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For a moment I felt oddly cold and empty... I realized he'd been filling me maybe that is why they called it cream. A moment later I began to feel wet between my legs his cream started to flow out of me and onto the car seat. He signed for me to clean myself up as he took care of his own clean up. I just laid there, my legs still open.
Why didn't I shut them? I didn't know. I didn't know what to do with myself now, Eon and I had never finished…never gotten to this point. I didn't know how to clean this up or what to do after...we...we were suppose to figure that out together. I was surprised there was so much of it. He got angry with me when I just let it leak out of me. He signed that I was making a mess in his car.
He took some tissues and roughly shoving them between my legs. I started crying again and he gave my cheek a sharp slap. I read his lips as he told me to stop it, he showed me how to wipe myself off and signed, next time I would do it myself...it wasn't that hard. Next time my chest sunk and my eye twitched...there was going to be a next time.
My chest felt like it was going to cave in. I didn't know what to think. My thoughts felt slow...scattered. I was barely aware of him moving me, he closed my legs and helped me to get dressed again, it all felt like a blur...like it wasn't really me but someone else moving about. He adjusted my seat and sat me up. I thought he'd take me home now but we just sat there for what felt like forever. He kept giving me side ways glances as he nervously bit his nails.
Eventually he nodded to himself then started the car. I wanted to go home so badly but again he didn't take me, we got fast food like we always did. He ordered for me like always and drove us around for a while. We eventually parked at a city park and he insisted I get out and eat. I wasn't hungry but followed him to a park bench.. I felt so mixed up inside as I sat next to him. I had all these dark thought and emotions. I kept trying to understand what had just happened back there. It felt like it had all happened so fast. I- He tapped my shoulder pulling me from my thoughts.
I read his lips as he said I did good tonight that I had made him very happy. He asked how he had been. I stared at him for the longest time then signed that it hurt, I didn't like it. I started to cry again. He looked annoyed, I read his lips as said, it was only my first real time, it was always going to hurt the first time. I think I read that somewhere hadn't I? He continued saying I would do better next time if I relaxed more. I needed to stop clenching so much. He used his hand to show me my tightness I were already so tight as is. My body needed to get used to a man's girth, eventually it would know him and accept him?
Accept him? Like it had some mind of its own. I didn't think that was right...then again I had known Eon and it hadn't hurt. If I really knew Mr. Jaids would it not hurt. I felt stupid...I felt like I didn't know enough about sex. I didn't think I'd need to.
He signed I was doing good in his classes, he wasn't suppose to tell me but I was the smartest one in his class and I was defiantly going to pass, no question. Then he shifted his gaze and slowly signed, we couldn't tell anyone about what we did tonight. He wanted to be my friend and my teacher but people were to closed minded to understand someone could be both. If anyone found out about us it could be a problem. They'd think it was a conflict of interest but this was different. We were different.
I signed to him that I wasn't stupid...I knew why I couldn't say anything that I knew what he did. He quickly corrected me, what we did, we did it together. I bit my lip and he glared at me. I sighed I didn't know I was confused I wanted to go home and think. He stopped roughly grabbed my wrists so I couldn't sign. I thought he was going to hit me.
Again I didn't know what to do or say. I started crying and he pulled me into him. He hugged me and held me rubbing his hand down my back. When I pulled away, he adjusted my hair, around my ears and I read his lips. He said he understood this was a confusing time. He reminded me he was the only one that cared about me in this world now. My mother didn't really love me. My step father and siblings didn't care about me. My grandmother and father were dead and Eon hated me. I didn't need to be reminded of my situation.
He let me go and signed if I said anything about this to anyone he might get in trouble. He might not but he wouldn't be able to converse with me anymore, he couldn't be my teacher or even my friend. We would have no more outings, where he could spoil me. I probably wouldn't get to take my high school equivalency test either. I'd probably get kicked out of the adult center. He went on that most of all I'd disappoint my mother again. It was an awful things to sign. He knew how I felt about her. He was taking what I'd said to him and twisted it against me.
I didn't respond to him, he took me home but before I went in he signed I need to decided, if I was his friend or not. He said if I didn't want to be his friend not to stay after class anymore but if I wanted to be his friends and have someone who would actually care about me in my life to stay after class. It was my choice. I felt even more confused and conflicted. I wish I had someone else to talk to.
When I got inside everyone was asleep again. I went to bed but couldn't sleep. What did I want? What had happened. He said he cared about me but did he really? I didn't want to do that in the car tonight. If...If we stayed friends...would he make me do it again? Was that part of our friendship now?
