot. The other girl pushed her reminding her he was their teacher. Still the other girl went on she could dream.
I bit my lip and dared to look into the hallway. Mr. Jaid's body language had completely changed. He'd seemed upset...stiff even when she'd entered unexpectedly. Now he seemed laid back and affectionate. He put his arms around his wife and lovingly brushed her cheek. I put my hand to my cheek knowing how that felt. They were at a weird angle and I couldn't read their lips… I didn't need to. From their body language alone and the way they looked at each other it was clear they were very passionate about one another.
I swallowed, my throat felt dry...I thought by now I knew all the sides of Mr. Jaid's. I thought I'd seen him in every form, as my teacher, my friend, my lover and my abuser but this man in the hall was all together different. I thought he was into me...but the way he looked at me and the way he looked at her seemed worlds apart.
I felt crushed by this sudden realization...it was silly….stupid really but I hadn't...I- I looked at her...his wife and the way she looked at him…her husband. She had such love in here eyes, they'd just bought a new house was talking about having a baby. The way she held him in her arms...it was clear to me she had no idea about us. Everything Mr. Jaid's and I had done together and his wife...was clueless. I felt disgusted with myself... utterly guilty and ashamed then...I was only thinking about myself...how this effected me when...she was the one who'd been truly wronged.
I somehow managed to drag myself back to my seat. A few minutes later he returned but I couldn't look at him. I just felt so sick with it all. I wasn't sure what I was going to do that night after class but in the end I didn't have to do anything.
As soon as class was over Mr. Jaid's packed up his thins and left the room, no games...no words just gone. I wasn't sure if I should shut things down for him or not...In the end I left. The whole bus ride home I felt conflicted. I told myself I didn't know he was married… I wondered if he also had kids? He said she wasn't pregnant yet but that didn't mean ever they could had have others. I didn't know there was so much I didn't know about him. I'd asked him about his life more then a few times but he never told me anything.
I dreaded our next class...I knew something had to be done...things couldn't continue on. It was a long weekend and even longer class he seemed to be his usual self. After class I confronted him wanting answers. I asked about his wife...if they had kids already. If she knew what we had been doing. He didn't answer a single question I asked he simply signed it was none of my business.
I don't know why but that really pissed me off. I told him everything, like fucking everything and he gave me little nothing about him. I signed it was my business because I was fucking him. I needed to know how many other people he was with. I demanded he tell me about his life. He signed drop it but I wouldn't. I reminded him I had told him everything about myself, the least he owed me was some answers.
He scoffed at this and signed back unlike you some of us can keep our mouth and legs shut. Oh, I got so mad at. I was so upset over everything and the smug bastard didn't give a shit. I picked up the stapler from his desk and threw it at him. He got up from his chair, then picked the stapler up from the floor and came at me. He began beating me with it. I put my arms up to defend myself and he actually sent several staples into my skin. It really hurt. When I fell to the floor before him, he stopped, he seemed to realize what he was doing. He signed for me to stop being a nosy bitch and that we were done for today. He instructed me to leave and I did.
I went home upset. It was hard getting the staples out and cleaning up. I didn't know what I was going to do. That night my mom was gossiping with a friend of hers on the phone and seemed excited about something. At dinner I saw her talking to Marty about how someone found out they were pregnant on birth control. I suddenly worried that could happen to me especially since we never used protection.
I got so worked up that I wrote Mr. Jaid's a note and handed it to him before class. He pocketed it but didn't respond during classes. When it was just us after he informed me on top of the shot I'd gotten he'd also gotten himself fixed years ago...there was no way I was pregnant. I signed what about his wife and the baby she wanted. He gave me a dirty look but signed it sucked to be her, he didn't want kids and wouldn't be having them.
I couldn't believe him. I knew for sure now he was married, he hadn't denied it. On top of everything I found out he was lying to her about having kids. That poor woman...I refused to be another one of his lies. I realized now...there were many sides to him many faces...he chose based on who he was with. I signed this was to much for me… I didn't want any part of this with him. I signed I was done, we were done. He glanced at me but didn't seem all that put out. He signed fine whatever and left the room.
I assumed that was it...that just like that it was over. We didn't talk for a while after that. I stopped wearing his "special clothes" and tried to just focus on passing my classes so I could take the next equivalency test and never see Mr. Jaid's again. One day a week or so later, when class was over, he called another female student to stay behind, I noticed she was that girl who disappointed that he'd been married the other day.
I packed up slowly looked at her more closely now. She was about my age and pretty. Her face lit up as she went over to Mr. Jaid's desk. She brushed some hair behind her ears and was clearly giving him flirtatious glances. I wonder if I looked like that when he asked me to stay after. He leaned against his desk like he had the first time we talked and started showered her with smiles and attention.
On the way home, I realized he probably did this all the time. Found some young naive girl to fuck in every one of his classes...I wasn't anything. I was just some flavor of the month some stupid foolish...foolish girl. I started crying, I no longer felt special but rotten. I saw everything we did in a new light. I refused to follow any of his rules. I stopped wearing my corset, ate what I wanted, dressed how I wanted and defiantly got more underwear at the store. When it came time for class again I defiantly sat where I wanted in the back of the class.
