I felt exhausted I'd been on my hands and knees for hours, toiling in the dirt but sometime around sunset we'd finally finished planting. I wiped my brow and looked up to see Luka. He was stretching as he looking out at the sunset. He had to be as exhausted as me but he had a smile on his face which put one on mine. His shirt was off and he was all sweaty. It made him glisten in the sun. I stood brushed my knees off and went to him. He turned when he saw I was done and reached out his hand for me. I took it and we wordlessly walked back to the house.
We quietly cleaned up and then began dinner. I chopped the vegetables while he prepared the meat. Then I got some water in the big pot and put everything in. It took some time to all come together. I stirred it every so often adding various spices. A few times I'd look up and see Luka sitting in the rocking chair. He was whittling and nearly done with his latest project. When the soup was nearly ready I looked over and he smiled at me holding up his finished work. As he took the food off the fire, I ran my fingers across it. I enjoyed the various details and textures. I think it was some kind of bird, an owl maybe.
When dinner had cooled enough, I served it in some wooden bowls he'd made. We ate in silence looking at each other lovingly. When dinner was done we both sat in our rocking chairs by the fire and slowly rocked. He put some more wood on the flame then grabbed another piece of wood and began another project. I listen to the fire crackle and smiled, feeling content. Everything felt so peaceful here. I loved moments like these, little precious blips in time where there was no strife, just him and me and our love. I let out a pleasant sigh and continued to drowsed by the fire, enjoying its warmth and a full stomach.
After a while I felt like I was laying on top of an ocean but the water was still, and clear. It was so reflective it was almost like a mirror. Every so often water rippled out all around me. The sky was overcast but calm. I felt at peace here like I could just lay on top of the waters surface forever. I felt the vibrations of life and death, of space and time. It was all one, the expanse of existence was truly infinite. I felt- I felt- I dipped back down under the water and started to sink.
I heard someone humming. It wasn't a nice soothing hum, there was something eerie about it that unsettled me. The sound would get low and then really high, whoever was humming felt close by. The humming suddenly stopped and I heard the familiar sound of heels on a wooden floor.
"You should get some sleep." chimed a woman's voice.
"I'm fine."said a man's voice. It sounded so familiar but was quiet.
"I made up your room." said the woman.
"I have not slept one night in that house. I have not slept one night solid since I first met her." said the man. He sounded somber.
"You are simply tired and overworked. She is just a patient, nothing more."
"I know that." The man hissed "I know that!"
"Then please get some rest." the woman pleaded. "It's been days and you look...unwell."
"I'll sleep when I am tired." huffed the man. "Now leave me be."
"At least eat something! Hogan went out today and caught some fish from the nearby river."
"Fish."
"Yes fresh fish! He also found some crabs or something in a shell. He knows how much you love seafood. He could broil it all up for you." said the woman. Her voice sounded hopeful.
There was a long moment of silence before the man responded "Hmm, I could eat."
"I'll let him know! Then maybe you could get some sleep. It's not like she's going anywhere anytime soon. I could stay with her."
"GO!" the man bellowed"
"Yes sir." said the woman.
I heard heels on a wooden floor once more. They slowly began to fade as I felt someone brush my face and move several strands of my hair. "Hannah, Hannah, Hannah." The man spoke so softly it was almost hard to hear him. "What am I going to do about you? What am I going to do about you?" I heard a heavy sigh then felt a finger tip trace my lips, "Did you know your name is a palindrome? It means the same going forward as it does going backward. It was the first word I learned at the orphanage, in that old, beat—up dictionary. I had nothing growing up—nothing but knowledge to keep me company."
"Unlike the other children, I never wanted nor needed for anyone. I was self-sufficient and was determined to make something of myself. I became a doctor to finally have some control. I wanted to be the one with all the answers and orders. Yet when it comes to you...when it comes to you Hannah, I have no answers." I heard the man chuckle madly. The fingertip lifted from my lips, and I felt something press against my forehead— another forehead.
"You do something to me. All my thoughts—all logic—just goes out the window. From the first moment I saw you, I just knew I had to have you! You took my breath away, and I knew what it was to want, to desire another. It scared me so...this sudden, unnatural need. I tried to deny it, to deny you." I felt a cheek press against my cheek. Then lips against my lips.
