Thick smoke filled the hallway as fire ran up the walls. It was so hot and hard to breathe, Corrie could barely see anything but he pressed on, moving down the long hallway. It felt like it went on forever but he knew someone was in the back bedroom. He had to get to them before it was too late. He vaguely recognized where he was but didn't give it much thought as he reached the end of the hallway. He saw the door and knew the doorknob would be too hot to handle so he took out his ax and began chopping away. More smoke billowed out of the holes he made, he couldn't see inside but managed to get the door open.
He entered the room and called out. "FIRE DEPARTMENT! IS ANYONE HERE!
He heard a whimper and the smoke cleared enough for him to see a woman, in a nightgown, clutching something. She didn't react when she saw him. She just stood in the middle of the room. Again, there was this vague sense of familiarity but Corrie brushed it off and called out to the woman.
"Mam! Mam! We need to get you out of here!"
He stepped towards her, reaching out for her but paused when he took in the woman's face. He knew her and that lifeless expression on her face all too well. It was his mother. She just stood there holding a picture of his father in her arms. A lump caught in his throat and his eyes began to water.
"MOM!" Without a second thought he rushed to save her but before he could reach her, flames burst out around her and she was consumed. She didn't fight or cry out, she just kept standing there. "NO! NO! MOM! MOM!" Corrie yelled still trying to reach her but in seconds there was nothing left but smoke and ash. He dropped to his knees on the floor and stared at where she had once stood. Fire ran up the walls and over the ceiling but he didn't care. He couldn't save her. Why couldn't he ever save her?
He heard a scream and perked up, someone else was in the house? There was someone he could still save! He got to his feet and turned back to the door. He rushed out into the hall once more and frantically looked around. A large gust of wind blew through the hall and put the flames out. The smoke all but cleared and he suddenly saw Gwyne standing naked in the hallway. What was she doing here? Had she followed him into the house?
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" He demanded
She just looked at him with a heartbroken expression on her face, like that day he'd stormed out of her place, after they'd fought about the job. She reached out for him and he hesitated pulling back. He never hesitated when it came to saving someone. His chest ached, he wanted to reach back, and take her hand but he couldn't. He looked down at his own hands and saw they were on fire. It didn't hurt, he'd already been so badly burned and was used to it by now. He was always on fire inside and out.
Again she reached for him yet this time he found himself lifting his hand. He didn't understand, he couldn't! He couldn't reach back he was on fire. If he reached out Gwyne would only get burned! He didn't want to hurt her or anyone and yet he found himself reaching out to her. Gwyne smiled at him, only she looked different now. It was like she was another person but still her. For a moment he understood she was reaching out to him on some deeper level.
The hallway suddenly burst into flames once more. The smoke got thick and the walls were soon covered in fire. He came to his senses and called out to her. "WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"
He rushed to take her hand and lead her out of the burning house but someone else was there with them. He stood in the shadows just behind Gwyne. Corrie felt this strange tension in his shoulders and felt something was horribly wrong! He tried to see who this figure was but couldn't see them. Even with all the light from the flames, they still remained in the shadows as if they were a shadow themselves.
The shadowy figure wrapped its arm around Gwyne's neck. She looked at Corrie with such sadness then. She stopped reaching out to him and let her hand fall. The shadowy figure put its other arm around her waist and yanked her back into a thick cloud of black smoke. Corries heart nearly exploded as he rushed down the hall, chasing after her.
The hall became endless as he ran as fast as he could. Yet no matter how fast and far he ran Gwyne was always just out of reach. He kept going until he burst into the living room and the roof suddenly collapsed on him, trapping him under debris and flames.
Corrie shot up in bed and found himself covered in a cold sweat. He ran his trembling hands over his face and realized he'd been having a nightmare. He let out a heavy sigh knowing he'd had this nightmare before, dozens if not hundreds of times by now. It was always the same, he'd find himself in the house he and his mom had moved to, after his father had died. It would be on fire and his mom would be in the back bedroom with a picture of his father. No matter what he did, he could never save her and she'd burst into flames before his eyes.
He ran his now steady hands through his hair and looked up at the ceiling, replaying it in his head. She always had that dead look on her face. He'd always remember that look and the moment he'd first seen it. His uncle had come home on the fire engine and told his mother the news of his father passing. He'd been playing with some friends and she just got that look on her face. Everything else about that day was a blur but that moment and that look always remained so clear in his mind.
After his father died nothing was ever the same and she was never the same. Sometimes he'd almost forget what her smile had been like or the sound of her laugh. Things had just been so miserable all the time, for almost a year. They'd both struggled and grieved in their own ways. Eventually they had moved to be closer to family and get a fresh start.
He missed his dad a lot but had tried to cheer his mom up. He felt responsible, like with his dad's passing, it was up to him to take care of what was left of his family. He'd been so young and foolish. He thought he could hold things together or fix them but he hadn't understood. There were so many things he hadn't understood back then and he'd missed the warning signs.
