I don't know how long I laid on my back, in the dark, quietly sobbing but eventually I rolled onto my side. I curled up as much as I could, in a straight jacket and tried to sooth myself to sleep. One thing I had learned over the years was sleeping always made quiet time go faster. Of course it wasn't always easy. I was often upset and uncomfortable but after a while you learn to shut everything out. Just as I was about to drift off to sleep I began to hear a voice. "Hey! Hey!"
I looked around, wondering where it was coming from. Was someone else already in here? I moved about but didn't see anyone. Was the voice coming from me then? Had I finally snapped?
"Hey you, can you hear me?" the voice called.
I bit my lip wondering if I should answer. It was one thing to hear voices and another to respond to them.
"Hello!" called the voice, "Can you hear me?"
I closed my eyes and whispered, "Who's there?"
Again the voice called, "You in there, can you hear me!"
I spoke louder, "Yes, who's this?"
"Crimson," said the voice. I opened my eyes and let out a sigh of relief, realizing how foolish I'd been just now. I hadn't lost my mind... at least not yet.
"Who's this," Crimson called.
"Hannah," I responded. "Where are you?"
"In the next room over, I suspect," she said, "This place sucks doesn't it!"
"Yeah," I said, I could barely hear her. I began to scooting about and moved toward the sound of her voice until I hit a padded wall.
"There should be something against locking people up like this!" she hissed
"Yeah," I said." How, how come I'm able to hear you?" I asked.
"I fucked up the padding some, when I was in that room and did the same here." she laughed then said, 'By now I've probably been in all these rooms. Now we can at least have some conversation, right."
"I guess," I said sniffling.
"So what did they get you for?" she asked.
I bit my lip, not really wanting to talk about it but at the same time, I didn't really want to stop talking. It was funny, I'd chosen not to talk to her because I didn't want to risk getting in trouble but look where I was now, all on my own. "I- I thought I was getting out of here soon but I'm not so I lost it."
"Fuck!" she said "I would too if they pulled that shit on me! Way to pull the rug out from under you! How long you been here anyway?"
"Five years, I think but it's hard to tell."
"FUCK NO!" she shouted. "If I were here that long I'd die!"
"You don't." I chuckled. "They just make you wish it and then call you crazy for it."
She laughed, "I believe that!"
"What- What did they get you for?" I asked.
"What didn't they!" she laughed, "I thought the last regime was something but this new guy, takes the cake! Stealing all our shit, locking us up with nothing to do and watching us piss and bathe. They're fucking perverts, real sickos if you ask me!"
She cursed out loud a lot and it was weird, hearing it come out so casually. Growing up my parents called it dirty mouth. While I had thought more then my fair share of dirty words, I knew if I ever said them aloud, they would have scrubbed my mouth out with soap and water.
"You there?" she called, when I hadn't responded.
"Yeah," I said.
"Well what do you think total sickos right!"
"They are probably just making sure we're safe."
"SAFE MY ASS!" she scoffed, "We were safe before with all that stuff. What do they think were gonna do, drown ourselves in the toilets?"
"Maybe." I chuckled. "I heard you can drown in an inch of water."
"You're kidding me!"
"Yeah, I think I read it somewhere or something."
"FUCK that's wild!" she said. For a moment there was silence then she asked, "What did you do to get here in the first place, the asylum?"
"I don't really know. My parents sent me here." I said.
"I don't know either." she said. "I was smoking one little cigarette and it started a fire and now they are all up my ass."
"Yeah."
"But it wont be for long." she said confidently.
"Really." I said wondering what she meant by that.
"Yeah I'm getting out of here, first chance I get."
"How?" I asked. "This place is locked up tight and is only getting tighter."
"Don't matter! I got me a plan and know me a guy. You want out with me?"
"Yeah!" I said. "If we could manage. Who wouldn't want out of here!"
"I know right! Okay, you can come!" she said it like it was nothing, to have me tag along.
"You are really serious about this?" I asked skeptically.
"Yeah, like I said, I know a guy, he'll get us out, just need things to cool down around here, you know."
"Yeah." I said. I really wanted this to be true but I found it hard to hope, considering how miserable my other plan was going. After all my hard work, to just-
"What you gonna do, when you get out?" she asked.
"I…" I debated telling her but considering she had offered to get me out of here, I thought why not. "I'm gonna find my friends."
"Yeah, you got a lot of um?" she asked.
"Maybe." I said..
"What do you mean maybe?"
"I...it's complicated. What about you? What are you gonna do when you get out of here?"
"Shit if I know but its gotta be better then this place." she said.
"Anyplace is better then-"
"SHIT" she loudly hissed.
"What?" I said.
"Someones coming," She grew quiet. I heard muffled sounds, a door and then a voice "You ready to behave." A man asked. It sounded like the orderly that had been at the desk.
"GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER!" she spat.
I heard some sounds, then a door slamming.
"Crimson?" I called wondering if she was still there.
"Yeah," she said.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Just peachy" she said "Fuckers want to mess with me, I mess right back."
"Oh."I said thinking she was so brave.
She hadn't been broken by this place yet and I hoped she never would be. Things got silent for a moment and I remembered how I used to fight back in the beginning. I considered rebelling again and not just pretending to comply but really giving it my all and lashing out with everything I had. However I knew that would just get me back in here or worse…the basement. I had no idea what was down there but after today, I knew Dr. Cole didn't mess around.
Still I didn't want to just give in. No, I had made a vow and I didn't want to give HIM the satisfaction of finally breaking me. I tried to think, if I couldn't lash out but didn't want to give in, what could I really do? I suppose I could just opt out of everything altogether. I'd tried sucking up to Dr. Phillipston and talking somewhat reasonably to Dr. Cole but was just called a liar time and time again. I wasn't in denial! Maybe I could just say and do nothing, yeah, silent protest. I refused to participate in any more mind games!
Fuck Dr. Cole's little exercise. I was done talking to him! YEAH! He...he was just like Dr. Phillipston, only even sneakier. I had finished my assessment too! I knew now, all psychiatrist in this life were the same. I never should have opened my mouth and trusted him. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me! Shame on me! I nodded to myself thinking I wouldn't do what he wanted ever again! No, instead I'd just bide my time until…until Crimson could break us out of here!
Crimson started talking again and told me about where she grew up. Unlike me she'd been born and raised in the city. She said there was a lot to do but also a lot of trouble you could get into. She admitted her fire had burnt down an apartment building but it was an abandoned one. Her mom had kicked her out at fourteen and she'd been living on the streets for nearly two years.