After a second the man pulled away and continued "But you are undeniable. I accept that now. I accept that some things just can't be helped." I felt fingers run through my hair. "When I thought that I had lost you." His voice choked up, "That I might not ever look into those big green eyes of yours again and lose myself in your warmth. I- I- I wont have it! I WONT let you ever leave our sight again! I shall simply have to adjust."
"Adjust," he scoffed, "Look at me babbling on, talking nonsense to myself. Perhaps I should get some sleep, after all. No! Not until she wakes, not until we are certain she is okay. You must be okay. I can not bear this—"
I heard a loud groan of frustration, followed by several unrecognizable noises and then glass shattering "RAAA! YOU TALK TOO MUCH! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! KEEP IT TOGETHER! KEEP IT TOGETHER CALLUM! Keep it together." More noises followed, and I realized it was the sound of things falling to the floor. The clattering of a metal tray echoed as it hit the ground."YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP, HANNAH! WAKE UP!"
I felt someone shaking me, "Wake up," The man choked with emotion, "Come back to me. You can't do this to me! You can't make me feel this way and leave me! YOU- YOU- YOU DUMB WORTHLESS TWAT!" I heard a loud sound and the man let go of me. I felt myself fall back and I rose above the water once more. I found myself floating on top of the surface. All was quiet and at peace once again as I continued to just endlessly drift between two world.
/
I heard light classical music playing, I found myself standing among a group of woman as we were at some ball. My hair was done up in a high bun with extravagant curls hanging down. I had on a dress that was covered in lace and frills. It fit tight around my middle pushing my bosom up but at the bottom it expanded out, several times the size of my waist. I was reminded of a cake topper I once saw when I was little.
I looked around the room thinking everything looked so beautiful, there were golds and pinks, everywhere with ornate statues and paintings on the wall. I had a half full glass of wine in my hand and was slowly drinking it as my eyes fell upon a man in the center of the room. He played some large weird instrument. It's sound was almost hauntingly beautiful. There was a slight sadness to it but also this lingering sense of nostalgia, it was bittersweet. I nodded to myself thinking that was the word I was seeking, yes, this tune was quite bittersweet.
When the music finally ended, the entire room was silent for a moment before it erupted in applause. Even I found myself attempting a small clap with wine glass still in hand. The man sat quietly for a few seconds before standing and then bowing to the room.
"To be so young and talented." One woman whispered nearby.
"To be so handsome," the woman's friend whispered back. Together they began to giggle.
I looked down at my drink, running a finger around the rim of my glass. It made a strange but pleasant sound. I looked back at the man that had been playing. He was shaking several hands before his head turned in my direction. We locked eyes from across the room. I had a feeling, it wasn't the first time tonight but I swear this time my heart skipped a beat and my breath caught in my throat.
He motioned to the host that stood not far off from him. I watched them exchanged words and then the host began to escort the young musician in my direction. I pulled my finger tip from the rim of my glass as the women near me frantically whispered.
"Oh my, is he coming over here!"
"Oh, he is!"
"How do I look?
"How do you look? How do I look?"
They began fussing over themselves. I simply stood there as the host stepped up to us, "Hello ladies."
We all curtsied, the host nodded to us then gestured to me, with an open hand. His mouth moved as he introduce me and the young musician and yet I felt I already knew him, thought I had never laid eyes upon him before this evening, there was this uncommon knowledge between us. Our eyes locked on one another, once more and he gently bowed to me.
I curtsied in return and then he stepped up to me and offered out his his hand. The entire world faded to back as I took it and for a moment it was as if there were only him and I. Someone took my glass of wine and he placed his hand on the small of my back. He guided me across the room to the dance floor. As the music started up, he turned to face me and moved his hand to the small of my waist. We began to spin around the room with the other couples. Though we were dancing I felt more like it was floating. The entire time we kept our eyes locked on one another and not a word was spoken between us.
/
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" A man bellowed.
"What needs to be done." hissed a woman's voice. It sounded familiar as she continued, "And you know it! She's a liability! We thought this was just some passing fancy but clearly it's not. We should have done something as soon as he moved her to that room or when you caught him outside it, night after night! We shouldn't have enabled this...this sickness that is what this is and it stops right here and now!"
"That is his decision to make!"
