When I woke up the next morning I almost couldn't believe it was true. I felt like I was dreaming as I looked down at my blue band. I could really spend as much time as I wanted rehashing my various lives. I could write them down and draw tones of pictures without getting in trouble. I jumped up on my bed then danced about the room. I knew Dr. Cole was trying to prove a point. He wanted to prove I was wrong but just wait until I found something solid then he'd have no choice but to let me out of here once and for all.
I quickly got to work and in just three days I completely filled up a journal. I felt like I was walking on sunshine as I drew so many pictures I didn't have a single sheet of blank paper left. I was so motivated that I even dared to ask Nurse Violet for another journal and more paper. She gave me a dirty look and I wasn't sure if she was going to give it to me. Yet when I woke up the next morning I had a whole stack of journals and loose paper, along with more pens and colored wax. I almost felt like it was my birthday!
Over the next week or so I continued to jot things down to my hearts content. However I felt like I wasn't getting what Dr. Cole wanted. Now that I knew what I was looking for I tried to keep an eye out for it when I was dreaming. I looked for familiar places, specific names and dates but it all eluded me.
It was so strange like I'd see writing in my dreams, books, poems, letters and even signs but they would blur or be in a language I didn't recognize. One time I got a phone number clearly or perhaps it was an address but upon waking up it was all jumped up in my head. I felt like something was getting lost in waking.
I felt like there was this thick fog between my conscious and unconscious mind and the details were being filtered out or all together lost. The longer I was awake the more details would deteriorate until only the base details and feeling would remain. Sometimes I'd write down a dream and look back at it not recalling it at all. Perhaps something more was going on.
I wrote down my theories and started keeping my journal next to my bed. That way I could wake up and jot my dreams down before I forgot anything. It seemed like a good idea, however I soon found in the dark, half asleep, my handwriting wasn't that great. I could barely read or understand what I'd written down. If only I could have a recording.
My uncle made one once some years ago. He told me you got in a booth then spoke and it would put everything you said on a little disk that you could play back and listen to. It was so wild when I first heard about it. I would love to be able to just speak and have it recorded but I knew it cost a lot of money. I doubted Dr. Cole would provide me with such an expensive tool. I kept going with what I had and hoped I'd be able to find something of use.
When I wasn't working on proof I was enjoying the perks of being a blue again. It was sad but it felt like a luxury now to be able to eat outside of my room and at my own pace. I got to go to the library, in the mornings, though I didn't so much read as I did write. In the afternoon I'd also write in the common room as I looked out the window. I would write all the way up until lights out and sometimes I'd keep going in the moonlight. I was just so excited to be able to get it all down at last.
The more I focused the more I saw. Again I saw such wonderful things but also horrifying as well. Now that I paid more attention to details I notice so many different types of fauna and colors of the sky. I saw such worlds and civilizations, buildings would rise up only to come crashing down in times of war or great catastrophe.
Sometimes the things I saw were so gruesome and hard to accept but I was older now and could bare their weight. I pushed myself to the limits of my mind, reaching into the depths of my memories but began to worry. What if this was my first time on this planet? What if I couldn't find any proof to show Dr. Cole? I tried not to think about it and just kept pressing on. I hoped if I compiled enough information I'd eventually run across something that he couldn't dispute.
I hated whenever I had to stop, be it because of the dark, a broken pen or exhaustion. Most nights I would pass out as soon as I hit my pillow and sleep the whole night through. I'd wake feeling refreshed and ready to go again. However some nights I'd lay awake in bed still thinking and notice someone pass by my door.
Most nights I knew it was just Hogan. I would see his flashlight as she passed by. Yet some nights it was someone else...someone unknown to me. Sometimes they would just pass by my window slowly but a few times they stood in front of my door and breathed on the glass, for what felt like hours. If...I ever dared to call out to them or get up to see who it was, they would quickly dash away.
In the morning I would tell Nurse Violet and even Hogan about it but they would just dismiss me. They probably thought I was crazy but I knew what I was seeing! I wrote about it in my journal and swore next time I saw Dr. Cole, I'd tell him. Maybe since he was letting me do all this he would at least listen to me.
One night after almost a week of gathering my poof there was this massive thunderstorm. It got so bad that the power went out early and I had no choice but to go to sleep. I dreampt of a raging storm and found myself on a mountain with my love. He was naked and walked around in a field on the mountain. Every so often he'd look up at the raging sky and reach out his hand.
Lightning would come crashing down and hit him again and again but it didn't hurt him. Sometimes as he walked he'd look back at me and smile. I was there with him but had to stand very far away as not to get hit by the lightning. I watched as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. He opened his arms and it was almost like he was welcoming the lightning. A large bolt came down and collided with his chest making his entire body almost glow.
Somehow I knew he was healing and recharging. In that moment I knew my loves power was lighting, electricity! The lightning finished going into him and the sky rumbled something fierce before the clouds began to disperse and soon all that was left was the starry night sky. He began walking around again as lighting dances from the end of his finger tips and hair.
When it stopped, he turned and reached out to me, letting me know it was safe. I ran to be with him and as I drew closer, I noticed he had a glowing silver stone on his chest. Stone...stone…there was something about a stone? Dr. Cole had mentioned it…Dr. Cole there was something about him. For a moment I pulled from the dream but as I watched my loves stone flash, it drew my attention back to the dream. I felt like it had lighting bottled up inside it.
I kept running and finally got to him. He pulled me into his arms and we embraced for a moment, then I felt his lips against mine. I wanted to stay there with him like this forever but I also wanted to wake up so that I could write all this down. I wanted to remember this, remember his power and the stone. I felt it was all so very important!
I woke to a loud roar of thunder and sat up in bed. I turned hoping to grab my journal and write down my dream but I collided with a figure that had been crouching next to my bed. I heard a grunt as they fell to the floor. Lighting lit up the room, it happened so fast, I didn't see the man face but I screamed knowing I wasn't imagining it! SOMEONE REALLY WAS IN MY ROOM!
The room got dark once more and the man lunged at me. He grabbed me by the back of my neck and threw me down on the bed. He climbed on top of me and I struggled with him as thunder roared. Then suddenly I felt something press against my mouth. A wet cloth and there was this smell, it was strange...familiar. Before I could make sense of it...I passed out.
I woke the next morning with little memory of last night. I felt groggy recalling a storm and a kiss from my love but not much else. I turned to my dream journal to see if I'd written anything down but I hadn't. I sat up in bed trying to recall my dream but I could only recall lightning and that kiss. I rubbed the back of my neck. I must have slept weird because it felt sore. I wished I could have remembered more. I always liked dreaming of my love. Until I found him it was really the only way for us to be together.
When Nurse Violet came to get me for washroom, I found myself dragging behind her. She kept telling me to hurry it up but it was a struggle. When I got to the cafeteria I got my breakfast and ate slowly, I was so tired I put my head down on the table and started to nod off. After a while an orderly woke me and I found I was the only patient left in the cafeteria.