He noticed this immediately, he tapped me on the shoulder and signed for me to get to my proper seat. I signed no...I was no longer going to follow any of "his" rules. He acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. He kept giving me weird looks like I was crazy and asked me to leave his class. I couldn't believe this but I got up and stormed out.
The next time I came to class he was in the door way waiting for me. He grabbed my arm and asked if I was going to behave today or if I had to leave again. I reluctantly sat in my seat knowing I couldn't afford to fail this class. Once everyone was seated he began teaching. I looked at him and he had that friendly smile on his face...it just made me sick now.
I couldn't look at him or his hands, I just felt like such a fool. I kept thinking about how we met...how he'd made me feel wanted and got me to open up to him and start having an affair with him. He probably did this to loads of girls by now...probably had it down to a science. He probably moved on every year or if the girl realized he was lying and married. I looked for that girl he'd called over the other day...thinking at least she knew what she was getting into… Her eyes were fixed on him now. I could see she was into him and wondered what had happened between them so far and then shook my head thinking it was none of my business.
I just doodled at my desk waiting for class to be over. When it finally was he put a hand on my shoulder signing for me to stay after. I didn't want to but figured it was better to know what this was about them worry about it all night. He had a cocky expression on his face when it was just me and him. He he sat back in his chair at his desk and asked if I wanted to apologize for how I'd been acting lately.
I couldn't believe his nerve...he wanted me to apologize...fuck him. I stood up to him defiantly and signed I meant it I was done with him, with this. He could move on to his next target. He looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. He signed asking what I meant by that asking me to elaborate. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was on to him...I knew he probably fucked loads of girls in his classes by now and I was just some flavor on the month. He started laughing at my insinuation and sighed I had no idea what I was talking about.
He made me feel like a fool but I wasn't stupid! I could clearly see what was going on here. Whether he denied it or not I was done with him. I signed he could find someone else to abuse, to cheat on his wife with. As far as I was concerned we had nothing more to discuss. From now on I was just his student, nothing more nothing less. He burst out laughing at me and sighed I looked so cute when I got jealous that I was being such a silly cunt and needed to stop making him laugh.
I felt like he was ridiculing me. I signed whatever...I wasn't jealous. I didn't care. I didn't want to I didn't even like him. He just kept laughing at me. I signed, it was true that I he meant nothing to me. It was a cruel thing to sign...I meant to lash out at him and hurt him because I felt hurt over everything that had happened but when I paused and really thought about who was he to me really...
This thing we had was not a friendship or a relationship. Clearly I didn't really know him at all... when I really thought about it, this thing between us had just devolved into rough sex and experimentation. I'd been using him, using him as a distraction...an escape from everything that had happened with Eon and my current home life. I'd been using our rough sex to feed my own deep void of self loathing and hate. I signed all this to him as I realized that he himself meant nothing to me...he was just a means to an end.
He stopped laughing then. His face twisted in disgust and then rage as he took in what I'd signed. He suddenly shot up from his desk and got really upset. He repeating what I had said about using him as a distraction, an escape, to feed my own selfish void that he was just some means to an end. He threw his hands in the air as he paced, he signed I was a cold hearted bitch...a cock tease. He sudden ran up on me and threw me back into the wall. My body rattled with pain and I barely caught his lips as he said he wasn't just some distraction..something to be used...no one used him. I could see the anger in his eyes.
He let go of me and I sunk to the ground. It was like he'd snapped or something. He looked around the room and then broke off one of the wooden legs on a nearby chair. He put it under his arm and signed if I preferred, I could fuck it. He threatened to shove it inside me, to fill my gaping void. I wasn't turned on at all but frightened he might actually do it. I quickly learned everyone had their limit...even masochists.
I pleaded for him not to. I signed I was sorry I was upset. I was jealous and just lashing out but he still came up to me with it. I crawled into the corner of the room afraid he'd force it inside me. He didn't back down he grabbed my ankle and pulled me to him. He ripped my leggings and tried to spread my legs. I lashed out and scratching his face in the process, he suddenly stopped and checked himself out in the mirror he had in his desk.
When he saw I'd made him bleed...that I'd actually hurt him for once he turned and beat me with the chair leg. He swung it again and again beat me all over my body. I swear in that moment I thought he wasn't going to stop. He was going to kill me.
I tried to defend myself but he just beat me harder only when I curled up into a tight ball did he stop. I shook battered and bruised I was nearly hysterically. He dragged me to him like I was nothing and forced my legs part spreading me. He put the broken chair leg at my entrance. I felt it make contact and bear down on me. I locked eyes with him, his eyes twitched. I reached out to him and grasped his face pleading, I signed I was mistaken. I was wrong. I swore I thought he was going to shove it inside me and kill me.
Instead he raised it up and smack it down hard right between my legs. Like he was squashing a fucking bug. It hurt so bad…I jerked as pain rippled through me and moved my hands to hold onto my privates as they throbbed with pain. He dropped the wooden leg on the ground and then went for his pants. He yanked himself out. I couldn't believe he was hard. I didn't want him inside me. I didn't want him touching me.
