A/N
I'd call this a refresher more then a remaster. I made small tweaks and adjustments. I also extended some areas.
I debated uploading the original but I decide not to. Those who bought the first editions will have rare copies as the newer ones have changes.
Also I'd eventually like to offer pdfs for kindle. I know some of you prefer kindles to website reading but I have to learn how to do it. I finally got a tablet/kindle and would like to teach myself and test it on my own to see how it looks. I might even make comix and short available at some point. Mostly it depends on if I can figure it out and then how to get it to you. I'd like to just have the downloads on the website but I don't know how to do that yet either lol. I think I'd have to start with email request. Anyway, Amends V3.
I needed something, anything at this point would do. I was desperate! Normally I didn't like to leave things until the last minute but a lot had been going on lately. We'd just moved into a new apartment and were still getting settled in. Then this morning Derek broke his arm in two places so we spent most of the afternoon in the emergency room getting it fixed.
I really considered bailing on the party but Derek insisted I go and I couldn't let Polly go alone. So here I was, ten minutes before I was supposed to be there, looking for something, anything, to bring. I'd found the address and thank goodness there was a corner market just down the block.
I popped in, grabbed a small shopping basket and began looking around. I tried to think of what would be customary in this case. The party was suppose to be a reunion of sorts. A bunch of old classmates from middle school had ended up in the same city and one of them got he bright idea to get us all together. Maybe I could grab some chips and dip or a dessert, no they'd probably have all that. I needed something more, this wasn't a childs party so maybe alcohol but what kind?
I let out a heavy sigh knowing I was dragging my feet but I wasn't a fan of parties or reunions for that matter. However my best friend Polly had been over the moon with excitement these last few weeks. She couldn't wait to catch up with everyone again, full of nostalgia. If not for her, I probably wouldn't have even considered going. The past, those days had been painful for me, my childhood hadn't exactly been… I closed my eyes knowing I needed to focus if I was going to get this done. Even if I wasn't a fan of the past, Polly was and I refused to let my darkness cloud her night.
I turned down an aisle and saw it: the wine section. It wasn't very big but at least they had one. Wine seemed like the perfect choice right now. I didn't know much about it but I doubted it mattered. I just needed to find one that wasn't too cheap. I glanced at the bottles and they almost all looked the same. I bit my lip and decided to look for a party bag and bow first, something that made it look like this wasn't a last second gift.
I found a nice bag and some curly ribbon an aisle over. I was a little surprising such a small store had something like this but my guess was, I wasn't the first person to dash in here, looking for a last minute gift. I returned to the wine section and glanced over the bottles again. I noticed there were a few different colors this time, but I wasn't sure how different white was from red. I knew wine was popular but I'd only had it a few times and had always found myself disappointed.
For some reason, growing up I'd thought wine was just fancy grape juice. After all, wine was made from grapes. It was a plausible assumption but to date, not a single wine I'd tasted, was even close to grape juice. A few of them tasted like olives but- I groaned realizing I was going off again still dragging my feet. I just needed to make a decision but I was getting nervous about seeing everyone again.
I let out a heavy sigh and idly looked around. I noticed a man, a rather handsome one at that looking at a bottle of wine a few feet away. Normally I didn't take notice of other guys, not since getting with Derek, he was all I needed but this man looked like he'd stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine. He had on a long expensive looking coat, his hair was styled and wore designer black rimmed glasses. He looked like a man who knew what he was looking for, when it came to wine... when it came to anything for that matter.
I cleared my throat, taking a chance that he might assist me in my quest for a decent wine. The man looked up from his bottle. Our eyes met and my heart stopped. For a moment I lost myself in his gaze. He had the most striking eyes behind those glasses. They were a shade of blue I'd only ever seen once before but he couldn't-
"Yes?" he said. I realized I was staring and holding my breath.
I shook the thought from my mind and started breathing again, "Uh, sorry sir, might you know a good wine?"
"What's the occasion?" he spoke so quietly I almost didn't hear him.
"A reunion, get together, ah party." I didn't know why but I was suddenly flustered.
"Hmm," he said, looking at me for a second longer. The side of his mouth lifted into a smirk before he turned his attention to the wines. It didn't take him long to lifted a bottle that was a few inches over from where I'd been looking, "It's basic but well received by most."
He handed it to me and I looked at the label, followed by the price. It was a bit pricey but reasonable, I guess "Thank you," I said, looking back up, but he was already gone.
I shrugged and put the bottle in my shopping basket. I should have been good to go but I wanted to get something for Derek. Something small but nice that would make him happy and let him know I was thinking of him. I wandered around the store a bit more and ended up getting him some of his favorite jerky and a sports magazine that featured a team he liked.