I quickly finished eating and then asked to go to my room instead of the library. I really wanted to just go back to bed. I was taken back to my room and passed out as soon as I laid down. I don't know how much time passed but eventually I woke to Nurse Violet shaking me.
"What, huh? What?" I said my head foggy.
"It's time for your appointment with Dr. Cole, gather up your things and let's go" she spat snapped her fingers in front of my face.
"My things," I said confused. "What things?"
She rolled her eyes at me "Your journals, you wouldn't shut up about!"
"Oh yeah, right!" I said. I was so tired I nearly forgotten I was suppose to be showing Dr. Cole proof.
I got up from the bed and almost tripped over myself. I looked out my window and couldn't tell if it was still morning or afternoon, the sky was overcast. I quickly gathered my journals and drawings as Nurse Violet kept snapped her fingers and tapped her foot, insisting I move faster.
I yawned as we left my room and began to walk down the hall. I got a little worried, I wasn't sure how I'd be able to prove my points in such a state. I just felt so so tired. I tried to wake myself up some, rubbing my eyes and slapping my cheeks but it did little to help. I was so focused on waking up that I didn't realize we were going the wrong way until we entered the new common room.
It was empty when we got inside and I looked around confused, "I thought we were going to Dr. Cole's office."
"Dr. Cole is a very busy man!" Nurse Violet snapped. "You work around his schedule, he does not work around yours!"
She kept her head held up high as she stepped up to the common rooms, double doors that led outside. I noticed the chain was no longer on them. She put a hand on each doorknob and opened them together. A glorious breeze flew into the room as I was at last, fully reunited with the wind. Up until this point, the closest I'd gotten was a half open window. I quickly felt refreshed and as I stepped outside. I realizing that was my power, yes my power was the wind! It made sense now all those times I tried to move things and the wind kept blowing them away, I couldn't help laugh!
I stepped outside and the wind brushed my cheeks and flowed through my hair, like a dear old friend that had always been waiting for my return. I sunk to my knees slowly as the flow of fresh air continued to wash over me. I took big deep breaths and felt the ground with a hand as I looked up at the sky and rejoiced to finally be outside, after all these years! It was- Without warning, Nurse Violet hit the back of my head ruining my moment.
"OH WOULD YOU GET UP! I SWEAR YOU ARE SO DRAMATIC!"
She roughly grabbed my arm and I nearly dropped my journals as she yanked me to my feet. "You don't understand!" I protested. "I haven't been outside in years!"
"Yeah, yeah, do I looked like I care?" she snapped, turning back to me.
Her expression was clearly one of annoyance but she had no idea, no idea at all, what this meant to me! Have someone lock her up for years on end then ask her how she felt the first time she stepped outside. No, I would not let her take this moment from me! I continued to bask in the joy of the outdoors, even as she yanked me along.
Eventually, we came to a small courtyard with stone bricks covering the ground, "Patient Greene," said Nurse Violet. I looked to see Dr. Cole with his hands behind his back. He was admiring some ivy that was running up a brick wall. He didn't turn to us as Nurse Violet spoke, he simply nodded.
She gave me a dirty look before she let go of me and took off. I walked up to Dr. Cole, wanting to show him how much progress I'd made, with my journal and drawings but he quickly asked his favorite question, "And how are we today, Hannah?"
"Tired but good." I responded.
"Tired," he said turning to me. He was really close now, I hadn't realized how much I'd stepped up to him. He brushed a loose stand of hair from my cheek and said. "Are you not getting enough sleep? As you'll recall one of my two caveats was that you not hurt yourself or others. You must get your proper rest, Hannah"
"Oh I do," I said. "I can't really work after lights out since it's hard hard to see so I sleep."
"Yes, well I do hope you get into bed before lights out. It's dangerous to leave things until the last minute and to wander around in the dark. You could easily trip and hurt yourself"
"Oh no, I'm always very careful," I said.
"Yes well, there is careful and then there is preemptive planning. One of the best treatments, is to prepare ones self for unforeseen events."
"Well how do you do that?" I asked as he began to walk with his hands still behind his back. I continued as I followed him. "I mean if you don't know something is coming, then how do you prepare for it, like there are so many possibilities...too many possibilities?"
"Yes well, a lot of possibilities can be easily rationalized, for the others that are more likely, you must stay vigilant and remain aware of your surroundings and your place in them. You may not be able to handle every possible event on your own but having the mindset to take on most things can be vital."
"Hmm," I said.
I don't think I got what he was saying. Again, I went to talk about what I had gathered, when he released his hands from behind his back and gesturing to the area around him, "Well what do you think?"
"Of," I said confused.
"Being outside?" He said as if it were obvious and it was.
"Oh YES! I love it," I said excitedly looking around.
"Well you are the first patient to achieve access to it."
"What! Really," I said surprised. I thought the other blues must have had access to it by now, surely, considering how much time I'd spent as a red.
"Yes, I'm just doing my last walk through now. If all goes well, I will be opening it tomorrow."
"Oh wow, will it always be available?" I asked
"Depending on the weather and only during common room times."
"Oh," I said slightly disappointed. I guess that was better then nothing but still it would have been nice to come out here first thing in the morning or at night to see the stars.
"Feel free to look around." he said.
"Really," I said looking about excitedly. I almost took off but I still had my journals in my arms. How I could almost forget why I was here, was beyond me. I turned to Dr. Cole and thrust my journals towards him. "Weren't we suppose to discuss my proof."
He took them from me and said "We can, later. I'll need to review your latest entries first. We'll discuss your proof next session."
I guess I could wait until next session. I'd like to get out of here as soon as possible but I knew this would reasonably take some time to verify. I looked around and then began exploring. I couldn't contain my excitement almost running as I left the courtyard. I took in some green areas with grass, plants and moss. I saw an area with some loose dirt that could possibly be a place for a community garden. There was also this large tree that had hanging leaves. Under it was a nice stone bench, I ran my hands over it thinking this would be a nice shady place to sit on a sunny day.
I followed a winding stone path next to see where it led. I noticed a tunnel up ahead and wasn't sure if I'd be allowed to go through it. I turned back to see Dr. Cole not far behind. He simply stood there watching me explore. I figured it there was some place I wasn't meant to go he'd let me know. I took a deep breath and entered the tunnel it was only dark for a few second and then opened up into another green area. I saw a stone fountain with a statue of a fish jumping out of it. I ran my hands across it's details. There was no water but I bet if there was, it would come out of the fishes mouth.
I examined it for a moment longer then noticed a large iron gate that led to the outside world. I slowly approached it and found it was locked up tight. Of course, I doubted they'd let us off the grounds but still I had to check. I looked out beyond the bars and saw an old dirt road that wound on for some distance. I followed it with my eyes until it curved and disappeared into a forest.
