I stood high atop a castle tower as a raging storm was going on, the wind swirled clouds all around us and lighting streaked the sky. I stared down at the front gates and watched as they came crashing open. A man was on a horse or something, he rode in using the lighting from the sky to crush those that would get in his way. I knew it was Casey, Luka! I clutched my hand to my chest as my white dress flowed all around me and my hair went up into the sky.
Somehow I knew I was controlling the wind. My heart rose with such joy as I knew, at last, Luka was coming to save me from the dark. It wouldn't be long before this nightmare was over! I closed my eyes and heard thunder roar. When I opened my eyes, I noticed someone was standing beside me. A dark shadowy figure, Urel! He looked down seeing what I saw but unlike me, he was not filled with hope but dread.
He grabbed me by the back of my neck and shook me "Should he make it." he said, "Should he! You wont be here. I'd sooner throw you off this tower then let him get his hands on you!" I smiled defiantly at him. I knew he was scared.
"He'll make it and should you throw me off, I'll simply fly away."
"That would be something considering you haven't recalled yet."
"What can I say, love gives you wings."
He laughed at me then grabbed me up around the front of my neck. He held me over the side of the balcony. I clung to his hand scared. I saw the ground beneath me. It was a very...very long way down. I knew I could fly but had yet to figure it out.
"Well then?" he mocked. "Should we test that theory about love and wings?"
I glared at him, I was scared but decided I didn't care what he did to me, at least I'd be away from him. I let go of his arm and put my hands out beside me. I closed my eyes and started to fall back, like a swimmer taking a backwards dive off a high-dive. He quickly pulled me in from the ledge. I could see the furry and fear in his eyes. I had called his bluff.
He kissed me then and clung to me, "No one will take you from me not even you."
Eyo suddenly stepped up to us, and told Urel the arrangements were in place. Urel grabbed my hand then dragged me into a secret passage. He forced me to follow as Luka fought his way to the top, we went down to a boat waiting deep within the tower. I tried to fight...tried to let Luka know where I was but it was no use. Eyo laid his hands on me and knocked me out. I woke as the boat was setting sail. I looked back at the tower and saw a massive bolt of lighting come crashing down, with Luka's agony. I felt that same frustration and cried out for my love. I tried to run off the boat and take flight but as I leapt Urel caught me and dragged me down below.
The nightmare shifted, I was suddenly in the hallway, my current hallway, in the house Casey...Luka and I shared and Becket...Urel was there! His shadowy figure charging towards me. I turned and tired to run but the hallway suddenly became endless. I tried to make it to the bedroom but it took forever. When I finally got there, I opened the window and tried to fly out. I got into the air but Urel grabbed my ankle and pulled me back into him, devouring me. I swear, I could feel him touch me, tearing into me. His teeth against my skin, his nails against my back and a burning between my legs as he entered me.
I cried out wanting to wake up from this nightmare. It felt so real! He had been in our house! I cried out calling to Casey. "I had the most awful nightmare."
I tried to turn but my wrists were stuck on something. I half-opened my eyes then opened them wide, realizing it hadn't been a nightmare. He had come for me and I was living in a nightmare now! I was in a cage, my hands bound above me at the wrists and my feet bound apart at the ankles, laying between my legs was Becket. He was naked and sound asleep, drooling on my breasts.
I madly sobbed then I heard Casey. "Nona where are you?"
Was he here! I sniffled perking up, had he found me! I looked around and weakly called, "I'm here! I'm here, Casey!"
"Come on Nona. Fuck," said Casey.
"Casey?" I said confused then I realized it was coming from the monitors. The video feed from our house. I couldn't quite see it but I could hear it. The phone rang and he picked I up "Hello, yeah no, nothing. No she wouldn't have run off like this! She wouldn't, especially now, with that asshole harassing us. I swear if he had anything to do with this! Yes. The police are looking into him but...no…no she wouldn't she- Yeah but I told her not to go out on her own. No, I know she gets paranoid but the lights going out, she wouldn't have run off, she would have stayed put until I cam back. Yes but she made me a promise and the baseball bat wasn't where it was suppose to be. No she knows where it goes. I think something happened. Yes…no."