I paid for everything then carefully maneuvered it. I put the jerky in my coat pocket and rolled up the magazine, stuffing it in the inner layer of my jacket. I put the curly ribbon around the neck of the wine bottle and then put it in the party bag. For a moment I wondered if I should have gotten a card but cards were for birthdays or special events, this was just a bunch of people from middle school getting together.
From the corner market I made my way over to the apartment building. I texted Polly when I got into the elevator to see if she was here yet but learned she was running late. Her husband was out of town and her sitter had gotten out of volleyball practice late. She swore she was coming and sent me several stars so I knew she meant it but suggested I go in without her.
I groaned, not looking forward to facing the onslaught alone, but I knew I couldn't just ride the elevator all night and it would be awkward waiting in the hallway, especially if they saw me. The elevator reached the floor the party was on and I reluctantly got off. I found the apartment easily enough, took a deep breath and put on a fake smile before knocking on the door. Though I was nervous, I had to admit part of me was also a little curious. It would be cool see what everyone looked like now and what they were up to.
The door opened and I quickly recognized Belia Jenkins, holding a glass of wine. Even though I hadn't seen her since middle school I'd recognize those curls anywhere. She was wearing a nice beige sweater and dress slacks. She smiled at me and tilted her head slightly. I could see it took her a moment to recognize me but when she did, her smiled widened even more.
"Kiri...Lench, is that you?"
"Lenk," I corrected, "It's like link but with an e."
She shook her head, "It is you!"
"Yes." I said.
"Well, come on in!" she said, beckoning me with her free hand.
I walked in and was immediately overwhelmed with a pleasant scent. It smelled like some sort of fruit with a hint of cinnamon. I realized it was coming from some jars of potpourri scattered about a large open living room. The walls were painted in two shades of red. A lighter red for a base and a darker red that seemed to have been sponged on. Various photos and artwork also adorned the walls and there was a roaring fire going in the fireplace. This place definitely had an atmosphere. I think Polly had told me Belia was an interior decorator or something.
I could see at least a dozen or so people had already arrived. They were scattered about the room in various conversations. I swallowed, wondering if I shouldn't have just waited for Polly after all. I didn't think there would be this many people and I wasn't exactly a social person. Mind you, I had my moments when I was around people I trusted but there were only a few people I truly trusted in this world.
Belia shut the door and I continued to wear a fake smile plastered on my face. She took a sip of her wine and then pointed off somewhere behind me, "We're collecting coats on the kitchen table. You can just pile yours on top."
"Thank you," I said looking to see that the living room extended into a kitchen. I removed my coat and remembered my wine. I folded my coat over my arm and then lifted the party bag, "I hope you don't mind. I brought a little something."
"Ah, you didn't have to." said Belia.
"It's no trouble at all, really." I said, "It's just a bottle of wine."
She looked down at the bag as I lifted the bottle of wine out some. "We have a table for that as well, over there."
She turned and pointed to a table in the middle of the room. It was stocked with various wines and other alcohols. I could see some of the wine bottles also had bows and ribbons on them. Some people might be upset, to have brought the same thing as others but in my case I was glad. It was normal, expected and acceptable. I like fitting in when I could especially with this crowd, considering I'd been somewhat of an outcast.
Another woman with even more curls then Belia approached us. She stepped up to Belia and kissed her before placing a hand around her waist. She was wearing a nice blue dress and had a soda in her hand.
"Kiri, this is my wife, Jasmine." said Belia
"Oh hello," I said shaking her hand, "I'm sorry, but you have even more curls then Belia! I didn't think that was possible!"
Both women laughed, "Yes, oddly enough we met at a salon," said Belia.
"And it's a good thing we did. Can you believe she was actually considering straitening her hair?" said Jasmine, "Thankfully, I talked her out of it. Nothing damages your hair faster, well other than bleaching it."
"Are you a hairstylist?" I asked.
"Oh no but my sister is." said Jasmine, "She's the only one I let touch my hair."
"Beside me" said Belia giving her wife a squeeze.
"Very cool," I said.
"What do you do?" asked Belia.
Ahh, the dreaded what do you do question. I'd walked myself right into it. My job wasn't anything special I was a manager at a small cafe. Really, any college student could do what I did but I enjoyed it. Looking at the size and layout of this apartment and knowing the district I was in, they probably had money or did something that paid very well, perhaps both.
"I manage a cafe." I finally answered.
"Nice," said Belia.
"Which one?" asked Jasmine.
"Greta's" I said.
