She woke to him pulling out the dildo. She had no idea if she'd just nodded off for a bit or had been asleep for a while. He unhooked her hands and her legs, her entire body ached as he lifted her up from the swing. He didn't take off her blind fold or the ball gag, carrying her in his arms. She groggily wondered what he was going to do now. She let out a weak moan and he seem to know what she wanted.
"It's time we had our talk," he said.
She moaned again, their "talk" some what three days later. She chuckled to herself but wondered just what things they were going to talk about especially if he wasn't one for rules. She assumed they'd be discussing him taking it down a few notches but knowing him a little better now, she doubted that.
She felt him set her down on a hard surface. She wondered if it was the floor but he took her blindfold off and she saw it was a sturdy table. Someone had set it up in the room next to the bed. He moved her about, laying her on her back in the center of the table.
He brushed her cheek then said, "Stay."
She gave him a look but obeyed, he came back with a pillow, pills and a glass of water. He set the pills and glass of water down on the table before he released her from the ball gag. Her mouth felt strange and she realized she'd slobbered a bit. She wiped it as he handed her the pills. She took them about five or so with the glass of water. Once they were down she laid back down and he ran his hands over her body, lightly tugging at her ropes.
He smiled and said, "I almost don't want to release you, I like the idea of you being tied up. You're much easier to handle."
He looped his fingers in the rope and showed he could lift her up like a fucking bag. He set her back down and pulled a knife from his pocket. She thought he was going to untie her but he gently dragged the knife along her skin before cutting her bindings. They'd been so tight and she'd wore them for so long that they left a pattern on her skin. She had liked the pressure but the release was something else, it felt so nice to finally be free. When her ropes were all cut away, he removed the weights from her nipple rings then undid the labia clamps.
She felt such relief, she let out a pleasurable moan then asked. "How long was I strung up?"
"Not long enough." he said slowly taking off his suit jacket.
He folded it, then set it on a stand near the bed. She watched as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows and curiously asked. "What are we going to do now?"
"I thought you might like a nice massage before we talk."
"Oh," she said.
She'd had guys rub her but never massage her before. He went about the room lighting several candles. He turned on some light classical music and then got various, creams, powders and salts out. She liked watched him, everything he did just seemed so fascinating. He picked up some salts and crushed it before he mixed it with some cream. He got some of the mixture on his finger and ran it under her nose. The smell was unlike anything, it opened her sinuses as she breathed it in and had this very calming effect.
She had a feeling like everything with him this was going to be an experience onto itself. He opened a jar of lotion and picked up a gob of it in his hands. He worked it for a second before spreading it all over her body. It felt so nice and warm and made her skin glisten. It was like he was buttering her up. He began to work various muscle groups on her front then sides and finally her back. The sounds she let out when he messaged her back were something else. His hands were so strong and he knew just where to touch her.
He worked her back for several solid minutes then moved to her but massaging and kneading it. The cream helped with the sting of the ropes and she felt some relief. She enjoyed him running his hands up and down her legs and then her feet. She cried out again when he got to her feet. He squeezed her heels and massaged between her toes. Every muscle in her body felt like it was relaxing.
After a while he pulled away and she thought he was done. She turned her head to the side and saw him washing his hands but he put some sort of oil on them and came back for more, touching her sex. He began to massage it working it outside then inside. His fingers and whatever oil he was using felt so nice she came and came. It hurt considering how much she'd been coming the last few days but also felt so fucking good. He kept going feeling her and focusing on various parts. He did something that felt amazing, she swore she orgasmed for nearly a minute straight.
She felt so tired after that and dozed off again. He let her rest as he cleaned up then carried her to the bed. He laid her down then got next to her before slowly pulling her on to him and rest her between his legs. He leaned her back against his chest and continued to touch her. He rubbed her body all over, squeezing her breasts before running down her stomach and dipping his fingers into her. He worked her a bit then pulled back and began tug at her nipple rings. She wanted to sleep but he began to question her.
"What is the biggest cock you've ever had?"
It took her a moment to register and respond. She felt so weird in this extremely relaxed mood. "Shit," she chuckled thinking this had to be the most relaxed she'd ever been, "I don't know. Size isn't a big thing to me, I mean if it fits, it fits, too big and it hurts and is a waste of cock." She laughed again feeling silly and then calm again.
