My thoughts continued to linger on the past as I made my way home. So much had happened that year. When I finally came back to school a few weeks after Roan had gone, I was greeted by so many friendly faces. For the first time in years I was accepted. My classmates started coming up to me and talking to me.
A few of them just wanted to know what had happened that day but most didn't push. They were just friendly. At first it was strange making conversation, getting invitations to parties. I kept expecting Roan to pop out and put a stop to it but he didn't.
I was able to make friends, to hang out. Of course, Polly was my best friend. We were closer than ever and did almost everything together. She understood me more than any other. She knew everything I'd been through and had even gone through some of it with me.
Those few months were precious to me. They were the best of my childhood. When the school year finished, I found I couldn't wait for summer to be over. I had so many things to look forward to next year. However... that summer we moved.
I didn't want to. I wanted to stay with my friends now that I finally had some. But my mother sat me down and told me she was dying. She made it clear it was nothing I'd done, that her illness had just finally run its course. It was hard accepting that and it was even harder saying goodbye to her a few months later.
For the longest time she was all I had...the only thing that had gotten me through each and every day, knowing she would be there. My aunt took me in after that and I got counseling. My aunt did what she could to improve my self esteem, what little of it there was. She encouraged me to try out for sports, to take self defense classes, and experience the world.
Polly and I wrote to each other every week. I made a few friends in high school but none of them really stuck. I found it hard to trust, to share my past with them. It was something I just didn't talk about. I put up a lot of defenses and kept people at a distance.
After graduation, I went to college. Polly and I lost touch with each other. After a year of college, I found it wasn't for me. I did some traveling. I went to a few places my mom talked about when I was a kid. One day when I was online I got a friend request from Polly.
We caught up and she invited me to visit her. I found out she was married and going to have a baby. A few weeks later I got on a plane and went to see her. I enjoyed being around her so much that I decided to stay in the city for a while. I got a job and rented a small apartment.
I learned Derek was going through some hard times. He'd gotten a divorce and wasn't really taking care of himself. I found out she went over to his place once a week to clean it and made sure he had food. With the baby coming, it got harder for her to do things. I offered to help out and started going with her to clean his apartment.
It had been a while since we'd seen each other but my feelings for him hadn't faded. He was still my hero and I knew what it was I felt for him. At first part of me worried it might be gratitude but the more I hung around him, the more I got to know him, the more I fell in love with him.
I didn't know if he felt the same way about me. I was a little worried he might only think of me like a little sister. With everything he was going through, I didn't push things. I settled for just being his friend.
I did what I could to help him as he'd once helped me. I cleaned his apartment, made him meals, and even got his butt off the couch. We became running buddies and would run together most mornings. We both dated other people off and on over the years but kept up our friendship.
At one point when we were both single, Polly set us up with blind dates...that turned out to be with each other. When we realized, we laughed it off and gave her a call. She pointed out the reason the two of us might not have worked out with anyone else was because we were meant for each other.
We ended up going on the date and just hung out with each other but then we did it again and again. Before we knew it, we were actually dating. After a few months we realized we were spending almost all our time at each other's places, so we moved in together.
Last year he'd asked me to marry him and I said yes. He admitted when we first met he just saw me as a kid who needed protecting. That it took him a long time to see the person I'd become and realize that was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
I swooned as I got off the bus thinking of it now and heard my cell phone ringing. I picked it up and it was Derek, "You know, I was just thinking about you," I said.
"Really? Was it the ten missed calls?" he asked, his voice a little strained.
I pulled my cell phone back and saw several missed calls. "Sorry," I said, "Kinda spaced out,"
"Yeah...Polly called me," he said.
"She shouldn't have," I said, "I'm fine. I'm on my way home. I...shit."
"What!?" he said alarmed.
"I'm going to the wrong home." I said, realizing I was on the wrong street. "I'm going to our old apartment." I heard him cackle madly on the phone and hissed, "Don't laugh, it's not funny!"