"Not when it comes to her." the woman snapped back "For whatever reason when it comes to this...this girl, he doesn't think clearly. We have to step up and take care of it for him before it gets any worse. He's becoming unhinged, I barely got him out of the room."
"And what do you think he'll do, when he returns and sees you trying to kill her!"
"I'm not trying." the woman hissed, "I'm going to! We can blame it on her injuries."
The man scoffed "You know he wont buy that his work is solid. He didn't spend the last three days, putting her back together so you could take her out. If you can't handle watching her, then attend to other matters."
I felt someones hand brush my arm.
"VIOLET!" the mans voice boomed.
"What! I'm just checking her vitals. She might have passed on her own." The woman sounded hopeful. I felt the hand move to my wrist and then footsteps, before the hand suddenly pulled away. I heard glass shatter as something must have broken.
"HOGAN!" the woman's voice pleaded.
"LEAVE!" shouted the man.
I felt so strange. For some reason, I couldn't see anything, only hear. I was so confused and disoriented. Just where was I? Was this a dream? I mulled over the sounds I'd just heard, the voices, the names. I knew these names —Violet, Hogan. I wasn't dreaming; this was real. I was awake! I tried to move or open my eyes, but they wouldn't budge. I began to feel pain and weakly moaned. I tried to lift my hand, but it barely moved. My body felt so heavy, and I felt so tired.
"She's moving," whispered Hogan.
"No." gasped Violet.
"Go! Fetch him, now," ordered Hogan
"No, this is our last cha-"
I heard series of sounds then a loud smack followed by a whimper.
"We will not speak of this again. NOW GO!"
I heard heels on a wooden floor once more then what sounded like glass and sweeping. I could hear the sound of the brush. I started to fade but felt another hand touch my arm. I parted my lips, they felt dry. Where was I? What was going on? I tried to move again but couldn't. I began to feel sick and even more sleepy. I don't know how much time passed. I began to drift.
Suddenly I heard the pounding of footsteps—someone running.
"SHE'S AWAKE!"a new voice shouted sounding winded.
"Seems to be."
"Hannah! Hannah!" called the new voice as I drifted back to sleep.
/
I woke to the sound of pages turning, someone must have been reading a book. I listened as one page turned after another. I tried to opened my eyes but only managed to open one slightly. I saw a man—Dr. Cole, sitting in the chair next to my bed. He had a familiar book in his hands—my old journal. I closed my eye and nearly drifted off to sleep again but I could suddenly smell chicken.
I opened my eye and watched Dr. Cole lift a chicken leg from a plate, on the nightstand next to my bed. He bit into it before setting it back down. He adjusted his sunglasses then turned another page in my old journal. I watched him pick up a pen and then jot something down in it. He...liar...he'd said Dr. Phillipston had written in it but it was...was him. My vision kept going in and out, I lost focus. I moaned, the smell of the chicken made my stomach rumble. I was hungry, so very hungry and thirsty. Dr. Cole, paused and lifted his head to look at me. He opened his mouth but before I could take in a single word, I passed out again.
/
I woke to a loud ringing that kept stopping and starting up again—a phone. I tried to open my eyes but only one eye opened. I found I was lying on a small bed in a large, long room, there must have been a dozen or so beds besides mine. Yet I was the only one in the room. I found it quiet phone stopped ringing. I considered going back to sleep but found myself too curious. I tried to open my other eye and then reached for it, wondering why it wouldn't open. It felt painful then again everything felt painful. I managed to run my hand over some bandages covering my face and wondered what had happened.
The phone started ringing again drawing my attention once more, it was annoying. It was too loud and made my ears twinge with discomfort. I looked around and found the phone was on a desk in the middle of the room. I moved trying to get to it but quickly found I couldn't get up. One of my legs was covered in bandages and had a rod sticking out of it that kept me from bending my leg. My body felt so weak and my skin was clammy. I could barely move an inch without feeling exhausted. After a few seconds I gave up on getting the phone and just laid there staring at it.
I wondered when I'd last used a phone, probably not since Dr. Phillipston had talked to my parents. It felt so long ago now. I'd been so angry with them for years but here now, laying in this hospital bed, I wanted to talk to them. I didn't feel good. I wanted my mom's soup and for her to put her hand on my forehead or rub my back. Perhaps if I could reach the phone, I could call them and tell them what had happened. Wait what had happened? My mind felt foggy as I tried to think back. The phone stopped ringing again and I licked my lips. I found they were dry and I was thirsty, so very thirsty.
