Gwyne had the strangest dream. She'd been rock climbing or something, then suddenly she found herself standing under a streetlamp, at night, on some random street. She didn't know what she was doing there. She saw a house that was on fire and there were a bunch of people on the front lawn. There must have been a few dozen maybe even fifty or more. She titled her head, wondering if they'd had some sort of house party that got out of control.
She suddenly saw Corrie in the center of the crowd. She wanted to go to him, and ask what was going on, but found she couldn't move. She looked down at her shadow, only it was far bigger then it should be. She realized someone was standing behind her, but she couldn't turn around, to see who. She looked back up and Corrie saw her. He smiled at her and again she wanted to go to him but felt kept...somehow by the person standing behind her. Just what control did they have over her?
Corrie reached out to her and she reached back. He took a step towards her, but suddenly stopped. Something was wrong...horribly wrong! She could feel it in her gut! She wanted to go to him but the shadow wouldn't let her. Corrie was suddenly getting farther away. She was losing him! She cried out to him and managed to stumble forward.
Yet the figure behind her, grabbed her wrist and started to pull her away. She turned and looked at them, but couldn't make out who they were. They were cloaked in shadows as if they were a shadow themselves. She tried to struggle free from their grasp, but it was no use, they would not let her go!
She suddenly felt weird... weak, she found it hard to resist them as she felt their darkness seeping into her... or perhaps...perhaps it simply called to darkness already within her. Either way, she felt that old familiar feeling stir within her. It was back, with a vengeance. It would not be denied whether Corrie loved her or not! She felt like she was in a tar pit the more she struggled the more the darkness consumed her.
Corrie! Gwyne manged to look back at where he'd been. Her chest ached to find he was gone! She knew she was dreaming, yet somehow she felt something had happened. SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO CORRIE!
Gwyne woke feeling feverish. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she wondered if she had a nightmare or something. She sat up trying to recall but could only remember the emotions. She felt like she had lost something. She just felt awful and wondered if she was coming down with something.
Her apartment was dark so she turned on some lights. She went to the bathroom then washed her face. She felt a little bit better as she was drying off. She checked the time, thinking it must be late, and laughed when she realized it wasn't even ten o'clock. She was getting older but she wasn't that old yet. The night was still young! She ran her fingers through her hair, realizing she must have dozed off at some point. To be fair it had been a long day.
First there had been the phone call and break up with Dawson. It had worked out, but still left her feeling weird and confused. After Corrie had left, she'd tried to sort some things out, and jotted down a to do list. She made it all legit, putting it on the fridge and everything. Then she cleaned her place up. At first, she just wanted to make things look nice, but soon found herself gathering up everything that reminded her of Dawson. She didn't want to think about him anymore!
Everything with him was just so messy and would be for some time. She knew it was over and accepted that but there was still all this shit, swirling in the air. Every time he crossed her mind, she felt so sick and torn. Again not everything was awful… sometimes things could be really great, like the time he surprised her at the hobby store. Her eyes had been bigger then her wallet and she needed to put stuff back, yet Dawson had surprised her, having, Mr. Charles, buy everything. He also had, Mr. Charles, pick up her favorite meal from one of her favorite restaurants. It had been unexpected, nice, thoughtful and generous. It made her think of him fondly. However, now it just made her sad, and she wanted it all gone like, Dawson.
She went into her bathroom and looked over all the beauty supplies and vitamins. They disgusted her now. She threw them all away, thinking about how controlling he could get. He wanted everything just so...her just so. She found one of the masks he'd given her to wear. She remembered how upset he'd gotten when she wasn't wearing it. She clutched it in her hand wanting to burn it now. The money had been great but she couldn't help but think about what Corrie had said. Every bit had chipped away at her...breaking her down. Who knows what she would have accepted if she'd stayed with Dawson. She had given up pieces of herself for what, money and great sex...really great, mind blowing, sex. For a moment she felt the familiar ache as she thought over some of the shit he'd done to her.
She quickly snapped herself out of it. NO! NO! No amount of money or sex justified some of the sick shit he'd done. He demeaned her, threatened her, beat her and seriously hurt her...but wasn't that what she wanted...to get seriously fucked up? Hadn't she longed for the danger he could provide? She looked at herself in the mirror and felt sick yet again. Her head and heart were so fucking messed up. THIS! THIS RIGHT HERE! Was why she needed to get rid of everything that reminded her of Dawson. She just didn't want to think about it or him anymore, not until she could get help and properly deal with it...if this was even something she could deal with.
She kept cleaning, for what felt like forever, but she got it all. She made two piles, donation and trash. Everything fell into one pile or the other, except for that giant ass castle. She ran her hands over it, thinking she couldn't donate it, she'd already finished the hobby kit. Who would want it now? She supposed she should just toss it, but it didn't really look like trash. She put a lot into this and it looked amazing.
She supposed she could keep it. It wouldn't hurt to keep one thing, right? Maybe after all this blew over she could display it. Yet there was something about it that made her feel strange. If she stared at it too long, she'd get these vague images and feelings. Something about it was disturbing. It sent a chill up her spine and she'd feel…feel horribly guilty about something. She bit her lip, then decide to just bury it in her storage closet until she could decide what to do with it.