"No, no, I'm sorry. I was just wishing we had Panja's. How close are you to the old place?"
"Close enough that I can get Panja's." I sighed.
"Alright...get us some Panja's and then get a cab home. I don't need you getting lost again."
"I'll have you know I'm not lost. I know exactly where I am. It's just not where I intended to be."
"Or is it? Perhaps you read my mind about Panja's."
I shook my head. "Uh...the usual?"
"Times two..." he said, "I want Panja for days."
"Alright," I said, "I love you,"
"I love you too," he said.
I hung up and turned around. I was only a few blocks away from Panja's so it didn't take long to get there. I ordered it and then caught a cab home. When I got there Derek opened the door before I even put my key in.
"Were you just waiting by the door this entire time?"
"No," he said and then beckoned me in with his good hand.
I stepped inside and saw he'd done some unpacking, "You're an idiot, you know that? You're supposed to be resting. You broke your fucking arm in two places!"
"Yes...but believe it or not I discovered I have two arms," he said looking down at his arms as if it were quite the realization. I chuckled and kissed him and he shut the door. I went into the kitchen and saw he'd unpacked some candles for a romantic Panja's dinner.
He quickly rushed over and lit them. "I would have had them lit when you got here but who knows how long you could have been? They might not have been candles anymore."
I chuckled imaging the wax overflowing onto the table. "That would have been fun to clean up,"
I was reminded of the night he'd asked me to marry him. He'd lit candles all over the apartment and after we'd celebrated and had sex there was a mess all over the place, wax for days. Some things they neglect to tell you in movies.
I started to unpack the Panja as he got us plates and silverware. I took off my coat and remembered the gifts I'd gotten him. "Hey," I said as he was already dishing himself up.
"What," he said.
"I got you something," I put down the magazine and pulled out the jerky sticks.
"When did you get all this?" he asked, tilting his head.
"When I was picking up some wine for the party."
"Did you bring any of that home?" he asked with a smirk.
"No...I doubt it would have gone good with your medication. Speaking of which, did you take it?"
"Why do you think I'm in such a good mood?" he said with a wicked grin.
"Am I and the Panja not enough?"
He sighed and set down the food. Coming over to me he said, "You...you are always enough and then some,"
I wrapped my arms around him and we embraced. I kissed him again but this one was slower, longer, and deeper. When we pulled apart we pressed out heads together and just stood there for a moment or two. I heard his phone go off and he threw his head back, "Who dares interrupt our Panja's!"
"I got it," I said. I let go of him and looked around for his phone. I found it on the couch and answered it.
Before I could say a single word Polly was calling out, "Is she home yet?"
"Yes...yes she is," I said.
"Kiri-"
Before she could ask if I was okay I answered, "Yes, I am okay," She let out a sigh and I asked, "How about you, you still there?"
"Yes," she said, "I'll probably leave in a few minutes. I heard Patrick Milner is supposed to be here,"
"Patrick...your middle school crush?"
"Shhh," said Polly.
Derek stepped up overhearing me and took his phone, "I'm sure your husband, Denny, would love to know you're meeting up with your crush,"
I heard Polly cry out, "Derek!"
"Get your ass home," he said, "And stop interrupting our Panja's."
He hung up and I recalled what she'd asked me to do. I quickly hit him up side the back of his head. He looked at me and said, "What? It's going to get cold,"
"Not that," I said, "She asked me to hit you upside the head and tell you to be more careful,"
"Hmm, well, next time you see her, punch her and tell her she shouldn't be eyeing other guys while her husband's away."
"Will do," I said, knowing I probably wouldn't.
We sat down and ate dinner before watching some TV. Derek looked through his magazine but was unhappy about an interview he read. One of his players was considering retiring. It was all he talked about while we got ready for bed. I almost regretted buying it.
We climbed into bed and snuggled up as best we could with his arm. When the room grew quiet and dark, we finally discussed tonight. "I'm here for you," he said, "If you ever need me...for anything,"
"I know," I yawned, "But I'm okay."