I looked around the room and saw a glass basin of water on a nightstand next to my bed. It was clear and I could see it was full of water and there were lemons in it. My mouth watered at the thought of my thirst being quenched. I reached out for the water. I reached out for the water. I reached out-
/
I must have passed out, I woke with my hand outstretched. I saw a basin of water. I was so thirsty. I wanted the water. I kept reaching out and leaned myself towards the basin. It felt like ages as I reached out, passed out, reached out- I kept waking again and again in an endless loop until my finger tips managed to scrape the glass. I tried to bring it to me but only ended up pushing it off the small table, it was on. It fell to the floor and shattered.
"What was that!" A woman cried.
I heard hurried footsteps as a large woman with curly red hair, done up in a bun, came in. She had a nurses uniform on. She saw the shattered glass on the floor then looked up at me. "Oh my you're up!" she gasped.
For a moment I thought I knew her. I vaguely recalled when I'd first arrived at Meadow Brooke, she'd taken my temperature. Yeah, a nasty bug had been going around the hospital in my first year and nearly every bed was filled for a week or so but I hadn't needed to be in the medical ward because I hadn't gotten sick. I looked around realizing I was in the medical ward. I was back at Meadow Brook. Had I ever left? I found myself confused.
The Nurse Barbra of Babbs something with a B, I couldn't recall, turned on her heels and rushed to the phone. She quickly picked it up and dialed, keeping a close eye on me. "Yes, Dr. Cole, you wanted me to call when she woke up, well she's awake, Dr. Cole? Dr. Cole? Hello? Hello?"
She hung up the phone then returned to my bedside. I was still reaching for the water that was now nonexistent. She looked me over then the mess I had made. She put her hands on her hips, took a deep breath then said "Oh dear me. Oh dear me," She shook her head then nodded to herself "I should get a broom and dustpan, maybe a a mop and clean this up before anyone gets hurt."
I watched her leave the room, only to return a moment later with a broom and dust pan. She started to clean up the mess I had made and I just idly watched her. Suddenly, double doors at the end of the room flew open, causing the nurse to jump. I moved my head to see Dr. Cole stride into the room followed closely by Hogan. Dr. Cole's head quickly turned in my direction as he rushed to the end of my bed. I looked back at him as he clutched the metal bed frame.
"What are you doing?" asked Hogan. At first I thought he was talking to me. I began to slowly move but the nurse answered.
"Cleaning up, she knocked a basin of water down,"
Right water, I wanted water, I looked back at where the basin had been "Water," I rasped.
Dr. Cole quickly ordered "Get me a glass of water!"
Hogan darted from the room and was back in record time with a glass of water. He handed it to Dr. Cole, and he approached me. He got up close to me—dangerously close. I pulled back at his abrupt closeness. I looked at the glass and reached for it, however he wouldn't let go it go. Instead he moved a hand under me. He gently lifted me to sit up and then brought the glass to my lips. He slowly tilted it, helping me to drink.
It tasted so good that I moaned as it hit the back of my dry throat. Water had never been so so wonderful in all my life. When the glass was about half way empty, he stopped tilting it and pulled it from my lips. He laid me back down, then finished off the water before setting the glass down on the nightstand next to my bed. I looked at him as he began to run his hands over my skin examining me.
"How do you feel?"
I tried to think of what he was saying. "What happened?"
"Do you not remember?" he asked "What is the last thing you remember?"
I closed my eyes and concentrated on his question, the last thing I remembered. "I...the last thing I remember." I saw a flash of Crimson with a lighter, Mikey driving. "Crimson, the lighter, Mikey driving the truck." My mind began to focus in on it. "That's right, we'd escaped!"
I opened my eyes, Dr. Cole looked upset, his voice was stern as he said "You shouldn't have done that, Hannah. You should not have run away." He had a hand rested on my arm, I felt it suddenly gasp hold of me and tighten as he continued, "You are not well! You nearly got yourself killed."
"Not well," I repeated "I nearly got myself killed." I vaguely recalled the crash, my head hurt thinking of Crimson leaving me in the forest but she had to. She had to leave me so she could get away and get help. WAIT! Had she gotten away?