"Waste of a cock." he repeated with a little laugh. He kept a hand on her breasts and moved the other between her legs, fingering her again, "We can't have you wasting cock now. I think we'll build you up, to handle most big boys,"
"Am I going to be handling many big boys?" she asked
"You'll handle whatever I give you."
"Fuck. Just how big do you want me to get?"
"Don't worry about it. If you ever get too big, we could always ease off and let you shrink back down. Or we could get you cleaned up, tightened more and maybe even add a hymen so I can be your first over and over again. Tell me about your first, who was he?"
He was confusing the fuck out of her. It was hard to process all the shit he'd just said. Her mind felt like it was on delay. "Clean me up, hymen?" she mumbled. That didn't sound great. Did he mean surgery? She supposed rich people could do that, why anyone would want their hymen back though was beyond her. She didn't want surgery, didn't want to fuck herself up that much, she really hoped he-
He snapped his fingers, "Focus Fuck Hole, who popped you?"
"Popped me," she said as he squeezed her breasts. "Where do you come up with this shit?"
"Answer the question. I want to know."
"Can we not." she said. She tried to sit up but he wouldn't let her.
He kept fingering her as he said "Sour subject? Was it a neighbor, friend, cousin, uncle-"
She stopped him before he got any grosser, "No my boyfriend."
"Yeah," he said "How much older?"
"We were the same age." she said before yawning.
"So, how was it?"
"I don't know. It was sex, it was so long ago."
"Did he know what he was doing?"
"No, neither did I,"
"Were you in love?"
"I guess. I thought we were. I did it cause he asked."
"Yeah, how many times you do it with him?"
This was such a strange conversation to be having with him, especially while he was feeling her up and fingering her. She'd talked about her past relationships before but never...like this and so far back. She usually just skipped to a few years ago. She didn't like talking about her first because it brought everything back up. She struggled again to sit up but felt exhausted. Shit, maybe he'd relaxed her too much.
"How many times," he insisted
"Once."
He dove his fingers in deeper working her harder, "What happen, he die?"
She moaned his fingers felt so good. She grasped hold of his hand and responded "No." Before turning her head to the side, again, everything just felt so strange...
"Then why no more?"
"Well…" She didn't really want to get into it... not with him.
He increased the pace of his fingers, insisting, "Well what!" She didn't respond so he shook her and again urged, "Well what?
She let out an exasperated sigh but responded "He asked me to do his best friend."
"Really, and what did you do?"
She groaned, "Uh, like I said, I thought I loved him, so I did."
"Fuck," He let out a laugh. "That's beautiful. So willing to get fucked up, even back then. You are a true masochist, my love."
He stroked his fingers against her inner walls then began almost feverishly fingering her until she came again. She squirmed with pleasure and cried out "Uh...Uhh." It was a slow wave, of pulsing pleasure that washed over her, causing her muscles to clench around his fingers.
He lightly whispered to her. "There we go, that's it let it out." It was like he was trying to milk orgasms out of her. He continued to finger her, feeling her muscles move as they pulsed. against his fingers. He let her experience her orgasm all the way, then slowly started working her up again. She felt so out of it...so weak in his embrace.
He continued their conversation "How long after he popped you, did he ask you to do his best friend."
"About an hour, I think," she gasped. It was so weird answering him, it was like she had no social stopper. He asked her something and she just said what was on her mind. She didn't think, didn't sensor, she wasn't even this open with Corrie about it.
"Fuck, an hour after and you did it. Did you let them cum inside, wear condoms or the pull out method?"
"Cum inside."
"Sweet, two virgin cream pies, back to back, for you first time and best friends at that. You are a thing of beauty. So what happened after you fucked them? Did you like the best friend's dick better? Leave your boyfriend for it?"
"No," she said somberly, "My boyfriend dumped me, called me a gross slut."
She could remember it all so clearly. It was almost as if she were reliving the moment right here and now. She could still hear his words after his best friend had cum in her and pulled out. They'd both stared at her and looked disgusted "Uhh, you're disgusting. It's over. You're a gross slut. You'd do it with anyone." At the time she'd just sat there, unsure of what to do or say.
"Fucking idiot." hissed Dawson pulling her from her thoughts. "He had a ripe fuck toy, at his finger tips, that would do whatever he wanted and he dumped you. Bet it's the biggest regret of his life."
"I doubt it," she said shaking her head. He boyfriend never spoke to her alone after that. Whenever she saw him, he always gave her that nasty look, like she was beneath him, like he hadn't asked her to do it.