"The one on Turnip Lane or Chester Street?" asked Jasmine
"Turnip," I said, surprised she knew both locations.
"Ooh, that's the good one," said Jasmine, a little excited "I love their cupcakes."
"Oh we get those shipped in," I admitted. "From DeTellies Bakery, in Roma"
"Haha," said Jasmine, "I knew it! I love DeTellies. I thought they were."
I was surprised she could tell to me a cupcake was a cupcake. "You have a pretty good sense of taste," I said.
"Thank you," she beamed back at me.
"Oh please," said Belia, waving her hand in the area, "It's her job to know food. She's a food critic."
"Really!" I said.
"I prefer food journalist," said Jasmine.
"Oh wow. So you know a lot of good places,"
"Bad too but yeah I like to think I've been everywhere but new places are always popping up."
"Do you know any good spaghetti places?" I asked.
"Oh yes, Ciao Marea on 17th and Richards."
"Very cool," I said making note of it. Then I turned to Belia "I think Polly told me you're an interior decorator or something? This place looks amazing!"
"Oh thank you, I dabble here and there." said Belia beaming with pride. "I think about doing it full time, but right now, I'm waiting."
"Waiting?" I asked.
She and Jasmine smiled at each other before Jasmine rubbed Belia's stomach and said,"We're going to have a baby."
"This is sparkling gin," said Belia holding up her wine glass.
"Oh well congrats! How far along are you?"
"A few months." said Belia. "I know it doesn't look it. I also do personal training on the side but plan to become a full time mom after the baby is born."
"What about you? Do you have any kids?" asked Jasmine
"Not yet, but Polly does."
"Oh, is she still coming?" asked Belia.
"Yes, she's on her way."
"Great!" said Belia. "Maybe I can pick her brain on a few things."
The door bell rang and Belia quickly excused herself. Another woman stepped up and asked Jasmine for a good seafood restaurant. I realized she must get asked about food places all the time. I smiled, remembering the recommendation she gave me and quickly texted it to Derek so I wouldn't forget.
A second later he texted me back with a question mark. I sent him a smiley face and texted 'later'. He quickly sent back a smiley face and a heart. I chuckled then put my phone away before dropping my coat off in the kitchen. I piled it on top of several others before putting the bottle of wine on the alcohol table in the middle of the room. I placed the empty party bag off to the side underneath a few others that were already there.
Then I took a deep breath and looked around the room to see if I recognized anyone else. There was a young man off to my left who looked like Tyler Fin and another woman by the fireplace who might have been Yazica Grizz. I always thought she had a cool name but didn't know her all that well. I saw a few other somewhat familiar faces and their significant others but no one I really knew, well enough to approach.
I noticed almost all of them were drinking wine. I decided to grab a glass myself. I looked around the table, found a corkscrew and uncorked the bottle I'd brought, easily enough. I was kind of curious to see what it tasted like. As I poured myself a glass, a woman stepped up to me.
"Mind if I have a dash?"
"Oh certainly," I said and poured some wine into her empty glass. I wasn't sure how much a dash was but she seemed fine when I stopped halfway.
"Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome," I said. I put the wine bottle down and then looked at her more closely, trying to recognize her but I didn't have a clue who she was. "Sorry, do we know each other?"
"No, I don't think so." she said. "You might have known my little sister, Trin Brackner."
"Trin, Trin Brackner," I thought I remembered her. "Oh yes, I think so, small, blonde hair?"
"Always in pig tails," the woman added with a chuckle, "Yes, that's my little sister. I'm Alison. I was three grades higher then all of you."
"Oh, okay," I said offering out my hand. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Alison. I'm Kiri Lenk."
She was reached out for my hand and paused when she heard my name. Her smile shifted slight but then she finished taking my hand and shook it. I found it a bit strange but we both kept smiling at one another.
"Well, it was nice meeting you." She said quickly pulling her hand back.
"You too," I said again finding it strange but maybe she was just socially awkward.
She turned and quickly walked away as I took a sip of my wine. It wasn't grape juice but it wasn't that bad. After another sip it was actually pretty good. I took out my phone and took a picture of the bottle, wanting to remember the name so I could get it again. As I was checking to make sure the picture wasn't blurry, someone lightly tapped my shoulder. I turned around thinking it might be Polly but found it was Belia.
"Yes?" I said.
"Are you okay?" she asked, looking a bit worried.
"Yes." I said confused, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, I just saw you talking to...Alison."
"Oh, yes, we just met." I said still confused. "Ah, she's Trin's big sister."
"Yes." Belia said slowly, "You don't know who she's married to, do you?"