I thought about the mean things he'd said it was said but he was right he was the only one who cared about me. He was the only one who had taken an interest in me since Eon. If Mr. Jaids wasn't my friend then I'd have no one again and if I couldn't pass this class and take that dumb test I would disappoint my mother. As much as I felt hurt by her...I still felt this sick need to please her somone. He knew that...even before I did. I don't know why but some part of me kept thinking maybe someday I'd do something right and she'd love me. She'd praise me like she did with her other kids...it was silly to think so but still I hoped.
When I got up for breakfast the house was in chaos. I just sat at my chair watching everyone move around me. Not a single one of my family member addressed me. Yet again I might as well have been invisible. We had a few days before the next set of classes and I spent them alone. I looked over my class work, drew a bit but mostly just stared off into space...wondering what I was going to do.
By the time class started I was still unsure of everything. I was the first to arrive and sat at my usual desk. I watched as the other students slowly filed in they talk and laugh with each other while I just watched on waiting for and dreading seeing Mr. Jaids.
I thought I might know what to do when I saw him but he came in late. He was in a rush, he didn't greet me, he didn't even look at me. When he taught he used some sign language but not every time. He kept walking behind me, with his back to me, I found it hard to follow the classes.. At one point I saw everyone smiling and laughing I didn't understand why. I felt lost, it all felt so awful.
I don't know why but I felt like he'd given me something and had just stolen it away.
After classes ended he didn't ask me to stay, he just went to his desk and opened his books and began grading papers from today's pop quiz, another thing that was sprung on me. I don't think I did very good. I gathered my things up and looked at the open door. I could just walk out right now and this would be how things were from now on. This would be how he treated me. He was giving me a choice right?
He looked up at me as I stood we locked eyes and then he looked away, going back to his tests. I bit my lip and started to walk away, I knew that is what I should do. It was the right thing to do, to end this before it got anymore- anymore...I stopped walking I just stood there for a moment half way to the door half way to him. I felt...I felt lost...I had been so lonely these last few month. I hadn't realized just how much I missed being able have a conversation with someone, being noticed and wanted.
I looked at the door...I knew what awaited me if I walked through it but I turned around looking at him. I...I didn't know what would happen with him...with this. I didn't think my life could be any worse then it was now. I reluctantly went to his desk. He looked up at me curiously but didn't sign or say anything. I waited, he waited eventually I put my things on his desk and signed, 'Can we still be friends?'
He leaned back in his chair, tapped his fingers on the desk and then gave me a gentle smile as if I'd made the right choice. He nodded and opened his draw and gave me one of my favorite candies. I suddenly felt happy. This was all so strange. I felt weird about it all, one minute, I knew it was wrong, he'd made me so sad and the next he'd made me so happy. As I ate the candy, he got up from his desk and began closed down the class room.
I was surprised it was still pretty early in the day. We usually hung around for a while and then went on our drive. He shut the door and all windows before drawing the blinds. When he was finished he turned and dropped his hands to his belt he began unbuckling it. I froze realizing now what he was doing...he... he wanted to do it again right here and now. I shook my head and signed I was still sore from yesterday. He looked at me and signed to turn around and bend over his desk.
When I didn't move, he cross his arms and gave me a sour look. I signed couldn't we compromise. I already know about sex we shouldn't need to do it again. He put his hands in his pockets and just tilted his head to the desk. I knew for sure now that this was a part of his "friendship." I didn't want to but I didn't want things to be like today.
I'd made my choice. I was upset and scared but I turned around and bent over his desk. I saw movement of his shadow on the way and soon I felt him pull at my sweat pants. He pulled my pants down to my ankles and then my underwear as well.. He squeezed my but then grasped the back of my neck. He made drop my front half flat on his desk.
I felt his member against my but cheek and shuttered. He slapped me with it then moved it to entered me from behind. Oh it hurt...I was worried it would be worse then before. I couldn't help myself I struggle to get free I changed my mined but it was too late. He pinned me to the desk with his body and pushed it all the way in.
I scratched my nails across his desk breaking a few. I grasping and crumpled some papers up in my hand. Without waning he smacked my ass hard. He did it again and then again, each time it painfully stung. He let go of my neck and took the paper from my hand. He pushed everything off his desk letting it fall to his floor. Then he curved his body over mine.
I felt his chest against my back as he pulled my shirt up and over my head. He put his hand over mine and closed his fingers hands around mine as he laid my arms flat on the desk. He was inside me but had yet to begin thrusting. I felt my body adjusting to his size slowly. I felt full but not painfully so. He waited until I got used to it then slowly pulled out and slammed me into the desk. It made the desk move a few inches. He repeated it until his desk was crooked and nearly touching the wall.