I wrapped my hands around the tall cast iron bars before resting my forehead against one of them. I found myself reminded of my aunt's bird. She used to keep it in a small cage, whenever she traveled but move it to a large one, when she was at home. I recalled, the bird was always so happy to be transferred to the bigger cage but it was still a cage... none the less.
I let out a heavy sigh, I couldn't help but feel like I was that little bird being transferred from one cage to another, only I knew what was going on. I continued to cling to the cast iron bars and wondered if I'd ever truly be free again. If this place would ever be far…far behind me. After a minute or so I heard Dr. Cole's footsteps.
"Tsk tsk tsk, you haven't even seen half this place and you're already clinging to the gate."
"I…" I let go of the gate and turned to face him, "I just long to be free, it's my goal"
"And I'm sure one day you will achieve it but only after you've accepted your reality and gotten help."
"Right," I said feeling somber.
He put my journals under one arm and then offered out his other arm for me to take. I took it and he led me away from the gate. We walked around for a minute or so before he began to speak, "Haven't you ever heard, it's the journey that is life and not the destination? Don't be so sad, you've not reached your goal yet instead be joyful that you've started the first steps in your journey to recovery."
I knew what he as saying but I felt like my journey had yet to begin. No, it wouldn't until I'd gotten out of Meadow Brooke and started looking for my love and the others. Dr. Cole continued to lead me around the rest of the outside areas and asked me what improvements I'd like to see. He kept turning his head towards me as we walked and leaned in ever so close. Sometimes I wish I could see his eyes. They truly were like a window to the soul and you could tell a lot about people.
Without much thought I asked, "May I ask what is wrong with your eyes?"
We stopped walking and he said, "I believe you just did."
"Oh sorry I am just curious."
"Worry not, no harm done. My eyes have always just been a little sensitive."
"To light?" I asked.
"Among other things," He said, "But my glasses help filter out any disturbances."
"They are so dark," I said. "Sometimes I wonder what color your eyes are."
"But don't you know," he said.
I tilted my head. "I've never seen them."
"Yes, but you've no doubt heard others discussing it."
"How would you know?" I asked wondering how he could possibly know such a thing.
"As we discussed earlier, you must stay vigilant and remain aware of your surroundings and your place in them." He then surprised me by lowering his sunglasses slightly and I looked to see two brown eyes. "Oh," I gasped. I expected them to be brown and yet somehow I was still surprised.
"Yes, I am not your Shadow Man," he said fixing his glasses.
I blushed feeling embarrassed I quickly stammered, "No I- I didn't, wouldn't-"
"It is quiet alright, Hanna. I am not offended. I am sure you suspect everyone at some point."
He wasn't wrong. The Shadow Man really could be anyone. I looked at him and decided to be honest given how open he'd just been with me, "I...Yes. I have to be careful."
He breathed in deeply flaring his nostrils. I could tell he was annoyed thinking all of this was just in my head but he had no idea. If he only knew just how real the Shadow Man was and the things he had done, I'm sure he wouldn't be so dismissive.
"Now then, what do you think?" he asked, "Of all this. Any room for improvements?"
"Improvements." I repeated. Right he had asked my opinion on things. I looked around some more and tried to focus on what he'd asked. "Some more benches would be nice, oh and a table or two. Perhaps a bird bath or bird feeder and possibly adding water to the fish fountain."
I could tell he wasn't a fan of any of my suggestions from the way his mouth tightened. I wondered why he'd bothered to ask me. Did he just want me to say it was all perfect as is? Did he just want praise or were my suggestions not good enough? We kept walking and at one point we passed a smaller gate. He pointed to a big house in the distance that was still on the grounds.
"This is where I live." he said, "It is the director's house. The director must always be on site."
"Hmm," I said not all that interested.
"I have never lived in a house before."
"Oh," I said. "Then where did you live?"
"Mostly apartments." He said. "The house is quite large for just one person and it's been taking me some time, to get used to it.
"Hmm," I said looking back at it again. I suppose it was rather large. It was about the same size as our farm house maybe a little bigger but three of us has shared that. "Perhaps you should get married and have some kids, that would fill it up."
He snorted at my suggestion, "No, I am married to my work."
"Oh," I said not really sure what to think of that.
I continued to look at the house and realized in the entire time I'd been here, I had never seen it before. Then again I'd never been outside. I wondered if Dr. Cole was sharing something private with me or just making casual conversation. I didn't spend too much time dwelling on the thought, my stomach began to rumble and he noticed.
"Have you had lunch?" he asked.
"No." I said then yawned, "I was so tired, I thought it was still morning."
"Oh, well would you like to join me?"
"Join you?" I asked looking at his house, was he inviting me inside. I don't know why but that felt weird somehow.
"Yes, the weather is quite nice today. I thought I'd have a picnic outside."
I realized I'd jump to conclusions. He wasn't inviting me inside. "Oh, outside! To celebrate the opening of the outside area?" I said trying to hide my slight embarrassment.
"Sure why not," he said humoring me.
I smiled but looked at him closer. He didn't exactly seem like the picnic type to me. To be fair I'd only ever gone on picnics with family and friends. I didn't really know him at all. I looked up at the sky, it was partially overcast and might rain soon enough. Most people would have thought this was dismal picnic weather, but this was my favorite kind of weather. I loved overcast days with a slight breeze. I watched the trees rustling in the wind and smiled even more. I suppose I could join him, after all it would mean more outside time. I'd love to stay out here all day if I could… I just wasn't so sure of him.
He was being nice right now but I'd never forget his cruelty. The day he'd turned on me and said I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon, if ever. He'd had Hogan hold me down and striped away my privileges and then ordered me to be put in that padded rooms, like it was nothing to him. Because I was nothing to him just another patient he could abuse! Just because he being nice right now and letting me do what I wanted, didn't mean I would trust him and let my guard down...ever again. I would not ever like him! I loathed him as I loathed Dr. Phillipston but just as I had pretended with him I could put on a smile and pretend with Dr. Cole. They were both just means to an end.
I nodded to myself and flashed him a false smile. He titled his head as if he were studying me. Even though I couldn't see his eyes now, it felt intense somehow. I could see my on reflection in his sunglasses. "Well uh... where is it?" I asked nervously. "This picnic?"
"Over here," he said turning his head in the direction he wished us to go.
We started walking again and soon came upon a small secluded grassy area. There was already a large picnic basket on the ground. I wondered how I'd missed it the first time around. Had we passed by this area yet or perhaps it had just arrived but who would have delivered it? I looked around but didn't see anyone else out here.