One night he'd woken up to smoke and his instincts had kicked in. He got out of the house just like he was taught then looked for his mother but she wasn't there. He realized she was still in the house. He wanted to go back in and get her but by then the neighbors were there and one held him back. By the time the fire department got there, the house was in flames. They'd gone in but came back out seconds later as the roof collapsed and just like his father, his mother was gone.
He hadn't even been a teenager and he was an orphan. His uncle took him in and he and his wife raised him like he was one of their own. Corrie worked hard in school and volunteered on the weekends. He struggled with so much grieve but was determined to live on for his parents, to make them proud and help others. He'd signed up to be a firefighter on his eighteenth birthday.
He had always wanted to be a firefighter like his father and after losing both his parents to fire, he wanted to save others from the tragedy he'd gone through. His uncle had been helping him train for years, to meet the requirements. It had helped him through his grief and better prepared him for the tests. He worked out a lot and took every certification he could. His main focus was on code enforcement. He knew the book from back to front and always memorized every new edition that came out.
His father had died in a building that wasn't up to code. Maybe he could have been saved if it was but at the time, it had gone up like a tinder box and there was nothing anyone could do. His mother had also been taken by fire. Years later, he looked into the investigation file wanting to know the details. His uncle had always said it was faulty wiring but the file had told another story. It was arson, suicide, his mother had caused the fire. They'd found her remains curled up in the back bedroom surrounded by picture frames, no doubt of his father. After that the nightmares began.
He knew it was his subconscious trying to deal with everything. For a long time he felt responsible. He knew she'd started the fire and had taken her own life so she could be with his father. He wished he'd seen the warning signs. He wished he'd been enough for her to stay. He wished he'd been able to talk to her and get her the help she needed. For years he longed to be able to change things. He'd go over everything in his head time and time again. He'd replay the events of the night before and the days leading up to it.
He'd kept beating himself up. He should have woken up and gone straight to her room but with time and experience, he knew now, it would have been too late. Her room was first to go up and by the time the smoke reached his room at the other end of the hall, near the kitchen, it would have been too late. Even then, it would have been impossible for a child to get to her, with no gear and drag her out.
Still in his dreams, he kept trying to save her. He'd be an adult in his full fire gear and storm down the smoke filled hallway. He'd break the door down with his ax and she'd still be alive, with that dead look on her face and his father's picture in her arms. He'd realize it was her and there was still a chance. He'd rush to save her but she'd always go up in flames before he could get to her. Just once, he'd like to get to her and carry her out of the house. He knew it wouldn't change things, it was just a nightmare but just once he'd like to save her.
He hung his head and let out a heavy sigh. He ran his hand over his mouth and then paused for a moment, recalling something had been different this time. Usually after his mother burst into flames, he'd collapse to his knees and wake in a cold sweat but this time, Gwyne had been there. He saw her standing naked in the hallway and she'd reached out to him with that heartbroken look on her face.
He got a sudden urge to go to her and make sure she was okay but fought it, knowing he couldn't, shouldn't be feeling this way. He had made a choice and set clear boundaries for a reason. Still the feeling lingered, he longed to embrace her and just hold her for a while. They hadn't made up after their last fight. He'd gone over to but she'd gone out...with some married guy. She never went out while he was over. It had been unexpected.
He grew frustrated with himself. He didn't care, shouldn't care, this was a good thing! He wanted her to go out and ultimately move on. This thing of theirs was never suppose to last this long. He got to his feet and went to the shared bathroom. He splashed some cold water on his face and then padded himself dry with a towel.
He looked at himself in the mirror and felt uneasy. He'd been feeling uneasy for days, weeks even, ever since the fight. They had fought before plenty of times but this time felt different. She had said things and told him she loved him. He could still hear her cries in his ears. He was glad he'd walked out and got some distance...perspective. He'd been too emotional and not thinking clearly. Things could have- He could- Things never should have-
He let out another heavy sigh, turned his back to the mirror and leaned against the sink. His thoughts felt so jumbled up and tangled. He knew how he was suppose to feel. How he wanted to feel and what he was suppose to do but his chest ached. He closed his eyes frustrated with himself. He never wanted to feel like this. He wasn't suppose to get attached to anyone. He couldn't afford to!
After the loss of his mother he'd made a choice, he vowed never to marry or have kids. He didn't want anyone waiting on him or to leave anyone behind, if something happened to him. He never wanted anyone to feel the way he and his mother had. He would dedicate his life to doing good and saving as many as he could. It wasn't always an easy path but it was the one he had chosen.
For nearly ten years it had worked out, just fine. He'd become a good firefighter and saved so many lives and families. Admittedly sometimes he'd get lonely but he took care of it. He went on meaningless dates and only had one night stands. He always kept a level of separation and made sure to cut things clean after two dates tops. He'd stop things before they could ever get started, before anyone could form any real attachments. It worked for him.
