Things were still tense when I woke up. Casey hadn't gone to bed. I found him drowsing on the couch, with a bottle of the hard stuff, he kept in the back cupboard, in his hand. It was half gone. I took it from his hand then urged him to lay down in the bed. He groaned but eventually let me take him back to the bedroom. I took off his socks and shoes as he passed out.
I had breakfast then cleaned up around the house. I realized he must have gone out at some point, because there was more empty beer bottles, then what we'd picked up at the store. I saw his notepad sitting on the kitchen table. I was curious about what he'd jotted down. It was mostly information about restraining orders. Becket's full name, times and dates of incidents.
He wrote down what happened when he'd met with Becket yesterday. Casey told him to stay away but Becket refused to listen and demanded to see me. Casey told him several times that it wasn't a good idea. He told Becket I wasn't well and that I didn't know what I was talking about but Becket wouldn't let it go. No matter what Casey said Becket refused to listen. Eventually Casey just got up and left the cafe. Becket then followed Casey home and hit a parked car outside our house. They had a confrontation, where Casey again, warned Becket him to stay away, and then filed a police report.
I stopped reading his notes and took a shower. I tried not to think about everything and just go about my morning but it was hard, everything felt so heavy. When I got out, I dried off, got dressed and brushed my teeth. My cellphone rang and I picked it up without thinking.
"Hello?"
"Nona." I heard a quiet...hesitant voice. I didn't recognize it. Before I could say anything they continued, "I'm tired. I need to talk to you. I need answers. I'm going through something."
"Becket?" I gasped
"Yes. Please don't hang up! Please! I just want to talk! I want to finish our conversation."
"We shouldn't." I said.
"Why not?"
"Cause it's only going to get worse!"
"Worse? How? What will get worse?
"This things between us. I think the more contact we have the worse it gets."
"Then tell me, give me my answers. I haven't slept in days. I can't stop thinking about it."
I had some questions of my own. "How did you find out, about all this if...if Casey didn't tell you?"
"They told me."
"Who told you? I asked.
"I need to know Nona. You said we knew each other in a past life."
"Many." I said.
"How? What were we to each other?"
I heard a tapping at the bathroom door. "I have to go.'
"Don't! Please!
"Casey." I said.
"He's there! Can we meet somewhere? Just you and me."
"No," No fucking way!
"Please! Please don't say anything to him. I'll call back I just want to talk that's all." He hung up as Casey came into the room. He rushed to the toilet "Sorry I gotta go, could you finish in the hall."
"Yeah." I said holding my cellphone. I pretended to play some game.
Maybe, I should tell Casey but Becket will just keep coming back. I waited and thought maybe I could tell Becket some of what he wanted know or detour him somehow. Either way I hoped he'd leave it and go...at least for now. I did laundry then folded towels while Casey slept for a few hours. Eventually he got up to check on something then sat down on the couch to watch a big game that was on. I worked on my puzzle then went to our room and did some cleaning.
He called again and I debated picking up but ultimately answered "Hello?"
"You picked up! You didn't tell him, did you?"
"No but how did you get my number?"
"I looked you up."
"I'm not listed."
"Your house is in other directories."
"What directories?"
"It's not important. We need to talk so I can sleep. Tell me, how we knew each other."
"This wont help."
"What talking? I feel better already knowing I'm going to get some answers. You have no idea what it feels like not to have answers, to be left in the dark."
"I know what it feels like, trust me. I've had lives like that we all have."
He chucked. I didn't know if he was laughing at what I said or that I understood. "Then you know how this feels, right, to be left in the dark? Now tell me!"
"I said it wont help."
"Why not?"
"We're cursed no matter what we do, it's always going to end the same way."
"What you and me? Together? What are we to each other? Were we lovers? You never told me the other day."
My heart thundered in my chest but I answered confidently "We were enemies!"
"But we were lovers?" He insisted.
"Once." I admitted then hung up.
He didn't call back right away which was nice. We ate a meal, then Casey went outside to do some yard work. I decided to help him and left my phone inside. I knew I was playing with fire. I needed to stop picking up, stop talking to him altogether. Next time he called I'd tell him that was it. No more, he'd ask his questions then I'd hang up and be done with it...I hoped.
I picked up the leaves after Casey raked them into piles. He started drinking again and I knew I should say something but I didn't. I didn't know what to say about any of this. I just felt this crushing weight baring down on me. Once the yard work was finished, Casey took a shower and I worked on my puzzle some more. I noticed I had some missed calls The phone rang again and I picked up. Before I could say anything he gasped, "More then once!"
It caught me off guard. He must have been waiting for me to answer so he could say that. I stuttered for a moment but held my ground. "It...what. What do you want! I'm going to stop picking up. Just ask your questions and be done with it!"
He paused for a long moment then said "I'm different you know, this time."
"Right." I said not believing that for a second.
"I don't want to take over the world. I don't need for money or power, there is only one thing I desire." There was another long pause I didn't even need to ask. Eventually he went on "You. I want you Nona, all of you, even the crazy...fuck especially the crazy. Who doesn't like a little spice. I'd be better for you then 'Mr. Madison." I didn't like the way he said Casey's name, in a mocking tone. "I'm not almost twice your age."
"He's not twice my age, we're less then ten years apart."
"Might as well be your grandpa."