Dr. Cole let go of my arm and dropped to his knees in front of the basket. He set down my journals then opened the picnic basket. I curiously stood behind him and looked over his shoulder. I could see inside the basket and from what I could tell everything was packed very neat and tight. Like in Dr. Cole's office everything seemed to have a proper place. There was a blanket, dishes and various wrapped food. I was almost surprised at how much was able to fit. Had he packed this?
"Did the kitchen pack this?" I asked as he pulled out the blanket.
I helped him spread it out as he answered. "No I did." A slight smile spread across his face. "Have you ever been on a picnic?"
"Once or twice, when I was younger. We mostly just cooked outside and ate at a picnic bench."
"How about any of your other lives." he teased.
"I suppose so," I said, though I couldn't recall any at the mome- I paused as it came to me. "Yes, I recall one time there was a picnic table and a large field and I had two sons and a daughter and my husband was throwing a disk to them. They would catch it and throw it back. Oh and we had a dog!"
He paused turning to me, "It happens just like that." He said "You "recalling?"
"Oh yes," I said, "Like any memory."
"Right," he said, there was something in his tone as he took out plates and cups from the basket.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said "It just seems like you mention having a family a lot, perhaps you long for one."
"What does that mean?" I asked as he handed me the dishes. I got on the ground and placed them about on the blanket.
"A lot of these dreams of yours, revolve around you finding a man and having a family but it all gets taken away. Perhaps you long to have a family but feel you can never attain one, given how you feel betrayed by your own family."
"I don't think so." I said as I watched him pull out a canister of juice. How did he know I felt betrayed. It must have been in Dr. Phillipston's notes. In the beginning I'd told Dr. Phillipston the truth that I had hated them for betraying me but these last few years I'd lied and said I forgave them as part of my "recovery." Dr. Cole must have just been going off the earlier notes and could see through my lies. For a moment I wondered if...maybe I wasn't so good at lying or Dr. Cole was just that good at detecting a lie. I furrowed my brow as he poured us each a cup of juice. I considered what he said and continued. "You know, I dreamt of a family and having it taken away long before my mother and father ever betrayed me, by sending me here."
"Yes, but perhaps there was some unrest before the accident. you subconsciously recognized."
"No," I said sitting down as he started pulling out food, "We were a happy family as far as I could tell."
"Yes, the key here being, from what you could tell. You don't read situations or people for that matter, very well, Hannah."
I didn't say anything as he continued to set out food. I didn't really want to talk about my family anymore. I thought I knew them well enough but considering they'd betrayed me I guess I really didn't know them at all. We sat in silence for a few minutes as he carefully unwrapped the food.
When he was all done, setting everything up, he pulled back and said. "There, what do you think?"
I scanned the blanket and saw several sandwiches, cut into small squares. There was also grapes, fresh cut vegetables, nuts and an entire plate of brownies. I stopped looking when I saw them and reached out to take one. However, I quickly pulled my hand back thinking it was rude to just assume I could have one.
"Please take what you like." he said, tucking some cloth into his collar to protect his suit.
I quickly took one and bit into it. The texture was so good, nice and chewy, every bite was filled with so much flavor but it wasn't overwhelming, "These are good, did you make these?"
"No, they were a gift."
"This is some gift!" I said thinking it was from an admirer, "Nurse Violet?"
"No," he said,"Hogan."
My jaw nearly dropped, "Hogan made these?"
"Yes, he's quite capable in the kitchen." he said slowly filling his plate.
"Oh wow!" I said. I never would have thought he'd make brownies. He was such a big mean looking dude. I wondered if he'd like me eating his gift. "Are you sure I should be eating these? You don't think he'd be mad?"
"I'm sure Hogan wont mind. Please take as many as you like. I'm not big on sweats"
I grabbed another one and bit into it, "Mmm it's so good," I said my mouth full of brownie. I chewed on it and couldn't help but wonder why Hogan had made brownies as a gift, given Dr. Cole didn't' like sweats. Maybe he didn't know him all that well. I wondered how long they had known each other.
I took up a third scarfing it down. It had just been so long since I had them and they were so so good, way better then what my mother could make. I took up a fourth and was sure I could take the whole plate out at the rate I was going yet Dr. Cole didn't seem too happy about it. He reached out taking it from my hand and set it down."Please eat, something other then a brownie."
"Sorry, they're just so good."
"I'll be sure to let Hogan know. Here," he said taking up a sandwich. I took it from him and bit into it. There was some meat I didn't recognizes and cheese with this dressing that was kind of spicy. It tasted a bit hot but cool at the same time. He ate a few grapes and some carrot sticks before taking up a sandwich of his own.
"You sure packed a lot for yourself." I said looking around again.
"Yes, I'm always prepared, in case someone joins me."
"Hmmm," I said.
I drank some juice, then had a few grapes before I grabbed another sandwich. I thought they were all the same but this one was just ham and crispy cheese. It was much better then the other one. I grabbed a carrot stick and munched on it as I started to get a little sleepy. I watched him eat a little bit of everything but the brownies.
After a few minutes he stopped eating and dropped down to his elbows laying down on the blanket. He rolled to one side and took up one of my journals. He began flipping through the pages and I watched him examine one of my drawings. I wish I could know what he thought of them he was so very still and quiet.
I yawned feeling even more tired then when I had woken up. Everything was so nice out here and my belly was fully. I laid down on the blanket and rolled on my back. I looked up at the sky barely able to keep my eyes open. I yawned, wondering if I overdid it with the excitement. Being outside must have taken it out of me or something... To be fair it had been years...years...years I closed my eyes feeling so exhausted now. I just wanted to rest for a moment...just for a…a... moment.
I felt my body fall away as I rose up into the sky, every so often I'd look back down at myself as I drifted farther and farther away. The hospital looked so tiny from way up high. I could see all the roads leading away from it, the tops of the forest, rivers and vast landscape. I even saw a lake some ways away. I just kept going up and up until I was in the clouds.
I could see the sun now and started to fly through the clouds. I would dip then rise, dip and then rise. I twirled about and laughed as I felt so free. OH SO FREE! I loved flying dreams so much they were my favorite, next to dreaming of Luka and the others. I wondered where he was now and if I might fly to him.
I found myself near some water and dived down so I could fly over it. As I went I could make the water move. I felt like I was the wind itself. I could rush through trees and scatter birds. I laughed at how amazing it all felt and then...and then, sudden I froze feeling so strange. My breasts ached and I felt such pressure on my chest.
I could barely open my eyes but found someone was sitting on my chest. My hospital gown had been removed and my breast were being squeezed together tightly. I felt something thrusting between them. I managed to opened my eyes enough to see the tip of...of a penis. It took me a second to realize what it was. I had only ever seen on in my dreams. It slid back and forth between my breasts and I heard a man grunting and panting as he was using my breasts to...to jerk off. Soon enough I was sprayed with warmth as the man came, shooting strings of cum. It sprayed across my neck, hit my chin and spilled over onto my lips.