He had some friends but again kept them at arms length, save for his best friend Ronnie. They had met during training. They'd been close in age, and had both been through tragedies involving fire. Ronnie's entire family had died in a fire, but he'd been saved by a firefighter. Ronnie never forgot him. The firefighter occasionally checked up on Ronnie and attended his special events. Ronnie grew up wanting to be a firefighter as well. He wanted to save people and make an impact. Corrie felt if anyone could understand his choice, it was Ronnie.
However unlike Corrie, Ronnie was very sociable. He made friends with everyone. He got married young and had several kids. Corrie had mentioned the risks but Ronnie and his wife seemed okay with it. They figured what was life without risk. Corrie wondered if they had a point. Sometimes he felt like a stranger in his own life, always keeping every one at bay. But at the end of the day, his job, and the choice he'd made got him through life.
It helped him cope with the past. He couldn't change what had happened to him but he could prevent it from happening to others. In a way, helping them had helped himself. He hated feeling useless and powerless. Whenever he helped or saved someone, if only for a moment he'd feel some sliver of peace.
Maybe his choice was selfish after all but it worked for him. If he'd learned anything in all these years it was that everyone was just trying to survive, from one day to the next. How they made it through was their own business and no one else's. Everyday he'd strive to go above and beyond. He didn't throw caution to the wind but he'd pushed himself more then most, to go the distance.
Because he had no distractions or attachments he was able to focus and when the situation called for it, he didn't have to worry about anyone and had no reason to hold back. He thought he'd found a balance, an overall way of life for himself. He'd had some close calls over the years, some battle scars but for the most part he was content with the choices he'd made and the life he'd chosen to live...up until the night he'd met Gwyne.
His rig had gotten a call about a man collapsing in a restaurant a few blocks away. The caller wasn't sure if he was choking or what. They were the first to respond and arrive on site. They'd helped the man and quickly assessed he was having an allergic reaction. They stabilized him and Corrie went to gather information. It helped to know what exactly he was allergic to for when the ambulance arrived. He approached the man's date and they'd locked eyes. She took his breath away. It felt like he'd been running, going full speed since his mother's funeral and hadn't stopped to look around once until her.
She had these pretty green eyes and her smile just made his heart flutter. It took him a moment to realize that's what was happening. He wondered if his lunch was catching up to him but no it was her. There was something about her he couldn't quite pinpoint. She'd looked at him strangely and they'd both titled their heads with this sense of familiarity. He felt like he knew her from some place and she felt the same way about him but they hadn't met before. He definitely would have remembered someone like her. Besides being a knock out, she had this white streak in the middle of her hair. He'd seen a lot of people doing his job and it was unusual.
He'd been so entranced that it took Ronnie calling out to him to snap him out of it. He found out she'd been on a first date and it hadn't been going well. She didn't know the guy well, but he seemed to be allergic to olives. It was rare but not unheard of. Once they got the guy stabilized, he refused help and even ran off at one point before collapsing. Gwyne decided to end the date there, and he couldn't blame her.
They cleaned up and were getting ready to go when Ronnie jabbed him in the side and told him to get her number. It had been a while since he'd asked for anyone's number. Usually, he didn't need to; women were always giving it to him. He knew it was the uniform. Some women just had a thing for men in uniform. Ronnie often joked it was one of the perks of the job. Admittedly, it did make meaningless hooks-ups a lot easier for him. The women usually didn't see Corrie, but his position.
When he saw Gwyne coming out of the restaurant, Ronnie poked him again and Corrie asked for her number. He called her after he got off his shift. He planned to just set up a date but they ended up meeting that same night at his favorite diner. They talked for hours about everything and nothing. He'd never talked with anyone so easily. He just felt so comfortable around her. It was like they were old friends who hadn't seen each other in years but could just pick up right where they'd left off.
He liked the sound of her voice, the way she spoke, her smiled and that laugh. She had an amazing laugh. He actually took in the things she said and she listen to him just the same. He could tell she saw him, beyond his uniform and his facade. He couldn't get over the way she looked at him. He could get lost in those green eyes. When they went back to her place, later that night and had sex, it was amazing! It wasn't just good, there was this...intimacy, this unexplained familiarity. It was insane—they'd just met and didn't know each other, yet he hadn't ever felt like this with anyone.
After they finished they snuggled and he nearly drifted off to sleep. Most people would have been happy to make such a connection but it upset him. After she fell asleep, he got up, got dressed and got the fuck out of there. He didn't trust himself to stay the night and continue whatever THIS was. He tried to treat it like any other one night stand. He told himself she was just another in a long line to come.
Yet he kept thinking about her off and on. He tried to just keep going. He kept himself busy with work and hooked up with other women, hoping to forget her. It seemed to help but whenever they were in her area or pass by that restaurant, he'd find himself looking for her. If he saw someone who even looked like her, he'd perk up and get excited. He knew that wasn't good. It was clear she was dangerous for him.