"Who is she married to?" I asked, wondering why it mattered.
Belia looked at me hesitantly before shifting her gaze to the corner of the room. I looked to see the man I'd spoken to earlier, at the corner market, about wine. I found it a bit funny he was here too. His long coat was off now but he was just as stylish as ever, wearing a nice black turtle neck sweater and dress slacks.
He was talking to a couple and I watched Alison walk up to him. She handed him the glass of wine, I'd poured her then kissed his cheek before whispering something into his ear. He glanced in my direction for a second but quickly turned his attention back to the conversation. I furrowed my brow now wondering just who he-
"Roan Attley," said Belia, answering my question.
Roan...Attley… Roan Attley…Roan Attley...ROAN ATTLEY! It was a name I knew all too well. A name I had longed to forget or if not, to never EVER hear again. I stood there frozen in time as it all came rushing back to me as if it were just yesterday.
Being put down, bullied day in and out does something to you. There's a saying. 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.' It's a nice saying but it's not true. Broken bones mend but words...words torment us. They eat away at you and fester like an open wound that just wont heal. They leave scars that run so deep that they can mess you up for years if not your entire life.
I...I met Roan Attley in the second grade. He was older then all the kids in our class but smaller. I remember meeting him because he was introduced to us very carefully. He'd been sick since he was an infant but was finally well enough to start school. His mother came to class before he did and explained all the things we were and weren't suppose to do around him.
When he finally joined the class I remember thinking he very small and thin. I'm not sure but I don't think I heard him say a single word beyond introducing himself to the class. Since he was so fragile, everybody mostly avoided him not wanting to get in trouble with our teacher or his mother who was always dropping by to check on him.
The next year he'd grown some. He was taller and had put on some weight...well, a lot of weight. It was like he'd exploded over the summer. His hair was in a shaggy bowl cut and always in his eyes. The teacher put him in the seat behind me and that is when my troubles began.
At first it was subtle, I'd feel something touch my back or my hair would move but when I'd turn around, he'd be sitting there like nothing had happened. Things went on like that for months slowly escalating. I'd feel him poke me and pull at my hair and then spit things at me, pieces of wadded up paper or candy. I would find it when I brushed my hair out or changed my clothes at night. I wasn't sure what to do. I'd never been bullied before I just tried to ignore it.
One day, he grasped hold of one of my braids and I felt it pull. Before I could turn around and confront him, I head the snipping of scissors. I cried out when I realized he'd cut my hair. The teacher pulled us both out into the hallway and I finally told on him. He claimed he didn't do anything to me and that I had made it all up. The teacher could clearly see I hadn't, he still had my braid in his hand and refused to let it go. She took him to the principals office but because of his 'situation' he didn't get in trouble.
Things only got worse after that. He'd kick the back of my chair when the teacher was out of the room. When we had to stand in line, he'd always get behind me and kick the back of my heels. At lunch he'd pinch me or push me when no one was looking. Whenever we went to recess he'd follow me the entire time, if he wasn't kick me, pushing me or poke me, he just stare at me.
If I played with anyone he'd take our toy away or pull my hair to get my attention. The other kids started to avoid me because he'd push them or throwing things at them. Sometimes he'd get scolded by the teachers and for a few days he'd leave me alone but he'd always start up again. I quickly grew to dislike him and would tell my teacher what he was doing over and over again.
After a while she sat me down and told me to ignore it, that he wasn't like all the other kids. He was still recovering from being sick and learning how to play with others. It was up to me to set a good example. She suggested I get to know him and include him in our games more.
I tried to do as the teacher asked. I'd play ball with him, or skip rope. We'd play on the swings or go down the slide but mostly he'd just tagged along watching me do everything. Sometime he'd play along but if he ever got upset or didn't want to do something anymore he'd just stop and stare at me or throw a tantrum. He had a temper and could get really mad sometimes over the simplest of things. I was grateful when the summer came.
In the forth grade we weren't in the same class. I was over the moon with excitement but whenever I was outside, he was there... waiting for me. I tried to pretend he was invisible. Whenever he did something to me, I'd act like it didn't happen hoping he'd finally leave me alone, if I didn't respond, however this only seemed to egg him on more.
He'd purposely do things to get my attention and get me to look right at him. That year he started talking to me. The stuff that came out of his mouth was horrible. He'd taunt and tease me, calling me all sorts of bad names. I'd try to run away and he'd chase me. No matter where I went on the playground, he was always there. I don't know why he didn't like me and had singled me out. I wondered sometimes what I had done wrong.