I weakly groaned disoriented. I heard the man on top of me pant and hiss as he came down from his release, "Uh...uhh these breasts." He squeezed my breasts kneading them in his hands. "There is no reason a crazy twat like this should have such fat tits."
He rubbed his semen all over my breasts. I could see his hands and chest but I couldn't raise my gaze enough to see his face. The man pulled his hands from my breasts and then began lightly slapping them. He slowly increased the intensity until they began to sting and jiggle about on impact.
I heard the man chuckle to himself and hiss, "Heh, they wiggle like gelatin, they are far, far too inciting not touch, not play with." He gave them a good smack and they bounced about. He took hold of them and gave them a few good squeezes. "It's not my fault I couldn't resist them. No, it's this dumb twat's fault for leaving them out. You know exactly what you are doing, don't you! You must know the affect you have on men with this lewd body of yours. Yeah you wanted this! I've read your journals, to be so young and have such fantasies. I wonder where you got them from, just who taught you that old bloated bag. Yeah, I bet you must have been giving it to that old man good, only way I can see him suggesting releasing your crazy ass."
He grasped hold of my nipples and pinched them hard. He tweaked and twisted them and I let out a painful moan. "Yeah, you like this, you wanted this you dumb twat!" He let go of my nipples and took hold of my chin. He pressed his thumb against my lips and hissed "You. You are nothing but an annoyance, a pain in my ass, a distraction from the day we met but I am putting a stop to that, right here and now. I am getting you out of my head once and for all. No more sleepless nights!"
He wiggled his thumb past my lips and touched my teeth. Some semen slipped into my mouth and it tasted salty as it hit my tongue. He pulled at my chin until he opened my mouth and then made a hawking sound. He gathered up a wad of spit before releasing it into my mouth. It was disgusting but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't move and was only vaguely aware of what was going on. This...this dream...nightmare felt so strange. I tried to recall what life this was as he got off my chest.
I felt him yank off my underwear. I could see his neck now and his lower jaw. It was familiar some how but I didn't know...know why…where. I closed my eyes as he continued to hiss at me, "Look at this fat pussy, it is a hairy mess, just as lewd as those fat tits of yours!" I felt him spread me open. "Heh look at it! You're wet! What a disgrace! So hungry for cock, it must have been a while since your last fix!"
I opened my eyes as something pushed inside me. It took me a moment to realized it was the man's fingers. They enter me roughly poking around, then suddenly they pushed up and stopped. The man's voice sounded surprised, "What is this?" He scoffed poking at me, "No way, well, well this is a quite the surprise, pure after all."
He pulled his fingers out and I watch him raise them up to his mouth. He licked them and I knew he had to be the Shadow Man! This wasn't the first time he had done such a thing in a nightmare. He...he had once said he loved the taste of me...that he couldn't get enough of me.
I closed my eyes and for a long moment there was silence. I nearly passed out but opened my eyes to the sound of a belt. I heard the Shadow Man hiss once more. "No matter, no matter, you are still nothing but a crazy twat." He squeezed my left breast then raised his hand up and slap my breasts hard. Once more they madly jiggled about."Yeah, yeah, with a body like this, it was only a matter of time, someone was bound to do you over sooner or later. Might as well be me." I felt his finger tips brush my cheek, "You are lucky, at least I know what I am doing."
I knew what he was about to do even though I was unable to move my eyes watered. Tears escaped down the sides of my face as I felt something at my entrance, bigger then his fingers. I knew it was his member. I felt it rub against me before it roughly slapped down on me. Then I felt pressure as it jabbed at my entrance. The pressure soon turned to pain as he tried to force himself inside me.
"Fuck you are tight!" he hissed a moment later. "I can not believe no one...no...one...has-"
He pulled back for a second and spit between my legs several times. He moved the moisture around with his fingers then tried once more. Again it hurt as he tried to force himself inside me. I...I don't know how long it took but he managed to get the tip in. I felt like I was being stabbed as he pushed up inside me.
This wasn't the first time I'd felt pain in a nightmare but this...this was so intense! It felt so real! I opened my eyes more and with all my strength manage to lift my hand. I put it on the Shadow Man's chest as he lifted up my right leg. He suddenly froze and I felt him shutter and cum. His warmth exploded inside me and washed over me.
Upset, he angrily cursed. "SHIT! FUCK! YOU FUCKING BITCH!"
He backhanded me and my head flew to the side. He withdrew from me and pulled from my line of sight. I could still hear him cursing somewhere nearby. I must have caught him off guard as I don't think he had intended to cum so soon. My body still hurt but the pain quickly began to fade to an uncomfortable ache.
I close my eyes and the dream changed. I was suddenly running down a sidewalk. It was daytime the sun was out but there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I turned back frantically and realized I was being chased. I couldn't see anyone behind me so I darted into an alleyway hoping to lose them. However it was a trap! I saw some guys at the end of the alleyway and when I went to backtrack there were now people behind me.
I backed up into a brick wall and was soon surrounded by half a dozen guys. They looked young like teenagers and were all wearing the same uniform. I put the palms of my hands against the brick wall and could feel how the stone scratched my hands. I just knew they were going to kick my ass. I wasn't a fighter and even if I was, I was outnumbered.
They began to step up on me but someone called, "Wait!"
I looked passed the guys to see a teenage girl in a similar school uniform but with a skirt instead of pants. She was slowly walking up on us. The closer she got the clearer her features became. She was gorgeous but I despised her with every fiber of my being. She was cruel and twisted! At first I thought she was the Shadow Man's villianess, the one with the high ponytail and laugh but further back I saw another girl with her hair up in a high ponytail and knew that was her. She had her hands on her hips and was smiling excitedly like she was enjoying the sight of me about to get my ass kicked.
The gorgeous girl, I despised drew even closer moving passed the guys who wanted to make me mince meat. I saw her eyes and I knew that color. Even though it was a woman I knew it was the Shadow Man! I realized he could also be a she! The Shadow Girl, walked up on me with a wicked smile on her face I knew all too well. I bit my lip as she stopped a few feet away.
She titled her head and said, "Well, last chance before things get "rough."
I was terrified but what she wanted disturbed me more. I closed my eyes and spat, "NO!" I moved my hands from the wall to my uniform pants and gathered them up in clenched fists.
She scoffed at me and one of the guys spoke, "What do you even see in this loser?"
"Jealous," the Shadow Girl spoke.
"No," he said, "He's just a weirdo."
"Yes but he's my weirdo!" I opened my eyes and saw she was flashing me crazy eyes.
I swallowed and realize she was talking about me. Wait! Was I a guy in this life? Before I could really think about it she said, "Well, let him have it!"
She pulled back behind the guys and the first one stepped up to me. I tried to block their punch putting my arms up but it was useless. They swung and collided with my face. I held my face as I was slammed back into the brick wall. More fists started flying hitting my shoulder chest, stomach. One after another until I was on the ground in agony.
