(Original)

For a moment Autumn felt Cage's eyes on her as if he was staring at her 
but she didn't dare look up.

(Changed(Cage's to his)

 For a moment Autumn felt his eyes on her as if he was staring
 at her but she didn't dare look up.

(Together) they finished their appetizers and Autumn took another glance at Cage.(Removed Together) 

(Original)

The waitress looked weary but nodded before she nodded and took the drink away.

(Changed to(weary but nodded and took )

The waitress looked (weary but nodded and took) the drink away. 

(Original)

The bodyguard that was fighting with him caught him and handed him off 
to the other man like he was nothing.Together, they took him away as Cage
put his gun away.

(Changed(Revised section)

The bodyguard (that had been fighting him, caught Curis’s body
and handed it off to the other bodyguard like it) was nothing. Together, they
took him away as Cage put his gun away.

(Original)

She was in charge of keeping Autumn on schedule through the various
things Cage thought up for her to do.When she was first taken Autumn
had spent weeks in bed until Cage decided that she should get up 
and move around.

(Changed(Tweaked)

 She was in charge of keeping Autumn on (schedule. When) she was first (taken,
Autumn) had spent weeks in bed until Cage (decided she) should get up 
and move around.

(Original)

Autumn had thought Penna was just another person keeping her here, 
but Penna had been patient with her. She helped her through the worst
 of it.Somehow she had helped Autumn to want to wake up each morning 
and experience the day.

(Changed(Cage's to his)

Autumn had thought Penna was just another person keeping her here, but 
Penna had been patient with her(and helped her through the worst of it.) 
Somehow (she made) Autumn to want to wake up each morning and 
experience the day.

(Original)

Byron had been only thirteen. He'd still been just a kid at the time. 
To this day he was still unaware of the sacrifices Penna had made for him.

(Changed(Adjusted order of words)

 Byron had (only been thirteen at the time. He'd just been just a kid.) To this 
day he was still unaware of the sacrifices Penna had made for him. 

(Original)

Penna reached out for Autumn's hand and she took it, allowing 
her to help her out of bed. 

(Changed(Offered her hand instead of reached)

Penna (offered Autumn her hand and she took it,) allowing her to help her out of bed.
This is approved 

(Original)

She was required to participate in various activities that 
kept her mind and body in shape daily.

(Changed(Change order of words)

She was required to participate in various (daily) activities
that kept her mind and body in shape.

(Original)

The first time she found out how long it took to work off a single
slice of pie she didn’t think she ever want another one.                     

(Changed(Grammar)

The first time she found out how long it took to work off a 
single slice of (pie, she) didn’t think (she’d) ever want another one.

(Original)

When she was finished she changed into the long sleeved peach 
dress Penna had brought into the restroom for her. Dressed, 
Autumn moved into the bedroom.

(Changed(Removed Excess))

When she was finished, she changed into the long sleeved peach dress 
Penna had brought (in. Now) dressed, Autumn moved into the bedroom.

(Original)

Cage sipped his coffee slowly staring off into space. 
He barely touched his food before standing up. He slowly 
took his coat off the back of his chair. He put it on
before straightening it.
	He pushed his chair in before leaning forward. 

(Changed(Adjusted)

Cage sipped his coffee slowly glaring at her. He barely touched
his food before standing up. He slowly took his coat off the back of 
his chair (then put it on, straightening it.)
	He pushed his chair in before leaning forward.