"It's okay not to be," he said, "It's okay to be upset."
"I just saw him from a distance...nothing more," I said, "I didn't even realize it was him."
"Still," he said, "It was him,"
I sighed deeply. I didn't want to think about the past. I didn't want to think about him. I wanted to be here in the present, in the right now. I wouldn't let Roan steal another second of my happiness. I meant to tell that to Derek but before I could...I found myself drifting off to sleep.
My first alarm went off at four am. We both groaned and rolled over. My second alarm went off five minutes after that and I sat up. I yawned and picked up my phone, turning off my third alarm before it had a chance to go off. There was nothing like getting up at four in the morning on a Saturday. Especially when you had someone urging you to go back to bed.
"Come back to bed," Derek urged.
"I can't." I said, yawning yet again.
"Call in sick," said Derek, sleepily rolling onto his back."Or better yet, take a vacation."
"I can't." I said yet again.
"You can," he said with a sleepy smile and then raised his good hand waving it through the air like he was casting a spell, "And you will."
"I won't," I said before I leaned down to him and kissed him. He hummed with delight and gave up the fight quicker than normal. It was something we went through every weekend. Derek would call me back to bed and sometimes pull me back in. We'd playfully argue and while I would be tempted to stay, I would ultimately get up.
I was opening and would be the only one until two. I got up and gathered my things for a quick shower. When I was finished I put on nice pink sweater and tan pants that admittedly made my ass look amazing. I took a moment to look at it and wondered if anyone else ever admired themselves. I knew people could find flaws easily but did they ever stop to stare at all the wonderful things?
"Nice," said Derek from the bed. I was surprised he was still conscious.
"You should get some sleep," I said before starting in on my makeup.
"How can I sleep without you?"
"I thought you gave that up,"
"Never," he chuckled, "One of these days I will get you to come back to bed."
"What you'll get me is fired." I said shaking my head.
He yawned and groaned, "Aren't you a manager or something? Can't you make your own schedule?"
"I can and I do."
"So why do you open every fucking weekend,"
"Because no one else likes to and they have families."
"We're a family," he hissed.
"We are but they have kids, and kids like to do things on the weekend."
"Hmmm," he said. I could hear him plotting away. "So, what you're saying is if we have kids you'll sleep in with me on the weekends,"
I scoffed, "Honey, if we have kids we're probably never sleeping in again,"
"Drat," he said, pounding his good fist into the bed.
I checked the time and then got my socks and shoes on. I went over to the bed and gave him a quick kiss. When I pulled back, he reached out and grasped my arm. He pulled me back in for a longer kiss. I smiled when I pulled back and he smiled even bigger.
"Get some sleep," I said, "Take your medicine and don't forget we have leftover Panja's"
"Not for long," he chuckled.
"Text me if you need anything," I said and left the room. I grabbed my coat and bag and set off for work. The new apartment was closer to my work. I could walk it in less than twenty minutes, thirty if I strolled through the park. The light was just barely coming out as I locked up and left. There was something about the early morning that filled me with a sense of calm and magic. I felt like anything was possible in the dawn of a new day.
When I got to work I set up like I normally did. I baked all the pastries and cookies. I brewed the coffee and checked on supplies. I flipped the chairs and placed them under the table and at six I flipped a closed sign and opened the cafe. It was a small cafe I'd been working at for a few years now. We had a few seats inside and two outside on nice days. We mostly sold coffee and baked goods. People usually popped in and popped out.
The normal rush of customers came and went. I cleaned up and got ready for the next rush. Around ten I was pleasantly surprised to see Polly and her daughters, Mara and Candice. Mara was nearly four now and Candice had just turned two. Polly looked tired, wearing large sunglasses. She had Mara step inside and then pushed a stroller into the cafe with a sleeping Candice. When they were inside she lifted up a large coffee from the stroller and took a big swig. I finished wiped down a table and teased, "Who brings coffee to a coffee shop?"