Once everything Dawson related was out of sight, she sat down at her kitchen table, and looked over the numbers Corrie had given her. She wasn't sure if they'd be able to help her with all this shit, or if she really wanted to go over it, with yet another person, but clearly she wasn't handling it on her own. She needed help, not just with processing Dawson but all of it, the dark feelings and urges... her need to get fucked up.
The first number was out of service, due to exceeding their budget for summer sessions. She called the second number but it was busy. The third had a machine pick up, and she left an awkward message, with her name and number. She wasn't feeling very encouraged but she called the fourth number. Someone immediately picked up but she was put on hold. She found something to eat and realized just how empty her fridge and cabinets were. She paced around her living room, then up and down the hall. Eventually she flossed her teeth in the bathroom, then gathered up her bedding and did some laundry.
She nearly gave up on it but someone answered. She quickly found out why she was on hold for so long. They had like a billion questions. They wanted her name, number, insurance, why she was calling and what she was hoping to get. Once they got that over with they needed her to take a survey. They wanted to know about her mood and if she was self harming. They didn't have a box for kind of and I only hurt myself through other people, I get them to do my dirty work. She collapsed on her bed answering what she could.
Based on her needs, they found her appointment, a few days from now. She asked if she sounded that desperate and the woman on the phone told her they just had a cancellation. She felt a little better about it. She booked the appointment the wrote down the date, time and doctor. After she hung up, she put the slip of paper on the fridge, next to her to do list then collapsed on her knees. She didn't realize how much she'd been dreading making the appointment but now it was over and done with. She was going to be getting help, whatever it took! She wanted to be happy or at the very least, not miserable.
She decided to get rid of the castle after all. No matter how much time passed, it would always be a reminder, and it made her feel weird and guilty. She didn't need that shit! It was a bitch to carry down the stairs, and stuff in the dumpster, with what she had already put in, but she managed. She packed the rest of the stuff, into about four large garbage sacks, then took it to the nearest place she could donate. She didn't want a receipt or anything she just handed it over and walked off. Out of sight out of mind.
When she was a block or so away, it felt like a weight had been lifted off her, literally and figuratively. She wanted to change, really change, and was willing to do whatever it took, this time. She just wanted to be happy and with Corrie. Even if...one day he came to his senses and changed his mind. At least once in her life Gwyne wanted to be truly happy. Maybe it was the fresh air, or finally taking care of business, but she felt alive again. She felt full of possibilities. She wasn't just drifting, existing from one moment to the next. She felt she had passion, plans and goal, a real direction. As she walked down the sidewalk, she did a little spin, she could barely contain her joy. She had a hop in her step and a song in her heart.
She went grocery shopping next. She grabbed a basket, and only planned to get a few things, but she ended up getting more then she planned. She needed to restock her fridge, but didn't need to do it all at once. She put a few things back, then picked up several newspapers, wanted adds and magazines. When she got home, she put everything away, then sat down at her kitchen table and started circling jobs.
She didn't care what the job was as long as she qualified, she put a circle around it. She still had some left over resumes. Her plan was to get up first thing tomorrow, and apply for every job she circled. Until she heard back from someone she'd do gig work, then if no one contacted her in a week she'd contact a temp agency. She set hard deadlines so she wouldn't put it off any longer. She added more papers to the fridge and felt proud of herself.
She grabbed a quick snack, then decided to call Tawnie, and let her know she was around. She got in touch with Tawnie's cousin, and found out she'd just missed her. She left a message but Tawnie had forgotten something, and come back. Tawnie got on the phone, but said she couldn't talk long. One of her cousins was missing, and the family was going to go looking for him.
Gwyne asked if she could help in any way, but Tawnie thought she knew where he might be. He disappeared all the time, just not usually around this time of year. Tawnie would check a few places, then pop by later, to catch up, if Gwyne was still around. Gwyne quickly told her she would be 'around' for a while. Tawnie picked up on what she was saying, and dragged out a long 'ohhhhhhh' but didn't ask about it as she had to go. They hung up,and Gwyne turned on some music.
She checked the time, thinking it was still morning, but found it was mid afternoon. She decided to make a proper meal, instead of snacking. She looked through her fridge and cupboards, debating what she could make. They were still a bit bare but she'd get them full again. First paycheck she got she'd stock up. After another minute or so, she finally decided on egg sandwiches. She took out the bread, eggs and butter, then got the pan hot. She lined it with butter then got cracking. She liked her eggs sandwiches kind of runny, with over easy eggs, but it was fifty fifty if the yokes would break. It had been a while since she'd cracked an egg and made a bit of a mess.
The phone suddenly rang and she rushed to wash her hands. She nearly answered it, but paused, thinking better of it...it could be Dawson. She bit her lip and waited for her machine to get it. When she heard Corrie's voice she quickly picked up. Her heart soared hearing from him. He was on lunch and asked her how her day was going. She told him what she had done and he was so proud of her. She cooked the first egg sandwich as they talked, then decided she was hungry enough, and had worked hard enough, for two. She cracked more eggs as he told her about his day. Then he said he loved her and she said it back. Soon he had to go and hung up.
She finished cooking then watched some TV as she ate. Eventually, she cleaned up, then laid on her bed looking over the magazines she'd got. She saw some fliers and coupons she might like to use. The food and the day must have hit her hard, because she passed out. She stood in her living room now, debating what she wanted to do. She paced around her apartment, then decided to make something to eat and tackle her mail.
