10
When I got to the campus I had to go to the ladies restroom and cleaned myself up. After a few minutes I’d broken down and cried nearly the whole way here. I gave myself a few minutes more to cry it out and then fixed my clothes, hair and makeup. I got to the final testing room and Mr. Jaids was there. He looked at me as I stepped up to the check in desk. I didn’t bother looking at him. I got my test sheet, pencil and seat position before I took my seat.
I just wanted to do this test and get this part of my life over with. Everyone started coming in slowly...with nearly only two minutes left before the test, I checked for Eon, I didn’t see him. I saw his friend though looking around worried. I began to realize he might not have taken the next bus. He might have just gone home or sat there. What if...What he’d had a seizure...FUCK. I started to worry then he stepped into the room. I looked at him my heart skipped a beat. I was so happy he’d made it. He looked like a wreck. He just stared off into space as he got his answer sheet and pencil. Then he slowly made his way to his seat.
The test began and as I was filling out my name. I wished there had been an answer for what do you do when the guy you’d been fucking threatens to fail your ex if he caught you together. Of course if I had real life skills I would not have gotten into this situation the first place. I tried to focus on the test.
When lunch came I decided to just stay there and eat. I didn’t feel like getting up and wondering around. I saw Eon leave with his friend. He put his arm around him and walk him out. His friend glanced at me for a second and had a sour look on his face. I guess he knew I’d been the one to upset Eon. Mr. Jaids and the other moderators gathered up test books and continued to set up for the next test. I saw a few other people had chosen to stay and eat lunch.
I hoped Mr. Jaids would leave, he looked around the room then sat down at the sign in desk. He didn’t eat lunch, he didn’t take anything out, he just sat there with his eyes closed. I took out my note pad and doodled while I ate my packed lunch. Eventually it was time to check in.
I hoped another teacher would take the sign in desk but it seemed Mr. Jaids was the sign in person for this last test. He checked people in and I had to go up to him to get my new test sheet. He also gave me and a new pencil. I noticed he didn’t return my old pencil to the cup but put it behind his ear. He showed me my seat on the map and his hand brushed over mine. I was reminded of the first time he done it. How I felt this time without thinking I jerked away. He acted like nothing had happened and I took my seat.
When it was time for the test, Mr. Jaids stood up he, giving everyone the rules as he signed and then the last test began. I filled out my answer sheet and began taking the test. About half way in it became surveys. I finished early, I think everyone finished early. I think they’d given us extra time cause they wanted their dumb survey finished. I put my test sheet and pencil into the booklet and then sat back. I started off into space until Mr. Jaids appeared taking my test and then moving on to the next test.
It was done...at last it was over. I closed my eyes took a deep breath and then looked for Eon. I wanted to see how he was doing. He was just sitting there waiting for his booklet to be collected...oddly his friend was with him. I guess they just got lucky and got to sit next to each other and then I notice there was only one booklet between the two. Had his friend’s book been collected or did he figure it didn’t matter on the final test? Really it wasn’t any of my business. I started to gather up my things. Mr. Jaid’s was putting a stack of booklet on a cart. When he looked up from the cart our eyes connected. This was it, the last time I’d seen him. I looked at him sternly and signed, “Goodbye.” I hope he could see I meant it.
He looked annoyed, I didn’t need him to respond. I turned and slowly walked out of the room. I was in no rush to get home and study now. There was no more prep school...no more testing. If I failed maybe, I’d take the test again or maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe I’d just start applying for jobs and see what happened. I bet they needed people who didn’t have their equivalency test. Maybe I could still interpret or maybe I could do something that didn’t need to be around people. It might be nice to get some solitude.
Someone had to stock the grocery stores, someone sorted packages in the mail and someone had to find the buried treasure Eon used to say. I let out a laugh. Whatever I did I felt I could figure it out, I just didn’t want to go backwards. Starting now, I only wanted to move forw-
Someone frantically tapped my back, I turned and saw it was Eon’s friend. He was by himself his body language looked like he was winded, had he been running. He gave me a serious look and spoke slowly. “Eon… says… you… can… read… lips.”
I nodded slolwy.
“Please… take… this.” He handed me a folded up note.
I paused knowing it was from Eon. I wasn’t suppose to have any contact with him but the test was over now. Could Mr. Jaids still fail him?
“Please,” Eon’s friend said..
I looked around, Mr. Jaids was the moderator for the last test, he should be busy for a bit, collecting tests and doing whatever they did with them. Maybe I could read the note real quick and he’d never know. I nodded and took the note. I unfolded it wanting to know what it said. I was surprised Eon still wanted to talk to me after what I said this- I looked at the letter and paused.