I tried to fight him, to push him away but he back handed me and pinned me down. He forced himself on me and didn't hold back, it was the roughest he'd ever been. He glared at me the entire time he tore into me. I could see the madness in his eyes as he viciously thrust...this wasn't about sex it was about power...His nostrils flairs as I lay powerless beneath him. I was reminded of our first time in the car.
I struggled beneath him wanting him to stop but he didn't not until he got what he wanted. This time it was ceral he was punishing me for the things I'd said. It felt like he jutted into me forever but finally came. He held me down until he was finished emptying and then it out. Then he pulled it out and sat back on his knees…
For several long minutes I was frozen I was fixated on him...on his every move my senses on high alert for what he'd do next. At first he had a smug satisfied look on his face. He ran his fingers through his hair, took several deep breaths and looked at me and what he had done. He seemed shocked...like he'd forgotten or something. He'd suddenly come to his senses looking around to make sure no one had seen.
I took his moment of distraction to dragged myself away from him. I pulled myself across classroom floor. I tried to get up, but wasn't sure I could walk it hurt so bad. The places he'd hit me were turning into deep bruises and I think I was bleeding. When he saw me struggling to get to my knees, he ran a hand over his mouth he looked panicked. I didn't take my eyes off him for a second.
He began slightly rocking and looked like he was going to cry. He ran his fingers through his hair frantically scratching his scalp. He looked crazy as his mouth moved too fast for me to read. He was talking to himself.
I managed to get on my knees and he shot up. His hands shook as he put himself away. He began madly pacing again, he signed that THIS was my fault that I made him violent and sick. He was not a violent person….he was not like this… he did not do these things. This was my fault. He wasn't a masochist like me, he didn't get off on pain and humiliation. I was the sick one... the one who like it rough who needed it rough.
He could see why no one could ever really love me, I just sucked people in and took from them. I used them up until there was nothing left. I made it seem like I was ever the victim and others were the monster when really I was the monster. I'd made him do everything….He'd done so much for me, risked so much and I didn't even care about him.
Who was I….Who was I… to say such things. I was a selfish bitch...a greedy pussy. No matter how much he gave I just took and took and took. He slapped his hands together. I just held myself watching him. I didn't know what he was going on about, he kept signing he wasn't a monster that I was and had made him do everything….
I'd seduced him. I'd tainted him. He was done with me. He was done with me. He was done with me. He signed it over and over again before frantically signing I could keep the broken chair leg. I could fuck it to fill my unending void because he was done with my crazy ass. I was nothing to him. He didn't care about me...I was no better then trash to him. I could see he was crying now.
He seemed emotional as he stormed out of the room, he didn't even take his things. I was so freaked out...and scared. I cleaned myself up as best I could and hobbled out of the center that day. All the things he'd done to me and said about me were awful. I worried some of them were true but I tried not to think about it, to feel. I told myself he was fucking nuts.
I don't no how I managed to get home but I did. I probably should have told someone what he did but I felt like everything was so messed up...every time I tried to untangle everything with Mr. Jaids I was overtaken with a mixture of emotion and confusion. I took a bath and then examined myself in my mirror. My whole body had welts all over it. My sex was swollen and bruised from where he hit me with the chair leg. It hurt to touch. I looked at myself...and felt sickened. I didn't want to think about any of it...deal with any of it.
The next day I didn't go to class. It hurt to move. It was the weekend then. I mostly stayed in my bed and slept. I made sure to cover myself up if I had to leave and only left my room when I couldn't see anyone else around. I was worried someone might notice I was fucked up and ask questions. I didn't know what to tell them...I didn't know what to do explain any of this or what do do...everything felt so fucking messed up. I didn't want to go back to class but I didn't know what else I could do…
He wasn't there when I came in. I hadn't really how tense I was until after I found out. I realized I'd been holding my breath. There was a sub and she tried her best to continue our lesson plan. I tried not to think of where he was or what he was doing. He missed the next day but came in the day after that.
I saw a flash of him in the hall on the way to class and froze. I almost went home but forced myself to go class. Someone else was in my seat, I had to sit in the back I was worried he'd be mad but when he entered the class room it was like he was a whole other person all together. He moved differently wore glasses and a sweater. He smiling and joked with everyone saying he had eaten some bad food and had a bit of stomach flue but doing better.
Whenever his head happened to be facing my direction I noticed, he looked past me like he didn't see me. Anytime we had to interact he put on a fake smile but his eyes never met mine. It was like he was looking through me. I didn't know what to think of it. I was grateful we didn't have many classes left.
On the last day of class he explained if we passed we would get a certificate in the mail and our name would be added to a list to take the equivalency test. We could take the test whenever we wanted but he suggested we take the test as soon as possible as time could dull our memories. He told us to keep active in our learning and vigilant on the subject we had the most issues with. He wished us all good luck and with that it was over.
I gathered up my things as several students went over to talk with him. I looked at a flier that had the next test dated listed and wrote them down before quietly exiting the room. I left the building got on the bus and let out the biggest sigh of relief of my life thinking...it was finally over.
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