She gathered everything up then put it on her kitchen table. She made herself something to eat and counted how much money she had left. When she was finished eating, she took up her pen and pad, and began opening her mail. She kept track of what needed a payment and what was still good. As the pile got smaller she came across a package wrapped in black plastic. She thought it was strange. She unwrapped it, to see it was a videotape...and not just any videotape. On the cover, she saw herself chained to a toilet, with her legs spread open. Her eyes went wide as she realized this was it...her first and only porn! "Shit!"
Clearly Dawson had sent this before the breakup. Gwyne knew she should just throw it away, but this was something that was always going to be out there. For better or worse, she had done this, and needed to own up to it. She might as well see how bad it was, and at the very least, see if she could recognize herself in any of the shots. She put the tape in her player, then sat on the edge of the couch. She expected to see herself getting pounded in the men's room, but was shocked to see herself walking around in the garden...flashing herself.
She covered her mouth, and dropped to the floor on her knees. She knew he had taken pictures but hadn't realized there was video. She wasn't wearing a mask and you could clearly see it was her. So much for anonymity! She shook her head and hissed, "Bastard!"
Gwyne watched as she playfully wandered around the garden, teasing the camera. She thought she was being sneaky, but clearly saw several people had noticed her. She groaned at their various reactions. Some were shocked, and others horrified as they whipped their heads in her directions. She cringed hard and decided to skip forward. She crawled up to her player, and pushed the button to fast forward. She saw more lewd footage of herself, moving around the garden...even peeing. She had completely forgotten about that! At one point she paused the tape seeing security footage of her naked ass running around. It was a wonder she hadn't been caught!
The next scene was them playing with food. She watched her pussy devour it and drool all over the place. The fucking bag on her head looked so awful. She looked truly deranged with that banana stuffed in her pussy. She watched the bandanna jerk about as she had moved her kegel muscles, sucking on it the like some unhinged sex psycho.
She shook her head yet again and pushed the footage forward. She saw herself on their first 'official' date. There was security footage of her getting whipped, and fucking that broom! She knew she had done so much worse, but still of all the shit he had caught on camera! She couldn't believe this! She thought she was going to die! She thought he was just going to show her, getting fucked up in a men's room, but he seemed to have compiled a collection of the crazy shit she had done with him. She was not okay with this...people were gonna see this shit and know it was her! "Lying fucking bastard!"
The scene suddenly changed and she was in the hotel room, waiting as five guys walked in. "FUCK! HE GOT THIS TOO!" She cursed, realizing there must have been hidden cameras. She thought she was only doing it for him. At least you couldn't see her face, because she was wearing a mask, but like it fucking mattered, when there was other footage where you could. She let out a heavy sigh and watched several minutes of her getting roughed up and stuffed, five ways over.
She titled her head, some of it was just...insane! She did not realize she could move like that, or more as bend. She also recalled what it felt like to fuck and fuck endlessly. For a second she actually got aroused, recalling it. She watched for a bit longer, then fast forward, hoping it was just this room. However Dawson soon came in with another camera. Shit she had forgotten about that!
Some guy was pumping her from behind but got her up and took her to the bathroom. Dawson got the perfect shot of her hunched over a toilet taking it doggy style. She watched her head go in the bowl as she slumped over from pure exhaustion. Her holes were all messed up, swollen and brimming with cum. It was one of her lowest moments forever caught on tape.
She watched herself getting ground down. She saw her body seize into one of her most powerful orgasms, and then... Dawson pissing all over her. She watched her ass getting drenched in piss. She had no shame. She didn't even squirm away. She just stayed there taking it. Her pussy and ass were just drizzling cum and piss onto the bathroom floor as she passed out with her head in the toilet.
Gwyne through her head back, thinking she shouldn't watch any more of this shit, but she had to know what else he put on this fucking tape. Several more minutes passed as she saw a barrage of fucked up situations, some she recalled and some she didn't. There was one of her asleep in his bed as he toyed with her. He kept spreading her hole and spitting in it showing how her hole opened and closed. He tugged on her clit ring and even flicked her clit a few times. She twinged as if she could almost feel him doing it, right now.
There were several clips of him dressing her up in slutty clothes and putting her into weird, humiliating positions. He smeared make up on her face and she looked so out of it…liked some drugged up slut. There were more of him placing her in places around his apartment and leaving her there like he she was a doll he was done playing with.
One clip showed a time-lapse of him cumming in her, then leaving her bent over his kitchen table as his seed, slowly dizzied out of her, and into a bucket on the floor. Garlin was even there and fucking served him dinner at the same table. Dawson read the newspaper as he ate then Garlen cleaned up like it was fucking nothing, just business as usual.
Another scene came on showing her upside down. She appeared to be falling off the bed as she was getting drilled into. All you could see were her big tits, stomach and pussy. She watched herself getting slammed and realized it wasn't Dawson. The guy came, pulling his dick out, he let his seed spay from her pussy, to her stomach and breasts. Then the guy spread open and a light was shined in her. She could see herself...like all of herself… parts she hadn't wanted to! She felt like it wasn't her...like she was in that sex club, watching someone else on display. Yet it was her...all of ths was fucking her. She grabbed her crotch and cursed. "Fuck!"