When the fire department had to put out the fire, she thought she was going to jail but instead a judge had sent her here, calling her a firebug just because of one or maybe two fires. I felt like she wasn't telling me everything but that was okay, I wasn't going to tell her everything.
I liked listening to her. I enjoyed the sound of her voice and having an actual conversation. It had been a while since I'd just chatted with someone. I told her about my accident and how I started to feel strange afterwards. I told her about some of the stuff I could now do and how my parents had flipped out and sent me here.
She like me thought it was bullshit. I liked that! I liked her! I asked her what her band color was, hoping we could eventually hang out the next time we had common room. She told me she ripped hers off and that Dr. Cole could fuck off and shove his levels of wellness up his ass. We both laughed a lot at that.
"Fucking jerk has a stick up his ass." said Crimson. "They all do, especially that nurse!"
"No." I said "They've got rotten sticks up their asses!" My cousin had come up with that and it had always sounded worse to me. A stick was one thing but to have a rotten one just added so much more to it.
"Ooo, I like that!" said Crimson. "I'm gonna have to keep that one in mind."
"Yeah it's so gross, I heard it from my cousin, he used to hate going to school."
"Who doesn't, they never taught me nothing. How about you?"
I went to answer but my door suddenly opened. Light from the hall blinded me for a moment as I'd been in the dark for so long. I shut my mouth when I saw it was Hogan. He stood in the doorway for a second and I expected him to ask if I wanted out yet or was ready to behave but he didn't. He just stepped into the room, grabbed me up and threw me over his shoulder. He turned to leave but Crimson called out to me.
"Hannah! Hannah you still there?"
Hogan paused hearing her, he looked around the room, then groaned before carrying me out. He went up to the orderly at the desk and asked, "Since when can the patients hear each other through the padding!"
"Oh they can?" the orderly said, clearly oblivious.
"Yes," Hogan said clearly annoyed.
"Well I didn't know,"the orderly said shrugging his shoulders. "We usually only put one back here at a time. I guess that would explain, why."
"Would have been good to know." Hogan grumbled.
"Sorry," said the orderly.
"Just another thing to do." Hogan groaned. He pulled a notepad out of his pocket and jotted something down, all while still holding me. When he was done, he put his notepad in his back pocket and then said, "Put the other one back in her room, then lock up, until I fix this place, no one comes back."
"You sure." asked the orderly. Hogan didn't say anything but I gathered from the orderlies response he'd given him a look, "YES, yes sir, right away, sir!"
Hogan carried me out of the room and I found myself disappointed. I'd rather liked being able to talk to someone while I was in there. Now that I thought about it that was the most enjoyable time I'd ever had in, quiet time or reflective time, whatever it was called these days. It was still the same miserable padded room and a straight jacket.
I thought Hogan was gonna take me to see Dr. Cole but instead he took me back to my room. When we got inside, he took off my straight jacket and I saw my meal was already there on my desk. I couldn't be sure if it was lunch or dinner. I went to sit down and noticed my chair had been taken. I looked around realizing the room had been stripped.
All that remained was the desk and two mattress. I couldn't believe they'd even taken the bedding. I knew I was a red now but they might as well have taken the room itself away. I stepped up to the tray and found there were also no utensils. I expected Hogan to leave once I started eating with my hands but he didn't.
He glared at me then took out his pocket watch. He checked the time and said, "You have five minutes to eat then I'm taking the tray away."
"Five minute what happened to finishing my food for the nutrients." I spat.
He didn't respond he just looked at his watch. I considered not eating! I thought about taking the tray and throwing it across the room to rebel but I knew how it felt to skip meals. I'd done it when I'd first gotten here to protest. After a few days, I was so hungry but it did nothing, they hadn't cared whether I ate or not. I doubted this new "regime" as Crimson called it, would be any different.
I ate quickly but didn't manage to finish within the five minute. When the time was up, he just took the tray away without warning and left the room. I looked around some more then sat on the bed for a while. I wasn't exactly thrilled to have everything stripped away. It sucked but at least with this room I had a window. It was sad but I realized this window might be the closest I'd get to going outside.
I tried to open it, for some fresh air but found it was hard to lift. After a while I gave up and just stared outside. I watched some birds and squirrels moves about and notice the ledge was big enough I could kind of sit on it. It was nice sitting in the window. It wasn't completely comfortable but after a while I didn't care. Especially if I cranked my head a certain way, I could see the clouds.
For a moment, I rested my hand on the window and thought of my love. I wondered if he was out there now looking up at the same sky as me. I smiled recalling that we'd be reborn close enough so that we'd eventually meet again...one day. It brought me joy to know he might be close. I closed my eyes and let out a pleasant sigh, when suddenly the door to my room burst open.
"OFF THE WINDOW NOW!" spat Nurse Violet. I nearly fell getting to my feet.
She came over to me and roughly grabbed my arm. She tightly squeezed it and screamed, "IF I EVER CATCH YOU SITTING IN THAT WINDOW AGAIN, I'LL HAVE YOU MOVED TO THE BASEMENT!"
I didn't want to to go to the basement. I'd never been there before but it sounded bad and surely there were no windows there...no way of sharing the sky with my love. I nodded but didn't say anything as she jerked me from the room. She practically dragged me to the washroom. She seemed to be in in a hurry today. Once we got into the washroom she snapped her fingers telling me to hurry. I relieved myself quickly and washed my hands but she didn't even bother to let me dry them. She just grab my arm and jerked me back to my room.
When we got there an orderly was there with a cart of food trays. She pulled one from the cart then had the orderly open my door. Once we were inside she turned the tray upside down and let the food fall on the floor. I couldn't believe she'd done that! I looked at her as she spat, "If you people can act like animals you can eat like them!"
I had no idea what she was talking about. She stormed out of the room and yelled at the orderly, "I'M TIRED OF THESE RED'S WASTING OUR TIME!"
She marched off and I was left in my room with my food on the floor. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was a sandwich maybe but tonight was meat paddy, with mash potatoes and gravy. There was also corn, a roll and some applesauce along with a box of milk. I salvaged what I could of my food and left the rest on the floor. I don't know what her deal was but I hadn't done anything to her. I'm guessing someone with a red band pissed her off and she was taking it out on all of us.
I looked at my wrist band thinking Dr. Cole had said he hadn't wanted us all lumped together but here this band was doing just that! This band made it clear you weren't good enough! I thought about what Crimson had done with hers. I didn't want to be labeled either and tore my band off as well. In protest I left it on the pile of food on the floor.
"Fuck her."I said aloud then louder, "FUCK HER!"