At some point I don't know when she spoke and said, "ENOUGH!"
I was on the ground vomiting up a lung I swear. I clutched my stomach and curled up in pain as she put her foot on top of me and nudged me, "Had enough or are you ready to behave?" She held a dog collar in her hand.
I looked up at her defiantly. I knew I should just give in, there was no fighting this, no winning against her and her goons but I managed to gasp. "I wont. I wont be your dog!"
It was not the answer she wanted and she raised up her heeled boot. She began stomping and kicked me. I swear she was going to kill me and then someone...someone shouted, "STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!"
They all turned and I looked up but before I could see who it was, I woke up. At least I think I was awake. My head felt foggy. I felt myself being lifted up from the ground. I closed and opened my eyes the sky was no longer above me but the ground. I realized I was being carried over someone's shoulder. My head was upside down and I saw the back of the a man's shoes and pants.
I closed my eyes, I was so confused, was I awake or was this another dream? I couldn't- I wasn't sure if I could tell the difference. I opened my eyes and suddenly found myself in the stands of a large arena. There must have been hundreds if not thousands of people. I realized I was at a fighting tournament. It was the final round and my love was fighting the Shadow Man in the center of the arena. Both were badly injured but my love had the upper hand and I could see he was going to win. I was sure the fight wouldn't last much longer.
The tournament's prize was something we all desired but more over we despised the Shadow Man. Up until now he'd been cocky always toying with us. He'd purposely meddled in our affairs and had cause us trouble more then once but would always run off before he faced any real consequences. This fight was important but it was also payback for all the crap the Shadow Man had been pulling.
I watched on as the Shadow Man pulled some sneaky backhanded move. I booed, along with my section of the crowd, while another section that was on the Shadow Man's side cheered. To think anyone supported him made my blood boil. He was so underhanded and twisted, evil to the core. Someone suddenly grabbed my arm and I turned to see a young man. I didn't know him but he handed me a small bag. I realized he was a messenger.
He rushed off and I examined the bag. It was made of some fine silky cloth. Curious I opened it to see a small cube inside. It was made of frosted glass and something in the center of it was flashing. I brought it up to my face and tried to get a closer look at it. I suddenly felt strange! Some of my friends were a few feet away also cheering on my love. They soon cried out in joy and I was sure my love had landed another blow on the Shadow Man but I couldn't look away from this cube.
I felt so very strange and slightly sick. Before I knew it I was moving, I pulled from the stands, where I'd been watching the fight and went into a hallway. I saw the young messenger was waiting for me. He quickly ran ahead of me but waited every so often, to make sure I was still coming. I moved against my will unable to resist what was going on. I felt like I was in some sort of trance and made my way to an elevator that took me to a spaceport.
I walked up to a small spaceship that was being loaded. I saw a muscular man ordering some men to load an ornate trunk on the ship. I knew that box well. It was suppose to hold the tournament's big prize. The one my love and the Shadow Man were currently fighting for. Why did they have it? Where were they taking it?
The young messenger waited for me to stop walking then called out. "She's here."
The muscular man made sure the trunk was safety loaded on board the ship. Then he nodded and roared, "Give him the signal."
The young messenger suddenly shape shifted into a beautiful octopus like creature with ornate jewelry. I found I knew her or at least what she was suppose to look like now. It was the Octin Princess Azurune. Her father King Oroz was hosting the fighting tournament. I quickly realized this must have been how they had gotten the prize. They must have had this shapeshifter pretend to be the princess. She half walked, half slid out of the room and I just stood there still holding the cube in my hand.
The muscular man looked at me then ordered one of his men to get something. They brought him a special glove and he carefully took the cube from my hand. He put it in a small wooden box then handed it back to one of his men, who took it onto the ship.
I suddenly felt in control of myself again but was so confused. My head was foggy liked I'd been drugged. Before I could do anything the muscular man stepped up to me and grasped hold of my bare shoulder. Up close the man kind of reminded me of Hogan. I don't know why but there was something in his eyes. I swayed a bit and suddenly found myself in bed.
Bed...what bed? It was dark and it took me a moment to realize I was back in my room...at the asylum. I felt so groggy and sick to my stomach. I coughed something up that was in my mouth it tasted like...tomato sauce. I was even more confused. I rubbed my face and it felt slimy all over. Everything was covered in…slimy tomato sauce and noodles. Nothing made senses I tossed and turned wondering if I was still dreaming. More sauce and noodles landed on my face and chest. Where was it coming from? I brushed it off me and a voice whispered, "That's it...get it all over! I tried to sit up and look around but someone pushed me back down. I felt so tired and weak. I struggled for a moment but felt something press against my face and soon collapsed back into the dream.
I collapsed in the dream as well and the muscular man that reminded me of Hogan picked me up. It felt like my muscles had all been drained. I felt beyond exhausted and oh so weak. I couldn't move at all like the dream I'd had before when the Shadow Man was attacking me. It was so bad I couldn't even close my eyes. The muscular man carried me onto the ship and brought me over to a trunk.
I saw other men and woman rushing around several other people boarded the spaceship. He set me down inside the trunk and shut the lid. Everything went dark and a second later I heard what sounded like a latch locking. I don't know how long I laid there unable to move but eventually I heard loud footsteps and rustling.
Someone shouted, "THEY'RE COMING! READY STATIONS!"
There was more footsteps and strange sounds, I just knew were from shooting. My trunk began to rumble as I heard various sound and explosions. I just continued to laid there unable to do anything. Soon enough there was silence which I found worst of all. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't like being left in the dark metaphorically or literally. Several tears escaped down the side of my face and then suddenly I heard the latch and there was a low blue light.
The Shadow Man soon leered down at me with a big smile on his face, "Hmp, looks like I got everything I wanted."
"Hold still," hissed the shapeshifter who still looked like the octopus princess. She was trying to seal a gash on his face. The Shadow Man and I made eye contract and he reached out brushing his thumb across my lips. I knew he was going to hurt me but he pulled away allowing the woman to treat his wounds. After a few seconds he let the lid to the trunk fall and I was left in the dark once more.
I woke in my bed feeling slightly out of it. For several minutes I just laid there trying to sort myself out. That had to be one of the wildest nights of dreaming I'd ever had. When I finally decided to move my body entire body felt sore mostly my chest. I'd been sleeping on my stomach so I guess I must have slept weird or something. I rolled slightly then sat up slowly and suddenly felt sore between my legs. I buried my hand down there without thinking and when I brought it back I saw red. It wasn't just on my finger tips but my entire hand, arm, sheets and pillow as well.
Still half awake I pulled back alarmed. It took me a second to realize it wasn't blood but what was it? I saw what looked like noodles on my sheet and pillow and there was this smell. I quickly realized it was...was tomato sauce? I ran a hand over my mouth and felt some sauce and noodes dried to my face. For the life of me I had no idea what was going on.