In the next scene, she was wearing a mask again. She saw herself fucking three guys in a small room. Once again, she had absolutely no idea when or even where this was. Two of the guys were playing tug of war with her, pumping her back and forth. She could hear their bodies violently smacking against her. When they were finished Dawson captured her holes, they were red and swollen. She shook her head, thinking she'd clearly been more fucked up with Dawson, then she'd realized. If this hadn't been filmed she never would have known about it. Who knows what else wasn't on film. What else she didn't...wouldn't ever know about. She felt physically sick.
She went to turn it off, hoping she still had something hard left in the cabinets. She definitely needed a swift drink, after this, maybe even two or three. As she put her finger on the button, to stop the video, she froze. Another scene came on that she didn't recognize. She was in some back alley, with a big muscular guy, fucking her against a dumpster. She gasped watching it. She thought her lowest moment was her head in the toilet, but there she was, being fucked against a dirty ass dumpster.
Suddenly the guy jerked her about. He got her up and paraded her around in front of a group of people. Her feet were barely touching the ground and her tits were going all over the place as he walked her around, by his cock. She was squirming about madly cumming all over the place. She sat back on her knees, watching as they began slapping her around. She ask...begged for them to stop, but they wouldn't, even as she broke down crying.
Her hands trembled as she fast forward. She was on her back now, laying on a piece of cardboard as some guy was pumping into her. He finished, and another one got on top, and then another. Her head was turning from side to side. She couldn't see her face, but knew she was out of it as another, and then another, and then another took their turn. They hadn't even gotten to the fucking men's room scene yet. Her crotch burned as she saw how many guys she was taking. This was so bad, this was seriously fucking bad. She saw how out of control things had gotten.
Another scene started to play. She was on some bed, in her corset and mask. She appeared to be unconscious as men in masks surrounded the bed. They ran their hands over her, grabbing at her, then one pulled her in, and began fucking her. They all came at her after that, one at a time, half a dozen or more, taking their turns. They passed her limp, unconscious body around the room. She was so upset, disgusted and angry. She- there was a lot of shit she'd done, let him to do her but this- SHE HAD NOT CONSENTED TO THIS! She remembered specifically telling him not to sleeping beauty her.
Another scene came on, showing her in her masked, bruised and broken on a bathroom floor. Dawson was putting something inside her, some glass or plastic tube that opened her up. She could see inside herself again and he started masturba-
"Wow. This is some crazy shit!" said Tawnie leaning over the couch.
Gwyne nearly broke the TV as she shot forward and turned off the tape. She spun around shocked to see Tawnie there. She hadn't even heard her come in. "Tawnie? How...How much of that did you see?"
"Not much a minute or two," she said jumping over the back of the couch to sit down. She had some licorice in her mouth. "You can relax, I watch crazier shit then that all the time."
"Yeah," said Gwyne. She stared at Tawnie for a moment, realizing she must not have recognized her. Clearly if she had, she would have said something. Gwyne really didn't want Tawnie or anyone she knew to see her like that. She quickly changed the subject, "So you find your cousin?"
"Nah," she sighed, "But I'm sure he'll turn up somewhere sooner or later. He's young, still out there getting his fill you know, like we used to."
"Yeah." said Gwyne standing up. She went to the couch and sat down. She tried to act natural as she asked "So what have you been up to?"
"You know me, a little here, a little there. I almost got enough saved up, to go out and about. Which is awesome cause I'm single again and might as well live it up."
"Oh yeah, what happened to your mystery guy?"
"Yeah that fizzled out. He was married and chose his wife, cause she's having another baby or some shit."
"Yeah," said Gwyne. She could tell Tawnie was pissed off. She must have really liked this one. "Want to talk about it?"
"Not really, came here to find out about your shit, and was hoping we could go dancing."
"What time is it?"
"Who the fuck cares." said Tawnie.
"True." said Gwyne getting up. "Let me get changed then we can go out. Maybe get a few drinks. I could sure as fuck use one of three, right about now,"
"Oh?" said Tawnie, "What happened?"
"Well." said Gwyne with a heavy sigh, "Me and my mystery man, are sooooo over."
"He dump you?"
"No, actually I dumped him this morning." said Gwyne as she walked down the hall. She started to undress, but worried Tawnie might be tempted to turn on her porn and find out it was her.
She went back into the living room and Tawnie asked, "Why?"
"Well, shit was getting crazy. I told you that."
"Yeah," said Tawnie. "Some of it."
Gwyne messed with a few things on her kitchen table, trying not to be obvious. She straightened some paperwork, put a plate in the kitchen sink, then casually got the tape out of her player. Tawnie seemed to interested in what she had to say to notice what she was doing. "The guy was like super controlling and abusive. He kept wanting to do crazier shit and got me on the hard shit. I don't even remember half the shit we did."
"Yeah," said Tawnie as Gwyne walked down the hall with the tape in hand.
She hid it in her closet, then got undressed and continued."Like he wanted me to fuck everyone, in all sorts of weird places and I just wasn't feeling it!"
"Wasn't feeling it, right," said Tawnie. She'd got up from the couch and stood against the hall wall so she could hear Gwyne better.
Gwyne put on some lacey black underwear. It had been forever since she wore any, but she was hoping it would remind her, to keep her legs shut tonight. She wanted to go out with Tawnie, but didn't want to wake up in someone elses bed, now that she and Corrie. "Oh," she gasped, realizing she hadn't told Tawnie yet.
"What?" said Tawnie lighting a cigarette.