It made me feel better if only momentarily. I went to the window and saw it was getting dark. There wasn't much to look at when it got dark, at least not until after lights out, the lights in my room made a reflection that made it hard to see out. After a while I sat on my bed against the wall and daydreamed. I thought about other places I had been and other meals I'd had. I recalled my love enjoyed steak and how he would grill some nights. We'd also have such bread there was this taste to it and smell unlike anything I'd ever had in this lif-
The speaker came on and I perked up, realized it was already time for Dr. Cole's nightly announcement. "Good evening everyone, things have been coming together nicely. Some of you have been doing really well and are on the path to recovery BUT some of you are still lying to yourself and others. You are still in denial, still struggle to accept your difficulties and thus create problems for yourself." I couldn't help but feel this was directed towards me.
"One must embrace their issues, only when they accept their difficulties, can we begin to work through them. I ask that you take some time to reflect and accept what is and not what we wish things to be. Thank you all and good night."
The speaker cut out and I spent several minutes in silence. I was sad the music didn't come on and soon it was lights out. For several minutes I just sat in the dark, eventually I laid down but found it hard to sleep. At one point, I was staring off into space and thought I saw something pass by my door.
There was some small lights out in the hallway that made it so I could see the outline of a figure, standing, in front of my door. I figured it was just an orderly checking on me. They used to pass by my old room several times a night. I expected the figure to move on after a few seconds but they just kept standing there.
I started counting in my head and got up into the hundreds. I got curious and sat up. The figure suddenly darted from my doorway. I found it odd and went to the window. Through a sliver of light, I saw the outline of moisture, someone had been breathing heavily on the glass. I tried to look out into the hallway but whoever it had been...was gone. I pulled back feeling uneasy. Eventually I sat back down on my bed and went to sleep.
The next morning, I woke to Nurse Violet opening the door to my room and I realized there was no longer a morning bell. When she saw the mess I had left and my wrist band was off, she screamed at me. She grabbed my arm and yanked me from the bed. She dragged me to "reflection" but quickly found the double doors were locked. She banged on them and a shirtless Hogan opened the door. He was wearing a face mask and eye goggles. I heard pounding and saw a waft of dust come out of the room. Surprised Nurse Violet stepped back pulling me with her.
"What's going on?" she asked. "I thought you fixed this last night?"
"We decided to go another route," said Hogan. "There was just too much damage. We're gonna tear the whole thing down and just build it back up."
"Seriously, what am I suppose to do with the insubordinate shits until then!"
"Keep um in their room for now." said Hogan.
"Great, just great! Would be great if you kept me in the loop!" she hissed.
I smiled thinking she'd tried to punish me and failed. She gave me a scathing look and yanked me back to my room. Once we got there she pushed me in and locked the door. I had to pee but she didn't take me to the wash room and my breakfast didn't come. For hours I waited feeling uncomfortable. I was sure I was going to burst this time but finally she came in with a new red wrist band and threw it to the ground,
"PUT IT ON!"
I didn't want to but I had to pee so much for my resistance. I scrambled to put it on and informed her "I have to pee,"
"Too bad!" she said wheeling in a mop and bucket. She pointed to the food mess and ordered "CLEAN IT UP!"
"BUT I DIDN'T MAKE THE MESS!" I protested, "You're the one who threw it on the floor!"
"Clean it up or I can just come back tomorrow." she hissed. She gave me a look and I knew she meant it. I quickly cleaned it up with the mop and bucket as she looked over her nails. Once it was cleaned, I turned to her, she looked at it and said, "Missed a spot."
"Please, I'm gonna piss myself," I said, it was embarrassing to announce but true.
"No," she said, "You're gonna clean this mess up!"
"Please!" I insisted squeezing my legs together to further show I had to go.
She just tapped her foot, I quickly realized she wasn't going to budge. I reluctantly went over the area again and then again! I was practically hopping up and down now. She looked down at me like I was a little bug and then took the mop and bucket back. We stepped into the hall but she walked slowly and if I got ahead of her she snapped her fingers, "You will stay behind me or you will go back to your room."
I didn't argue with her, I just held myself as she meandered to the washroom. I kept thinking this was cruel and unusual punishment, to be denied basic functions was wrong. When we finally got there I burst to the door and rushed to the toilet and relieved myself. After I washed my hands, she took me back to my room. The food cart was there again. I was afraid she'd toss my tray again but she set it down on my desk.
I still felt skeptical, but got on my knees in front of my desk and began to eat, I swear I'd taken less then ten bites before she reached out and took my tray away, "Times up!"
"What but that's not five minutes!" I protested.
"Who said you get five minutes!" she spat.
"Hogan gave me five!" I spat back.
"Yes, well do I look like Hogan? Perhaps if you hadn't taken so long in the washroom you might have gotten a few more bites in but as of now your times is up!" She gave me sly smirk and I knew she was intentionally fucking with me. I clenched my first and jerked to my feet thinking THIS BITCH!
She looked at me, "Excuse me,"
"What I didn't say anything!"
"You don't have to it's written all over your pudgy face!"
"What's your deal! I haven't done anything to you! Why are you treating me like this?"
"Look at your wrist and reflect on it!" she teased before leaving the room with my tray.
For who knows how long things were pretty much horrible. I only got to leave my room to go to the washroom and had to power through my meals, knowing Nurse Violet could just take them away, whenever she felt like it. I spent a lot of time looking out the window, staring off into space and daydreaming about my past lives.
Weeks or maybe even months, must have passed sitting in that room. I soon felt sick of it save for the window. Everyday something changed every so slightly, I watched the trees come back to life and flowers begin to bloom. I estimated it was the beginning of a new season. I kept thinking about my love and our friends. I wondered where they all were now and just what they were doing. It was hard accepting I might not see them in this life.
I kept going over my last conversation with Dr. Cole and wondered where it had all gone wrong. Day after day, I kept expecting Nurse Violet to take me back to his office for another session but she didn't. I suppose he was giving me time to "reflect" on my "behavior." Well he could fuck off as Crimson put it! The more time that passed the angrier I got. I hated this place and I hated him! Some nights I'd be so angry that I'd cover my ears when his nightly announcement came on.
Most of all though I hated Nurse Violet! I started to recall this bitch who worked for the Shadow Man, a real "villainess" who...who was always hassling me for the pleasure of it! I recalled her wearing her hair up high but not in a bun, no a ponytail...yeah. I recalled her having long nails and a cringy laugh. I wondered for a moment if Nurse Violet could be her but Nurse Violet never laughed, she only every smiled and rolled her eyes. Still just to be safe I kept and eye on her. Perhaps the Shadow Man had sent her here to keep an eye on me.