"Stop it!" I spat I knew Casey hated whenever anyone pointed out our age difference but I didn't care.
"He doesn't know whats going on does he."
"He knows he just-"
"He cant' see it like you and I do...feel it. I don't care about him I only care about you. Nona. What do you say let him sleep, let him stay in the light, while we descend into the dark."
"No."
"Come to me, give yourself to me."
"NO!" I spat.
"Yes, you always knew this would happen. You always knew I would come for you, why fight it. Why deny the inevitable."
"Please! Please stop!"
"I can't wait to hear you say that on your knees."
I hung up again. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't keep talking to him. I debated telling Casey. I dread when Becket would call next but I worried about what would happen if I didn't pick up. I thought I could pacify him but knew no matter what I couldn't stave him off. I went out to talk to Casey but saw he was already drunk staring off into space. I knew all of this was getting to him. I...I had to take care of this on my own.
Thankfully he didn't call back for several hours. I was able to settle down some but knew I had to think of something to do. I went to my room and tried to think while I pretended to read a book. I debated what I had done in other lives and if any of it had worked. There were so many, I thought to make a list. Before I could get up to grab a pen and paper. He called again.
"Why did you slit your throat...if we were lovers?"
"I told you were enemies. You've gone things horrible things! You've hurt me and countless others!"
"So have you!" He snapped back
I it my lip and clutched the phone knowing I had but refused to let him get at me "Unlike me, your cruelty knows no bound." I hissed.
"I'm not cruel. I'm not a bad man Nona, I'm just overwhelmed. You overwhelm me. Then again you always do in every life. You take my breath away. Wont you meet with me. Can't you sneak off or does he keep you under lock and key? I need to see you."
"No," I said knowing this was getting worse.
His voice softened. "I didn't mean to shout at you the other day. I just felt it so clear this thing between us. You've been on my mind all these years. You in that hallway. What you did. At first, I thought my interest was just morbid curiosity. What you did…. Uh the way it made me feel. I uhhh You know I tried to come and see you after, at the hospital. I went over with a group of others but they weren't letting anyone visit you. Uh...I want to see you again, to look into your eyes...uh. I've never seen eyes like yours...uh...uh skin, your hair, everything about you...that day in the hall uh...uhh." I could hear something was going on in the background of the call and he was breathing weird. I had a bad feeling about it.
"Mr. Madison is to old for you! You're whole relationship is just so fucked up! He's a teacher dating a student."
"We're both adults and I was never his student."
"You still went to his school. He fucking saved your life...isn't there some unwritten rule about fucking the person you save. He's taking advantage...of your gratitude. Uh Did he groom you?"
"You're sick." I choked. "It's not like that at all! I'm the one who pursued him. I love him!"
"Uhhh." I could heard him groan with frustration then he said, "You loved me to right… more."
I shook my head in disgust "Pleas just stop this! Stop calling and leave me alone."
"I can't. I need to understand! I can't stop thinking about you, Nona. The way you look at me.
You looked so beautiful, the fear in your eyes it's...uh...intoxicating. I know what you did was awful but sometimes... I think about it and I touch myself."
I stepped off the bed and dropped down to my knees of the floor, feeling sick. He went on "I know that's crazy...right...uhh but I can't help it! When it comes to you! I can't resist! I heard someone...uh saw you and I just had to see you again...had to know why you did it and then when I saw you again. I couldn't stop. I had to know why. I looked into you, and found out everything about you and me. It's crazy, your crazy but I don't think I care anymore. Uh. I kind of like knowing your crazy about me."
"Uh! Uhh! Tell...me...tell me you're crazy for me Nona! Uhh! Uh! Tell me!"
I heard him grunting and moaning into the phone and thought of his earlier comment. I almost didn't want to ask but I did. "Are...Are you touching yourself right now?"
"Yes, yes, I like the sound of your voice. I dream about you, about the things I want to do to you. I wish...I wish I had been the one holding the knife. If...if that's what you want...that's what you like. I can hurt you Nona. I can hurt you real good, the way you like! I can do anything, be anything for you. It's always been for you! I see that now! I see everything...so clearly. I have money...We...we could go anywhere, do anything. Do you want me to come...come for you. I will...uh uh, tell me...tell me and I will...uh uhh I will come for you. That's what you've been waiting for right, all these years! For me to...to come... for you, for my return."
I felt absolutely petrified. My entire body shook and my voice sounded so strange, "No, no, no NO! NO! NO!" It started off quiet, then got louder and louder until I was screaming it at the top of my lungs. He was still speaking but I managed to throw the phone across the room.
I thought I could temper the flames, slow things down but I realize now I'd only stoked the fire and now it was full blown inferno. I...I BROUGHT HIM BACK!
The bedroom door opened. I didn't realize Casey was calling out to me. He tried to talk to me, even shook me when I didn't respond. I blocked it all out, still hearing Becket's twisted voice in my head. I just kept screaming at the top of my lungs as Casey held me tightly.
He saw the phone on the floor then demanded, "WHAT HAPPENED! WHO WAS ON THE PHONE! WHO WAS ON THE PHONE!" I just kept screaming I couldn't stop! He got my medication and gave me the stronger dose, for the really bad times. It didn't take long before I grew quiet. Casey picked up my phone and brought it over to the bed. I thought...I thought I hard cackling before I passed out.
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