"Well I just realized something else big happened." said Gwyne, getting a skimpy black dress, out of her bathroom closet. She slid it on, then checked herself in the mirror on the bathroom door. She messed up hair, then started putting on makeup as she said."I don't know if I should tell you… because you're going through a break up and all."
"The fuck just spin it out," said Tawnie moving to stand in the bathroom door. She took a long drag of her cigarette and let it out. Gwyne really wanted one but was trying to quit. She focused on getting dress, she put on a black garter belt and some pretty lace stalkings before picking out her black heeled boots. She went to her bed and sat down.
She continued as she put them on lacing them up, "It has to do with Corrie."
"You dump him too." teased Tawnie coming back out into the living room
"No."
"One can hope." smiled Tawnie. She took another puff of her cigarette then rolled her eyes and said "Now what the fuck is it?"
Gwyne bit her lip then told her, "Corrie told me he loved me."
Tawnie stared at her for a long moment, hen burst into laughter. Gwyne knew Tawnie didn't like him but she didn't expect her to find it that hilarious, "Is that why you dumped your mystery man. Cause fuck boy, finally said he "loovvvvvved you."
"No," said Gwyne. She stood up crossing her arms. "I- I told you why I dumped Daw-" she closed her eyes, took a deep breath then said his name "Dawson." She was trying to get used to say it. He didn't have any more power over her.
"Ooo so you're saying his name now."
"I...I'm trying." said Gwyne. She still felt uneasy, no matter how many times she'd said it around Corrie and now Tawnie. Repeated punches to the face could feel fuck you up not just physically but mentally. At least, she wasn't flinching anymore. She ran a hand through her hair, then continued "I don't want you to get upset, but a lot of crazy shit went down, and I know you'd get pissed, if you knew even half of it. I didn't dump D- Dawson because Corrie said he loved me, but because Daw-Dawson wasn't fucking good for me, seriously."
"Right, too much sex, too much money, too much drugs," said Tawnie rolling her eyes, "Fuck, if you're done with him, give me his number."
"I didn't tell you everything!" spat Gwyne. Tawnie didn't understand. Gwyne knew that was her fault. She'd sugar coated a lot of it. It was time the icing came off. She ran her hand up and down her arm, "It wasn't perfect Tawn,"
"What fucking relationship is?" said Tawnie shaking her head.
"I- The reason I-FUCK!" Gwyne thought talking to Corrie had been hard, but she knew Tawnie's reaction was gonna be ten times worse. She might even go fucking nuclear, but Gwyne couldn't put it off any longer."The reason I didn't say his name was because he forbid it."
Tawnie burst into laughed, "He forbid it! Okay."
Gwyne hung her head and let out a heavy sigh but went on."If I said it, he'd punch me in the face. Whore's weren't allowed to say his name. He- He had a lot of crazy shit, ticks and rules...things that set him off. Like he paid me to wear a mask, because he didn't want to look at my face. It set him off...and just recently...very, very recently, I found out he was drugging me, and letting other guys fuck me, while I was unconscious."
Gwyne was looking at the floor at this point. She waited for Tawnie to respond, when she didn't, Gwyne dared to look up. Tawnie was just standing there. She let her cigarette ash fall to the floor as her eyes got cold. The thing about Tawnie was she liked to talk and joke around. She could be all fun and games, but if she ever went silent, you needed to be on the look out, because something heavy was about to go down. Tawnie got quiet, very fucking quiet. Nearly a minute passed before she took in a long drag of her cigarette and let it out.
She looked at Gwyne for the longest time time asked "When." Gwyne almost didn't hear her as it came out like a whisper. "When he punch you in the face?" Tawnie's voice got louder, "How long this shit been going on and you don't tell me! I'm your best friend."
"And I'm sick," Gwyne admitted. "I….I didn't realize how sick until I got away from it all. Corrie and I went out into the woods and he found out about everyth-"
"WAIT! YOU TOLD HIM BEFORE YOU TOLD ME!"
"I didn't tell him, he saw the bruises and-"
"Bruises as in he fucking hurt you!"
"It's not that simple."
"OKAY!" said Tawnie putting her hands on her hips. "Did he, ever lay HANDS on you, when you didn't want him to?"
"Yes, but I'm not innocent in all this."
"Don't care," said Tawnie waving her off with her hand. "WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS NAME, FULL ASS NAME! WHERE DOES HE LIVE! YOU FUCKING TELL ME NOW AND I'LL BLOW HIS FUCKING DICK OFF! Punch you in the face! Drug you! I'll fucking take a tire iron to his ass."
"TAWNIE!' Gwyne shouted knowing full well she would do it. "I told you I'm not innocent, some of it was consensual, fuck most of it was. I'm messed up!"
"That's great, we're all a little fucking messed up! Doesn't give him or anyone else, the right to hurt you! Now stop wasting my time and tell me what I want to know! I got to kill somebody tonight!"
"Tawnie."
"NO! NO!" shouted Tawnie shaking her head, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES! HE HURT YOU GWYNE! HE HURT YOU AND THAT'S ALL THE FUCK I NEED TO KNOW! THAT AND WHY THE FUCK YOU DIDN'T TELL ME! WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME THE FIRST TIME IT FUCKING HAPPENED! YOU KNOW I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE IN A HEARTBEAT!"
"We're not kids anymore, Tawnie. We can't go around fighting everyone."