He shut it down hard and vowed he wouldn't see her again but spoke too soon. A month or so later the guy she'd been on a date with served his station with some bogus lawsuit. It happened from time to time. Some of the guys liked getting paid to sit around in court all day but not him. He'd rather be doing something then wasting his time.
He was surprised to see her in court. He acted like he didn't care. The case was thrown out almost immediately. After he chatted with a few of the guys that had been there on that day. They were swapping some other court stories, when she came up to him and called him out for not contacting her, after giving her the best night of her life. He'd been caught off guard. His breath had caught in his throat and his chest had felt tight. Even though he was upset, he realized it had also been the best night of his life.
The guys started joking around, whistling and clapping. He was able to collect himself and play things off like it was nothing special. She was persistent, but he shut it down with more jokes, saying he didn't date. He was happy to see her go and hoped that would be the end of it. Some of the guys gave him a hard time for the rest of the day, calling him a stud and a lady-killer. The only one that didn't tease him was Ronnie.
A few days later when they were doing maintenance on the engine, Ronnie asked what had gone wrong with Gwyne? Corrie tried to avoid talking about it but Ronnie pushed and got him to admit nothing had, that if anything it had been too right. Ronnie didn't think there was anything wrong with that but Corrie reminded him he had made a choice. He thought that would be the end of the conversation. Things were quiet for several minutes and then Ronnie had told him he couldn't keep living his life on the fringes, that at some point he had to be a participant in his own life and start putting out some of his own fires.
He didn't get what he meant by that and before he could ask Ronnie got called away. Corrie finished up the maintenance on the engine by himself and figured he'd ask him about it later but that night they lost him. There had been a warehouse fire, some squatters had been cold and started a small fire to keep warm. It had gotten out of hand and the whole place went up. Some of the squatters had kids and Ronnie had run in to save a little girl who'd run off. He found her hiding in a back corner and managed to reach her. He shielded her from the worst of it and saved her but his burns were too severe.
They rushed him to the hospital but they all knew the outcome even Ronnie. Corrie got his wife and brought her to the hospital. Most the station stuck around after their shift ended. Ronnie was still awake and talking until he passed just before sunrise. Corrie had stayed strong and took care of Ronnie's wife. He helped her to make arrangements and drove her home.
He helped with the kids and was there as she told them. Most of them were too young to understand but a few did. It was hard being there, he was reminded of losing his own father but he held it together. Over the next few days he helped out however he could. On the day of the funeral, he was as solid as a rock. He stood next to Ronnie's family and watched his best friend get laid to rest.
Later at the reception, he and Ronnie's wife were alone in the kitchen. He'd been keeping a close eye on her, knowing how hard it had been for his mother. She was pulling some jello out of the fridge and paused. She looked sad for a moment but then smiled to herself and turned to him. She mentioned Corrie choosing not to have have a family. What he must think about all this now. She was quiet for a long moment then told him to reconsider.
It was true she was devastated Ronnie was gone but would have been more so if they hadn't ever met, hadn't married or ever had their kids. She was grateful for every precious moment, every second she got to spent with him and for the love he'd left behind in this world. It was enough to keep her going and she would love and live on, because she knew how much Ronnie loved her and their kids. No one, should ever be denied the knowledge of love.
He didn't know what to say to her but she wasn't expecting a response. She just gave his shoulder a squeeze and left the kitchen to served the jello. He stayed behind and stood in the kitchen for a good while. He'd been so strong and steady but her words, the things she had conveyed to him were to much and he lost it.
He quietly left the reception and got smashed. He missed his friend but also began to question his choice. He didn't know anymore what to do or where to go. He got so plastered and somehow found himself at Gwyne's door. Before he knew it, he was in her bed and wrapped in her arms. He told her everything about his family, childhood, father passing, his mother, his choice and finally Ronnie. She had told him things too, her families illness, her parents divorce, her father's neglect, her mother's pain, her first time, first heart break and the spiral of men that followed. They had both been through a lot. He clung to her and she'd clung back.
Come morning, he sobered up and was embarrassed by his momentary lapse in judgment. She made him some coffee and they didn't say a word. He left but kept coming back, sometimes he was drunk but sometimes he wasn't. They'd watch sports and talk about nothing. He knew better then to stick around and form attachments but he thought if they just had some rules…understandings then maybe.
He made it clear from the very start he didn't want a girlfriend or a wife. He wasn't looking to settle down with anybody and would never have kids. She told him that wasn't a problem for her and explained she would never have kids either and had already taken care of it. He encouraged her to keep dating while they were together and if she should find someone else, he would step aside. Until then they were just hanging out, no labels or strings. He could walk away whenever he wanted and so could she.
He tried not to think or live beyond the moments when he was with her. He'd come and go as he pleased, sometimes he'd be gone for a few days, weeks or even months. A few times, he almost hadn't come back but felt he was keeping a level head. He was able to keep everything with her separate from his life. There were still no attachments, he was able to focus and keep his vow. She still went out and met people. He'd see signs of it, from time to time but paid it no mind. He wasn't holding her back and she wasn't holding him down. He knew they were skirting the line sometimes but there was still a line.