More time passed and for several days maybe even a week, it rained almost nonstop. I saw some slight flooding on the ground and hoped it would wash this whole place away but alas day after day, it and I were still here. I began to think this might go on forever. Then one morning after Nurse Violet took me to the washroom she took me to see Dr. Cole. I don't know how long it had been since I'd been carried out of his office but I was pretty sure it had been a while.
Dr. Cole looked thinner, I could see his cheekbones and his hair was somewhat longer. He barely acknowledged us, waving Nurse Violet off without a word as he was taking notes at his desk. I looked around the room and saw it was a bit messy for once. Several books were open on the desk, couch and floor. When I eventually sat, I choose to sit in a chair in front of his desk, instead of the couch.
He kept writing down notes for several minutes ignoring my presence. I continued to look around until he put away what he was working on and pulled out another notebook, which I assumed was mine. He took up a new pen and prepped it before asking what he always did, "And how are we today, Hannah?"
I looked at him and opened my mouth to speak but suddenly recalled my plan of attack or rather unattack. Yes, I had decided, laying in that padded room, that I wasn't going to fight but I also wasn't going to give in! I was just going to opt out and not participate at all. I shut my mouth, leaned back in my chair and defiantly looked off to the side. He wrote something down then looked up from the notebook, "Hannah, I asked you a question?"
He waited and I gave him nothing. I flared my nostrils and stifled a smirk as I stared out the window for a time and then looked at his bookshelves. He could ask all the questions he wanted but I was done talking to him. He would get nothing from me ever again!
He let out a sigh then said "Still having a fit I see. Do you need more time to "reflect."
I knew it was a threat but it felt empty. At this point I was doing nothing. I suppose he could still send me away if he wanted. I wasn't sure if the padded room situation was fixed or not but even if it was, I wasn't going to budge. I'd gratefully go to "reflect" if it got me away from him. I smugly crossed my arms and just stared at his grandfather clock, ignoring him.
I watched the minutes tick by then turned my head to look at another shelf. I noticed there were more books there, along with various objects but no photos… nothing personal as far as I could see. He began jotting down notes again. I wondered what he could possible be writing down, considering I was giving him nothing. What was he going to say, patient is still having a fit. Perhaps he'd just say patient refuses to talk to me…boo hoo.
"Hannah," he called after a few minutes. I instinctively turned my head, hearing my name but quickly looked away again. "If you don't speak with me, you wont get a yellow band today," he said. "You'll have to stay in your room." I looked at him and saw he already had the yellow band out, toying with me. His threat hadn't worked on me so now, he was trying to sweeten me up. FUCK HIM!
I leaned forward in my chair and put my elbows on his desk defiantly looking at him. I'd love to get out of my room more but I was not about to do shit for him! I glared at him and made it clear, I didn't fucking care! He could do or say whatever he wanted! He let out a sigh then pushed the buzzer on his desk.
A moment later Hogan came in. He looked tired like he'd been working a lot. I wondered why he had shown up, instead of Nurse Violet. I suppose given my outburst from last time, he was probably making sure I wasn't causing trouble again. Without a word Dr. Cole waved his hands for me to go. I stood up and went back to my room.
I thought that was going to be the end of it, at least for a little while. I'm sure at some point, he'd call me in for another appointment but I'd just refuse to engage with him until he stopped bothering me or changed his mind about me getting out. I had a feeling it was going to be a very boring few months if not years. Dr. Cole didn't look like the kind of guy who changed his mind often.
I went to my window and escaped to my other lives for the rest of the day. I recalled various times where I wasn't locked in a room with nothing to do. Sometimes my daydreams were so detailed I was sad I couldn't write or draw them out. I missed my love, the touch of his skin, the way he looked at when he thought I wasn't looking and the sound of his voice when he hummed.
I attempted to hum and recreate the tune but to no avail. He was always better at music then me. I recalled several lives where he'd been in a band. There was also a life where all of the cursed had been in bands and we'd had a great battle of the bands. If I closed my eyes and concentrated hard enough I could still hear some of the music and the cheer of the crowds. I wondered what instruments I could play and recalled playing the piano that one time. I wondered if I could do it again or if it was something I could only do once. I tapped my fingers in my desk and pretended to play a song.
Surprisingly that night Dr. Cole didn't do a nightly announcement. The lights just eventually went out. I didn't get into bed right away but instead climbed back onto my window's ledge. I knew Nurse Violet had threatened to throw me in the basement, if she caught me again but at this point I didn't care and I doubted she'd be wandering the halls this late at night.
Two of the moons were out tonight and they reflected such light it almost lit up my room. I basked in its moonlight playing with the shadows it cast on me and around the room. Eventually I just stared at the stars watching them slowly appear in the night sky. It had been a long time since I'd stargazed. When I was little I used to throw a blanket down on the grass and lay their until the bugs got too bad or my mother would call me in. Laying on my back looking up at the sky, I'd often wondered what it would be like to float among the stars. I wondered if one truly could?
I let out a pleasant sigh and started to feel tired. I yawned then turned from the window and climbed down. I glanced at my door and noticed a shadowy figure standing in front of it. When I looked again the figure darted away. My heart skipped a beat as I worried it might be Nurse Violet but I didn't hear her familiar high heels, surely I would have heard them unless she was wearing slippers. I bit my lip and cautiously approached the door. I didn't see anyone around but I noticed fog on the glass again but this time their were also two hand prints. I put my hands up to match them and found they were much larger then mine.
I wondered who it had been and if it was the same person from the other night. Were they just checking on me like normal or was something else going on. I pulled back from the door and climbed into bed thinking about it but let it go after a while. I tossed and turned for a bit and tried to get comfortable. It sucked not having blankets or a pillow but I would get used to it. I suppose in time you could get used to anything.
The next day Dr. Cole had me brought to his office first thing. Again I refused to speak to him, so he brought me back the next day and the day after and the day after that. Everyday he brought me back to talk to him and I'd stubbornly sat there. Eventually he stopped sending me away and would work during our session, ignoring me.
I suppose he thought given enough time I'd crack but I didn't. My time with him got longer and I began to get bored of just sitting there in his office for hours on end. After a week or so of this, I finally chose to just lay on the couch. I got up and noticed he paused for a second as I moved over to the couch.
I sat down and he got up grabbing his notebook. He turned one of the chairs in front of his desk and probably thought I was "ready" to "behave" and speak with him but I didn't. I just stretched and laid down on his couch. Then I rolled on my side and turned my back to him. I absolutely refused to interact with him.
"And how are we today, Hannah?" he still asked but yet again I didn't respond.
