| -Various commas and spelling. |
(Original)
She always thought ping pong was such a simple game,
but she found it could also be complex.
(Changed(Adjusted)
She’d always thought ping pong was(a simple game but
she discovered it could be quite) complex. |
(Original)
For the most part Autumn kept to herself. She learned in her classes,
but when it came to doing things she often liked to do them on her own
once she’d learned how. She had to admit it was fun if not challenging
sometimes to do something with another person, but for ping pong
Autumn liked the rhythm of playing by herself.
(Changed(Adjusted)
For the most part, Autumn kept to herself.(She listened to her teachers
but once she learned how to do something she liked to do it on her own.)
She had to admit it was fun if not challenging sometimes to do something
with another person, but for ping pong Autumn liked the rhythm of playing
by herself.
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Change(It was He changed to Her)
(Her) teacher would always make pots like it was nothing. |
(Original)
Out of spite Autumn made more and more pots, and had about two dozen
of them now with all sorts of flowers and plants growing in them.
(Changed(Adjusted)(It’s more specific and less redundant since flowers are plants.)
Out of spite, Autumn made more and more pots, and had about two dozen
of them now with all sorts of flowers and (herbs) growing in them.
|
(Original)
She would always feel bad whenever a flower or plant died as they were the
closest thing she had to escaping.
(Changed(Adjusted)
She would always feel bad (whenever one) died as they were the
closest thing she had to escaping. |
(Original)
Today she was given a black dress with red roses on it. The sleeves went
to her elbow and the dress fell to her ankles. For shoes she was given
black tights and small black ankle boots that had been polished. She was
also given a small black purse that held breath mints and tissues inside.
(Changed) I didn’t know the proper term clutch at the time) 2 I think it
flows better with also given rather then shoes and talking about like tights
then boots and purses. One of those is a shoe lol.
Today she was given a black dress with red roses on it. The sleeves went to her (elbows) and the dress fell to her ankles. (She was also given black tights, small ankle boots that had been polished, and a small black clutch that held breath mints and tissues inside.) |
(Original)
Autumn followed after her, sitting next to her on the leather seat, but had to move when Cage got in. He sat across from Lane and snapped his fingers for Autumn to move. She sat next to him and buckled herself in. Lane also buckled herself in, along with Cage.
(Changed(Adjusted)
Autumn followed after her, sitting next to her on the leather seat, but had to move when Cage got in. He sat across from Lane and snapped his fingers (at Autumn. She reluctantly) sat next to him and buckled herself in. (Lane and Cage also buckled themselves in.) |
(Original)
Autumn looked out the window as Fredric made his way out of the
parking garage and onto the street.He turned on some classical
music and Autumn listened to it as the Cage took out his cell phone.
(Changed)(Fredric is driving, but it sounds like he’s walking around
the parking lot and not them in the car is driving about ><
Autumn looked out the window as (they) made (their) way out of the
parking garage and onto the street. (Fredric) turned on some classical
music and Autumn listened to it as the Cage took out his cell phone.
|
(Original)
Men opened the restaurant double doors as they approached.They went right in and to their table. They never had to wait at Granule.Cage knew the owner. He always had a table set aside for Cage, or anyone Cage wanted if he called. Inside the Granule the lights were slightly dimmed with candlelight lighting.Soft classical music was playing from real musicians that had their own quartet set up.
(Changed(Adjusted)
(Two bodyguard’s) opened the (restaurant's) double doors as they approached. (They went right to their table. They never had to wait at Granule. The owner knew Cage and always had a table set aside for him.) Inside the Granule the lights were slightly dimmed with candlelight lighting.Soft classical music filled the air. (A quartet of musicians were playing quietly in the corner.)
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(Original)
Quickly, she picked up a fry, popping it in her mouth.
(Changed(Adjusted)
She quickly picked up a fry, popping it in her mouth. |
I changed did a crtl find for any time detective was said not followed by
a name and removed the capitalized D. Only two were capitalized.
"Oh I’m sorry Detectives(detectives)" and "Hello Detectives(detectives)"
|
(Original)
For a moment she was silent as she remembered the ones that
used to grow near her house as a child and how she used to keep
some in the apartment she'd had. She sighed gloomily as she
remembered them.
(Changed(Adjusted)
For a moment she was silent as she remembered the ones
that used to grow near her house as a child and how she used
to keep some in (her apartment.) |
(Original)
After a few minutes he wiped his mouth before he finished the last of his wine. Then he turned to Autumn.He drew a finger gently across her cheek, pulling some of her hair behind her ear before he asked, “How was lunch?”
(Changed(Adjusted)
After a few minutes,(he finished off his wine then wiped his mouth. He turned to Autumn, drawing a finger across her cheek. Pulling some) hair behind her ear, he asked, “How was lunch?” |
(Original)
Cage got up in Autumn's face before she could finish. He tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled her in to him.Without a word of warning he kissed her.
(Changed(Adjusted)
Cage (got in) Autumn's face before she could finish. He tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled her (in, dangerously close.) Without a word of warning he kissed her.
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