"I do," she hissed, "You never make mine strong enough. That and I wanted to talk, not watch you work,"
"What's up?" I asked and then I remembered last night. "Oh, did Patrick ever show?"
"No," she said taking a seat. "Total waste of time. And you can tell Derek next time he hangs up on me I'll shove his phone-"
"Mara," I said, cutting her off, "How are you this morning?"
"Fine, thank you," she said. She was always so polite.
"I like your dress," I said, noticing she was wearing a pink jumper with white over coat.
"Thank you," she said, "It's my jelly bean dress,"
"Jelly bean dress?" I asked, looking to Polly.
"Don't get her started," said Polly sipping her coffee.
Mara smiled up at me, "I keep jelly beans in the pockets." She took out two tiny handfuls of jelly beans and showed them to me.
"She doesn't eat them," said Polly with a sigh, "She just keeps them."
"Oh...well that's nice." I said, noticing some looked rather old. "Can I get you anything?"
"Donuts," said Mara, happily putting the jelly beans back in her pockets, "Or cupcakes."
"No," said Polly, "You can give her a raisin muffin. It will give her something to play with."
"Okay," I said. I got Mara a raisin muffin as she took a seat at the table. Polly motioned for me to sit down.
"I'm working, you know,"
"So if anyone gets up you can help them. It's not like the managers are going to walk in on us,"
"True," I sat down wondering what she wanted. "Okay, what is it?"
Polly took a deep breath and I just knew it was about 'him'. "So, after you left I hung around for a few hours. Billy Corner owns his own boat house and travels the world. Bonnie Tulner also has a bazillion cats...I'm not kidding. She owns like some sort of sanctuary, showed us photos most of the night. You didn't miss much,"
"That's good to hear," I said, waiting for her to get to the point. I could read her well.
She licked her lips and sighed, "I didn't talk to 'you know who' but his wife came up to me after a bit."
She intertwined her fingers on the table. "She claimed she knows everything that happened and that he's not the same person anymore. Apparently he got help, completely changed his life, and is now a 'good man'. He works at some bank or something. They just moved here last month,"
"Oh," I said, not too excited to know he'd moved here of all the places in the world. It was enough that he existed on the same planet as me. To be in the same city, to have a chance at running into him again… I cringed.
Polly let go of her coffee to take up my hand, "It's okay,"
"I know. Was there anything else?" I asked.
She seemed hesitant to continue, "Yes, she was hoping I'd pass on a message."
"What?"
"That he's sorry and would like to apologize." Her bitter tone matched the taste in my mouth. I...I hadn't expected this. He...he wanted to apologize? That was the last thing I thought he'd want to do if...I ever saw him again. I hoped I never would.
We both looked at each other and shook our heads.
"I don't care how much 'help' he got." said Polly, "I doubt anyone could change that much."
"Seriously," I said, still mulling it over. "What did you tell her?"
"I wanted to tell her t off," said Polly, spelling the word out. She glanced at Mara who was happily tearing her muffin apart and scooting the raisins all over the table. I was happy I'd cleaned it off. Polly continued, "But seeing as she was there for her sister and all, I just said I'd pass it on and I have."
"Hmm," I said, sighing.
"Seriously, I don't know what she's expecting. Like you'd forgive his ass in a million years,"
"Yeah," I said, "Honestly, I just don't want to think about it, the past, him, any of it,"
"That's a good mindset to have," said Polly, proud of me, "You're done with him. Whether he's sorry or not, it doesn't matter."
"It really doesn't," I said.
"So, how's my brother?"
"Good. I got him Panja's,"
"You give him my message?"
"Yes," I said, recalling his reaction, "He had a message of his own but I won't repeat it. When is Denny coming home?"
Polly looked at her watch and then laughed, "Now. We were on our way to pick him up,"
Denny had been gone for the last two weeks on a fishing trip with his buddies from the Navy. They tried to do it at least once every year. "And you stopped here?" I said.
"His boat's always late coming in and they have to dock and unload."
"Still, you should get going," I said.