We weren't in the same class the next year either. He still kept bothering me and started waiting for me after school. He began following me home at a distance. It was scary; I knew he didn't live by me. No one lived by me. I lived out by the train tracks and often had to walk home alone. I didn't mind it. I was used to it by then. I always found something to look at and in the warmer months there was a pretty field of wild flowers, I enjoyed.
However with him following me I began to dread my walk home. At first, when I found him following me I took off running. I didn't want him to know where I lived. It wasn't hard to lose him. He was still recovering from being sick and gaining so much weight. After a few blocks he just couldn't keep up with me.
I'd be able to slow down then and catch my breath but by the end of the school year, he'd gotten faster. I'd hear him wheezing behind me and he managed to make it the whole way to my house. Sometimes I'd get scared he might follow me inside. I'd rush to my front door and then slam it shut behind me.
It would shake the whole house and wake my mother up. My mother was very sick. When I was little there were some days when she just didn't get out of bed. She didn't like the light or loud sounds. She'd come out of her room and be upset with me. I didn't like upsetting her and did my best to take care of her. My father had long since passed and she was all I had.
Thankfully the summer came and I didn't see him. When school started up again the next year we went to middle school. I hoped things might change now that we were in a new school. We only had a few classes together. When I saw him he was taller and he'd lost a lot of weight. His hair still covered his eyes and he mostly kept to himself. He read a lot of books and I thought perhaps he was done bullying me.
Yet after a few days, there he was, waiting for me after school. He smiled at me now like we were playing a game. I just broke into a run without a word. He was faster now and easily ran behind me nearly the whole way. When he got to the field by my house, he tackled me to the ground and pushed my face into the dirt. I tried to fight but realized he was stronger then me and there was nothing I could do.
After a while he let me up and laughed at me. He took my backpack and emptied it out all around me. I just glared up at him and he smiled down at me as if to say he'd beaten me, he'd won the race but we weren't racing. I was just trying to get away from him.
He left me there and I cried for a bit. I eventually cleaned up and went home. After that he chased me home everyday. Sometimes he'd run ahead of me or run circles around me, taunting me. He'd say such nasty things to me. I'd burst into tears and he'd just laugh. When we got to the field he'd take my bag and empty it.
Sometimes he'd take things like all my pencils and notebooks. One time he took my backpack altogether. I tried to get it back and we struggled. My clothes got torn and he pushed me into a mud puddle before taking off with my bag. I didn't chase him. I just went home.
When I came home muddy, with rips in my clothes and my backpack gone, my mom was upset. She thought I'd been fighting. She had a coughing fit, wanting to know what had happened. It got so bad I almost had to call an ambulance. I lied and told her I was careless, that I just fell and I'd forgotten my backpack at school. It calmed her down and as I tucked her back into bed. She told me I had to be more careful, that we couldn't afford to replace it.
The next day I stormed up to Roan at school. I demanded he give me my things back. It was the first time we made real eye contact. The first time I saw his ice blue eyes and how cruel they were. He just laughed and flipped my hair, asking me what I was going to do if he didn't give it back to me.
He pushed me then and I snapped. I pushed him right back as hard as I could and he fell, hitting his head on a desk. It cut open and he started bleeding all over the floor. He burst into tears and cried ou madly. He said I'd attacked him for no reason. He got taken to the nurse and then the hospital. I got taken to the principal's office and was in big trouble. Worst of all, they called my mom. She had to come to the school and everything.
They told her I'd attacked another student. Roan's mom was there and yelled at everyone, most of all my mom. I tried to tell my mom and the principal that Roan had been bullying me for years and that he took my bag. Roan claimed he'd done nothing to me and my bag was found in my locker with everything in it.
They thought I was making it up, that I was a LIAR! My mom couldn't take it. She was so upset with me and the situation, that she collapsed in the hall. They called an ambulance and she had to spend a few days in the hospital. I had to stay with a neighbor. After that my mom had to be on oxygen. There was talk of sending me to a relative but I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave her and though she was mad at me, she didn't want me to go either.
Her doctor sat me down and said I had to be better. That I couldn't get into any more trouble at school or it would hurt my mom. I swore I wouldn't upset her anymore. When she came home from the hospital. I stayed with her and took care of her reading to her. I was suspended from school for two weeks because of Roan. I almost didn't want to go back but I had no other choice.
When I got to school the other kids looked at me strangely. Word had spread around that I was weird and I had attacked Roan Attley. Everyone was being so nice to him, talking to him and giving him support. He'd had to get stitches because of his fall and had gotten a haircut. His whole world seemed to have changed over night while mine was plunged into darkness.