"BULLSHIT! WE'RE BEST FRIENDS!" said Tawnie "NOW WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!"
"LIKE YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING THESE DAYS!" Gwyne snapped back. "I see shit! I notice shit! You used to only do drugs for fun, every now and then, but I don't remember the last time you weren't fucking blazed, even now you-"
"DON'T YOU FUCKING START IN ON ME BITCH! THIS IS ABOUT YOU!" spat Tawnie. "YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO PLAY OTHERS, FOOL YOURSELF, BUT YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, GWINNNY! I'VE KNOWN YOUR ASS FOR MORE THEN A DECADE, AND YOU DIDN'T FUCKING TELL ME SHIT!"
"I DIDN'T- I DON'T KNOW-" Gwyne let out a heavy sigh. "It was complicat-"
"BULLSHIT BITCH! IT AIN'T FUCKING 'COMPLICATED!' ANY MAN LAYS HIS HANDS ON ME IN ANGER, DRUGS ME AND LET'S OTHER MEN FUCK ME UP, I'LL KILL HIM! SAME GOES FOR YOU! I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I'M A PUT THIS MOTHER FUCKER IN THE GROUND, THEN DIG HIM UP, AND DO IT AFUCKINGAIN!"
Gwyne dropped down on the couch and buried her head in her hands "I- Please Tawnie- All of this is just so messed up!"
"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN LET THIS HAPPEN, IN THE FIRST PLACE!" demanded Tawnie. "I thought you knew what to do!"
"I DO!" shouted Gwyne, raising her head. She ran her hands over her face, then continued. "I thought I did! I thought I'd know where the fucking line was, but things got so blurry, Tawn. Since the first time I met him, shit has been crazy. At first, it was just the sex. We did shit, I never even thought of. I told you about that. Then at some point, he started saying crazy shit, but I thought he was talking out his ass. When he first hit me, I stood up, I told him to fuck right off but… but there is this part of me that liked it. I thought I could handle shit, but it just got crazier. I realized I was a masochist or some shit. Like this whole new world was opening up, but then it went beyond that and by then I was just in so deep. It wasn't all bad. I kept telling myself it wasn't gonna last. There are so many things I shouldn't have put up with...times I should have left. Times he scared me...like TRULY FUCKING SCARED ME! I knew I should have walked away but I didn't. I did shit...SO MUCH FUCKED UP SHIT! A lot of time it just happened. He'd spring it on me and I wouldn't think I'd just do it. It felt good not to think to just to, to just be. I liked getting fucked up. I thought I knew what was going on that I had some control, even when I didn't. I thought I could always bail, if it ever got really bad, but he did stuff to me...stuff I didn't even realize. IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" she buried her head in her hands again. "I WAS BEING STUPID! I SHOULD HAVE WALKED AWAY BUT I FUCKED UP! I ROYALLY FUCKED UP! THINGS GOT SO OUT OF CONTROL! I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T TELL YOU. MAYBE I WAS ASHAMED OF HOW FUCKED UP I LET EVERYTHING GET BUT I'M TELLING YOU NOW AND IT'S DONE! IT'S OVER I WONT EVER SEE HIM AGAIN. IT'S FUCKING OVER!"
Gwyne lifted her head again and watched Tawnie throw her cigarette to the floor. It was barely a nub now and she stomped it out with her heel. "YOU'RE FUCKING RIGHT IT'S OVER!" She dug into her purse and pulled out a gun.
Gwyne shot up from the couch, her eyes going wide, "WHAT THE FUCK TAWNIE!"
"I TOLD YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO! YOU CAN WATCH OR NOT! BUT I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" She ran her hand over the gun as she continued, "I know the perfect place to dispose of his ass and a guy who owes me a favor."
"FUCK!" shouted Gwyne. She knew Tawnie would get upset, but this was a whole other level. "Where the fuck did you get that gun? You know how illegal it is!
Tawnie scoffed clearly not giving a shit. "Got it off that asshole I just dated. Wanted me to be 'safe' at night, gave it to me for protection. Now I'm gonna use it to protect your ass. It's good, clean wont come back to anything. I guess that piece of shit was good for something after all."
"Do you even know how to use it?"
"BITCH IT AIN'T ROCKET SCIENCE! Do you know how to use it." Tawnie scoffed again. "Aim and pull the trigger."
"I don't think it's that easy."
"Well there is only one way to find out," said Tawnie. "You point, I'll shoot,"
"Do you want to go to prison."
"Only go to prison, if you get caught, I ain't stupid! We'll get him to come some place with us and then take him out, nice and quiet. Tell him you want to have a threesome or shit, just get his ass in front of me, then BAM! Goodbye fucker!"
"NO FUCKING WAY!" shouted Gwyne. "GIVE ME THAT!"
Gwyne tried to reach for the gun but Tawnie pulled it away, "NO FUCKING WAY BACK! What the fuck do you expect me to do, just sit here and listen to this shit! Is that what 'CORRIE' did! You tell him all this and he want to 'talk' and tell you he love you! Fuck that, he is less of a man than I thought! If you were my girl I would have run Dawson over with a fucking semi truck, then set him on fire. Fuck with Corrie's fire knowledge, they would ever find the body, but he didn't do anything did he! Shit you sure can pick um Gwin. I swear. First the fucking lush, now this abusive fucker."