Yes! Yes, he was putting it together! There WAS a reason the baseball bat was out of place. Becket probably didn't know where it went. With the power out, the camera's would have been off, so he couldn't see where I got it from. Casey had to believe...had to know I didn't run away! I wouldn't have! I had made him a promise and I'd tried my best to keep it!
I sniffled then sobbed once more, breaking down again and then the monster woke up! He looked around and paused for a moment, hearing Casey talking. He realized where it was coming from and gnored it, snuggling back up against me once more. He went back to sleep and I don't know how long I laid there. Eventually, I grew quiet staring up at the ceiling.
When he woke up again, he adjusted himself between my legs. He kissed my breasts then gave them a lick before he pushed into me. The burning returned as he lazily pumped into me. As he woke up more his pace increased. "Mmmmm, mmm you are better then a cup of coffee my love."
He kissed and caressed my breasts, burying himself deep inside me. I looked up...focused on the ceiling. I realized there were plastic stars everywhere. He'd made it look like the night sky. I wondered how I'd missed it before or maybe it was new. I turned away as he worked one out in me. I felt it seep into me then he went back to sleep for a while longer.
Eventually he got up and left. He didn't even bother shutting the cage door since I was bound. When he came back he was wearing sweat pants and a black tank top. He had food in his hand and the key to my cuffs. He gave me a warning before he unlocked my feet. I wanted to kick him but I held off as he unlocked my hands. I quickly pulled away moving to the corner of the cage as he set an energy bar and a bottle of water down.
He left locking the cage once more. I rubbed my wrists as he sat down at his desk. He yawned then scratched his head as he ate his own energy bar. He looked over his monitors and turned off the sound, not that Casey was talking on the phone anymore. I didn't touch the food, even though I was starving. I just looked at him glaring at the back of his neck. He finished eating then noticed I hadn't touched mine.
He groaned then said. "You can either eat the fucking bar or take a shot to the stomach before I ram it down your throat. Your choice."
I didn't respond. I didn't move. I did absolutely fucking nothing, refusing to obey him.
He sighed then ran his hand over his face, leaving it on his jaw as he responded. "Do I really need to go in there and force feed you because if I do I might get a snack myself." Again I didn't respond. It was an empty threat...either way he was going to do it, just the same, now or later made no difference.
He shook his head, "You're causing me a lot of trouble. You should just accept it. I've come for you. You're mine now and no one will take you. So you might as well listen to me. Now eat, drink."
I glared at him defiantly and he smiled. "Come on this is what you wanted right, waited for! I gave you what you want. Now give me what I want, fucking bear minimum here."
"This isn't what I wanted."
"It is," he said. "I can see it, every part of you, even now, is calling out to me, begging for it but I don't have the time, Nona. I'm sorry I can't give you twenty-four hour attention like that piece of shit. Mr. Madison. What did you see in him anyway? We never did finish how the two of you hooked up. How long did it take him to brainwash you." I scowled at him then turned my back to him, not interested in conversing with him any longer, especially about this.
He rattled my cage door and I looked back at him. "EAT THE FUCKING BAR! DRINK THE FUCKING WATER! Or I will come in there!"
I glared at him then hissed "No!" He unlocked the cage and I backed up ready to fight but suddenly a more pressing urge overtook me. I'd all but forgotten about it more then once but this time it rose up, strong and would not be denied. I flinched and back away. He noticed.
"What? What is it!"
I didn't want want to tell him but knew I had to. "I have to pee."
"Oh," he laughed, "My bad. Eat and I'll take you."
"No. Take me first"
"No. First rule. My needs always come first. This is my house, my world, you just get the pleasure of living in it, got it."
I thought about pissing right then and there but knowing him he'd really let me stew in it. I reluctantly ate the fucking bar and took a few sips off the water. It pleased him enough that he took me to the bathroom. He stood in the doorway, while I went, then washed my hands. I looked around for anything I could grab to use later but everything was attached to the wall. The soup in a dispenser, the towel nailed to the wall. He really didn't want to give me an inch. When I was finished he walked me back to the cage.