I wondered if I was still dreaming for a moment. I rubbed the back of my neck thinking this was one crazy dream. I pinched myself then did it again to make sure. I could still feel pain in my dreams but usually it was a different kind. When I realized I wasn't dreaming I wondered once again just what was going on. Sunlight was pouring through my window. It must have been early morning. I tried to think of the last thing I could remember.
I recalled waking up tired yesterday. I had breakfast then took a nap. After that I... OH! I'd gone to see Dr. Cole outside! Wait had that been a dream? No, at least I don't think so. I recalled walking up to some iron bar and getting to look out farther then I ever had before but after that...after that I couldn't remember. How had I gone from being outside with Dr. Cole to waking up in my bed with tomato sauce and noodles all over the place. I could see a lot of it was also on my floor now. I heard my door rattle and Nurse Violet soon came into my room as she did every morning.
"Come on let's go! Let's go!" she said clapping her hands. She didn't even bother to look at me.
"I- How did I get here?" I asked still groggy.
"What do you mean- OH HO, WOW!" she said finally glancing at me. She did a double take then continued, "I guess you were sick after all."
"Sick after all?" I repeated. "What?"
"Uh, last night, you were bitching about not feeling well, when I dropped you off. I guess you meant it."
"I don't understand? I- the last thing I remember was being outside with Dr. Cole."
"Well yeah, earlier in the day you were but you came back and later had supper. After you were all "I don't feel good." I guess you didn't. Boy am I glad I stuck to the salad." She said putting her hands on her hips. She shook her head in disgust then let out a sigh and turn away from me. She clapped her hands again and said, "Well come on now, let's get you cleaned up. I don't have all day, I have other shit to do this morning."
"But I honestly don't remember any of last night!"
"Uh, probably because you were sick." said Nurse Violet like it was obvious. "It was no doubt the food poisoning or maybe that cold that's been going around. It is that time of year but check your face or your pillow case, if you don't believe me. They are covered in sauce. You were definitely sick as a dog."
"Sick as a dog." I repeated as I touched my face. I furrowed my brow vaguely remembering something about a dog. Some woman wanted me to be her dog but I refused it was a strange dream.
I had so many strange dreams last night. I couldn't remember most of them. Maybe I was sick last night but I didn't usually forget things...it made no sense.
"I swear you are a right pig! Sleeping all day, chugging down your food and then rolling in it. Now come on, let's get you up and showered."
"Is it my shower day?" I asked getting to my feet.
"Uh, do you want to have sauce on your face all day? Come on." she said stepping into the hall.
I let out a heavy sign but followed her out into the hall. Surprisingly Dr. Cole was out there, talking over something with Hogan as they looked at a clipboard. They both looked up at me and I felt rather embarrassed. I must have looked awful right now.
"Good Morning Hannah. Oh my what is this?" said Dr. Cole, when he saw me.
"She's made a mess of herself and the bed, food poisoning, I think" said Nurse Violet rolling her eyes..
"Food poisoning," said Hogan, "That will be another one." He marked something on the clip board and I wondered if that is what they we're discussing.
"Oh my," said Dr. Cole shaking his head, "I'm sorry Hannah, it seems last nights meat was expired."
"Oh," I said.
"Yes," said Dr. Cole. He turned to Hogan. "I want you to do a full kitchen inventory. Toss out anything that's expired. I don't want this happening again."
"Oh it wont," said Hogan glaring at his clipboard.
"You might also want to get someone to clean her room and change her bedding, it's a real nightmare in there." said Nurse Violet.
Hogan grumbled but nodded and then stormed off. I stood there for a second feeling strange. I guess it was food poisoning after all. Dr. Cole moved his head about, looking me over again and asked, "How did you sleep? Are you still feeling ill?"
"I don't know. I don't remember much of yesterday were we outside for a while?"
"Yes we were, we had a nice picnic but I had to cut things short. I seem to recall you enjoying a few brownies."
"Oh," I said having no clue. "I wish I could remember that, it sounds nice."
He got a big smile on his face. "Give it time, food poisoning can be quiet serious. You should rest up and get plenty of fluids."
"Okay," I said. My brain felt foggy. I hated not being able to remember.
"Would you come on! You are holding me up!" hissed Nurse Violet.
"Well I'd best let you go." said Dr. Cole adjusting his sunglasses. He put his hands in his doctors coat then turned and walked back towards his office. He seemed to be in a good mood today because after a few seconds he began to whistle.
It was such a strange morning. I hurried to catch up with Nurse Violet and soon stumbled into the washroom. I relieved myself and it felt painful once again. I wondered if it was close to that time of the month. Nurse Violet kept snapping her fingers and rushing me. I hurried through my shower, scrubbing my face, arms and hands. As much as I scrubbed they were still stained. I realized it was going to take a few days for it to fade. Strangely my breast felt even more sore and I noticed they were a big swollen. I wished I had a mirror so I could examine myself closer. I tried to look at my breasts after my shower and noticed they had some red blotchy marks. Nurse Violet got annoyed with my dawdling and stomped her heel on the wash room floor.
"Come on now! Stop playing with yourself and hurry it up!
Once again I felt embarrassed. I quickly got dressed and she took me to the cafeteria for breakfast. I worried I might not have an appetite but found I ate just fine. Then again breakfast was egg toast and bacon, which I rather liked. There was also some nice cold pineapple that tasted refreshing. I ate it all before being taken back to my room. I noticed my journals were gone and looked all over from them, slightly panicked.
Nurse Violet noticed and put her hands on her hips, "What is it now!"
"My journals, I was doing for Dr. Cole, they're gone!"
"You gave them to him yesterday," she said putting her hands on her hips, "He's reviewing them!"
"Oh," I said, "Right!" I vaguely recalled handing them over to him outside.
"You have plenty if you need to write something down, just start a new one."
"Okay," I said "Thank you,"
"Whatever." she said rolling her eyes.
She left me and I sat down at my desk. I stared off into space for a few minutes before I opened a new journal. I jotted down some things I recalled from the other day, the wind on my face. I realized once again that was my power. I wrote it down and recalled being happy to be outside. At one point I walked up to a gate to the outside world. I think I could see really far and recalled something about a house and Dr. Cole looking at me without his sun glasses on. His eyes were in fact brown. We spoke but I can't remember what about. My head began to hurt as I tried to recall this picnic he spoke of. It didn't make sense. There were a lot of weird spaces I couldn't quiet connect.
I wrote about having issues recalling the other day, maybe it was food poisoning or something else. Perhaps I had overdone things with Dr. Cole yesterday. It had been a while since I'd been allowed to explore. Maybe I got too excited or something, either way whatever was going on I needed a break.