"Please just give me the gun or put it away! You are freaking me out! What if it goes off?"
"It wont go off," said Tawnie.
"Is it loaded?" asked Gwyne.
"Its fine."
"But it could go off on accident."
Tawie paused for a second, giving Gwyne a look, "You think I'd leave a loaded gun in my purse, with a round in the chamber. Everyone knows you keep the first one empty. Shit."
"When did you learn that?"
"I heard it somewhere," she said, "Plus it has a safety."
"It does?"
"Yes all guns have a safety. They are always saying it in the movies."
"I don't think they all do, or what if its off"
"Fuck Gwyne, I know what I'm doing, now stop distracting me and let's go!"
"No! I'll go out dancing and drinking with you, but we're not gonna kill anyone. We'll dance, drink, cool our heads off but that's it. I know you want to help Tawn but I need you. LIKE I FUCKING NEED YOU! If anything happened to you. I swear I don't know what I'd do."
"HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I FEEL!" shouted Tawnie. She let out a heavy sigh, but put the gun away, "I LOVE YOU! I FUCKING LOVE YOU, AND YOU LET PIECES OF SHIT WALK ALL OVER YOU!"
"Not always," sighed Gwyne.
Tawnie just looked at her.
"Corrie isn't shit."
"Right!" snapped Tawnie.
"He isn't!"
"So he said he loved you. After how many years?"
"A few." said Gwyne, looking away.
"Oh come on! I know you keep track, down to the fucking hour!"
"I do not! I just have a rough estimate!"
"Well then, how many fucking years has it been?" asked Tawnie, sitting down next to her.
She pulled out another cigarette as she waited for Gwyne to respond. Her hands were clearly shaking from rage. She lit the cigarette, took in a long drag, then handed it to Gwyne as she let the smoke out. Gwyne knew she shouldn't, but needed something to take the edge off.
She took in a long drag of her own, then let it out as she said, "Four years, but he's been through a lot."
"So the fuck have you! Any man who strings me along for more then a year, can fuck right off. As far as I see it, he had his chance with you, four times over. It shouldn't take someone abusing you, to get him to admit how he feels." Tawnie took another long drag then seemed to get an idea. "You and I, we're gonna go out tonight, then you're gonna dump Corrie's ass, first thing tomorrow morning. Then you and I are gonna get the fuck out of here. We'll go down to the Bando Bay, and get ourselves jobs, for the rest of the summer into fall, come winter you and I are gonna find some fancy hotel up in the mountains, to be maids at, like we always dreamed of and we'l-"
"I love him Tawnie," interrupted Gwyne. "I really love him and I think he loves me. It just took him a while, given everything."
"Bullshit," said Tawnie, "Don't you see, this is him just stringing you along more."
"I don't think it is."
"Is he gonna move in with you?"
"He told me to find a place or make room."
"Seriously," said Tawnie. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she took in another drag.
"Yeah. I think everything going to be different."
"Different." Tawnie Scoffed. "Is he what, gonna get you a ring? You gonna marry this fuck or what?"
"Yeah, if he asks."
They suddenly heard something, a clattering. It sounded like it was coming from the apartment below or above. They weren't sure. They paused for a moment then Tawnie asked. "Then what? You gonna do the whole devoted wife, little house shit. You can't have kids."
"We could get dogs, or cats?"
"Uh, Shoot me now." said Tawnie. She pretended like she was going for the gun again.
Gwyne grabbed her, "Don't, even joke about that! I'd expect you to still be my best friend and-" Gwyne took the cigarette from Tawnie. She took in a few puffs, then let it out, and continued, "If I have to get all dolled up and walked down an aisle, who the fuck do you think is walking me."
"Isn't a parent suppose to do that?"
"Fuck it!" said Gwyne.
"Alright!" said Tawnie "But I doubt you'll make it down the aisle, if I have my say! I'd sooner take you out a back door, and whisk you off into the night, then let you marry any fool."
"I'm not saying it's gonna happen, but whatever does, whether it works out or not, you're my best friend Tawnie, and I will always need you."
"Shit." said Tawnie taking her cigarette back. She looked at Gwyne, seriously looked at her and said "I know you Gwyne you don't settle down. You're like the wind and I'm like fire. We gotta keep moving or we die."
"I-" Gwyne let out a heavy sigh, "I have to try. At least once in my life, I want to be happy, truly happy."
"Well, you wont find that with him or anyone. The only way you are ever gonna be happy, is if you love yourself first."
"I do," said Gwyne.
"Clearly you do not." said Tawnie.
"You know, you're the second person to say that to me."
"Yeah, well I actually know you and have seen you! You'll fight to the death for someone you care about, but when it comes to yourself, you'd lie in front of a train, and just let it hit you. Ever since I've known you, you just don't give a shit about yourself. I thought hanging out with me, would rub off on you. Shit! I love myself and look how happy I am! I am perfection itself!" She got up, standing on the couch in her heels. She put her cigarette in her mouth, and talked out the side of it as she waved her hands about, and went on. "There is no one better, more beautiful, and amazing then Tawnie. Nothing burns brighter then me, not even the stars in the sky!"
Tawnie raised her hands in the air and started dancing to the beat of her own tune. Gwyne couldn't help but smile. She knew she meant every word of it. "Right. Would you get down before you break your ankle."