I waited until after he shut and locked it, then asked. "No what?"
"What?" he said, annoyed.
"Now what are you going to do me?"
"This. This is it." he said gesturing around him,.
"This is it." I snapped back
"Yes."
"So you're just going to keep me in a cage...forever."
"No. Not forever. Just until you can be trusted to behave or I get the other room set up. I'm still moving in myself." I had noticed some boxes in this room, the bathroom and hall but thought that was just how he lived.
"Then what?" I asked.
"What do you meant then what?"
"What is your big plan then?"
"I don't fucking know, like I said this is it. I got a cool place, nice layout, nice lay." He said gesturing to me. "money, computes, I think I'm good for a while… fuck maybe even a lifetime."
I glared at him then said. "Luka will come for me."
"What! Who? I'm the only one that comes from you. You calling me Luka now?" He gave me a look of disgust.
"No you know your name." I spat
"Becket."
"Your true name!"
"Ah, whats this now? What's my true name." he said leaning against the bar with a mocking grin. "I didn't see anything written dow-"
"Urel." I said spitefully
He stopped mid-sentence and his eyes got wide. His iris especially expanded like he'd just taken a hit of something strong. He froze there for a long moment, then quietly asked, "What's that now? What did you say?"
"Urel." I said glaring at him. "I remembered."
He looked at me bewildered. It caught me off guard. I wondered what he was thinking. He stumbled back rubbing his jaw. He looked at me then whispered something before looking around the room. Then for a long moment, he just stared off into space. Eventually he snapped out of it, only to start talking to himself. I couldn't hear what he said it was so fast and in whispers.
He let out an unsettling sound. He suddenly seemed distressed. He walked away from the cage and sat down at his computer. He rocked himself as he typed something. He looked at his screens for a while scrolling. Then he got up and went to the paperwork on the wall. I gave it a closer look now and realized it was mine. I saw pictures I had drawn from when I was twelve or thirteen. Pictures that been put in my medical file. He had my paperwork from the hospital...from my time at the mental institution. It was probably copies, but still, I wondered how he'd gotten access to it.
He glanced over it lifting up sheets here or there, then rubbed his jaw. He seemed to be looking for something but didn't find it. At some point he left the room. A long while passed and I got bored. I laid down for some time before he returned. He opened the cage and I thought he was going to hurt me but he just dragged me out and took me to the bathroom. He was still talking to himself and seemed lost in thought. I almost wanted to ask him what was wrong but I already knew. He was a fucking monster enough said.
When we got back to the room, I tried to see what Casey was up to but he wasn't on any of the monitors… in fact none of our house was. At some point Becket must have taken it down. Maybe he noticed me watching or maybe he didn't need to keep an eye on things now that he had me. He put me back in my cage and locked the door. Then I watched him go over to his computer. He climbed into his chair, wrapping his arms around his knees. He rocked himself as he mumbled something.
He checked various TV stations and stock markets...at least, I think that was the stock market. After a while, he wandered out of the room. I heard various noises and smelled paint. I looked over all the monitors and could see him in another room, painting. It looked like the first room I'd been in, when he took me out of the box. I watched him for a little while, then looked at my pictures and paperwork on the walls. Eventually I counted all the bars of my cage. I looked for any possible weak points but they seemed to be cemented into the floors and ceilings. I rattled my cage door, then ran my fingers over the bars as I went around and around.
After a while, I adjusted the bedding, pulling the blanket over the top of the mattress. I moved the pillows about and cleaned up a little. It was sad but given this was my place now, I might as well get used to it. I debated in my head what time it was. I wondered how many days I'd been here. I looked over the monitors again as if I could will the screens to change back to Casey, then laid down. I stared up at the ceiling until my eyes got heavy and I hoped I'd drift off to sleep...anything to escape, if only for a little while. I drowsed but didn't managed to lose consciousness.