Eon and I used to pass notes all the time growing up, I knew his hand writing almost as much as my own. His was always tiny but neat enough to read. He was a fan of using all capital letters but this note looked like it was from my five year old sister. The letters were huge, they took up most the page. I looked at Eon’s friend confused then back at the letter.
Dear Song, Hi, How are you.
I didn’t understand. What was with this note? I knew Eon’s friend couldn’t read sign language, but I needed an explanation. I struggled with my bag to get my note book and pen out. I wrote. ‘I don’t understand what is with this letter?’
He read it and looked at me strangely. He took my pen and notebook and wrote, “Eon wrote it himself,”
Again I didn’t get it. ‘This isn’t Ian’s handwriting’ I wrote.
He read it and wrote back ‘Yes it is. Do you not know about the brain damage?’
I shook my head slowly then responded ‘I knew the doctors had talked of the possibility but after he said he hated me and to go away I sort of cut all ties, especially given I had a restraining order against me, might still have” The guy threw his head back like it suddenly made sense to him. He ran a hand over his mouth. Then spoke
‘Eon...has...brain...damage.’
I looked at the letter Eon had written me and then thought back to our conversations. I’d been in such a rush to get away. It had been painful to see him again so painful that I didn’t realize...looking back now I could see it...I sunk to my knees thinking of how slow he had signed. How fast I had signed back. He’d taken liberty with some of his signing not fully completing them but I knew him enough to I had been able to understand him. He’d sometimes do that when he was excited or tired. I recalled I used to love him scratching his eye brow but failed to remember he did that when he was confused.
Eon’s friend dropped down, “Are… you...okay?”
I wrote in my note book. ‘Yes. I knew there was a possibility of brain damage. I just didn’t know it was this bad’
“Hey... he’s...gotten...loads...better.” he said. “I’m… Chad…by… the...way... Eon’s… mom… hired… me… to… help… him… get… around.”
So Chad wasn’t Eon’s friend, he was his aid. I wrote down in my note book. “Hi, I’m Song, sorry about being rude earlier. Also you can talk normally as long as I can see your lips and you talk at a normal pace, I should be able to follow.”
I showed it to him he read it and said, “Oh really,”
I nodded.
“Sweet,” he let his shoulders drop. He seemed relieved. “That is so cool. That is some kind of super power. You could totally work for government ops or something” I smiled, even though Chad was Eon’s aid, I could see them getting along. Eon had said something similar to me. Chad took a step back and looked me up and down before he said ‘So you’re the infamous Song,’
‘I guess,” I wrote.
He nodded and said ‘He’s mentioned you a few times, When he said I love Song, I thought he meant like I love this song as in music, not an actual person.’
I paused taking it in Chad’s words. Eon had said I love me Song...like as in the present love and not the past loved. I felt my heart quicken. I didn’t want to harbor the thought for long. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I wrote, ‘We used to be friends, then dated for a while.’
‘What happened?’ he asked ‘Where have you been this whole time?’
I paused for a long moment then bit my lip and wrote, “Eon asked me to leave him alone.”
Chad read it and scoffed, he shook his head, ‘He tells me to get lost all the time. You can’t take it personal. He’s managing a lot, it’s easy for him to get frustrated.’
I just looked at him. He brushed it off so easily but I knew Eon, when he had said it to me that night, the way he looked at me, he meant it. I wrote ‘I think for me he meant it. I don’t know if you know but when he had the massive seizure I was with him. Earlier he gave me his coat, with his medicine in it because I was cold but I took it off and left it at his house. He didn’t have his medicine when he needed it because of me.’
I struggled not to starting to cry but I could feel my eyes getting wet. Chad read my note, then furrowed his brow and nodded. ‘Well that explains a lot.’
I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that. I looked at him curious. He looked back at me then suddenly his eyes got big. “Oh! Oh!” he said, he began patting himself down. He pulled out several more folded notes and dropped them down on the ground in front of me. There were five, no six of them. I looked up at him as he explained ‘A few months back he started doing one or two of these a day. His mom tells me to just toss them, I figured it was nothing but since I found out you were like a real person and all, I started to save them. I’m glad I was finally able to deliver them.’
I looked down at them, he wrote one or two notes to me a day. My heart sunk, I opened the first one it was two pages. ‘Dear Song, I saw you today. You look nice.’ I turned to the next page. ‘But you look not the same’ he crossed out not the same and wrote different in a pen vs a pencil. He must not have been able to recall what the word was at the time. I did look different, I still had my hair extensions and high lights.