They'd fight every now and then, when she'd try to cross it and want more. He'd walk off, knowing he should end it but he kept coming back, thinking it was okay because he could always walk away. He told himself there wasn't anything keeping him here or tying him down.
One time he got injured real bad and had come close to dying. In a feverish drug filled haze, he had asked for her. Thankfully no one knew who she was so they couldn't find her. He was glad because he knew she'd be there in a heartbeat. She would have stayed by his bedside and helped with his recovered. It would have been harder to keep things separate and clear. He could easily see the line blurring and in a moment of weakness he'd let her in. He couldn't afford to let her or anyone in. He'd made a choice... a choice he intended on keeping no matter what.
After he'd been injured he hadn't gone back for a long time, not until he'd recovered and was certain he could stay away, if he had to. She was so happy to see him, when he stepped through the door. He acted like he hadn't been gone that long, like it was only a few days rather than half a year. She just embraced him and for the longest time they didn't speak. They just held each other and cuddled. He had missed her a lot but refused to admit it to her or himself.
When she asked questions about where he'd been and why he'd been gone so long, he gave her no answers. Eventually she dropped it and stopped asking but blew up on him later, when she saw his new scars and found out he'd been injured. He could see she was really upset and that she cared but refused to acknowledge it. He told himself it was just a normal response, anyone got upset when someone they knew had been injured.
They'd argued and fought about it but quickly made up. Things were good again for a while after that. They'd have some little fights here or there but nothing major. If he ever found it hard to leave he'd stay away longer. Admittedly sometimes he didn't want to go and sometimes it upset him how good things were. He could leave for weeks, even months and then come back like no time at all had passed. They'd just pick right back up without skipping a beat.
It just felt so natural with her. It was like coming up for air after swimming. He'd hold his breath for the longest time but when he stopped at her place, he'd come up for air and be able to breath again. He realized there was this sense of relief. He'd made some adjustments, made sure to keep proper boundaries but sometimes it was hard.
She was just so great, so funny and cute. Being with her never felt like it was long enough. Sometimes they could talk for hours about the weirdest things and sometimes they didn't say anything at all...they didn't need to. He loved looking into her eyes and the way they lit up when she saw him. Her fingertips as they poked him and lightly danced across his skin. He loved holding her in his arms and spooning her as he fell asleep.
He kept wanting to do things for her and make her happy because she made him so happy. He'd have to remind himself this wasn't that kind of relationship. He'd do the dishes, fix stuff around her place, and maybe buy her some food but no gifts or celebrations. He kept trying to keep things separate and clear but he'd find himself slipping. He knew this couldn't go on forever and that at some point it HAD to end. He just wanted things to end on a good note.
He kept expecting her to meet someone and leave him. He mentally and emotionally prepared himself for it. He thought he could take things ending like that. He wanted to leave her in a good place, and know that she was better off with someone else. Sometimes he felt he was holding her back from having something real. He wanted her to find someone who could truly love her and would cherish her.
Yet she kept hooking up with these fucking guys that weren't worth her time. She didn't value herself and see all she had to offer. Sometimes he'd see marks on her, various signs she'd been with others, he tried not to pry but worried about her. He knew she did drugs sometimes and would go places she shouldn't with that friend of hers but felt he couldn't say anything, given what this was and their rules. All he could really do was ask her to be safe. He kept telling himself it was good she got out...good she kept looking, but if she didn't find someone who knows how long this could go on.
He felt like they hadn't been together that long but it was almost four years now. How had four years passed! It baffled him sometimes. He felt like no time at all had passed but it had and lately things had been getting out of hand. It wasn't just her this time but him as well, they had both been walking the line. He knew she'd been going through a rough time after losing her job. She had to get a new one and was planning on looking into a motorcycle for transportation. He should have just been supportive, maybe cooked her dinner or something but he went and got her a motorcycle.
He didn't mean to, at first he'd just been browsing magazines and looking over various adds, doing some research. He figured he'd causally mention some models and prices to her. An old buddy of his, noticed he was looking around and offered him a free motorcycle, if Corrie could fix it. He took a look at it and felt it was a sweet deal, way too good to pass up. Of course it had taken a dozens or so hours and some parts to get it up and running again but in the end it had been worth it. She had no idea, he was able to surprise her and it made her so happy.
He had a rule about gifts but told himself it was okay, just this once, to cheer her up and give her something she needed. After all, he hadn't paid for it, not really, it was just parts and labor but he knew he was making excuses. He shouldn't have done it. It was too big of a gesture and had confused her. She started thinking this was more then it was. She straight up crossed the line, asking him about the reception job at the station and they got into their worst fight yet.