When he came back he looked wet. He must have taken a shower. He still seemed upset. He looked like he was in deep thought. He kept looking at me then around the room like he was looking for something. He went over to my paperwork and looked it over before he went over to his desk and worked for a little while. I had no idea what he was doing. He typed super fast and changed screens every few seconds. Eventually I fell asleep, I had scattered dreams...mostly I dreamed I had escaped and was running home. I'd find myself in various places, open fields, the river, the mountains, the forest...everywhere I ran was to get home. When I finally made it Casey was there, waiting for me, he opened the door as I opened the front gate and we met on the porch. He held me tightly and we collapsed together promising to never let each other go.
When I woke up, Becket was still awake and agitated. He was smoking a cigarette as he stared off into space. He was sitting in his chair with his feet up. I wondered when he'd last slept but I didn't care. When he realized I was up, he put out his cigarette and rubbed his eyes. He unlocked the cage and took me to pee. When we got back to my cage, he got me some food and water. He let me carry it in as he grabbed a bucket with a car air freshener. It was clear that was to be my toilet, from now on. I guess he couldn't be bothered to take me anymore.
This was all so well thought out. I wanted to snap at him as he locked the cage but he seemed lost in his own world. At some point, he started pacing and arguing with himself. He dragged his nails into his skin, then ripped every single page off the wall and went over them meticulously, not once, not twice but seven times.
Something was definitely bothering him. I watch him off and on, over the next few days. Every now and then I'd got to sleep and wake to him still being up. He kept pacing and searching for something. He'd throw me food and water, from time to time and empty my bucket, but mostly kept to himself.
He had to be up for days, maybe even a week at this point, dark circles were under his eyes and I guessed he was having a bout of insomnia, followed by mania or maybe vice versa. He said he was no longer on his medications. I wasn't either but to be fair, I hadn't needed them in the first place. I barely took them half the time, getting good at pocketing them or replacing them. If I knew I was being watched I'd swallow them but for the most part I-
"We need to talk." He said suddenly glaring at me from the other side of the bars.
I scoffed, having no interest in talking to him. He couldn't rape me for days on end and then expect me to be chatty.
"I know we should have talked sooner but this has been a lot to process. I want to finish our conversation from earlier, really finish it."
And here I thought he had, by raping and kidnapping me. I think that was a statement onto itself.
"I'm going to be honest with you here, Nona." He chuckled to himself, he looked so tired and out of it. "I thought it, all of this," he said waving his hands about was all bullshit." He cracked a smile. "It isn't bullshit." he blinked a lot, stared off into space, then started talking to himself again. I couldn't make out what he was saying.
I rolled my eyes, "Good talk." I turned my head away from him then thought about what he'd just said...what I could understand of it. Wait a minute! I turned back to him. "What do you mean, you thought this was all bullshit?"
"This! All of this," he said clutching the bars of my cage. He looking around, at my paperwork then back to me and said, "Past lives and shit, you knowing me, me coming after you. I thought you were just some crazy fucking bitch," He flared his nostrils then continued "But I could get into that, I can dig crazy, especially with eyes like yours and that body. I have thought about you on an on all these years…after what you did... slitting your throat and all. I thought it was just morbid curiously. I didn't really know who you were. I didn't know anything about you." he said pressing his forehead to the bar.
"Someone did know you and said they'd saw you around. It got my interest peaked and I couldn't resist popping by then after Mr. Madison took me aside and told me to back off, I couldn't help myself. I had to know all about you. I hacked into your files, it wasn't that hard. I read up about you, read your medical reports. I saw what you said about me...about us. I got annoyed at first, angry even, thought I'd have some fun messing with you but shit went south...got messy. After our talk that day I couldn't sleep...thinking about it...about you. I wanted some serious fucking answers but he wouldn't let me see you. So I followed him. Once I knew where you lived, I hacked into your house camera's and watched you for days on end."