I felt so alone and so tired. When I went to go home that day Roan wasn't there. I was grateful but after a few blocks, he stepped out behind a building and blocked my path. He flashed me that sick grin of his and said he missed me. He started stretching, waiting for me to run, but I didn't. I walked the whole way home. He walked behind me, kicking the back of my heels. He tried to get a reaction out of me and got upset when I didn't do anything.
When we got to the field, he grabbed my bag and I pleaded with him not to take it. I told him I couldn't upset my mother anymore and that she was very sick. He paused and looked down at me then. I wondered if I'd gotten through to him but he smiled after a moment and ripped my bag away.
I got on my hands and knees and cried out, pathetically begging. He held it over me and said if I wanted it back, really, really wanted it back, that I had to do whatever he wanted and that I was his slave now. I'd do anything to make him stop and nodded. He laughed at me then surprised me saying I needed to kiss him.
I'd just looked up at him, confused. I'd never kissed a boy before but if that was what he wanted...if he'd give me back my bag, I'd do it. I'd do anything not to upset my mother. I got up without much thought and kissed him really quick on the cheek. He touched his cheek but dropped my bag on the ground. I grabbed it and ran home as fast as I could.
After that... things changed, instead of pinching or pushing or kicking me, he'd mostly ignore me at school. After school he'd meet me a few blocks away and we'd walk together in silence. When we got to the field I'd have to give him a kiss on the cheek. It was the toll I paid to get him to leave me alone and not any trouble.
After a few months it got to be like nothing at all, like I was waving goodbye. It was just something I did. I'd kiss him really quick on the cheek and run home. However on the last day of school it wasn't enough. He wanted me to kiss him on the lips. I didn't want to. He grabbed my arm really hard and said if I didn't do it, he'd cause so much trouble that it might kill my mother.
I kissed him on the lips then. It was my first kiss and he'd...he'd stolen it from me. The summer came and went, my mother got a little better that year. She'd gotten in touch with her sister and they talked a lot. My aunt came down to visit and helped me pick out my first bra and showed me how to do my hair and a little bit of makeup. She even bought me some new clothes for the school year.
When I went to school that year I was filled with hope. Roan looked different, he dressed better and had his hair slicked back. He seemed to have made a few friends. I saw them talking in the only class we shared and hanging out at lunch together. I'd hoped that would keep him busy and away from me.
However, when I went home, he was there. He took my bag first thing and insisted I had to hold his hand the whole way home from now on. I didn't want to hold his hand but he pulled my hair until I did. On the walk home he said I'd turned into a slut over the summer and I'd better not kiss anyone else or he'd be mad. He didn't like my makeup or my new clothes and most of all he didn't like my hair. He told me I'd better fix it by tomorrow or there would be trouble.
I didn't want to fix it. I liked how it looked and made me feel. I thought I looked pretty but he told me I looked ugly and stupid and it made him hate me even more. When we got to the field he wanted his kiss on the lips from now on. I was in tears by then from all his harsh words. I didn't move so he kissed me.
That night I cried myself to sleep but the next morning I did as he asked. I wore some of my old clothes and kept my hair in a pony tail. When I went to school, he was waiting outside with one of his friends to make sure I'd done what he asked. He looked at me and just laughed before he and his friends started throwing something at me. It took me a few minutes to realize it was dog shit…
I knew I couldn't go home like this. I rushed to the bathroom and tried to clean it all off but I smelled. After that other kids started to tease me and give me disgusted looks. It made me more of an outcast then I already was. I thought this was my life now that I was always going to be alone and Roan was just going to torture me until the end of time.
When we got to the field that day, I gave him his stupid kiss but he wouldn't let me go home. He made me take my hair out of my ponytail so he could play with it. He ran his fingers through it and pulled on it. I wanted to go home but he wouldn't let me. He made me sit with him and talk to him. He wanted me to hug him and just hold him. I didn't like how it felt having his hands all over me. He wanted me to take off my coat but I told him my mom would worry if I got home too late and he got mad. He got really upset and kicked me but he let me go home.
I began to worry what else he might do to me. With him things seemed to only get worse and worse. I started feeling beyond helpless and most of all hopeless. But then, a month into school, she came, Polly… Polly Linn. From the moment she arrived she was different from all the others. She took a liking to me almost instantly. I don't know why. She shared her perfume with me and talked to me about anything and everything. The other kids tried to warn her in those first few days. They told her I was weird and crazy that I had attacked Roan Attley and nearly killed him.
I was sure she wouldn't like me after that but she didn't seem to care. It was like she was from another planet. I looked forward to getting to see her. She was the light in my dark tunnel of existence. It didn't take long for Roan to notice and get upset. He told me to stay away from her or he'd get real mad.