"No way!" insisted Dawson he pulled his fingers out and played with her clit ring as he squeezing her breast. "He did! He had to! He and his friend could have had you on demand. Probably realized he fucked up as soon as he had to go back to using his hand."
"I don't think about it." She had in the past off and on but eventually let it go. She'd been with so many guys by now what did one matter. She yawned and shut her eyes doe a second, feeling so sleepy.
"Who came after? How long did it take you to get a boyfriend again?" She didn't respond almost fall asleep. He tweaked her clit ring waking her up, "Come on. Come on, keep going this is too good to stop. How long was it?"
She yawned again but answered."I didn't get a boyfriend for years after and even then, it was nothing serious, a month here, two months there."
"Why did it take so long?"
"After what I did, my boyfriend told everyone the next day, word spread I was a slut and people treated me differently."
"Yeah, how so?"
"Eh, dirty looks, names, basic bullying."
"Did you stop having sex for a while?"
"No."
"Good girl. Don't ever let anyone tell you to stop, even yourself. How long after did you fuck the next guy?"
"Later that same week, I think."
"Shit!"How'd that come about?"
"Well... I guess, he talked to me after everyone was mean. He was nice and he asked."
"Fuck," Dawson gave her a quick hug from behind. "He asked and you gave."
"Yeah," she said.
"How many then? How fast did your fuck hole gobble cocks up."
"I don't know, some just wanted to look or touch,"
"Yeah." he said. He grabbed hold of both her breasts, squeezing them "And you let them all I bet."
"Yeah," she said sadly. "What did it matter at that point. I was already a slut."
"Good, good." he said.
"What?" she said surprised by his reaction.
Most guys didn't take her sex history well. She'd softened the details over the years or left a lot out, when slash if, it got to that point, which was less then a hand full of times. She didn't enjoy talking about it. Only Tawnie and Corrie knew most of it, even then, not all, no one knew it all.
He excitedly went on. "You knew your place even back then, some whores are in denial for years or never figure themselves out but you, uh, from the first time you took a cock, you knew you had to have more! If you had to estimate your body count, from then until now, how many would it be?"
Body count, she hated that word, to some people it was such a big deal, to others it wasn't. She didn't think the number of people a person slept with should matter. If there was a connection between two people what did it matter you'd been with. You were with them now. It just felt like letting stupid shit get in the way or ruining what could have been an awesome relationship.
"Shit!" she sighed after a minute or so. "I don't know. I don't think about it. What about you?" she snapped seeing how he liked it. "What's your body count?"
"I've lost track over the years but it's got to be up there, more women then men. The sex of the person doesn't really matter to me, mostly its whatever attracts me, enough. Believe it or not I don't stick it in everything that comes along. I've got memberships to some clean sex clubs, order out to reputable establishments when I'm hungry or want to binge. I am peculiar with women, they have to have this look about them... damaged goods. For men, it's a matter of impression, the care they take with their physic, their body language, how they maintain themselves."
"Is your wife, damaged goods?"
"Yes but she owns it and handles her shit." He laughed. "Mind you, I don't have a low opinion of women. No matter the sex, I value those that earn it but when you're hungry for roast beef, you don't order a salad."
"I like both too but haven't been with as many women, a few dozen maybe, I have a type."
"Oh."
"Yeah, big boobs and nice hips. I love hips, blonds or raven hair."
"You ever do both at once, threesome, foursome...orgies"
"Yes."
"You are quickly becoming my favorite. I might have to take you back home and introduce you to the wife. I warn you though, she can be just as brutal but unlike me, it's harder to win her over. She'd run all you're holes ragged but I think she'd approve of you in the end. She'd enjoy your disgrace and as long as you knew your place, there wouldn't be a problem."
"This is so weird." said Gwyne. He wanted her to meet his wife. "Normal people don't have these conversations."
"What is normal? You and I at least know what we are and don't deny our natures. What are rules but judgments by those who failed to act on their desires. Now, where did you do all these guys?"
"Anywhere we could find a place, usually the men's room."
"Men's room, you said you didn't have lines. I told you."
"There weren't any lines, it was one guy at a time. We'd just go, if I was on campus and had time, some days I only had a few classes, or someone would have a dorm room available, we could use."
"Did you savor fucking back then or was it just automatic?"
"I don't know about savor but I liked it, I guess, it felt good to be touched, to be full."
"Full. Hmm, do you feel empty inside?"