He knew she needed a job but not that job. He thought she knew better then to even consider it but she pushed it. They'd already been pushing it and he knew it was time to pull things back. He started getting dressed, wanting to get out of there. He wanted to get some distance and time between them but she went off on him about all this shit. She said he was scared! HE WASN'T FUCKING SCARED! HE RAN INTO BURNING BUILDINGS ALL THE TIME! He had done some of the most dangerous shit a person could do, saving lives and hadn't ever flinched.
He got really upset and yelled at her. He made it clear she meant nothing to him. He thought, of all the people, she would understand what fucking casual meant. She was always going out and had
dozens of relationships over the years. She said she understood and he thought she knew better but he was wrong. She told him she loved him!
What the fuck! How? When had this happened? How had he let it get to this? She wanted to be with him more and wanted a 'real relationship,' when she knew he didn't want that. The one reason this worked was because they had an understanding, rules and a line that didn't get crossed! He wanted to keep things separate. He couldn't afford to have her in his life anymore then she already was. It would mess everything up and it had.
He made it clear how he felt and nearly ended it right then and there but walked out. He didn't know when or even if he'd come back. He steeled himself, thinking it was time to break things off. Yet he kept hearing her cries and screams as she'd chased after him. He'd close his eyes and see that crushed look on her face, the heartbreak in her eyes. He knew things would end one day soon enough but he didn't want them to end like this.
He told himself it was just another fight. They'd fought before, things had just gotten a little, more heated this time. She'd said things she didn't mean and even if she did, he'd make adjustments. After some time passed and they'd both calmed down he'd make sure she was okay and stable. They'd have a real conversation then and if what she had said was true, if she loved him he'd end things but on a better note. He'd have a peaceful sit down, maybe take her to dinner but he'd end it. If she hadn't meant it they'd just move on like they always did.
He let things cool off for a bit and eventually went back. He picked up some chicken and beer and planned to watch the game at her place. He figured they'd talk and work things out from there. Depending on how it went he'd decide what needed to be done. When he showed up she was all dressed up. He didn't think much of it until she told him she was going out. She said she had a date and he wondered if she made it up and was trying to make him jealous... but no. It was some guy she'd been seeing, someone who had fucking bit her and to top it off, the piece of shit was married and had kids.
He got angry, he wanted her to meet someone but she was always sabotaging herself. She kept hooking up with the worst guys, they either didn't see her or were straight up unavailable. He wondered why she kept doing this to herself. He knew she had some issues but still, she needed to have more self-respect. He wondered now if this new guy was the reason she'd started acting differently.
It would make sense, she looked different, with her hair and make up. She had started using all these creams, shampoos and supplements, plus all that health food in the fridge. Was this guy trying to change her or was she changing herself for this guy? Either way, he wasn't worth it, no one was, especially not some adulterous fucking asshole. It took everything for him not to go off, he knew it wasn't his place to tell her what to do or who to be with but still he asked her why she kept doing this to herself.
He knew her dad had messed her up pretty good, from the shit she'd told him and her first boyfriend. It had all left her fucked up inside. He was hoping to show her what a real relationship was like. He thought it might help to give her an example of what to look for going forward. Of course, what did he really know about real relationships. So far this was his longest and this wasn't exactly normal or a relationship to begin with.
She responded to him acting all coy. She told him he'd wanted her to find someone. He couldn't help himself then, he snapped back at her that he wanted her to find someone who was available, someone who would love her and be with her, not some married fucking asshole who was no doubt, just messing around. She was silent for a moment, he waited for her to say something and it looked like she was going to but a horn honked from outside. He shook his head in disgust and took a swig of his beer. This fucking dude couldn't even be bothered to come to the door.
Gwyne told him she'd catch him later and left without another word. It surprised him. Usually she stayed, even if she had other plans when he showed up. He'd seen her cancel plans before and got on her for it but she still did it. However this time she just left. He told himself it was good. It meant she wasn't hung up on him. He'd sat there for a moment but looked at the door. He got up and went outside. He stood at the top of the stairs and saw her get into some expensive sports car before it sped off.
He went back inside and just tried to relax. He finished his beer, had some chicken and watched the game but he just felt...uneasy. He couldn't focus on shit. He waited for her to get back but hours passed. Soon enough, it was nearly two in the morning and she still hadn't returned. He almost passed out on her couch and debated crashing on her bed until he realized what he was doing. He shouldn't be waiting for her, to get back. It was was none of his business when she got back. It also might send her the wrong message, if she got back and he was still here.
He drove home and went straight to bed but hadn't slept that long. He was now wide awake after that nightmare. He ran his hands over his face, knowing he should get some more sleep but he was too agitated. He took a long shower for once, then did some laundry and had breakfast. He worked out some in the home gym and then showered again. He still had a few hours before his shift but decided to just go in. He got in his truck and thought he'd get some coffee on the way.
He went to his favorite spot and took the longer route, which just so happened to pass by Gwyne's place. He drove by her apartment slowly but it wasn't like he could tell if she was back or not. He supposed he could pop in real quick, with some excuse he'd left something or other but no, if she was home she was probably asleep. If she wasn't back yet it was none of his business. He didn't want to think about what or who she did while they were apart. He reminded himself it wasn't that kind of relationship and drove on.