Each time it felt like he was stuffing me up. I'd never felt like this my body ached but I also felt weird...hot...he caressed my hair rubbed my back. He took me slow...he took me hard. Eventually the pain lessens as my body's juices react. Was I enjoying this? I felt conflicted I wanted him to stop, to change positions but as he picked up the pace the pain began to fade away and each time he smacked hard into me it felt...it felt good. I wanted him to keep doing it...I wanted to fill the pain...as it mixed with a sort of dark pleasure…
I wanted to be punished to suffer...Who wanted to suffer right. But my mind got so dirty as he pounded into me. I picked it...ramming into my dirty pussy...my worthless pussy... I felt like I'd snapped... I thought something might be wrong with me. These thoughts were so dark and yet pleasurable...Maybe...maybe I should see a doctor or something but mom and Marty will already upset about my last visit. I owed them so much...much…
He picked up the pace. He grasped hold of my hair and yanked my head back. It hurt but only added to this...this...fuck….fuck...I felt my body growing wetter hotter, my breast felt full, my heart thundered with fear and excited. There were so many...emotions and feelings all bombarding me. I felt pain mix with pleasure and it felt good...good to hurt to be pounded into. I was so confused. How could I feel like this...how could this feel good after how horrible it had been last time...Maybe it was because it was like my first time or maybe I was...I was some sort of masochist, I'd read something about it once I think it meant someone who like to be punished sexually or someth-
He smacked my ass hard unexpectedly and I clenched down on him in response. He had to stop mid stride and pause for a moment. I waited for him to move...to keep fucking me but he just stood there. I tried to looked back at him but he started back up again harder...faster. I spread my legs wider as I felt something building between my tights...
Mr Jaids grasped my hips and began drilling me into his desk. I felt him grinding and smashing, my pussy, pushing beyond my known limits. I squirmed uncontrollably then...something was happen I couldn't control I couldn't stop it...all of a sudden out of nowhere my privates began painfully pulsing with pleasure. I was felt this ...this sharp, orgasm rip through me and I practically I vibrated on his desk, humming with such delight. He lifted my feet off the ground as I squirmed about uncontrollable experienced my first orgasm from sex. I thought I knew what orgasms were from touching myself before but it had never like this. It was so powerful...so all consuming. Nothing mattered but this feeling this high intensity pleasure that completely ravaged my senses.
I felt my muscles twist and twitch around Mr. Jaids cock and I came again quicker harder. I was a mess now moving all about but he just held me again it hit me and again, each one was stacking on each other quicker now. I slapped the desk, overwhelmed and then he pushed deep inside me and held himself there. I felt him burst, he came inside me once more...filling me with his warmth.
I felt like I was going to black out, my body was sweaty hot all over and my heart I felt the vibrations as it pounded in my chest. It seemed to go in time with the throbbing of my orgasmic pussy, I could feel him twitched inside me as he emptied. I felt weak my legs no my inner tights were shaking. I didn't know…I didn't know it could fill like this. He pulled out after a few minutes and slapped my ass.
I collapsed on the floor and I felt it seeping out, this time I wanted to see it up close to touch the cream. I put my hands between my legs taking some of it. I started at it looked at how it turned into strings when I pulled my figures apart..
I looked up Mr. Jaids as he put himself away and buckled his belt. He smiled down at me then crouched down in front of me. He caressed my face and I read his lips. "Good girl you came. You made the right choice today. I knew you were special." He pulled out more candy he had on him. I found it weird...yet I was happy again to be rewarded.
He gave me some tissue and I clean myself up thought I could still fill it leaking out of me on the way home. As soon as I got inside I went straight to my bedroom and locked my door. I undressed and looked at my body in the mirror. I spread my legs wanting to see, what my sex looked like. It was all read and swollen and more of his cream was still coming out. I don't know why but I liked looking at it looking at me.
When I stood up and turned, I saw my but was really really red. It had the shape of his hand print on it, my hips were also red from him grasping me so tightly. I noticed some bruise on my wrist from him grabbing me the other day. I stared at myself for a long time...started at the signs of the rough sex I'd just had, thinking this felt different from the first time. I felt different, I felt..like I wasn't the same Song anymore. I liked the idea of being different...not the same as before...I couldn't never be her...not after what I'd done. I wasn't sure what this new feeling...this sensation was inside me... if it was right to feel like this or not...I found I didn't care... |