"Sometimes... hollow." She paused for a moment. She couldn't believe she was telling him this. She'd never told anyone about it.
"Mmm," he said stroking her. "Who made you cum the first time."
"I don't know."
"Yes you do, you never forget the name of your fist cock or the one that first gave you ecstasy. Now what guy pushed you over?"She turned her head to the side he began fingering her again. "Come on!"
"He was much older. I got found out, reported for indecent acts or exposure I can't remeber. He was enforcement on the campus."
"How much older was he?"
"I don't know late, middle age. He brought me into his office and lectured me, I thought he was gonna get me kicked out. I barely got in with my grades, I couldn't disappoint my mom. She was in the hospital dying. I begged him not to, then we just started doing it."
"Hah and he make you cum! Was it the fact that he was older, more experienced, bigger maybe?"
"I think it was the shock of it all, like, he was so much older, and had been so mad at me in front of others. He was also like a professional, authority, like he told me I was in big trouble, that this was unacceptable behavior and yet when we were alone, he put his hands all over me. He was just like any other guy when he slammed into me. Yet it felt different somehow, I don't know, I was just so confused, my heart was racing from all the adrenaline and I just came hard. Before that, I'd get pleasure come close but usually had to get myself off."
"Hmm, you probably came because of the taboo nature of it. As you said he was older, suppose to be in charge, a professional. There was a social understanding, a level of trust and expectation that he shattered. But you can't blame him. You were probably the best fuck of his miserable life."
"I don't blame him." said Gwyne. "We fooled around some more but when we almost got caught, he blamed me. He said I ruined his marriage and would get him fired from the college if anyone found out."
"What happened then?"
"We stopped and I finally decided to get tested for my families disease. When I found out I didn't have it. I was relieved but worried about passing it on. My mom was in so much pain. She wasn't even there anymore just...pain." She ran a hand over her face and continued. "I got sterilized, not wanting to have kids. It was good because after she died, I completely lost it. I fell apart and went hard on everything. I lost several days and ended up dropping out of college with Tawnie."
"Hmm, you and she knew each other, even back then?"
"Yeah,"
"How did you meet?"
"She was in the same boat reputation wise, they said she did the entire soccer team but she didn't. She dated one guy, they broke up, she dated another. First guy got pissed so started a rumor."
"Hmm, what did you two do after you dropped out?"
She laughed recalling it. "We started a slut club and had slut games."
"What are slut games?"
"We'd describe an act or a guy assign points and whoever did it first, won."
"What was the prize?"
"Bigger slut, I guess. It was stupid, we just did it for the fun of it."
"Hmm, you mentioned her the night we met. Do you two go out slutting, often."
"Slutting," she said with a laugh. "No but she wants me to hang out more, we always have a blast."
"Get blasted is more like it! Now that you're mine, no more random encounters, I'll provide you with all the cock you need."
She didn't respond so he twisted her clit ring again, "No more random cocks or I'll have to punish you, understand."
"Yeah...okay, whatever." she said. She tried to sit up, her crotch was really wet and she wanted to know why she felt so weird. "What did you give me this time?"
Again he wouldn't let her up and forced her to keep sitting against him, "We're not done talking." he said. He dove back between her legs and started fingering her once more.
"Can you stop making me cum all the time."
"No," he said. "Your body needs to get addicted to the pleasure and habit of cumming all the time. Now how many have you taken at once? You get double stuffed, spit roasted, gang banged"
"A few times but I don't like anal."
"Hmm, what's your highest number at once, three, five, what?"
"I don't know?"
"You don't know?
"Yeah," she yawned.
"What you go to an orgy and lose count while gettting passed around the room?"
"No," she said then came suddenly, unexpectedly. "SHIT! UH!"
She closed her eyes as her muscles clenched down on his fingers. He didn't stop working her for a second. She struggled with him trying to sit up again. She wanted to get away from this conversation and his fingers consistently stroking her into a frenzy but he just wouldn't let up, "Can we please stop! I thought this talk was suppose to be about what was okay and slowing down or some shit!"
"We'll cover that, this is sexual history. I need to know your full work up, mentally, physically and sexually. Now how do you not know how many? You get too drunk or take too many drugs?
"Yeah, now can't we talk about other stuff for a while, movies, songs I like or about you?"
"No we'll never talk about me and I don't care about the trivial shit, with you, only the important stuff. Now how many?