I opened the next note, ‘Dear Song I am not mad. I am sad. I miss you.’ This one made my chest ache. I read it again, I put my hand over my mouth and opened another, it was several pages. Dear Song, the man took my note away. I want to say much to you. I am not mad. I was mad but no more. I miss you. Please talk to me again. I miss you.’ Several of my tears fell on the page, I couldn’t hold back, I opened another Dear Song, I can not sign well but I will try more. The next, ‘Dear Song. Are you avoiding me.’ Then the last it looked much neater, he must have put a lot into it ‘Dear Song, I am sorry, I yelled.. I was mad at everything. Please come back. I love you still.”
I looked up from it, Chad said, “He uses shorter words cause its easier for him to write, he is still recovering in that area, writing and holding a pencil take some time.”
All of these were hard for him to do...took time. “Oh, oh oh I was gonna be sick. Here...here this whole time I’d thought he’d hated me. I done so much to forget him, I’d try to bury my feelings in so so many horrible ways and he...he still lov- Chad tapped my shoulder I looked up at him and he beamed down at me. “I helped him with some of the larger words, we did that one there last night together he really wanted it to look good, see he’s not mad, he was at the time but he was mad at everything. It can happen after a massive injury. Like he has to relearn a lot. His brain needs to make new path ways and connections and his hand and eye coordination isn’t quiet what they used to but but he’s doing amazing. Still it can take a lot of time and be very frustrating some days are better then others”
I sniffled, reading his words then looking at all these notes. All these things he was trying to say to me. I’d been so short with him...I’d tried to push him far away because of Mr. Jaids and my own pain. I gathered the notes up and held them to my chest. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t mad anymore. He missed me. He still loved me. HE STILL LOVED ME. I took it all in wanting to- Chad tapped me, I looked up at him again.
“I’m sorry but I don’t have much time here. I’m not suppose to leave him for long. Do you have a response?”
A response...YES! I nodded and quickly scratched out. “I need to see him,” Oh I wanted to go to him and explained everything and apologize again and again...forever.
“Probably not the best idea, right now,” said Chad scratching his head, “I gather his mom is still mad at you and you mention a restraining order.”
Right...fuck...I’d all but forgotten, I couldn’t...I wasn’t suppose to go near him. If the police had saw us the last few days I could have been arrested. I didn’t even think about it. I’d been so worried about Mr. Jaids, Eon and the test. I was still so worried about Eon. I’d said such an awful thing to him this morning, to make him stay away. I needed to set things right. I needed him to know.
I quickly wrote ‘Dear Eon. I am so sorry I was short with you. I scratched it out. I didn’t know what he could understand. Wait why was he here for the test... if his issues were so sever. I looked up at Chad, wanting to know but there was no time. I needed. I needed to respond and quick I began again. I tried to keep things simple ‘Dear Ian. I am sorry. I did not know about your brain damage. I am sorry I said mean things to you today. My ears were not your fault. It was mine. I did it on my own. I miss you too. I paused on the last three words I wanted to write. Did I have the right to write those words after all I had done. I closed my eyes...knowing even after everything that had gone on this whole time I...I still felt my heart beat for him. It was undeniable, Eon was the love of my life and always would be...no matter what I did or who I did and this...these notes proved I was his love. He even with all that had happened, all that he had gone on, he still wanted me in his life. I quickly wrote the words ‘I love you.’ and signed my name ‘Song.’ I quickly folded the note and handed it to Chad.
He took it and nodded, “I might not give it to him today, it’s been pretty stressful so far but I’ll see the he gets it.” I nodded. “Nice meeting you, Song”
I nodded back again and just like that he took off. I watched him until I could no longer see him.
I sat there for a long moment, all it took was one man, one conversation to completely flip my world upside down. Eon still loved me...I read his notes again and again and again. I hoped he would get mine.
From there... I had no idea what would happen. His mother clearly still hated me but maybe things could change. I mean he forgave me or at least he wasn’t mad. My head felt like a jumbled up mess as I gathered his precious notes. I wanted to hang them on my walls. I wanted to run my fingers over each and every precious letter, he had written for me...
I put everything in my bag and got up. I brushed myself off and looked around trying to recall where on campus I was. I’d kind of been zoning out before Chad tapped my shoulder. I thought I knew where- I saw Mr. Jaids... of course, nothing could ever be fucking simple, he was standing in the shade, leaned up against a nearby wall glaring at me. I wondered how long he’d been there, how much he’d seen and understood. Had he stumbled upon us or been intentionally following me, with him I didn’t know.