I just let out a heavy sigh and laid there. I heard him tap his pen. I expected him to say something or push his buzzer and send me out but he didn't. Instead I heard him get up and return to his desk, his chair squeaked as he sat then paper shuffled about before I heard the sound of writing. I guess he was working again. I don't know how much time passed as I laid on his couch but it was kind of nice. The room was warm and the clock and sound of the writing slowly lulled me to sleep.
I dreamt I was at a hot spring. I was naked and dipped my foot in the water. It felt so nice, I kept going and slowly stepped into the spring until the water was at my breasts. I wandered around until I found a place to sit. The water went up to my chin and I closed my eyes peaceful relaxing.
However a few seconds later I heard someone coming. I looked to see the Shadow Man. He had really long hair that went down to his hips. He was wearing an ornate robe, with golds and silvers. I had a feeling it reflected some sort of status. He removed his robe as he stepped up to the spring. He carefully folded it before handing it to a servant that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
The servant left just as quickly as they appeared and the Shadow Man slowly looked around. He took a deep breath then stepped into to the water. I took notice of his form, he was lean yet muscular and had several battle scars on his chest and stomach. I lowered my gaze and saw his engorged penis. I looked away, knowing what he wanted. I quickly swam to the other side of the spring.
I had just wanted to relax and tried to put some distance between us. The hot spring seem to go on forever but he pursued me, calling out to me. He soon gained on me and grasped my wrist. He pulled me into him, putting his hands on my hips. I knew what he was going to do and that there was nothing I could do to stop him but still I struggles as his lips fell on my neck. I felt his bulging member painfully poke at my privates and woke up startled.
Someone held my wrist as I struggled and rolled off the couch. They caught me in their arms as I fell and I looked around confused. I quickly realized I was in Dr. Cole's office. I vaguely remembered having been on his couch. I...I must have fallen asleep. I looked at him seeing he was the one who'd caught me. He was on his knees with me in his arms. I was surprised he was able to catch me and hold me with such ease. He must have been close by when I'd fallen.
For a moment he just held me, then he cleared his throat and softly asked, "Are you alright, Hannah?"
He knew I wasn't, not since his refusal to release me anytime soon! We may have found ourselves in an awkward position at the moment but I wasn't about to forget! I struggled to get free of his arms and he set me back down on the couch. I quickly sat up, scooted to the end of the couch and got to my feet.
"What were you dreaming about just now?" he asked getting to his feet as well.
Again I refused to speak to him, I moved across the room and stood in front of his grandfather clock, keeping my back to him. I heard him slowly come up behind me and turned to face him as someone knock on the door. He quickly slinked back to his desk and adjusted his tie and doctor's coat, brushing out the wrinkles before sitting in his chair and saying. "Yes, enter."
Nurse Violet came into the room, carrying a wooden tray with a cup of coffee and a plate of biscuits. She smiled sweetly at Dr. Cole and I had a feeling, she liked him as there was an extra swing in her step. She gave Dr. Cole an admiring glance then looked around the room. She nearly dropped the tray when she noticed me.
"WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!"
"What!" I shrugged, surprised, she was surprised, "I've got my appointment."
"No, that was ages ago," she said scrambling to look at the grandfather clock.
Ages ago, I looked at the clock but it was pointless, I hadn't known what time it was, when I'd come in but I suppose I was here later then usual.
"It's fine," said Dr. Cole. "Leave the tray."
When I looked back Nurse Violet seemed upset almost like she'd been slapped but she lowered her head and set the tray down. On her way out, she gave me sideways glare but left without saying another word. I didn't sit back down I wondered why I was still here. Dr. Cole should have woken me and sent me out...shouldn't he? I wondered why he hadn't but knew I couldn't ask.
Alone now he asked me once more, "Now, what were you dreaming just now?"
He lifted up his pen to jot down notes, no doubt but I turned my back to him, still angry. I wasn't about to start talking to him anytime soon if ever. His words pierced me again...IF EVER. I crossed my arms and lifted my nose into the air.
"Ah I see, so it's just me you're not talking to," he said.
Again I didn't respond which I suppose was a response in itself. After a few seconds I heard his buzzer go off. Nurse Violet practically leapt into the room. "Yes Dr. Cole, did you need something?"
"Yes, Miss Greene is done with her session."
"Of course," she said in a sickly sweet tone.
A smiled spread across her lips as she stepped up to me and escorted me from his office. We went back to my room and I found my food had already been delivered. Before I could get to it Nurse Violet picked it up.
I quickly protested. "What but I haven't even touched it!"
"Yes and that's too bad, but meal time has already come and gone, maybe next time you'll think of that before taking up so much of Dr. Cole's precious time."
"WHAT! But it wasn't my fault!"
"Is anything ever!" she spat in a mocking tone.
She left and I sat there empty handed and disappointed. The meal had been one of my favorites grilled cheese. I told myself it was probably cold but even cold food was better then no food. Luckily I still had dinner left. I was a little worried she wasn't going to show but she did. She took me to the washroom, I had my shower then came back for food.
She gave me a few bites and started reaching for my the tray. I scrambled to finish it as fast as I could and ended up spilling the tray all over myself, mash potatoes, gravey, applesauce and corn went everywhere. She giggled and I locked eyes with her. We both froze and she looked at me strangely.
"What," she said.
"Nothing." I said but my heart was racing, could she really be the woman who worked for the Shadow Man. If she was would that mean-
Nurse Violet crossed her arms and stuck her nose up at me, "Serves you right for being such a pig!"
I glared at her pulling from my thoughts, "Have someone take your food away and see how you'd react!"
"Hmp, unlike you I'm not bat shit crazy, so I don't have that problem." she teased. "Now be a good girl and go cry in a corner somewhere."
She took my tray and left. She made me so mad! Crimson was so right about her! I got up from my bed and angrily paced around my room, replaying her giggle in my head again and again. Had it been that evil woman's or was I just projecting. It was a giggle but I think it was the wrong pitch. I couldn't be sure. One thing about all this, is it came from memories and not all of them were crystal clear. Most of this I had to piece together overtime and sometimes there just weren't enough pieces...yet.
Still there had to be some way to test her. However, now that I thought about it, how would I really know my friends from any other? Would I even know I had met them already? What if I had? How could I even make sure it was them? At this point I couldn't even be sure if the nurse was that evil woman or just similar to her. I sat down on my bed to trying to think about it but my mind wandered back to the dream I'd just had in Dr. Cole's office.