"Yeah, yeah, I will. I just wanted to check in and...and, well, tell you."
"Yeah, thanks," I said.
"I love you, take care of yourself," she said getting up.
"Always," I responded. "I love you too."
She called for Mara and I waved goodbye. I watched them go and then cleaned up Mara's mess. I found one of her jelly beans in the mix and laughed. I thought about what Polly had said. What Alison had wanted me to know. I didn't really feel anything about it either way. I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing but I did wonder if it was really possible for someone to change that much.
The next few weeks went on as they normally did. Derek and I slowly finished unpacking the new apartment. Well, I mostly did the unpacking but he offered moral support as his arm recovered. We had dinner at Polly's and Denny showed us some photos from his trip. I didn't think about the reunion or about seeing Roan again. For the most part it graciously fell to the back of my mind. In time I hoped to forget ever seeing him again altogether.
However... one Saturday as I was pulling a fresh batch of cookies out of the oven at work I heard the bell on the door ring. I went up to the front counter and saw a family had come in. It took me a second to realize it was his family. He was wearing a nice leather jacket and had on a green shirt. Again he looked like he'd popped out of a freaking fashion magazine. His wife, Alison, had on a long tan coat and dress. They had two children with them, a boy and a girl who looked close in age.
I breathed in wondering what they were doing here of all places. I recalled Polly telling me that Roan wanted to apologize. I was suddenly filled with dread, wondering if this was it. If Roan had brought his entire family to my cafe so he could apologize. I really hoped not. I swallowed and tried to keep my calm. I reminded myself that I was the manager that I needed to remain professional. I forced a smile on my face and tried to greet them as if they were any other customer, "Hello,"
They greeted me back and their little girl ran up to the display case. She pressed her small face and hands up to the glass and said, "I want a jelly doughnut!" He brother quickly came up beside her, pressing his face against the glass as well and adding, "I want a truck full of jelly donuts,"
I admit, they were adorable. They must have only been four or five. Even if they were 'his' kids, it still got a genuine chuckle out of me. Their mother quickly rushed up to them and said, "No, no, hands and face off the glass. It's not nice." She gave me an apologetic look and said, "Sorry,"
"It's fine," I said. "Can I get you anything?" Please, oh please, so that you can just get out of here. I tried to just focus on the wife and the kids, to pretend he wasn't even there at all.
"Yes," Alison said after a moment, "Sorry, it's our first time here."
I know...I know and I hope it is your last. I just stood there smiling. I watched Alison look at the menu behind me. The kids continued to talk about how many jelly donuts they would each eat. It was getting up to the size of a planet when Alison seemed to make a decision, "We'll take four jelly donuts,"
"Four," cried the kids, disappointed.
"Now, now, four is plenty," I heard Roan finally speak.
My throat felt like it might collapse in on itself but I managed, "Will that be all?"
"No," she said, licking her lips, "We'll take two small hot cocoas for the kids. I'll have a caramel latte and what kind of cookies are those that I smell?"
"Peanut butter. They're fresh out of the oven."
"We'll take four of those as well," she smiled. I began ringing it up, thinking that might be it but she turned to him and asked, "Honey, what would you like?"
Honey? Someone actually called that monster honey? I cringed internally and almost rang up the cookies wrong.
Roan cleared his throat and I just stared at the register, waiting. "I'll take a large coffee, double cream, double sugar."
I added it to the order and again asked, "Will that be all?"
"Yes," he answered.
I added it all up. "Your total is twenty three eighty."
I hoped she was paying….but alas I watched her just lean over the display case looking at our various pastries. I bit my lip as he handed me his credit card. Again I didn't look at him. I just reached out and took the card. Our fingers brushed and I jerked my hand back. I quickly slid the card. It cleared and then I handed it back to him. The receipt printed and I instinctively asked, "Would you like your receipt?"
"Yes," he said quietly. The fuck...who wants their receipt?