I shook my head but didn't say a word. He kept on rambling. "I kept thinking about you. What you did and how it made me feel. How it would feel to be inside you. Fuck Mr. Madison, I hated him, always have...always will. Why should he get a nice piece of ass, even crazy as you are. However, at some point I realized it wasn't-" He paused, "It became real to me, after we talked on the phone, the way you made me feel. I came so hard and slept so good. I dreamt of you. Shit….the stuff...this did to me. I see things now, not just in my sleep. I've done things but I well, I'm aware now things, its just...are just. It's those name...those names how it felt now, how I felt then. How do you know them, the sounds. Like know them but how can I know-"
He was madly babbling to himself now. He wasn't making any sense but again I thought over what I could understand, "Wait. What? WAIT!" I said drawing him from his babbling, "Are you telling me this whole time. THIS WHOLE TIME! You've been faking knowing me and about everything. Like you seriously don't know any of it...at all. Who you are and our connection?"
He smiled at me, his eyes glazed over. He laughed to himself then shrugged his shoulders.
"You," I gasped I could slap him. I could just start hitting him and never stop.
He'd been messing with me this whole time… still could be. I thought he- NO! I had assumed he'd woken or was waking and now he actually was. Clearly, the way he'd been acting the last few days made sense now. I knew that feeling of confusion, seeing things, knowing things without understanding. It was driving him up the walls. It had done the same to me until I understood what it all was.
So this was my fault! I had woke him up! I put my hand over my mouth and turned away curled up even tighter. The hits just kept on coming. It was a fucking self-fulfilling prophecy. I hated those! I saw what was coming and my actions to avoid it, had only led directly to it. Of course… to be fair, not matter what I did, this was how it was always going to turn out.
"Nona." He called pulling me from my thoughts "We need to talk. I need to understand"
I refused! Just look where all my 'talking' had got me. I should have just kept my big mouth shut. I turned away from him but he moved wherever my gaze went. He even pressed himself up against the brick wall, trying to make eye contact with me. I closed my eyes
"Don't shut down on me!" He pleaded. "Come on! I realize now what you were going on about. I believe you past lives us. I believe. Honestly I keep seeing shit and I know shit. Things I can't explain." He just sounded so lost. "How does all this work. I need to know. I need to understand. I just want to talk Nona."
I was tired of him saying that! He just wanted to talk my ass! I snapped "Figure it out on your own. I'm done talking to you!"
"No, no, you have no idea how this feels, to see all this shit, to know about this stuff and have no one to talk to about it. Well maybe you do...but you can talk to me now. We can talk to each other. I'll listen. I'll really listen this time."
This time. Ha! I glared at him.
"I want things to be different, had I realized sooner, I would have gone about this, differently. We really were lovers, more then that, I remember you being my wife, making me breakfast and we had kids. Three kids! Two boys and a girl. I can't remember their names but we loved them so much."
I didn't know that life...I hadn't recalled it yet. I didn't say anything trying to block him out but I couldn't help but listen.
"I just, I never felt so good, waking up next to you every morning, feeling the love of our family and having true purpose. Then everything...the world changed, it became dangerous. I had to take actions to protect you, to protect our family. I did things but I know why. I understand and I'd do it again. I'd do anything for you. I see that now."
"BULLSHIT!" I shouted. "You'd do anything for you!" I marched up to the bars wrapping my hands around them as I unleashed on him. "You don't know this yet but we've done this dance countless times before. I did it for you! I DID IT FOR OUR LOVE! I DID IT BECAUSE IT WAS NECESSARY! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND JUSTIFY IT LATER!"
I felt oddly powerful right now, for the first time I realized I knew more then him. Truly he was in the dark and hadn't fully caught up yet. Right now I had all the answers and he was at a lost. Only able to react to what I knew. He stared at me for a long moment through the bars then, quickly moved his hands over mine. I tried to pull them away but he kept his over mine, pinning them there.
"What about you Nona! YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME YET YOU BETRAY ME TIME AND TIME AGAIN. YOU TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT ME! YET YOU CALL OUT TO ME! That name you called me...a few days ago. I've heard it before. I've had dreams where you've called that name not just recently but going back years. You say you despise me but yet you call out to me, in your dreams. You call my name because you want me to show up! You've always wanted this to happen! Just admit it!"