"I told you I don't know! Like you said I was drunk or did too many drugs. I don't like to talk about it. I haven't even told Tawnie."
He lit up as she slipped up, "Ha, I knew it! There is something more here. Also I am higher then Tawnie. I am not you friend! I am your master and you are my hole. You will tell me everything. Like your hole, you will keep nothing from me."
"Uh, right," she said. He couldn't be serious. She barley knew him and expected her to tell him everything and be higher then her best friend. She rolled her eyes but only managed a small lift of the eyes. Whatever she was on was causing some slight delay.
He suddenly slapped her pussy. She cried out and violently jerked, surprised by this sudden new sensation. Oddly it felt good! He did it again harder. "Ah…" she cried out as her pussy throbbed with pain and pleasure. She let out hot deep breathes perplexed.
"Do you want me to stop this? Do you want me to deny you the pain, you've been craving all your miserable life?"
"No, no." she moaned.
He slapped her harder, hard enough to leave a hand print and she came. It was intense a sharp pleasure that radiated from her pussy to the rest of her body. She madly cried out "Ah!AH! AH! AHHHHH!" She closed her eyes and instinctively pumped her hips as she seizing with such pleasure. When she came down a minute or so later she felt utterly exhausted and had forgotten what they were even talking about.
When she failed to respond he grabbed her by the back of her neck and roughly squeezed as he licked her ear, "Tell me everything! Every fucking detail or I'll kick your worthless ass out of my bed!"
"I...I…" She was just so tired and had cum so much. She was on something powerful and it was taking full affect. How did he expect so much from her. She could barely keep her eyes open let alone think. He shook her but she dozed off.
She woke to him standing over her, she didn't even remember passing out. He rubbed something under her noses. When he could see she was awake and alert he got back into position, laying on the bed and dragging her to rest between his legs. She looked around the room disoriented for a second.
He slapped her cheek getting her attention then demanded. "I want details?"
"What?" she said having lost her place in the conversation.
"I asked how many you've had at once? There is a reason you don't know, what is it?"
"Oh, that," she said recalling. Right they were having a fucked up conversation.
"Yeah," he said."Now, tell me everything!"
"Right," she turned her head to the side, "I...I only ever...things only ever got out of control once."
Once that she could remember. She still didn't know what happened those missing days after her mother had passed. She probably wouldn't ever find out. All she knew was she'd woken naked in a field flat on her stomach. Her hair had changed and she'd gotten a white streak right down the middle. It was weird at first but kind of cool now that she'd gotten used to it, most people thought she'd just dyed it
"What happened?" He urged pulling her from her thoughts. He massaged her breasts. She could feel everything. Her body was overwhelmed with all the sensations, he'd been driving into it. "Gwyne," he said in a sweet tone.
Fuck it, she thought, what did it matter. She ran a hand over her face. "There were these guys, identical twins. I met them at a music store. I thought it would be cool to do two people who looked the same. It was on our sex games list, was rare to see"
"Yeah and?"
"We hung out in this seedy hotel room, some real cheap place off a highway. We got high on some shit they had and drank. We fucked for a while and then partied."
"And? When did it turn?"
"I don't know? We ran out of stuff, I guess. Some guy came over and then a few more. They had more beer and drugs."
"Come on, come on," he said getting impatient.
"The guys didn't have the money, I didn't either so we did a trade."
"Yeah, I see where this is headed."
"The hotel was weird it didn't have bathrooms in the rooms. Like it was just a room so I went to the public men's room."
"Yeah," He'd squeezed her breasts hard in anticipation. She could tell he was hanging on to her every word.
She threw her head back this was so bad. "Please don't make me continue, you can guess what happened."
"No, I need to hear you say it. Confess your deepest darkest secrets to me"
"Fuck! Fuck!" she hissed but went on. "Well, we went into, one of the big stalls. At first it was just suppose to be one guy at a time. Do what they wanted then the next guy, once they'd had enough we'd get the drugs and beer. But the other guys didn't want to wait their turn. So I had three and then there were four or five, like other guys who weren't with them. By the time I realized people were just coming in, it was a pile up. I couldn't have stopped them, even if I wanted to, at that point I just... I was gone."
"Gone? Where did you go?" he asked quietly
"I don't know, away. I could feel everything. I just didn't think, didn't care what became of me. I just did the next and then the next, someone would grab me and then I did them sometimes two, sometimes everything was full."
"Everything? Elaborate."