"Crimson!" I cried "Did you get her?"
"She didn't make it." he said sounding agitated. He reached out brushing my cheek with the back of his finger. I grasped hold of his hand. "WHAT! No, she was okay!"
"She wasn't. She might have seemed okay to you but her internal injuries were too great. She and that orderly both died. You could have died as well but I saved you!"
"No! No," I said shaking my head. It couldn't be true, I'd seen her walking about and Mikey we couldn't find Mikey. My eyes began to water up. "They can't be dead, Crimson she might be one of my friends and Mikey has a head like rocks. "I don't believe. I don't believe you!"
"You should," he said. "I have no reason to lie to you." he grasped hold of my chin and turned my head so that I looked at him. I could barely see my eye was so watery with tears and my other eye felt so strange. Again I instinctively tried to reach for it, touching the bandage.
"My eye-"
"Is gone." said Dr. Cole flatly. "It got infected and couldn't be saved."
"What!" I said not quite grasping what he'd just said. How could my eye be gone? I ran my fingers across the bandage tying to touch it, to feel it. He grasped hold of my wrist and yanked it away
"Don't!" said Dr. Cole, "Don't touch it until it's fully healed, then I'll see about getting you a glass eye."
"Glass eye." I repeated still in shock.
"Yes." he said softly, "But that will come much later. For now you need to be careful, rest up, and heal. You'll be staying here until you're ready to be moved. Then I'll put you someplace I can keep a closer eye on you. You are a very troubled girl, Hannah but I shall take care of you."
He moved his hands to my shoulders giving them a squeeze before untangling some of my hair and brushing my cheek once more.
"NO." I said upset. I still couldn't believe my eye was gone, "My eye can't be gone!"
"It is." said Dr. Cole, his voice stern once more. "You need to accept that."
"Be happy you are alive, if it were not for Dr. Cole, you would be dead." said Hogan. His voice sounded more gruff then usual.
I looked at Dr. Cole. He had saved my life? I didn't want to die but I didn't want to be here. I recalled escaping and the overwhelming joy I had felt, if only for a moment. I hadn't wanted to be captured. I hadn't wanted to come back to this place to- to him. I vaguely recalled Dr. Cole being in my room just before Crimson and Mikey had broken me out. YES! Nurse Violet, had called out to him over my rooms intercom, after an alarm had sounded. She had told him he was needed and that there was a fire. Crimson had started the fire so we could escape!
I opened my mouth, gasping as it all came flooding back to me. What he had been doing in my room! What he must have been doing to me for who knows how long! I went to speak but froze, telling him I knew what he did would...would be stupid! What could I do in my current situation? I was injured and wouldn't be able to escape or fight like this.
No, I had to be smart about this until I could figure things out and find a way to get help. I had to play dumb! I didn't believe him for a second that Crimson was dead. Maybe even Mikey as well, knowing Dr. Cole and having heard what he could do! He could have put them in the basement and could put me there as well.
"What is it?" Dr. Cole asked studying me. "Are you in pain?"
"No." I lied as my eye began blur with tears
"If you are, you can tell me."
"No," I said again.
I looked away, the nurse was no longer cleaning up the mess I'd made. Hogan now had the broom and was sweeping things into the dustpan. I moved my head about, the nurse wasn't even in the room. I'd completely missed her leaving. The double doors opened again and Nurse Violet came in. She didn't look happy to see me. "Oh she's up," she said her voice matching her unpleasant gaze.
"Yes." said Hogan, the two exchanged looks, Dr. Cole missed it as he was solely focused on me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights, the way he looked at me…even though I couldn't see his eyes, I swear I felt their intensity. His hands practically pawed at me. I looked down at his hands and notice they were shaking slightly. I don't know why but I found it unsettling.
"I- I am tired," I said wanting him to go away. I needed time to think and process everything I'd just learned. "I need to get my rest."
"Yes.' he said but showed no intention of moving.
I stared at him for several minutes as the others lingered around behind him. He eventually removed his hand, when Hogan got him a chair to sit in. He sat close to my bed and continued to intently watch me. Eventually my eye got tired and I closed it, drifting back to sleep.