It was so intense and then everything that had happened with Dr. Cole. He'd up and caught me! He had to be close... had he been watching me sleep? Was he just sitting in his chair the entire time? It all felt so...so cringy. Then I wondered if I had talked in my sleep or struggled. It was hard to explain you were sane, if you were talking to yourself but it shouldn't count if I was dreaming. I ran my hands over my face after a while, thinking what did it matter if it counted or not. The guy already thought I was a loss.
I was tired and wanted to go to bed but my shirt was all gross and wet. I didn't want to lie in that so I took my shirt off. I spread it out on the window tucking it into some of the frame to hold it into place, I hoped it would dry out by morning but if not at least I could lie down now, without making a mess of my bed. I stretched, then curled up tight into a ball hoping to fall asleep. It was a bit chilly but eventually I passed out.
I slept so hard that I'd completely missed Dr. Cole nightly announcement and lights out. When I woke up, my room was super dark. Usually some light would pour in through the window but because my shirt was covering it, I couldn't see a thing. I wondered why I'd woken up. I looked around for a minute, yawned and then rolled over, hoping to go back to sleep.
As I was slowly drifting off, I thought I heard someone else breathing. I held my breath to make sure and heard several sharp inhales and exhales, like someone was running or exerting themselves. There was also this other strange slapping sound. I furrowed my brow and sat up. For a moment I forgot I'd taken my shirt off. I covered my breasts then looked around the room once more.
I still couldn't see a thing and called out."Is...is someone there?"
I froze waiting for a response but there was none. I waited but there was just silence. I quickly realized the other breathing and strange slapping sound had stopped. I bit my lower lip and pulled back into the corner of my room. After a few seconds, I looked around the room again and called out, "Who… Who's there?"
I waited but the room was silent...still, I got this eerie feeling like I was being watched. I kept waiting for even the slightest sound but there was nothing and as much as I strained my eyes I couldn't see anything. I waited hoping it was close to morning. I really wanted the lights to come back on or for this feeling to pass. I kept waiting, listening but couldn't hear anything over my own breath and the sound of my heart racing in my chest.
Eventually I dared to crawl out of bed. I thought if I got my shirt from the window, it would light up the room and I'd know for certain if someone else was really here or it...I'd just imagined it. Yeah, I nervously swallow assuring myself I...I had just made it up. No one else was in here. I really hoped I was right and moved before I could talk myself out of it. I got to my feet, pressing myself against the back wall of my room and carefully slid over to my window.
I tugged on my shirt, when I could reach it, not taking my eyes off my room but the shirt didn't budge, it was stuck on something. I'd shoved it in between the windowpanes not wanting it to fall and I guess I'd snagged it on a latch or something. I moved my fingers around but needed both hands to get the shirt free. I turned to face the shirt and tried to untangled it as I heard something. I wasn't quite sure what it was but my adrenaline spiked!
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I ripped the shirt free. I spun around looking for a figure yet the small light pouring through my window revealed no one. I felt braver now and more awake. I put my shirt back on, it still felt gross but was dry. There were still a few places in my room that were dark.
I bit my lip but wandered up to them with my hands spread out. I don't know what I was expecting to find, part of me wanted to prove no one was there but part of me wanted to prove someone was. When I only had one corner left I approached it slowly. I told myself it was just like the other dark spots. It would be empty but my adrenaline spiked once more. I paused and debated if I should leave it. I...I suppose I'd rather not know if...if there was someone there.
I jumped back on the bed and waited for sunlight to come pouring in my room. When it did I saw my room was indeed empty save for me. Yet I swear I'd heard breathing! Had I imagined it? I ran a hand over my face, feeling uneasy. I didn't think I had, I know what I heard and felt but there was no one here. Maybe when I was taking my shirt down that sound I heard was...was them escaping.
When Nurse Violet came to get me for washroom, I noticed her struggling with the door. She cursed at it before opening it and snapping her finger. I quickly shot out of bed and told her what had happened. "I think someone was in my room last night."
She paused for a second then crossed her arms and said "Right, I don't have time for this nonsense."
"I mean it, I heard breathing."
"I bet!" she said. She rolled her eyes then gesturing for me to follow. "It was probably your own."
"No I swear!" I said stepping into the hall. "Someone was here!"
We went into the hall and she rolled her eyes again. "I REALLY don't have time for THIS, do you want to use the washroom or not?"
"I do!" I said.
"Then drop it!" she spat.
I didn't want to drop it but I also didn't want to lose my washroom time. I went with her and we didn't talk about it again. I was upset that she didn't believe me and didn't even want to hear me out! After I used the toilet, it was time for my shower time. I took a quick one then changed into some new clothes. As I was changing I noticed Nurse Violet running her hand over her neck as she rolled her shoulders. I hadn't noticed it at first but she looked more tired then usual. She adjusted the collar of her nurses dress and I noticed she had strange blotches all over her neck.
Without thinking I asked. "What happened to your neck?"
She suddenly froze like a deer caught in headlights. He face flushed and she quickly adjusted her collar and spat, "Mind your own business!"
She turned away from me and I followed her back to my room, in silence. My breakfast had already arrived and was on my desk. I was pretty sure she was going to take it from me with how upset she was today. Yet she just shooed me into my room and locked the door before rushing away. I couldn't help but feel like I was missing something but eventually let it go.
I took up my tray and brought it over to my bed. It was buttermilk biscuits with gravy and piece of battered chicken. Even thought I was on my own I ate it a bit quickly as I thought I was going to be taken to Dr. Cole's office after. I really didn't want to talk to him but if someone was breaking into my room at night... then I might have to.
When I was finished eating. I set my tray down on my desk and waited for someone to get me. An orderly eventually came with the lunch cart. They took my old tray and gave me a new one. It was meat and cheese sandwiches with apple sauce and green beans. There was also a box of milk. I ate slower this time thinking I might not be going to Dr. Cole's office until this afternoon or perhaps this evening.
I spent the afternoon looking out my window and daydreaming. Dinner that night was a baked potato and a side of meat that was unrecognizable. There was also a roll, some pears and creamed corn. The cream corned was a bit messy with just my fingers but I managed. When the evening announcement came on later I realized I wasn't going to Dr. Cole's office after all.
I found it odd, considering I'd been going everyday recently. I wondered if he had other things he'd needed to do today and we were just taking the day off or if he was done tying to make me talk. Perhaps there was another reason all together he hadn't called me in. He sounded tired when he spoke of persistence and order.
That night I waited up to see if anyone came to my room. At one point, several hours after lights out, I saw someone passed by my door, I sprung out of bed and rushed up to my door, hoping to see who it had been. I looked out the window in my door and a flashlight blinded me.
The door open and I jerked back scared. "Who's there?"
"What are you doing up?" asked a gruff voice. I realized it was Hogan. "All patients are to be in bed after lights out!"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Too bad, BED NOW!"