He signed, “Follow” I didn’t want to. I wanted to ignore him and go home but I still worried he might fail Eon. I still didn’t know what Eon was doing taking the test. Could he still take it in his condition? Maybe with Chad but- Mr. Jaids again signed “Follow”
I let out a deep sigh, wiped my eyes and took a few steps towards him. He pulled form the wall and started walking. I followed him making sure to keep my distance. He went to a building, a few feet away. He opened a side door and waited for me to go through it. I didn’t want to but he kept gesturing, getting madder and madder. I stepped up to the doorway and he roughly pushed me in the rest of the way. The door let into the bottom of a stair well.
I wondered if I was suppose to go up the stairs but when I turned he’d shut the door and was signing. ‘What was that about?’
Oh so he hadn’t found out. I didn’t answer him. Instead I signed “What do you want?’
‘What was that about?’ He demanded again his hands moving faster, “What were you dong with that guy? What are those papers?’
I clutched my bag, recalling what he had done before to get at my money. I didn’t want him touching my precious ...precious notes. He’d already managed to still one away. I held my head up refusing to let him intimate me, I signed, “None of your-”
He backhanded me before I could finish. I nearly fell over closed my eyes. I feeling the sharp sting spread across my cheek but I didn’t reach for it and I didn’t back down. Once again I looked at him and tried to sign “None of your-”
He slapped my other cheek again harder. I stumbled a few feet to the side. When I recovered he signed, “I am not messing around Song. What were you doing with the guy and what were those papers?”
I looked at him as he grew annoyed. I tried to think of what my best response should be in this moment. I wasn’t going to tell him what just happened, it really was not any of his business but I knew if I tried to sign it was none of his business again, he’d just hit me again. However, if I didn’t answer he’d simply try and take my bag. I needed to think strategy, I knew his goals in this conversation but were mine. Considering he’d hit me twice so far I wasn’t in the talking mood. No it was best to get away from him before he-
He moved his hand “Give me the bag,” he demanded, deciding I had taken too long to respond.
I nodded, making my decision in that split second, I was getting out of here. I took the bag off but secured my hand in the strap. I stepped up to him quickly like I was going to hand it to him, he reached for the bag but I shot my leg forward hard. He realized I was trying to kick him in the balls, he moved to guard himself and I side stepped.
Everything happened in seconds, I lunged then for the door and pushed it open. I felt the sun on my face as I managed to get outside but he came after me. I only managed a few steps before he tackled me to the ground. We began to struggle over my bag. I wouldn’t let it go. I wouldn’t let Eon’s precious notes fall into his hands. I clung to it as he tried to tear it away. He punched me in the face... kicked me but still I wouldn’t let go. I was like a rag doll holding on. I closed my eyes and curled up around the bag. He punched my ear, then grabbed my hair nearly ripping it out. It hurt but I still clung to my bag. I held onto it for dear life.
He suddenly let go, I expected him to start kicking me, nearly a minute passed as I curled up as tight as I could. Suddenly I felt something, I was expecting a blow but it was a gently touch on my arm. I opened my eyes to see it was a girl. I read her lips, “Are you okay?”
I looked around for Mr. Jaids but he was gone, had he taken off? I looked back at the girl, she had another girl with her. I read her lips. ‘Is she okay, that mother fucker just took off. Should we go after him.’
“No, we should get security” said the girl next to me. “Are you okay,” she asked me again.
I let the girls know I was deaf by signing and pointing to my ears. Neither girls signed back but they understood. One of them sort of looked familiar the girl next to me, “Oh I think...I saw her the other day she is deaf.”
I perked up yeah she was with Chad. She’d elbowed him.
The other girl was all worked up “Fucker! What piece of slimy shit tries to steal a deaf girls purse in broad dayligh,” said the girl shook her head, “You should have let me kick his ass,”
“Right,” said her friend “Like the last guy,”
“I would have had him, if you hadn’t pull me off.”
“He was way bigger then you and you were drunk,” her friend insisted. Then she turned to me, “Do you understand me? Can you read my lips”
I nodded, she offered her hand out to me and I took it. I let her help me up and dusted myself off. I had some blood. She pulled out some tissue from her pocket and I used it to wipe the blood and tried to fixed my hair.
The farther girl said, “Don’t worry, it’s still good.”
“Do you want us to get someone?” as the girl that knew Chad.
I shook my head, I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. Mr. Jaids was a whole fucking mess I just didn’t want to get into right now. I wanted to get out of here and go home I signed, ‘thank you,’ to the girls.