The next day at school I tried to avoid her but she just kept coming up to me. When I didn't think anyone was looking, I tried to warn she'd get hurt if she stayed around me. She pulled back then and I thought she'd gotten the message and it was over. I thought what little joy of friendship I'd experienced was gone. Yet after school she wanted to come over and hang out. She wanted me to tell her my side of things with Roan.
I told her she couldn't come over. That Roan wouldn't allow such a thing. She took my hand and said I could go to her house instead. My heart nearly exploded in my chest. I called my mom and asked if I could go to a friend's house. She was happy for me and said I could.
I was so, so excited. When school got out we left through another exit and we walked home together. I told her everything. She didn't say anything but when I started to cry she hugged me. She said it must have been lonely. She became my best friend and after that, There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her.
We went to her house and her family was the best. Her mom was cheerful and made us snacks and we watched TV in her room. They invited me to stay for dinner and I met her older brother, Derek. He was in high school. He played football and was so nice. When dinner was over their dad drove me home.
My mom was up and we talked. She was happy I'd made a friend. She told me she worried about me. I told her she didn't need to. I felt like things had changed that for the first time ever I wasn't alone. The next day I went to school. I didn't see Roan anywhere, not in school or at lunch. It was like he disappeared.
Polly asked to come to my house and I thought it would be safe since Roan wasn't there. We walked home together but when we got to the field Roan was there holding a carton of eggs. He threatened Polly and I learned it wasn't the first time they'd spoken. He said he'd thought he told her to stay away from me.
Polly hadn't told me he'd threatened her. She just told him to move out of our way that she didn't listen to bullies. He pulled out some eggs and started throwing them at her. We soon learned they weren't just any eggs, they were rotten. The smell was like no other and he hit her in the face with a few of them. I tried to make him stop but he just pushed me to the ground and told me to wait my turn.
He kept throwing the eggs until they were all gone. I cried out apologizing to Polly, Roan kicked me and told me to just shut up, that there was nothing to apologize for. I thought Polly was going to cry. That she would be so upset and she was, but not with me.
She wiped the egg off her face and yelled at Roan. She called him a creep, a loser that needed to pick on people to make himself feel big. Roan got really upset. He pushed her and she pushed him back. He stumbled back and tripped over my legs, falling to the ground. Polly laughed at him and reached out her hand to me.
I'd never seen anyone stand up to Roan like that. I took her hand and got up. I tried to help her clean off the eggs. Roan was so pissed he grabbed an old board he found on the ground. He called Polly a bitch and swung it at her. It all happened so fast. I didn't think, didn't hesitate, I just moved between them. The old board had a rusty nail in it and it went deep into my arm.
I cried out and Roan dropped the board. He yelled at me, calling me stupid but ran off as fast as he could. Polly quickly pulled the nail out and we went home. Thankfully, my mom wasn't there. We washed my off and put a bandage on it. Polly wanted to tell on Roan but I made her swear not to. I told her about my mom and his mom and how much trouble we'd get into, especially when he hadn't even been at school today. It would be our word against his and everyone always believed him.
Polly really wanted to tell, but promised she wouldn't. My mom came home and we all had dinner together. We did our homework and then her dad came to get her. I went to bed early that night and didn't feel so well the next day. My arm hurt really bad so I didn't go to school. I stayed home and tried to get better.
When I returned to school Polly was waiting for me, she was worried about me. I told Polly I was okay, my arm just hurt. She insisted we go to the nurse. She said I could just say I fell on a nail. We went to the nurse and she treated it better. She also gave me a shot and told me to be more careful. When Polly and I were alone at lunch, she told me what had happened to Roan.
Apparently when I didn't come to school yesterday, he got upset with her and they got into a fight but Roan was the one who got in trouble this time. He got three days suspension. I couldn't believe it. I started to think Polly had super powers! For the next three days we hung out and every night we'd go to her house. When Roan's three days were up I worried about what he might do and Polly was worried too.
She told me she sort of broke her promise. She didn't tell her parents but she'd told her older brother about Roan. He'd offered to walk us home after school everyday and maybe even have a few words with Roan. I wasn't sure how that was going to go.
When Roan came back he glared at me. I knew he was upset. After school he was waiting for us but we weren't alone. Derek was with us. Polly pointed out Roan and he had a few words with him. Derek made it clear if Roan didn't leave us alone he'd have more than word next time. I could see Roan was upset but he backed off. Derek was my hero. I think I fell in love with him right then and there before I even knew what it was to love someone.