No I didn't. I didn't know Urel and Luka's true names until recently I didn't...I...I. He just kept staring at me. I wanted to deny what he was saying yet some part of me knew it was true. I...I had known their names unconsciously. I just didn't remember upon waking. I...I realized that now...worse I had called out to both of them...I had searched for both of them but I hadn't wanted this to happened...right?
I kept trying to pull my hands free but he smugly went on. "You act all innocent...the damsel I distress but you're not!"
"No! No that's not true let me go!"
"Yes. YES!" He said. "You know this curse of ours. You know what I'll do for our love and yet you choose destruction, when you choose him."
"Because I love him!" I spat.
"YOU LOVE ME MORE!"
"I LUST YOU MORE!" I admitted. "There is a difference!"
"Right! Right! You liked to get fucked up! You like me to punish you, so you can feel like the victim!"
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" He was twisting everything up like he always did.
"It is! I see it! You play games! From the moment we first met in this life, you've been toying with me. Slitting your throat...in front of me knowing I wouldn't able to ever forget you."
I screamed out in frustration. "NO! IT WAS TO GET AWAY FROM YOU! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"
His eyes lit up, "Right! Right! And yet where are you right now?"
"You kidnapped me! HOW IS THIS MY FAULT!"
"You could have gone anywhere. The minute you saw me again why didn't you run?"
"I did! I slit my throat!"
"And after when you survived!"
"Casey he doesn't believe….
"Fuck Mr. Maddison...you are not MR. MADISON. You know all this, you knew what would happen...you knew once I saw you I would be unable to resist you and that I would pursue you to the end of existence You always know how this is gonna play out yet you just stood around, waiting for me to wake up and grab you, so why don't you ever do anything different...huh why don't you fucking change things. You could just try to have a real relationship with me."
I spit at him. At the very idea of us having any kind of 'relationship.' He took it and just stood there. "There you go again. You don't like what you're hearing. You refuse to face facts so you're trying to set me off. You want me to get angry. You want me to hurt you so you don't have to take responsibility for your actions but right here...right now, things are going to be different. You're going to admit, for the first time in this life, you missed me and want to be in a relationship."
He was out of his fucking mind as always! "I didn't miss you! I don't want anything to do with you. I dreaded...loathed with every fiber of my being ever...EVER seeing you again!"
He shook his head. "No! I saw you! The way you reacted to me Nona!" He leaned in close to the bars and whispered "You don't grip someone dick that hard when you loath them."
My eyes went wide and I just shouted at the top of my lungs, "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" I shook with fury as I kept trying to get free.
He just waited for me to get quiet again then went on "You want to hate me, but you can't hate me, because you love me. You know you do, no matter what you say."
"I don't." I cried my voice cracking.
"You do and you know what I think. I think if you'd just admit it, we could finally have a real fucking chance here. A real chance at changing things!"
"A real chance at changing things, it's already too late."
"Its not! It's never to late."
"YOU ALREADY RAPED ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT! LOOK AT WHERE I AM! IN A FUCKING CAGE! I'm physically in a cage, right now, having this conversation."
He pulled back like he somehow forgot that might be a problem. "That was...before I knew about everything. Things are different now."
I madly cackled, "Things are different now! THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW! IT'S ONLY BEEN A FEW DAYS! You can't just rape me then flip a switch and make it go away."
"Why not! You did!" he protested. "You slit your throat then changed your mind."
"THAT'S THE NOT THE SAME THING!"
"Just choose me Nona, Choose love this time!"
"This isn't love! This is sickness...madness."
"THEN GO MAD WITH ME! BE SICK WITH ME!" he said crying "Please! Please Nona! I'll give you anything you want, do anything you want!"
"Right like you'd just let me out of this cage, right now!"
I would, if you made the choice to stay with me and make this work."
"This will never work!" I spat.
"Not with a mindset like that." he said then let go of my hands.
I pulled my hands back rubbing them. "You're just manipulating me!"
"I'M NOT!" he insisted "I'm being honest, whatever it takes in this life, I'll do it to be with you. You don't want things to be the same, I don't either! I don't want you to hate me!"