I tore it off and again reached in his direction. This time, thankfully, we did not touch. I felt it pull away from my grasp and then I turned sharply, focusing solely on the order at hand. It was a wonder I even remembered it. I felt like I was surging with adrenaline.
I focused on my breathing and repeated the order in my head. Grabbing a bag I carefully grabbed four jelly donuts. Then I collected four fresh peanut butter cookies in another bag. I closed them both up and set them on the counter. I pulled out a cardboard cup holder and then began mixing the drinks.
Two small hot chocolates... As I was mixing them I swear I could feel his eyes boring into me. Instinctively I looked up and he wasn't even looking at me. He was calmly staring out the window with his hands in his pockets rocking on his heels. I focused back on the order. I put the kid's cocoas in the drink holder, then made the caramel latte and his large coffee. As I was pumping the cream I swear I heard Polly hiss, "Spit in it," I smiled to myself but didn't dare. I hated him but I loved my job more.
When everything was done I smiled, genuinely happy, knowing they would go. Alison stepped up and smiled at me. She paused then as she suddenly realized who I was. "Oh, it's you," I looked at her, confused. Had she not recognized me? Did he not? I thought they'd come here with a purpose but from her bewildered expression it was clear it wasn't intentional. That, or she could act.
"Yes," I finally responded, "Small world."
"Yes. Do you work here?" she asked. She must have been frazzled because she'd clearly just seen me work here.
"Yes...I'm actually the manager,"
"Oh, very cool," she said. It was clear things weren't just awkward for me. She seemed unsure as she shifted her gaze and tried to be polite, "How are you?"
"Good," I said trying to be polite back. "And you?"
"We're good," she beamed, "We just moved to the area, so we're scouting out all the best places and getting familiar with the area."
"Ah, yes, this is a pretty cool city," I said. "There is always something to do, especially on the weekends,"
"I bet," she said, "We're pretty excited. Do you know any good spots for the kids?"
I swallowed. I didn't want to have a conversation with her. I didn't want anything to do with her because of him. Still, I didn't want to be rude. I chewed on my lip and wracked my brain for something, anything I could suggest, "Uh...there is a puppet show sometimes in the park," I knew Polly had taken the girls there a few times.
"Oh, thank you," she said. She actually seemed grateful. "We'll have to look into it,"
The bell on the door rang and thankfully a large group was making their way in. I watched Roan move and collect his children's' hands so they wouldn't be separated. It was strange...seeing him be someone's dad. For the most part the kids looked healthy. His wife was friendly enough. How….how did someone like him end up like this? Maybe...just maybe he had changed.
"Well, it looks like you're getting busy. Maybe we'll see each other around," she said with a smile.
"Maybe," I said, turning away from Roan. But I hoped not.
I watched Alison grab the two bags in one hand and the tray of drinks in the other. I wasn't sure if she could manage it all on her own but she did. Roan led the children out of the cafe and then helped his wife carry the drinks. A customer stepped up to my counter, blocking my view, and I greeted them and then proceeded to take their order.
There was a small rush after that one customer after another. It was nice. It didn't leave me time to think but my chest felt tight for the rest of the day, even when I got home. I considered telling Derek he'd dropped by but I thought better of it. I knew it would just upset him that it upset me.
I went about my evening and went to bed early. The next morning I woke up bright and early before my first alarm even went off. Somehow I managed not to wake Derek. I considered leaving without saying goodbye but knew he'd be upset to wake and find I'd just gone.
I gently woke him and gave him a kiss goodbye. He quickly fell back asleep and I left for the day. There was an early morning rush but by mid morning it was pretty slow. I found myself looking for things to do to keep myself busy. The bell on the door rang and I looked up to see Roan. He was by himself this time. It was just me in the café. I really, really did not want to be alone with him but what choice did I have? He was a customer and as a manager it was my job to make sure every customer was treated equally. I clenched my teeth, tightening my jaw, but managed to fucking smile. It was one shit eating grin but a grin nonetheless.