"Holes and hands, everything"
"Fuck, piled on in a dirty men's room by countless strangers. I bet they left the door open put out a sign. I would have charged. Get the money for the drugs, beer and then some. Even paid off that shit hotel room, heh. How long did it last?"
"I don't know, eventually some guy came in and started yelling at everyone. He pulled me out and wanted to take me to the hospital, call the police"
"Did you?"
"No, what would I have told them? I'd been doing it for booze and drugs? At the time, I just didn't want to deal with it. I wasn't thinking. I didn't want to. I just wanted to go home?"
"Hmm, you could have still filed a report, after you'd sobered up some. You might have started off agreeing to something but it got out of hand. Were you scared to report?"
"No." She said, she started to cry then knowing why she hadn't followed up even when she was sober. "That wasn't it."
"Then why." He shook her "I want to understand, tell me!"
"No." she gasped.
He grabbed her neck squeezing it "Tell me or I'll get it out of you one way or another."
"Please." she pleaded not wanting to go any further, "I..I'm so ashamed."
He let out a chuckle."You should be, letting them pile on you like that. What did you think was gonna happen walking into a fucking men's room with dealers, in a seedy hotel, off a fucking highway? Now what is it? What are you holding back?"
She shook her head but he wouldn't let it go. She felt him breath on her face as he tightened his grip on her neck. She closed her eyes but eventually, shamefully whispered "I...I enjoyed it."
She let her head sink and there was a long pause, a deepening silence filled the room. She wasn't sure if he heard her or what he thought. Then she heard him slowly whisper "You enjoyed it."
She closed her eyes bracing herself as he let go of her neck. He pushed her forward on the bed. She thought he was going to kick her out. He was no doubt disgusted with her as he should be. She was so messed up and even Dawson, had to have his limits. Her first boyfriend was right, she was a gross slut.
Dawson got off the bed and she just sat there with her head slumped down crying in embarrassment. She'd never told a soul too ashamed and disgusted, for the longest time she had denied it, blamed it on drugs and booze. Some might not think it was that bad but she'd lost control of herself. She had completely given in to her carnal desires and the abyss. She-
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" she heard him whisper.
She bit her lip and looked up at him, ready for his harsh judgment but he surprised her. He was struggling to get his clothes off. He couldn't undo them fast enough and started ripping them off. She was used to him neatly folding them but he just tossed them to the floor as fast as he could. Then he came at her crawling back onto the bed, he pushed her down on her back and spread her. She was so caught off guard, as he shoved into her. After what she'd just told him he wanted to fuck her? Most guys would have been grossed out and called her a skank for getting unexpectedly piled on and liking it.
Yet he seemed overjoyed. He ran his hands over her face and began to lick up her tears like a complete psycho. When he pulled back he breathed euphoric "You're so fucking damaged, uh, you're- I THINK I'M IN LOVE!" He roared. His ice blue eyes were lit up as he looked down at her. She gasped and her mouth fell ajar. She'd told him the worst moment of her life and he was fucking her with literal glee. She closed her eyes in disbelief as he continued to shove into her.
He…he...must not have understood, couldn't have, he had to think it was the pleasure, she enjoyed but it wasn't. She turned her head to the side losing herself in her thoughts. She'd never been more ashamed in her life then on that day. She knew, she was looking for shit to happen and it had. She remembered barely being able to get to her bathroom when she got back to her place. Her clothes were torn or gone altogether. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and she was hollow. No person was staring back, her large green eyes were dull. She was just this thing, a body...a broken hallowed out shell.
She remembered losing herself in a sea of cocks, of men, grabbing, wanting taking, just taking every bit of her. She couldn't think, she could only feel and every bit was destroying her, carving chunks out of her...like a meat cleaver. She...she had enjoyed it but it was not the pleasure, no, she'd enjoyed the destruction. She wanted to die right then and there, wanted them to swallow her up until nothing was left. She didn't want to feel, didn't want to think, didn't want to be anymore. She had fully accepted this was her end, how she died and had made peace with it.
Then some guy came bursting into the stall. He yelled, he was so angry...so angry. He tore them off her, beating them with his fists. He took hold of her, she thought he wanted a turn but he saved her. She didn't understand why? He didn't know her what did she matter...what did any of it matter. He'd covered her with his jacket and got her in his car. She couldn't remember his face anymore after all these years but his words still filled head.