Every day he'd walk us home and then go to football practice. Sometimes if we were running late, we'd go to his practice and watch him. He was amazing. I'd never seen anyone run so fast and throw so far. He was always so nice to me. Sometimes he'd even buy Polly and me ice cream.
One day when we were walking home after his practice and some other high school kids pulled up in a car. They tried to beat Derek up but he took them all out. He was amazing. We later learned that the boys had been told Derek was bullying Roan by one of Roan's friends who had an older brother in highschool. The friends' older brother thought he and his friends were just taking out a bully. Derek explained the situation and set them straight. Roan and his friend got in trouble with the boys and some teachers who'd found out about the fight.
Roan left us alone after that for nearly two whole months. It was the longest time he'd ever stayed away. I thought maybe it was finally over. But then one day I got detention. One of my teachers, Mrs. Mizner, and I never got along. She scolded me for my math homework and I told her it was too hard that I couldn't follow her. She was insulted and had me go up in front of the class and do a problem. She made fun of me and made it clear it was not her that was a poor teacher but that I was a poor student. I snapped at her and told her it was a matter of opinion which got me in trouble. She made me stay after school and clean her classroom.
I told Polly she didn't have to wait for me. I told her I was okay to walk home alone by myself for one day. I figured he hadn't bugged me for two months so he might not know I was on my own today. Polly said she'd wait but I didn't want to make Derek late for practice. I cleaned the classroom and Mrs. Mizner wanted everything done; the windows, the trash, the desks, the board, and the floor because it might help me clean up my attitude. When I was finished I went to put the supply closet to put all the cleaning supplies away.
I saw a shadow fall across the shelves and turned to see him in the doorway. He got into the supply closet with me and shut the door. I went to scream but he covered my mouth. He forced me down on the ground with him and I got scared. I backed into the corner and curled up, begging him not to hurt me.
He snarled at me, claiming I'd hurt him, I was suppose to be his slave and do whatever he said but I'd disobeyed him and disrespected him. He said I was going to make it up to him. I apologized wanting him to go away but he didn't. He started running his hands over me and kissing me. I knew...I just knew something really bad was going to happen if I didn't make him stop. When he tried to take off my shirt, something inside me just exploded and I fought back. I hit, scratched and kicked, lashing out at him. I yelled and screamed at the top of my lungs.
He got really upset. He tried to cover my mouth again and I bit him. He lost it then and started hitting me. He grabbed things from the shelves and threw them at me, yelling and kicking me. He screamed about how much he hated me and wanted me to just DIE! DIE! DIE!
He grabbed some scissors from a box and lashed out at me. He stabbed me several times and I cried out. It hurt so much! I thought I was going to die. Somehow I managed to get the scissors away from him but he wrapped his hands around my neck and started choking me. Again I thought I was going to die that he was going kill me. I struggled, scratching at his arms, but he didn't let up for a second. Everything started to get hazy. My hands fell away but then the door to the supply closet opened and we were both blinded by light. When my eyes could focus I saw the principal and Derek. Roan quickly let go of my neck and got off me, bursting into tears. He claimed I'd attacked him and that he was just defending himself but it was too late, they'd heard everything
I learned later, when Derek came to pick us up, Polly had told him I had detention. Derek had decided to wait and when I didn't come out, he come looking for me. He ran into the principal and they got to chatting about football, when they'd heard my screams. They found the classroom but Roan had locked the door. It took them a moment to get the keys and unlock it.
The principal grabbed hold of Roan and dragged him out by the back of his neck. Derek lifted me from the closet and rushed me to the nurse's office. I felt so sick and listless...most my wounds weren't very deep but there was so much red... most of that day was a blur but I remember hearing when Roan's mother got to the school. I heard her screaming through the halls but I also heard my mother. I'd never heard her voice so loud when she learned what had happened. Polly had told the principal everything she knew. The truth had all come out once again and this time it would not be denied.
When my mom came to see me she burst into tears. I wasn't hurt too bad but had to go to the hospital to get stitches. She stayed by my side even though I knew it was one of her bad days. She held my hand and swore she'd never let Roan Attley hurt me again. I didn't go back to school for a full month after that. My mother considered pulling me out altogether but I missed Polly so much.
She would call me every day or come over. She told me everything that was going on at school. Word had gotten out about Roan and everyone finally knew the truth. He was expelled from school and rumors said he was being home schooled or that he'd been sent to juvenile detention. Others said that he'd been put into a mental institution or that his sickness had returned and he'd died. In the end we never really knew what happened. Honestly, I didn't care, all that had mattered to me was that it was over, finally over and I never ever had to see him again until...today.
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