"Too fucking late!" I spat
"No it's never too late! Let's start over, start fresh. I know things started out aggressive but I can control myself now that that I know who I am and that you're here."
"You mean now that you've kidnapped me and all."
"Please." he said. "I don't want to fight. I don't want to do everything again and again, like bashing our heads into the wall. We'll get nowhere, I'll get angry…. I'll get abusive. I wont mean to but I will and you'll get more twisted, acting out and struggling against me. I want to cut out all that bullshit and just live, really live this life. Do you remember our last life, it wasn't so great I think we need a vacation."
He was out of his mind if he considered this a vacation! "Are you off your meds or something!"
"I DON'T NEED THEM ANYMORE! I have you now, you are my medication! You are all I've ever needed. I see that now."
"I'm not!" I said shaking my head, "Don't you see. You're already being taken over by the curse."
"No!" He said shaking his head. "Nothing has ever felt so right. I've never felt this great in all my life. Since the first moment I saw you again, I've felt something I can't explain. The way you look at me, the way you smell, feel, all of it affects me so."
"Uh hello, are you even listening to me." I said waving my hands about. "I just said it's the curse." I said it slower. "What... you... are... feeling... right now…is...the curse."
"I... no," he said shaking his head. "You don't know that! Correlation isn't causation. Maybe this has nothing to do with the curse. Maybe there isn't even a curse! This feels more like a blessing being reunited with you. The one I love. Either way, can't we just try something different this time around. Be with me, really be with me, Nona! Love me as I love you! I mean fuck, if this, you and I, are inevitable, if there is absolutely no way of escaping it, then let's embrace it, if not at the very least keep things just between us. We don't need to involve others, this time around. I don't need to pursue any higher calling. You, this right here, is enough for me."
"For now."
"No always! It has always been enough but I do what needs to be done, to ensure our safety and that you stay with me. In this life, I don't need to do anything. If you choose to be with me. I don't need to hurt anyone."
"You already have!" I spat
"Who?"
Me for one, I thought but said, "Casey!"
His eyes popped, "Mr. Madison? Did you not see him on the monitors." He gestured to them. "I've done nothing to him! He was getting in the way and I simply made it so we could talk. I...I had originally planned to just pop by and make a date for us to meet up later so we could really talk but you were so beautiful in the moonlight. I could not help myself. You have this almost glow about you. I think I did that didn't I? I made it so I'd always be able to know it was you. Your glow, your voice, your touch, every part of you, it calls out to me and it draws me in and I am in love! "He curled his fingers and put his hands to his mouth. He was absolutely giddy now. "For the first time in my life I'm in love. Only to realize, this isn't the first time. No, I have loved you in every life! I love you!"
"You've had some way of showing it." I bitterly spat.
"What about you?" he said, "When you point your finger at someone, remember you have three pointing back at you. What about your culpability in all this?"
"My culpability!"
"Yes just admit it! You need me to be the villain. You need there to be someone worse then you, to take responsibility for your actions and desires. You need someone to always chase you because you like to run. Why can't you ever just grow up and own up to who you are and what you really want. From here on out, things really could be different, if you wanted them to be."
"Bullshit" I spat "More bullshit! You make it sound so simple but we both know, it's not!"
"It is, if you were just honest with yourself."
"Honest what about you? What about your honesty, Urel. Let's take what you just said for instance. You came over to make a date? We both know you came to get me! You said it yourself, when you tapped on my kitchen window, and the lights were still on. There was no fucking moonlight until later...after you had already entered the house and made your decision! Admit it! You always planned on kidnapping me."
"No!"
"Yes." I snapped right back. "Tell me do you always keep a blanket and pillow in your trunk. And again what about this fucking cage! It didn't magically appear! Someone had to build it at some point. It takes time and planning, all of it! Where is your honestly. You're so called culpability! You made choices, Urel. I wont be your scapegoat!"