/
I woke to Dr. Cole propping my bed up. Half of the bed was able to fold up and shook as it jerked and locked into place. I saw a tray of things on the nightstand next to my bed. There was a glass of water and a bowl of something. It smelled like soup. He put a napkin on the front of my hospital grown, tucked it into the neckline, then picked up the glass of water. He helped me to take several long sips and the water felt good against the back of my dry throat.
When I'd drank nearly half of of the glass he set it down. He brought up the bowl of soup next. It was hot, too hot and he was going faster then I'd like, tilting it towards me. Some of it spilled down my chin and ran down my neck. Instinctively I tried to grab for the bowl of soup but realized my arms were strapped to the bed.
"What," I said confused."My arms-"
"You were picking at your bandages in your sleep," he said.
I tried to get my hands free even after what he said, it took a while for it to click in that I wouldn't be able to use them. As I woke up more, I hurt more, "It hurts!" I cried
"I pulled back on your medication some, you need to start moving around more." he said as he began to tilt the bowl of soup to my lips once more, "Now drink you should try to get something down today."
"Mmmm, I didn't want to drink anymore, it's too hot...too much," I said.
He pulled back slightly, adjusting the bowl some before he poured it slower. I moaned not wanting it but he wouldn't let up until I drank the broth. When he'd decided I'd finally had enough, he pulled the bowl away and set it down on the tray. He cleaned up a little before leaving me alone.
I looked around the room, realizing it was night. The windows were dark and the lighting in the room was rather dim, only coming from a few nearby lamps. After a few minutes Dr. Cole returned, with a bucket of steamy hot water. He set it down beside my bed and I wondered what he was up to now. He adjusted my bed so that I was laying flat again, then without warning, he pulled back my blankets and began to remove my hospital gown.
Bewildered, I looked at him and demanded "What are you doing!"
"You need to be cleaned up then I'm going to change your bandages."
"I no!" I said not wanting him to do this. "Can't Nurse Violet do it!" I didn't want her to do it either but she was still way better then Dr. Cole.
"You're still at risk for infection. I want to make sure it's done right."He said.
When I was naked before him, he paused for a moment, his head moved as he looking me up and down. I couldn't see exactly where he was looking with his sunglasses but it was still unnerving. After a moment, he dipped his hand in the bucket of soapy water and pulled out a sponge. He began to lightly brushing it over my stomach. I could see his hands were shaking again.
He moved to my arm and face then my neck and face. I laid there powerless to do anything. I didn't want to watch. I tried to look away then closed my eye. Now that I knew what he'd done to me...must have done to me countless times, it was horrific being naked in front of him.
He ran the sponge over my breasts and I clenched the bed sheets. "Please release me. I can do that."
"You can't." he said softly going around each nipple with the sponge.
It felt so strange, the sponge was hot to the touch and rough. I could feel my nipples react to the sensation as he continued. "You would do even worse then Nurse Violet."
"Please." I pleaded. "I don't want you looking at me like this, touching me like-" I stopped talking, it was hard not to say more but I was afraid I'd blurt out that I knew what...what sick and twisted things he'd done to me. No, I didn't want to risk it! I bit my lip unsure of what was worse, knowing exactly what he had done to me or just knowing that he'd drugged me and must have done such things. I wasn't sure if reality was worse then my imagination.
"I am your doctor," he said soothingly, "It's okay for me to see you like this and treat you as the treatment requires. There is nothing inappropriate about this." he said washing my stomach again. There was some bandages on my side, he moved around them, then began washing my lower abdomen. When he was finished he put the sponge back in bucket then moved it between my legs.
He squeezed the sponge out just above my skin letting the hot water drizzle between the lips of my sex. It was so hot and it stung but surprisingly in a good way. My eye shot open as I felt such...sensations! He saw how I moved, reacted to it, then did it again, drawing closer. He clenched the sponge tightly over my privates and the water squeezed out hitting me even more. I...I was so confused, in this moment I felt so violated, so exposed yet the heat felt so good. It felt... I let out a moan as he did it a third time.
"Does that feel good?" he asked tilting his head. I felt like a bug under a microscope the way he was studying me
"No." I lied feeling sick to my stomach.
I turned my head away again, feeling ashamed, tears started to well up in my eye but I didn't want to cry in front of him. I was upset that I could react in such a way, when he was clearly abusing me. He set the sponge down on top of my privates and slowly began to work between my legs. I closed my eye, hoping he'd be quick. At one point I swear I felt his finger brush against my skin and I painfully jerked.