He got mad at himself for even driving by her place. He needed to step back if he was getting this hung up. He pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop and just sat for a few minutes thinking before he went in an ordered a tall coffee to go. He had a feeling today was going to be a long day and he could use the boost. When he got back to his truck it was still pretty early. He took a few sips of his coffee and noticed a woman was parked strangely in the lot.
She looked upset and he watched her kick her tire several times before loudly shouting, "JUST GREAT!"
He walked up to her, "Is everything okay?"
"No," she said crossing her arms, "Of all days to get a flat. This is the last thing I need right now!"
"Ah," he said looking at her car. He could see the tire was indeed flat. It explained why she was kicking it now.
"Yeah," she said shaking her head, "I really can't afford this right now. I'm suppose to start my new job today."
"Well you're in luck," he said. "It just so happens I know how to change a tire."
"Really," she said perking up.
"Yep, I've actually changed quite a few in my day." he said, "Do you got a spare?"
"I think so," she said. "But where would it be?"
"It's usually kept in the trunk. If you don't mind, I can take a look?"
"Oh please go ahead," she said gesturing to the trunk of her car.
She quickly rushed to her car and popped the trunk. He stepped up to it and looked inside. He was easily able to find the spare under the back mat and the jack off to the side but he didn't see the tire iron anywhere. He gave everything another once over then turned to her and asked. "Uh, you got a tire iron?"
"A what? What's that?" she asked looking confused.
"It usually looks like an x and is made out of metal. It can also look like an L."
"Ohhhh that thing." she said putting a hand over her mouth.
"Yeah, that," he said.
"Yeah uh," she said shifting her gaze. "Well, I wanted my car to be clean, well somewhat clean for my first day of work. I just moved to the area and there was so much stuff. I didn't get what it was so I sort of threw it out."
"Ahh," he said thinking it did look rather clean inside. His truck could do with some cleaning of its own. It had been a while since he gave it a once over. He scratched his head looked around then said, "Well, don't worry I got one in my truck."
He went to his truck and put his coffee away. Then grabbed his tire iron from the back. He went back to her car placed the jack and lifted the car up. He used the tire iron to remove three lug nuts then paused. He looked up at her and she was standing over him, watching him rather close.
"Is something wrong?" She asked noticing he'd stopped. She tilted her head at him curiously.
"No, I was just thinking, I can change your tire for you but I can also teach you how to, in case it happens again. Did you want to give it a shot? You just place the end of the tire iron over the lug nut and then give it a spin righty tighty, lefty loosey."
"Wow, you make it look so easy. You must be really strong."
"It's really not that hard, it doesn't take a lot," he said.
"Well, I'd love to give it a shot but it is my first day and I don't want to get dirty." she said running her hands over her clothes.
He hadn't noticed until now she was dressed in a nice shirt and long skirt. He didn't really take in other women's attire. It wasn't that he wasn't observant, he just didn't take an interest in it. He furrowed his brow, wondering if he was suppose to. If he should be looking at other women more. Maybe he'd been too focused on just one for too long. He told himself he didn't have the time for more then one but it would still be good to look...right? It would mean he wasn't too attached to Gwyne. Too attached, he furrowed his brow realizing for some time now, he hadn't even consider any other women.
"Sorry," said the woman, looking nervous. "I hope I haven't upset you."
"Upset me. No," he said quickly putting on a smile. He realizing he'd been somberly staring off into to space, "It's not a problem, don't mind me, just got a lot on my mind."
"Oh, yeah, trust me I know how that goes. I've been up for hours." she said letting out a sigh. "I was so excited about today, I could barely sleep last night."
"I bet, new jobs can be exciting." he said though he didn't really know. He'd only ever had the one job.
"I really do appreciate you doing this. Even though I can't do it right now. I promise to watch and keep a close eye on things so I'll know what to do for next time."
"Alright," he said and she crouched down next to him. Her perfume was a bit strong but he got through it. He removed all the nuts, took the old tire off then put the new tire on and put the nuts back in place. Once he was finished he took a second to examine her flat tire. "Yeah, looks like part of your tire, got stuck on something, there is a pretty sizable hole right here."
"Oh really," she said looking at it over his shoulder.
He got up and nearly bumped into her, "Sorry"
"No it's my bad was too close." She said blushing.
He nodded then took a moment to walk around her car and look at her other tires. "Your others are kind of low and treads are also a little warn. You might want to consider getting some air and eventually replacements."
"I will once I get paid."
"Yeah," he said, "Just a suggestion, though air should be free any place you go."
"Yeah," she said. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you again, you are a lifesaver." He smiled at that, he always found it funny when people said that as he actually was a life saver. She went to her car and grabbed her purse before turning back to him. "Well, what do I owe you?"
"Nothing." he said, "Just happy I could help."
"No really, I couldn't possibly. You must be late for something and to take up so much of your time. I really must insist," She said digging through her purse.