I got into bed and he waited for me to lay down. When he turned to leave I called out to him. "Wait!"
"What!" he said gruffly.
"Do you ever come in my room at night?"
"GO TO BED!" he barked.
He left the room, shutting the door so hard it rattled. He hadn't answered my question but that sound...the door rattling! Someone had definitely been in my room I was sure of it now! I'd heard that same sound while I was getting my shirt down from the window. They must have run out while my back was turned. I bit my lip as so many questions filled my head. Just who had been in my room and what did they want?
I worried they might come back and spent half the night staring at my door. Eventually my eyes got so heavy and I passed out. The next night I was tired but laid awake staring at my door yet again. After a while I thought this might be silly but saw a figure step in front of my door. I held very still as they just stood their. I wondered if it was just Hogan doing his rounds but the figure didn't move on for some time.
My room was so quiet I could hear a pin drop and soon heard the rattling of keys. I heard my door unlock and the handle turn. When I heard the door creak open I couldn't help myself. I was so wound up that I sat up. The figure quickly pulled back shutting the door so hard it rattled. I heard the door lock again and then the shadowy figure darted away. I rushed up to my door and looked into the hall. I tried to see who it had been but they were already long gone.
I pulled back unsure of what to make of this. I doubted that was Hogan. If I had sat up he would have yelled at me but then who was it and again just what did they want! I felt very uneasy. I climbed into bed and sat up the rest of the night looking at the door. I slept during the day and sat up the next night watching the door. I managed to make it all night long but no one came.
Night after night I waited up but nothing happened. I just saw Hogan walk by my door with his flashlight. I was beginning to get tired of waiting and watching my door. Part of me wondered if the person was ever going to come back. Perhaps since I had caught them they were done with whatever they were doing. I didn't know what to think. I felt so distraught. I realized I was more alone then ever now. At least with Dr. Phillipston I could say something but there was no one here I could talk to anymore. Maybe Crimson but she...who knew where she was at this point and if she was actually ever going to get us out of here. I became very tired and depressed thinking about it all.
One morning I woke up and was taken to the washroom but when I got back to my room I had no breakfast. I found it strange. A few hours later I was taken to the washroom again and came back only to find a single small muffin and a small box of milk. on my desk. It wasn't much of a lunch but at least it was something. I ate slowly but it didn't last me very long, nor did it fill me up.
By evening I was starving and couldn't wait for dinner. However, after the washroom, Nurse Violet didn't take me back to my room. Instead she took me to Dr. Cole's office. She seemed to be in a rather ripe mood today but then again when wasn't she. Still she kept giving me dirty looks, more so then usual and when we got to Dr. Cole's office, she didn't walk me in like she usually did. She just opened the door and glared at me until I went in.
Dr. Cole was behind his desk and seemed to be eating something as he looked over some paperwork. After a few steps I realize the entire room was filled with the glorious scent of burgers and fries. I took a closer look at what he was eating and saw he had a large plate with a big burger and heaping pile of fries, they were practically falling off the plate. My mouth watered at the sight of them and to make matters worse, just off to the side of his big ass plate of food, he had a large slice of chocolate cake on his plate. For the life of me, I couldn't recall the last time I'd had a piece of cake. I started to drool as I stared at it.
Dr. Cole didn't look up from his paperwork as he asked his usual question. "And how are we today, Hannah?"
"Hungry," I said without thinking.
I quickly realized I'd spoken and put my hands over my mouth.
"Would you like some fries?" he asked, gesturing to his overflowing plate.
Oh yes, yes I did but I felt this was...this had to be a set up, right! I mean I didn't get a breakfast and barely had a lunch and now he was offering me such delicious food. He was no doubt trying to coax me into talking to him. I wasn't falling for it. I put my hands on my hips, "This wont work!"
"What wont work?" he asked innocently.
"I see what your doing!" I spat. "And I'm not talking to you."
He let out a small chuckle, "Talk or don't, this is as much your time as it is mine but to be honest this is a bit much for me. I think the cooks here are trying to impress me."
Well, if that was the case I was impressed! I had no idea our cafeteria could make such things. I took a step forward...hesitantly. I still wanted to resist but then he took up a fry and slowly ate it. I could hear the crispy crunch it made and they smelled so so good. I wanted one, no ten or twenty, really really bad! He studied me for a moment then said, "You don't have to talk. You could just eat."
I sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. Maybe this was a ploy or maybe it wasn't. Maybe I was overthinking it. He handed me several fries and I practically inhaled them. They tasted even better then they smelled. They were still hot and so salty. I looked at the plate of fries longingly wanting more. This time he only handed me one at a time. After the fourth one, he began to hand them over slower and asked. "So why aren't you talking to me?"
I glared at him as I took the latest fry. I was sure he knew why but snapped. "What does it matter! You think I am a liar and wont let me out of here EVER so why bother talking."
"I never said I wouldn't let you out of here, EVER."
"YES YOU DID!" I shouted, "You said I wouldn't get out of here any time soon, IF EVER!"
"Yes, if you keep lying to yourself and me then you wont."
"Really." I said, "We both know that isn't true."
"Right, well, if it doesn't matter, let us at least be honest here. We all lie a little, every now and then Hannah and that's fine but what you've gone and done is claim you never like and that you are better, hoping to get out. Now that doesn't hurt me but it hurts you. As long as you're still unwell and refusing to admit it, you will never get better."
"Admitting it does nothing! I admitted to Dr. Phillipston, I was crazy and he just strung me along, only to hand me off to you."
"Am I Dr. Phillipston? Am I a pompous idiot with a big belly, balding head and a cane?" he teased.
"No."
"And when you told Dr. Phillipston you were crazy, did you really believe that or were you just saying it to appease him. Also let us not use crazy but unwell."
"I am not sick." I hissed through clenched teeth.
"Really." he said titling his head.
"Yes!"
He stopped handing me fries and we sat in silence for a moment. I thought that would be the end of it and we'd go back to endless days of silence. He took a few bites of his burger but set it down after a few minutes. He wiped his mouth then let out a heavy sigh and said. "OKAY! FINE!"
I sat back in my chair, thinking he was done and was going to push his buzzer to send me out but instead, he slid the cake in front of himself. He picked up a fork but didn't eat. Instead he waved it around and said "Say I believe you. Say for a moment I am in the wrong here and so is everyone else and you are just a victim of our ignorant thinking, things still wouldn't add up."
"What?" I asked, taking my eyes off the cake.
"You say you have visions, dreams, nightmares, whatever you call them, of other lives right? Well, then tell me a life where I can look you up. Give me a first and last name, a date of birth, your government record number or a province where you could be found."