I opened my eye and turned my head back, to look at him. He seemed to be in a trance. I cried out. "DR. COLE!"
My cry of protest seem to reach him, he quickly darted his hand back. "I'm just making sure you're clean." He said. I don't know if he was saying it for my benefit or his. He seemed flushed. He moved the sponge between my thighs and then my knees. He scrubbed my good leg before moving around the bandages on my bad leg.
When I was all washed off he tended to my bandages. He did my legs first and I dared to take a look at it. I worried what it might look like considering the last time I saw it the bone was sticking out. I saw he'd put it back in but my leg still looked pretty gruesome. There was a long line of large, ghastly stitches. It started just above my knee and went all the way down to my ankle, there was definitely going to be a scar.
"We'll have to watch it closely or we could lose it to infection, like the eye," he said rubbing his jaw.
I didn't say anything, it was weird, I felt as if he weren't talking to me. Perhaps he was making a mental note of it or thinking out loud? He gently cleaned the area, then padded it dry before he added some medication to it. After that, he carefully wrapping it up again, then moved on to my side, arm and lastly my eye. I wasn't sure how it would feel. I saw how bloody the bandage was and it hurt most out of all my injuries so far but maybe it was cause I was so freaked out. I kept wondering if my eyeball was completely gone and what was left. Had he scooped it out or was there just a dead eye. I felt sick thinking of it.
When he finished examining and cleaning it, he wrapped it up as he had my other injuries. Now that I was fully cleaned and bandaged, I'd hoped he would put my hospital gown back on and leave me alone but he didn't. He just sat back in his chair. I laid there for several awkward seconds before I started to get cold.
Eventually I asked. "My gown and blanket?"
"You should dry some," He said crossing his legs.
"Then get me a towel."
"Towels aren't always clean." he sighed. "The natural air is better for you."
I didn't think so but what could I really do? After another minute, I turned my head away from him and just laid there. He continued to sit with me for quite some time and I began to wonder if this was how it was going to be for the rest of the night. Thankfully he eventually got up from his chair and unstrapped me from the bed. He dressed me then threw a blanket on me.
I was worried he'd strap me down again but he didn't. I laid on my side hoping he'd leave now but again he didn't. He opened the window at one point, smoked a cigarette, then walked around the room for a little while. I almost fell asleep watching him. After who knows how long he shut off the lights off and laid down in the cot next to mine.
"Are you going to stay here?" I asked.
"I've been staying here," he responded.
"Really?" I said surprised.
"Yes."
"I didn't notice."
"That's because you've been asleep,"
"Hmm," I said I had been tired since the crash.
I suppose I'd just been passing out at night, thought I worried he might have been medicating me again. I didn't think so though. I hadn't had any cups of it but he could have also been giving me something different without me realizing it. I wanted to ask him but worried I might slip up so instead I said, "Don't you have that house or something, a bed of your own" I had to bite my lip again after saying bed of your own, clearly he'd been climbing into mine for who knows how long.
"I do." he said in a dull tone. I could tell he was beginning to get annoyed with me, "But you're in a very dangerous place right now. I must see that you continue to recover. You felt a bit feverish during your bath."
"Feverish," I repeated, not buying it. "I feel fine, really."
"Go to bed, Hannah" he groaned, done with the conversation "You need to rest."
"So do you." I said.
"I'm fine." he hissed letting out a deep sigh. "I am right where I need to be."
His words put a chill down my spine. I began to feel colder and colder and wondered if he might have been right about the fever. Whether he was or not, he still unsettled me. I tried to sleep but kept glancing over at him. I worried he might do something to me once I fell asleep. After a while I supposed asleep or awake there was really nothing I could do about it. Eventually I turned to lay on my back and started up at the ceiling. I watched the shadows dance across it and tried to think of a way out of here.
Over the next few days, every time I woke I'd find him there. He'd always find some excuse to examine me or stay by my side. When I started to stay awake longer, he kept checking in on me, even though Nurse Barbra was there. She was suppose to be in charge of the medical ward and assured, Dr. Cole she'd keep a good eye on me. I much preferred her company over his but he kept coming back.