"Not at all." he said pulling back.
He released the jack and set her car back down. Then he picked up the jack, grabbed up her flat and loaded everything, including his tire iron into her trunk. He shut it, then turned to her and said "Just drive safe and have a great first day at that new job of yours."
"Oh you are amazing! My knight in shining armor. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up. Are you sure I couldn't buy you a coffee?"
"Thanks but I already got one."
"Right! Oh then it has to be cold!"
"Really, mam it's fine."
"Oh thank you again." She said putting her hand on his arm.
"Again just happy to help." He said. He started to pull away but she didn't let go of his arm
"Wait! Uh, could I ask one thing?"
"Sure."
"Where do you get that tire iron thingy?
He chuckled. "Most stores sell them in the automotive section but don't worry, you can have mine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah I got a few,"
"Oh, do you do this sort of thing all the time?"
"Something like that." he said.
"Oh that is so nice of you, also my names Bea, by the way." she said
"Corrie," he said. They shook hands.
"I really can't thank you enough, Corrie." She blushed again and looked at her watch. She looked panicked then, "Oh no, I should probably get going."
"Good luck on your first day." he said.
"Thank you." she said rushing to her car. She quickly got in and soon sped off.
He stood there for a moment and took a deep breath. It always felt good to help someone in need. He felt a sense of gratification and it helped to ease the tension of the morning. It was a nice momentary relief but as soon as he got back to his truck, he felt uneasy once again. He let out a heavy sigh and drank his coffee slowly. It wasn't hot anymore but still warm. Honestly hot or cold, he didn't care. He was used to cold coffee, meals and showers. When you always had to be ready at a moment's notice you got used to doing things fast or having things cold but he didn't mind. No, given what he did, he wouldn't have preferred things any other way.
After he finished his coffee, he still had some time before his shift but drove in anyway, they never minded the extra help. He parked in the firehouse lot and couldn't help but notice Bea's car when he got out of his truck. He wondered if it was just another car like hers but noticed the spare tire and the low tire pressure on the others. There was also this one scratch on the side that was pretty recognizable. He grabbed his gear from the back of his truck but didn't think too much about it.
When he walked into the firehouse he saw Bea inside with his fire captain and a few of the crew. They seemed to be walking her around and pointing things out. She noticed him after a second and quickly blushed, smiling at him. He walked over now a little more then curious.
Captain Slaunch nodded to him and introduced him, "Ah, this here is Corrie Shep, he's another one of the crew. He usually has a rotating schedule and is always willing to fill in if we're down a man. You'll often see his name at the top of the on call in list."
"Corrie, this is Bea Vandler she'll be working our front desk."
"The new job," he said with a smirk.
"What's that?" asked Captain Slaunch
"We've met," said Bea, "Corrie was the once who changed my flat this morning."
"Ah yes, that's Corrie for you, our whole firehouse really." said Captain Slaunch, "We're always putting in a hundred and ten percent, even when we're not on the job."
"Yeah, but Corrie here, especially likes to show off." said Samson coming up behind him. He casually hung his arm over Corrie's shoulder giving him a big smile. Samson was a bit of a jokster, always messing around a bit too much sometimes. Corrie chuckled but didn't say anything, he just shook his head knowing he was gonna get it in a second.
Lately, anytime Samson was in the presence of Captain Slaunch, he ended up with some 'new' work. Of course it didn't help that Samson had hit on the captain's daughter at this year's biggest fundraiser. The slap she had given him had been heard from across the room. He claimed he was asking how much her dress cost, but people didn't get slapped over that. While Captain Slaunch was firefighters, his daughter, Lucille, was the first to become a police officer. Corrie would bet money on it he'd said something about her nightstick or badge.
Sure enough Captain Slaunch called out to him. "Samson. How are those new hoses coming. You break them in yet?"
"I thought it was Mike's turn," said Samson, his smile falling flat.
"Well, now it's your turn," said Captain Slaunch, with a steely gaze.
"Ah man," he said letting his arms dropped to his side. He dragged his feet but walked off.
Again Corrie chuckled but knew he'd probably help him out after he put his stuff away and checked in. He nodded to Captain Slaunch who had a slight smile on his face and then Bea who was still looking at him. He finally noticed her cheeks were slightly red before he went off to the locker room. He felt odd as he put his things away in his locker. He notice a lump in his throat, when he swallowed and a tightness in his chest. It shouldn't matter but he knew Gwyne had been interested in the front desk job. It was why they had fought this last time.
For a moment, he wondered what it would have been like to have her here now, instead of Bea. It would have been so strange having everyone meet her and seeing her almost everyday. He quickly squashed the thought knowing he couldn't… didn't want worlds colliding. He needed to keep things separate! He had his boundaries for a reason. He nodded to himself, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He cleared his head refusing to dwell on his uneasy thoughts any longer then steeled himself and opened his eyes. He stepped back from his locker, checked in and threw himself back into work once more.
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