My head began to hurt and my thoughts were all foggy and confusing. I mostly doodled until lunch. After I decided to go to go back to my room. I was delighted to see my bedding had been changed and spent the afternoon looking out the wind trying to recall anything from yesterday. Eventually it was time for dinner and I gave up trying to recall. I figured it would either come back to me or it wouldn't.
For about a week things were normal-at least, the new normal. Everyday I tried to get proof and enjoyed my blue status. I did notice Dr. Cole seemed in a better mood. He was always whistling and smiling. One afternoon I was outside enjoying some sunshine. There were some butterflies and I followed them about. It had been so long since I saw a butterfly. One landed on me and I laughed, it was so light I could barely feel it. I swore when I got out of here I was going to see hundred if not thousands of different butterflies. I was going to travel everywhere and I would never ever stay in one place for very long after having spent so much of my life locked away.
I began to spin I was so happy the wind picked up and danced through my clothes and hair. It felt so great and then I got this sudden cold chill up my spin. I stopped spinning and felt like someone was watching me. Yet when I looked around I didn't see anyone. I thought it was rather strange.
After a minute or so I shrugged it off and continued to look around and dream about my freedom. It was soon time for dinner and a nurse and some orderlies escorted us to the cafeteria. On the way I spotted Dr. Cole. I don't think he saw me, he looked a little sick. His collar was undone and he was clutching his chest as he staggered down a hall. After a few feet, he heavily leaned up again one of the walls falling into it. The nurse told me to come along as I was falling behind but I was worried.
I wanted to leave the line and check on him but an orderly grabbed my arm and began pulling me along, "Wait...but Dr. Cole-" I said trying to tell them.
"What about Dr. Cole," asked Willard. He was coming down the hall in the opposite direction. He had on overalls and looked like he'd been painting.
"I don't think he's feeling well, he just collapsed down the hall." I said pointing.
Willard looked concerned and quickly dashed off to check on him. I wondered if everything was okay and asked Nurse Violet about it that night when she came to the washroom. She wouldn't tell me anything she just snapped at me to mind my own business.
I didn't see Dr. Cole around after that I wondered if he was sick or if something else had happened. I tried to focus on my proof but still hadn't found anything super solid. One night after supper I felt strange oddly energetic. I'd been so tried lately that it was strange to feel so full of energy. When it was time for lights out I still wasn't tired. I laid down for several hours but found myself wide awake.
For the life of I didn't understand why. I laid there for what felt like and eternity but eventually got up and wandered around my room. I could barely see anything so there wasn't much to do. I sat in my window for a while, thinking it was safe, since Nurse Violet would no doubt be asleep. I realized the window offered enough light that I could do maybe do some more work on proof. However a few minute after I started Hogan passed by my room and caught me. He yelled at me to get back in bed and even took my journal away.
When morning came I was already up and ready to go for Nurse Violet. She was still tired and gave me a crappy look before taking me to breakfast. I went to the library and then lunch and then outside for common room time. I was still pretty amped up so I tried to exert myself hoping to tire myself out. I started to get a little sleepy and laid down on the grass but Hogan shouted at me to get off it and suddenly decided he wanted to water all the grass.
After dinner I went to get some sleep but found myself full of energy once again. It was such a strange feeling I as almost reminded of when my dad would make me drink coffee before one of his fishing trips. I'd be so tired but once I drank it I'd be wide awake. Over the next few days it kept happening. I was just wide awake. At night I had to stay in my bed and would count how many times Hogan passed by. He seemed to come more often then he used to.
I don't know how many days passed but I barely got any sleep. Anytime, I was tired enough to sleep, I kept getting interrupted by a nurse, orderly, mean or some loud sound. I had to pause working on my proof because everything got so jumbled up. I got so mentally fatigued that I couldn't focus and all I could really do was doodle.
Then one night after dinner I finally felt tired. I managed to fall asleep right away and was so out of it that I slept thought the nightly music and lights out. However in the middle of the night I woke to a loud bang. I sat up in bed disoriented. I looked around and froze when I saw an ominous shadowy figure on my wall.
I screamed and jumped up on my bed. Someone was in my room and not just anyone, THE SHADOW MAN! I JUST KNEW IT! HE'D FINALLY FOUND ME! HE'D FINALLY FOUND ME! HE'D FOUND ME! I wasn't thinking clearly as my heart raced. I scrambled to the farthest corner of my room in terror. I couldn't help but wonder why I hadn't prepared for this! I knew it might happen one day so why didn't I come up with a plan! I scrambled to think but knew it was too late. It didn't matter now if I had a plan or not, I just had to survive!
I knew my door was the only way out of my room and made my move! Half-awake with barely any sleep and high on adrenaline, I leapt from the bed then kicked my feet out. I swung my arms about punching at the air until I could grab my chair. I thought I'd hurl it through the window in my door and make my escape but quickly discovered it...was way too heavy for me to lift, let alone hurl!
"NO! NO! NO!" I screamed.
I gave up on it and turned expecting the Shadow Man to pounce but he'd yet to attack. He was in my room, I could see him and clearly he had to know I did, so why, why didn't he move! Was he mocking me? Was he laughing at my pathetic attempt to fight back or...or...was it something else. I furrowed my brow as I started to clam down and wake up more.
I was still scared but slowly approached the shadow. I dared to reach out but only touched my wall. I didn't know what I expected to feel but not this. I looked around and from the light pouring in though my window I could see I was alone but then where was this Shadow coming from?
I turned to the window in my door. A small light was on in the hallway. I bit my lip and cautiously approached my door. If...if someone was out in the hall, surely I'd be able to see them in front of my door but I didn't see anyone. I darted my eyes back and forth from the door to the shadow on my wall until I could look out more. I peered into the hall but still didn't see anyone. The only thing of note was a janitor's cart. I studied it for a moment and noticed a mop handle was sticking out with a crumpled rag on it. I realized that was what was making the figure on my wall!
I felt so foolish! How silly of me! I really need to get some sleep. I let out a sigh of relief but it didn't last long. I was quickly surprised by a blinding flashlight. Hogan jumped in front of my window and I screamed again!
He opened my door a second later and yelled, "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT BEING OUT OF BED!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I just, I thought someone was in my room!"
"You are the only one in here and that's about to change, if I keep catching you up and out of bed, after lights out! Do we need to strap you down!"
"NO! NO!" I shouted quickly getting back into my bed.
I didn't want to cause trouble. I just felt so out of it, the last few days and to wake up and see such a shadow. It had put me on edge and I wasn't thinking straight. I laid down but Hogan continued to stand in my room for some time. Eventually he left and I stared at my wall until the janitor moved his cart. With the Shadow gone I started to get tired but got up real quick to write one thing down in my journal. 'Make plan for Shadow Man!' I underlined it several times then climbed back into bed. If this had been the real thing I would have been screwed! It made me realize I needed to get serious and come up with an actual plan.
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