He had said he was a father. That she needed to get help, talk to her dad...to someone. This wasn't right! If she was his daughter, he would have killed them all. He needed her to know not everyone was a piece of shit. That not every man did that and she shouldn't let them. She should love herself and only be with someone who valued her back. He spoke of such things, she didn't understand...such love. Who could love her? Who would want her? She didn't even want herself half the time.
The man thought she should do something, go to the police or hospital but she just wanted to go home. He dropped her off and she'd been in such a dark place, alone in her shower, when she managed to get in. She just couldn't get clean, if she had ever been clean. She considered ending it right then and there, just laying down in the shower and not getting back up. She felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff looking into the darkness below. One push or light breeze and she would have went over.
Yet, some part of her broke though and grabbed hold of her, pulling her back from the edge. She picked herself up and got off the shower floor. She got dressed and went to a clinic for testing and meds. She was lucky, everything was treatable, for months after she kept getting tested, expecting to have some terribly painful disease that would eventually end her…
It felt like when she'd first learned of her families disease. Her mother had done her best to hide it but when Gywne was seven, she sat her down and explained she was very sick and going to be in a lot of pain over the next few years. She would be in and out of hospitals and she was. Gwyne watched her mother slowly decline and there was nothing she could do.
Her mother had tried to get Gwyne to know her father so she'd have someone else in her life, after her mother passed but he'd been unreliable and cruel. He rarely visited her since her parents split up when she was a toddler. Her mother almost always had to bring her to him and they would spent most their days together in a diner. She'd watch him bet,win and lose. If he won he might get her something but he lost more then he won, which often left him in a dismal mood.
One day, her mother's pain had been so bad, she'd gone into the hospital and Gwyne had to stay with her father. He'd been having a particularly awful streak and was moody. He casually told her to be good to her mother because that was most likely her future. He told her she had 50/50 odds of getting the same disease her mother had. He told Gwyne, her grandmother had died of the same disease and because of it, her mother hadn't wanted to have kids. Gwyne had been a mistake, her father had told her mother to cut her loses and abort but she hadn't. He then told Gwyne he didn't like her odds, if he had to place a bet, he'd bet against her.
She'd barely been nine and didn't know how to process any of that. She'd started crying and he'd gotten upset with her. He tried to bribe her with an ice cream when everyone kept looking at him. No one really helped her to process that. When her mother came to pick her up and found out what he'd done, she'd just got into a shouting match with him. She hadn't denied what he said was true, they just didn't talk about it. She only saw her father a few times after that before he died suddenly when she was eleven.
After she got herself treated at the clinic they suggested therapies a survivor group. She didn't think she was a survivor of anything but realized as she opened up, she was upset that she had been spared her families illness. Why should she be spared, when her mother and grandmother weren't. She'd gone to therapy for a little while but had pulled out, talking about her mother, her past and how she felt about herself had been...overwhelming. Everything had just gotten to be too much and she wasn't ready.
Everything with her mother was just too fresh even now. Towards the end of her mom's life she'd been real sick. She'd rambled a lot but had this one lucid moment, where she admitted she never planned to have kids. She didn't want to continue this disease. Gwyne asked her mother if she regretted having her. As her mother was dying and in so much pain her breathing was labored but she told her, while Gwyne was unexpected she didn't regret a second of it.
She wanted Gwyne to live and if her mother had to do this all over again, she would...because Gwyne was worth the pain worth and worth living for. Her mother should have passed on years ago but because of Gwyne she'd held on so long. She didn't deserve to suffer like that Gwyne felt she wasn't worth anything. She hadn't told her mom she'd been spared, and that she...she couldn't handle having children because she couldn't bare to watch another person suffer. She told herself what she did was for them, to spare her children but really it was to spare herself.
It was funny considering how much she loved to suffer now. Maybe because it was her own suffering. Watching others was unbearable but she...she deserved to suffer for infinity. She didn't know why but she felt, she always felt she'd done something wrong. For a moment she was pulled from her thoughts as Dawson's frenzied fucking increased. He had this sick, twisted look on his face. He really seemed to delight in her suffering, at least she was making someone happy.
She looked up at herself in the mirror as he continued to pound into her body. She looked into her tear filled eyes and then had to look away, not wanting to face herself. She didn't want to think anymore. She just wanted to fuck and lose herself in ecstasy. She thrust her hips up to meet him and threw her head back as she arched her back. She took Dawson's hard cock, knowing she'd take all that he had to give her.
Thank you for reading^^ |