He let out a quiet chuckle and threw his head back "Let's turn your own words back on you, shall we, you make it sound so simple but we both know it's not. I wont be your scapegoat either. You know your affect on my. You know sometimes I can't help it," There was a twinge of emotion in his voice that made my chest ache. I tried to ignore it...refusing to empathize with him. "I'll admit. I've done things I'm not proud of but my need, my love for you knows no bounds. I can't live without you and there isn't anything I wont do for our love. I'll kill for you. I'll overthrow governments and conquer worlds! The things I do. I do for you! It's always been for you."
I threw my hands up in the air. Again he was just repeating the same bullshit. I found myself getting emotional, none the less. There was a lot of history between us and it was affecting me, more then I thought.
Still I scoffed "When have I ever asked you to take over the world?"
"You don't need to ask! You are my love, is it wrong to want to give you everything! I just want you to be happy, for us to live in a perfect world."
"A perfect world! Again you are so full of shit!" I hissed, shaking my head.
He hissed right back. "What kind of man would I be, if I saw all these wrongs and didn't try to right them. You know the things I've done have helped countless people."
"They've also hurt Urel. You've hurt countless people."
"Oh I forgot." he said taking a step back. He crossed his arms, "There is not winning with you." We were both silent for a long moment. I hoped the conversation was over but he went on. "This argument is pointless. I already told you I have no interest in such things in this life. They can wait for any other. I just want to be with you! You mean everything to me! I know how hard that has been for me to admit in other lives. Yet here I am, openly admitting it. I'd sing it to the moon if need be, let the whole world, fuck all the galaxies know, you are my one and only love. Doesn't that alone prove to you, I've grown. I've changed, things can truly be different this time, Nona. I have all that I need and I can tell you are different too. Just look at how you reacted to our first time."
"You mean the first time you RAPED me!" I spat. I wasn't going to ever let him forget that.
I could see his face twinge with annoyance. I knew to him it wasn't rape. In his mind, you couldn't rape someone you loved, regardless of how they currently felt. He hadn't changed at all. Grown my ass! He'd raped me multiple times and now he was suddenly just a new man because he remembered the monster he used to be. He was gaslighting me hard. I could feel the heat I might as well be on fire with all the smoke in this room.
He leaned into the bars "Some lives you're just so closed off and I can't reach you but I felt it, felt our connection from the very first time. You did too."
"No." I lied.
He sighed then clutched the bars to my cage tightly in his hands. "I'll admit, I lost control Nona, but I promise now that I remember, now that I know who I truly am and what we are to each other, it wont happen again. Not unless you want it."
I had heard this 'promise' before and scoffed at him. Not matter what he said I knew he was going to do it again...if not in this life then another.
"I mean it Nona. I'm going to change. I'm making the choice."
I narrowed my eyes at him, realizing he had listened to Casey and my conversation from the other day. He was now using it to manipulate me, whether he realized it or not. More fucking gaslighting "You're doing it again, manipulating me, twisting things. You haven't changed at all. You can't ever grow, you'll always be the same abusive, controlling, narcissistic, rapist, asshole, you always are.'
"Maybe or maybe I could be different. Though I wonder," He said pulling back from the cage. "If you could ever be, if you're even capable."
"Of what!"
"Change, real, actual change Nona. Think about it...this curse of our is inevitable, life after life we are 'doomed.' How many times have we been at odds? Tell me when has it ever gotten you anywhere to defy me? Think of how much pain it's caused to deny me...to deny yourself. Think of the lives where we worked together, came to an understanding and made 'arrangements."
I shook my head, this was all so convenient for him, rape me, kidnap me, then see the light. He wanted to make arrangements, come to an understanding after he'd already taken everything away from me...even then, I knew this never ended well. "Shit will always get fucked up, no matter what we do or say."
"Yes if you want it to. If you don't fully commit, but think about it...try really try, even if it's just one life and maybe things can be different from here on out. Not in just this life but every life. I want to be different, Nona, but you've got to want it too, for this to work."
"For this to work." I scoffed yet again shaking my head "It wont. Different Ha!" I laughed in his face. Who was he kidding. He might be able to fool himself with this nonsense but he couldn't full me. I was done with him and this fucked up conversation, nothing could ever be different between us.
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