Tawnie scoffed but jumped into the air and landed squarely on her heels. Gwyne was a little surprised she made the landing and more so that her heels stayed intact. Tawnie stepped forward then did a quick, smooth spin, so that she was now facing Tawnie. Gwyne had to admit she had style and grace. For a moment she admired her friend.
"I wish I could be confident like you, I just-
"You just what?" asked Tawnie taking her cigarette out of her mouth.
"These days…I feel gross. I don't feel deserving of anything. I feel...I feel like I'm rotten from the inside out. Like I'm a mistake… a blemish in existence. A hole that just keeps sucking everything and everyone in, because I wont ever know peace."
Tawnie let out a laugh, "Ha! What is 'peace!' It's overrated if you ask me. If you're a hole, be a big fucking hole, get stronger and suck um all in, swallow um whole, leave nothing behind. If you're rotten then poison um and if you're a mistake, make them regret it! As for blemish, oh please get over yourself, you're gorgeous and you know it."
Gwyne laughed, "I really do love you Tawnie."
"I know." said Tawnie, "What is there not to love. We're you not listening to me just now?"
"I was," said Gwyne. She got up and hugged her.
Tawnie played it off like it was nothing. "Yeah, yeah, NOW SERIOUSLY LET'S FUCKING GO!"
"WHAT? NO!" shouted Gwyne, pulling from the hug. She worried Tawnie was still trying to kill Dawson.
Tawnie let out a long groan, "Uh I'm not gonna kill him, TONIGHT! But know this, if I ever, EVER, see this FUCKER! HE'S DONE! His days are numbered! It might not be tonight, it might not be tomorrow, but one day, I will get him and you know I will." Gwyne could see a fury in Tawnie's eyes, the likes she had never seen before. She didn't know what she was going to do about this. She was hoping Tawnie would eventually calm down and let it go but if she didn't there was going to be trouble.
Just as quickly as Tawnie got angry, she got happy. "Now! You and I are going out! We're gonna dance and drink, all fucking night! No excuses! No men! We're gonna get fucking hammered! Then come tomorrow, there is gonna be a reckoning! If that asshole, Corrie wants to steal you away from me and 'play house,' then he better get used to me being around, all the fucking time! No more of this
'I don't do friends and family bullshit!' I am both and gonna bust his balls, every chance I get. He's gonna have to make me love him, before I ever let him have you…fuck if I even let him have you."
"Right," laughed Gwyne.
She knew Corrie was gonna love that, but they would have to work something out, eventually. Tawnie and Corrie were the most important people in her life. She didn't need them to love each other, but they needed to at least, stand being in the same room...without arguing.
Tawnie snapped her fingers, "Come on! Come on! Star light's burning!"
"Alright, alright," Gwyne said.
She quickly grabbed a small clutch. She threw some cash inside then rushed to the door. Tawnie barely let her-lock up, before she had them running down the stairs. They just caught the bus down the street and went to one of their favorite clubs. It was packed tonight, but it didn't take them long to get in. The floor was already filled with people. The music and lights were blasting. They could tell one of their favorite dj's was playing.
They squeezed through a sea of people until they could get to the bar, on the back wall. Ladies never had to pay for drinks, but they always liked to leave a decent tips. After a few hard shots, Gwyne started to feel the music, like it was pulsing through her veins. She began dancing and jumping around. Soon she and Tawnie took to the dance floor.
There were so many people that their bodies were sliding up against each other. Some guys caught sight of them, and danced up on them, but they paid them no attention. Tonight was just for them, to hang out, and have some much needed fun. After a song or two, the guys got the hint, and went off to dance with some other girls.
Tawnie wanted more drinks, but Gwyne just wanted to keep dancing. Tawnie said she'd get them and took off. Gwyne was already starting to feel blitzed. She knew she had to watch herself. She had a feeling Tawnie might try and get her, good and drunk, so she could get information about Dawson. She'd have to watch what she said about him, going forward...just in case.
One of Gwyne's favorite songs came on and she kept on jamming. One thing about having short hair, was it made moving her head around much easier. She could head bang, and swirl her head about, without the risk of it getting stuck on her, or someone else. She kept moving her head about and then her body. She got into a rhythm and worked up a good sweat.
The lights kept going crazy, and then she watched them start to dim as the dj was building toward a bass drop. The lights got so low that the place was nearly pitch back, then suddenly as the bass hit hard, the room exploded with sound and lights. Everyone went wild screaming and cheering at that sick beat drop.
The music shifted and Gwyne got spun up in the next banger. She ran her hands all over her body and swayed her hips. At one point the pace got fast and hard and she started jumping up and down. Other people were jumping but she kept jumping higher then everyone else. She didn't even notice she was so into the beat. She closed her eyes as another bass dropped and she took off jumping into the air. She went up and up, and almost didn't come back down. When she finally did, she hit the ground harder then normal.
She just kept on dancing but noticed the hairs on the back of her neck started to stand up and something felt strange. Her heart quickened and not from the music. She opened her eyes as she almost sensed something. She looked around the room searching, for what she didn't know, but she felt something was off.
Everyone was moving to the music...save for one person, standing completely still, a dozen or so feet away. Gwyne couldn't help but notice them. She glance at them, but didn't get a real good look. She kept on dancing, then looked back at them. They were still just standing there. She realized they were looking at her and took a closer look. She froze when she saw it was Dawson, and the look on his face was...death!
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