He soon took over Nurse Barbra's desk with all his paperwork. The phone started ringing at all hours of the night and day. Nurse Violet and Hogan kept calling or coming in and out of the room. They'd discuss things that needed his attention, sometimes he'd step away for an hour or two but would always return.
Nurse Barbra tried to busy herself while he was there but I could tell she was uncomfortable.
I tried to have a few conversations with her, when I started feeling better. She seemed nice but when I got too chatty with her, Dr. Cole temporarily relocated her, claiming I needed my rest. I thought it was a load of bullshit, considering he made way more noise with his phone calls and coming and goings.
I mentioned he should go back to his office, more then a few times but it only made him snappy. Eventually I just tried to ignore him and rest. I hoped to recover soon so I could return to my room. It was hard to think, when he was around all the time. It was also hard to talk. I was always afraid I might say too much to him and accident reveal what I'd knew.
Right now, I had no one here that could help me, Mikey and Crimson were gone and it became clear after Dr. Cole sent Nurse Barbra away, he wasn't going to let me get close to anyone else. I kept trying to think of a plan, there had to be some way out of this horrific mess. Yet the more I thought about it, the more I knew I wouldn't be able to escape on my own. So if I couldn't escape and no one here could help me I...I would have to find a way to bring someone else here. Perhaps if I could somehow get to a phone, I could call for help.
Several more days passed, when he saw my leg was finally doing well, he put it in a hard cast to heal the rest of the way. He said I might have a limp given how sever the break was. He let me rest for a few more days then had me start moving around. He made me sit up more then take small steps to a wheelchair. Everything was so strange not just with my leg being broken but without my eye, there was so much I couldn't see, I had to turn my head a lot.
The first week of moving, he'd just get me into the wheelchair and take me over to a window so I could get some sun. After I continued to do well, he began to take me on strolls around the hospital. Sometimes he'd park me outside patients rooms as he checked on them. His presence became near constant like he didn't want to let me out of his line of site for a second. I was a little worried he might start hurting me but for the most part he treated me as a patient. He checked on my bandages and monitored my temperature. He took over every aspect of my day and I realized I was dependent on him from my every need, food, water, medical, care and company.
There were times when I was really thirsty and he helped me to drink. When the pain was too much and he gave me something for it. Sometime when I couldn't sleep he'd sit by my bed humming as he read. I tried not to lose focus and reminded myself he wasn't doing this for my benefit. He wasn't some good overly attentive doctor. He was a monster who drugged me and did who knows what to me, for who knows how long.
Sometimes I'd stare off into space and wondered just when it had all started. Was it right after he'd given me the medication or had it started gradually overtime. In the end I decided I didn't care when or how he started taking advantage of me, only that it had happened. The question that still lingered for me was why. Why? He was suppose to be my doctor and I was his patient, wasn't there some rule or law against taking advantage of your patient.
As the days turned into weeks, I started to notice his every moment, his hands would linger on my skin a bit too long. He'd insisted on brushing my hair and to always be the one to give me my sponge baths. He helped me to the washroom when I had to relieve myself and sometimes he'd even insist on feeding me even thought I was perfectly capable of eating on my own. It began to feel like he wanted complete control of me.
One night I woke to find myself laying on my side. The back of my hospital gown was open. I could feel the chill of the room. I thought that is what woke me up but a moment later I heard this strange grunting noise. I looked at the wall and could see a shadow. I realized Dr. Cole was sitting on the cot behind mine. As he continued to grunt I heard this weird familiar clapping noise. It took me a few seconds but I realized he was jerking himself off.
Every so often the springs on the other bed began to squeak. At one point I saw his shadow stand. I heard him step closer to the bed. I got scared but a few seconds later, I felt something hot splash across my back. I felt it hit me several times, his breath was heavy and then he hissed cursing. I heard rustling and then felt his weight as he climbed into my bed. He rubbed a wet cloth against my back.
I tried to remain still and pretended to be asleep. I was afraid of what would happen if he realized I was awake. Eventually he closed up my gown and put a blanket over me. I heard more rustling before the lights went out and he turned in for the night in the bed next to me. When I was sure he was asleep I rolled onto my back. It became clearer, then ever to me that I didn't have much time left. Once I was better, he was going to start abusing me again. I had to do something—and now! I had to get out of here and make sure he couldn't ever hurt me again. Whatever it took, I needed to get to a phone.
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