“Oh, Oh, I know that one,” said the other girl, ‘That is thank you”
“Oh no problem,” said the girl next to me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I looked around for Mr. Jaids, again he was nowhere to be seen. Knowing him he was probably long gone by now. These girls had probably run up on him and scared the shit out of him. Good! I hoped he’d think twice before coming around me again. I nodded to the girl and signed thank you again. The girls looked at each other but they still didn’t seem at ease. The girl next to me asked “Where are you headed next, can we walk you?”
I nodded I wouldn’t mind the company at least until I got out of here. I dug through my purse and showed them my bus pass they nodded understanding. They politely introduced themselves as Judy and Reign. They went to this college and were both drama majors. I thought that was so cool I wished I could have asked them about it but the walk to bus stop wasn’t very long from where we were. I signed thank you again to both of them when we got there and they hoped I had a better rest of my day.
They left and I waited for the next bus to show up. I felt on edge the entire time, I kept expecting to see him lurking about. I don’t know what his deal was. I don’t know why he kept approached me. How many times did it have to be fucking over, for him to get it. My life was no longer any of his business. I didn’t know what to do...if he kept popped up. I’d never been in a situation like this. How did people end things with someone who didn’t want to.
When my bus showed up I got on and found an empty seat in the back. Now that I was on the bus, I didn’t have to worry about him as much. I could take out Eon’s notes and look at them closer. I read all seven of them again and again. They brought me such joy. Oh I hoped Eon would get my note. I hoped it would bring him as much joy as his notes brought me. He wasn’t mad at me anymore. He wasn’t mad at me anymore. I couldn’t believe it.
Chad said he was just going through a lot. I wish I had known. I wish I could have been there for him, every step of the way and helped him in his recovery but I hadn’t known. I had thought...oh the things I had thought, I tried not to get into them. My faults, my failures and Mr. Jaids could all take a back seat today because Eon wasn’t mad at me any more and he loved me still. I ran my hands over the words. ‘Please come back. I love you still.’
I clutched the notes to my chest. I read them each one more time and then safely folded them back up and put them away. When I got home I went inside and my mom and Marty were watching TV. I waved to them and my mom waved me over. She asked how my test had gone and noticed my lip was split open. I quickly rushed into the bathroom and realized it had happened with Mr. Jaids. There was some bruising forming around my hair and a hand print from where he grabbed me.
She wanted to know what had happened, I wrote down someone had tried to take my purse but some nice girls stopped them.
She read the note and shook her head, ‘She said I needed to be more careful and watch my surroundings,’
I needed to be more careful...seriously. I nodded and she asked how the test went again. “I wrote Good I hoped. My mom hoped so too and nodded. Then she surprised me and asked what I wanted to do for my birthday. With all that had gone on I forgot it was next week I was gonna be nineteen.
I started to sign then stopped. I wrote down, whatever a cake would be nice. She nodded and said she’d look into it. She hoped my results would be in so then we could celebrate two things. I nodded but I didn’t think they’d be in that early and I didn’t know if I passed. Things had been well... fucked this week. I mean it was a total roller coaster ride, I’d gone up then down so many times and now was all over the place.
I went to my room and laid all the letters out on my bed. I spun around and around getting excited, I hung each of them on the wall with tape, replacing my old prep study notes. I wondered when Eon got my letter would he respond. How would he respond? Would he send Chad over or mail me the letter? If we made up, could he come to my birthday next week. I’d love to see him on my birthday. I’d already missed his. I sat for a moment getting excited. I told myself not to make plans or get ahead of myself. I had no idea how his condition was or if I’d be able to get his mom to drop the restraining order any time soon.
I noticed Ian’s notes were moving slightly. I looked around and realized my window was slightly opened yet again. I found it odd had my brother or sister come in again, they usually didn’t do this. I got up to shut it but noticed something on the glass this time a hand print. It wasn’t inside the window but from outside. I pulled back from the window slightly. Had someone been trying to open my window from the outside. The thought greatly unsettled me. I looked outside but it was so dark I couldn’t see anything.
I tried to shut the window but it was really stuck. I realized this was the widest it had ever been opened in years I could easily fit my hands through it. I also noticed dents in the bottom like someone had hammered the window. It must have been how they got it past where it usually got stuck.
I went to the garage and got a hammer of my own. I came back and then hammered it until it was shut. After that I stood clutching the hammer staring out into the dark void. I didn’t have curtains on my window. Up until now I had never needed them. My window looked out into our back yard. I didn’t expect anyone to be looking in on me but clearly someone was up to something overlooked that first time but not tonight...
Was it a bugler or... Mr. Jaids. Oh, I hoped not. I really really hoped he wasn’t trying to break into my room. Still as I moved in my room that night, I kept checking, to see if it was him. I didn’t change in my room. I changed in our bathroom and kept the he hammer in my room next to my pillow.
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