He stepped up to me and we made eye contact. His ice blue eyes looked vulnerable behind his thick rimmed glasses, his brow furrowed. He gave me a weak smile and quietly said, "Hello,"
I breathed in through my nose and curtly responded, "Hello. A large coffee, two creams, two sugars?"
His smile grew more confident, "Yes, you remembered,"
"I remember a lot of things," I said, glaring at him.
His smile weakened once more and his gaze shifted off to the side. I could tell he was uncomfortable. GOOD!
He shifted his weight, cleared his throat, and then asked, "Do you have a moment?"
"Not really. I am working," I said plainly. If I wasn't working, I wouldn't give him the time of day.
"I... I was hoping we could speak." He scratched his head, continuing. "About what happened when we were...younger. I am not proud of it." He said, shaking his head. "What I did to you... there's no excuse for that."
I breathed in deeply, hearing his words as he spoke carefully. I wanted to hate him...I wanted to burn with rage at the sight of him but he was making things hard. For the first time I found myself conflicted. He...admittedly sounded sincere. Standing before me now, he looked more like a man full of regrets than the monster who had tormented me for years. My chest ached as so many emotions rippled through me. My eyes started to water. I shifted my weight uncomfortably. I crossed my arms in front of my chest.
We made eye contact again and he spoke slowly."I am truly sorry, Kiri."
I wiped my eyes not sure how I felt. Some people dreamed of this moment...longed for the day their bully would realize what they had done and apologize. But there was so much pain... I'd been carrying so much weight. I didn't realize how much until now as it all boiled to the surface.
I stood there for a long moment trying to hold myself together. He didn't take his eyes off me, waiting for my response. I chewed on my lower lip and took deep breaths. I knew what I was supposed to say. He wanted to be forgiven. I wasn't sure if I could ever truly do that. I supposed I could say, 'thank you' but the mere thought made me queasy. In the end... I simply said, "Alright."
He stood there for a second taking in my response. He repeated it under his breath, "Alright...Alright..." He let out a breath of air and nodded. "I want you to know I truly have changed, Kiri. Each and every day, I strive to be better person. After what happened between us, I got the help I needed. It allowed me to realize just what I did and I really am no longer that person."
"Okay..." I said. I wasn't really sure what else he wanted me to say. He'd apologized and I accepted. As far as I could see, we were done. Yet he looked me like he expected something more. I shrugged my shoulders and said "I... understand... and am glad you got the help you needed. I...I accept your apology."
He just stood there with the strangest look in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it...simply nodding. I nodded back and figured that was that. I remembered he'd ordered coffee so I rang him up. He paid in cash and I gave him his change. Then I made his large coffee, two creams, two sugars. I popped the lid on top and set it down on the counter before him but he didn't take it. He just looked at it and then looked at me."Is there anything I can do to make up for what I did?"
"What?" I said.
"I... Is there anything I can do to make up for what I did?" He said, earnestly.
Again, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure what he was looking for here. This...this wasn't really something that could be made up. Yet he looked at me eagerly, waiting. I opened and then shut my mouth. I licked my lips and tapped my fingertips on the counter, feeling awkward as fuck. "The apology...was enough. The fact that you changed...that...that is something"
He wiped his nose and pushed up his glasses. He seemed to be getting frustrated. "Right, right, but I... What I did... I just... I want you to know how sorry I am. I just feel words aren't enough."
No, no, they weren't, but they would have to do. "It's fine," I said as the door opened and finally another customer came in.
"Have a nice day," I said, scooting his coffee closer to him. I gave him another shit eating grin.
He looked pained but reluctantly took his coffee and stepped aside. He stood there for a moment and then took a seat at one of the tables. He seemed to be thinking...or waiting. I really didn't want to talk to him anymore and tried to focus on the new customer.
I filled their order and then quickly darted into the back. I decided to change all the coffee filters. It was a bit early but they needed changing. I took my time and thankfully when I came back out he was gone. I let out a deep sigh hoping that was it but I had a feeling he'd be back. |