I paused dumbstruck, these were all things I hadn't really thought about, names, dates and places. It had all just been background noise to the memories themselves. I could recall my loves eyes and the way his finger tips felt as they brushed against my skin but his name...any of his names, I was at a loss.
I furrowed my brow and admitted. "I... hadn't really thought about all that. Parts are foggy but I know the important connections, like what and who mattered. I know I had a name, a birthday and all that but it's secondary to the recollection, like background noise."
"Convenient," he said handing me a couple of fries. I took them eating them as he continued, "If you don't recall names, describe what you saw around you, did you live in the mountains or by the sea?"
"I yes, it depends on the life."
"Do you know of any landmarks, we might be able to use to identify the area?"
"Uh well, I might have seen a few but I'm just not sure where they would be, I mean, I haven't been out much in this life."
"This life should have no baring on the others, can you tell me anything, anything at all we might used to prove any of these other lives actually took place. Some road sign or tangible reference outside your head."
"I'm sorry," I said, "I... these are all things I hadn't really thought about."
"Thought about or made up yet?" he scoffed.
"Hey!" I protested offended. "I didn't make it up! Just…just cause I don't have your answers right now doesn't mean I made it up!"
"Really, then what separates these dreams, these so called visions of yours, from any other imaginary thought?"
"I know the difference!" I said passionately standing up. "They are like my other memories, from this life. A smell, a taste, a feeling or an event, it all sparks something deep within me and I recall the past." I slammed my first down on his desk, "Haven't you ever been doing something and been reminded of something from your past and it all comes rushing back to you! It's like that! I know what they are and THEY ARE REAL!"
He sat there for nearly a minute, his head titled up at me with his mouth slightly ajar. He didn't say anything or move and I wondered what he was doing. Was he thinking of a response or had I upset him. I pulled back worried things had gotten out of hand again.
I slowly sat down and then quietly called out to him. "Dr. Cole? Are you okay?"
He finally snapped out of it, turning his head to the side. He took off his sunglasses and immediately rubbed his eyes. It looked like he needed a moment to collect himself. I wondered if I really had gone to far, "I'm sorry if I upset you. I just...I get passionate, I'm just...trying to explain."
"Yes and if any of this were real, you COULD explain." he snapped back. He put his sunglasses back on and adjusted them. "Proof, real facts, are based on evidentiary proof, something you don't have, Miss Greene. You claim these dreams are like your memories...well memories can be altered and manipulated, especially in the cases of severe trauma and brain injury. Only FACTS, true reality, can not be altered."
"What is the point of this conversation?" I asked pulling back in my chair, "It's clear you don't believe me and I refuse to give up, so why bother arguing?"
He let out a heavy sigh and finally faced me once more as he said, "Why, because Hannah, I'm trying is give you a chance, a real chance. If you could prove you are indeed "reincarnated" as you say then I'd see to your release at once. But if you can not, then you must at least consider the alternative that maybe just maybe, all of this is just in your head."
"It isn't!" I said adamantly.
"Then prove it!" he said "Prove to me, you are telling the truth."
This was the first time anyone had ever asked me to prove anything. Up until this point they had just dismissed me. I shook my head thinking Dr. Cole had to be messing with me. There was no way he would believe me and yet if there was even the slightest chance- What did I really have to lose right now! "I...I would need time to look into what you are asking."
"Fine, take some time." he said sitting back in his chair.
I sat there beyond surprised, was he really gonna give me time...a real opportunity. I might have been foolish to believe to hope again but said. "Alright! But I'll need to properly sort things out! I don't want to get in trouble for...for drawing or writing things down."
"But of course," said Dr. Cole. He leaned to the side and pulled out a fresh notebook from his desk. Then he leaned to the other side and grabbed several sheets of blank paper from another draw along with a box of writing instruments.
"And," I said thinking of what else I might need, "And I want my blue status back!"
He paused then chuckled "And why would you need that for your proof?"
"Well I'm cooperating aren't I! And…and I'll need the freedom and flexibility blue allows. My meals have been cut short or not come at all. And...and if someone doesn't know what I'm up to or forgets you are letting me sort things out, they might interrupt my work."
He paused for a moment and got a big grin on his face, like he found what I was saying amusing. I wondered if he was even taking me seriously.
"Alright," he said after a moment, "If it's vital to "your work" and all."
He pulled out a blue wrist band, from his desk and then stood up. He brought everything over to me. He handed me the notebook, paper and box or writing instruments but insisted on removing the old ban and putting on the new one. Again I noticed how cold his touch was.
"Why are you hands always so cold?"
"Are they?" he said. He rubbed his thumbs against his finger tips and said, "Poor circulation I suppose."
He moved to sit back down, "Now I have a few caveats of my own."
"Yes." I said.
"One, no hurting yourself or others and two, your "proof" of "reincarnation" must stand up against logical examination. You must provide enough information that can be independently verified."
"How long do I have?" I asked.
"Let's not set a time, just yet." he said, "Now do you agree to my caveats or not?"
"Yes, I agree," I said they seemed simple enough but I still had one lingering question, "I have one more question, why the sudden change?"
"Nothing has changed," he said. "I still wish to help you with your difficulties Hannah and if this is what it takes, for you to realize them, then this is what it takes. After all the first step in fixing a problem, is admitting you have one in the first place."
"Well, I really don't have one," I said. I was determined to prove my point.
"We shall see," he said, pushing the cake in front of me. "We shall see." I looked down at the cake and he smiled. "Do you mind finishing it off, I'm stuffed."
"Of course, I love cake," I said.
I quickly took up his fork, more then happy to finish it off. He watched me eat it all and even lick the plate before he sent me back to my room. I sat on my bed at first thinking of what I would need to do. After a few minute Hogan dropped by with my chair, bedding and other things that had been taken. He even returned my drawings.
I quickly looked them over to make sure they were all there, then began openly displaying them about the room. I kind of wished he'd given me my old journal as well but I suppose he wanted me to start a fresh one, for a reason, perhaps so he could compare the two. Yeah that made sense. I opened my new journal and began feverishly writing down as much as I could recall, off the top of my head.
I was so focused I didn't even realize Dr. Cole had made his nightly announcement. I suddenly became aware music was playing and then the lights shut off shortly after. I tried to continue in the moonlight but realized after a few minutes, it was too hard to see. I'd just have to start up again tomorrow. I yawned putting everything away before I climbed into bed. I got under the covers snuggled up against my pillow and had the best night of sleep ever, thinking I'd prove myself and be out of her in no time flat.
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