I woke to find Roan quietly standing in the doorway of my hospital room. It was early morning or late evening from the light pouring in through my windows. I swallowed and began to shiver. How did he keep doing this? How did he keep getting up and getting to me? It was getting ridiculous. He was like some unstoppable monster.
I felt like I was losing my mind as he just stood there, glaring at me. I felt like this...this nightmare was never going to end. As if he could read my mind, Roan smiled. He slowly stepped forward into my room, dragging his bloody feet across the floor.
I struggled to sit up, knowing I had to get away from him. I had to keep running, keep fighting at all costs. Yet when I sat up I saw something on the floor. There were bodies around my hospital bed.
Not just any bodies...DEREK AND POLLY!. I screamed, seeing they'd had their throats slit and had bled out on the floor with their eyes open. I looked back to Roan and saw he had a bloody scalpel in his hand. He had done this!
"NO! NO! NO!" I screamed, not wanting it to be true.
"Yes. Yes. Yes." Roan softly chucked, "I won't let anyone else get in our way...not anymore..."
I just continued screaming, "NO! NO! NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"
My chest ached, seeing the ones I love were dead. I felt like my heart was going to explode right then and there. I wanted to die. I wanted to be with them. I sobbed uncontrollably.
Roan just kept slowly approaching my bed, "I'm never going to stop loving you...Kiri." He brought the scalpel up to his mouth and licked it with his tongue. Blood started rushing out of his mouth as he yelled, "THERE ISN'T ANYTHING I WONT DO TO BE WITH YOU! YOU ARE MINE, KIRI! MINE!"
I looked at him through bitter, broken tears, "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU!"
"I HATE YOU TOO!" He screamed, his eyes madly widening. "All I ever wanted was for us to be together...but everyone keeps tearing us apart! Most of all you! YOU JUST COULDN'T BE QUIET. YOU JUST COULDN'T LISTEN TO ME! AND NOW...NOW… because of you I'm suffering...YOU...YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SUFFER! WHY… WHY… BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"
He was delusional as shit. One minute he loved me, then hated me, then loved me. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS" I bitterly spat.
He smiled, "Maybe...MAYBE it's you, KIRI, who can't see. Maybe if I carve my name into you...you'll KNOW my love."
"NOOOO," I screamed.
He just smiled. Blood was pouring from his mouth now, sliding down his neck. "Maybe I just need to cut out that tongue of yours. Maybe then you'll know to stay quiet...to stop denying what is meant to be…" He drew closer. I tried to get up, to get away, but I was tangled in hospital cords and wires.
Roan lifted the scalpel and said, "BE QUIET!"
He lunged at me and I struggled against the cords and wires to get free but I couldn't...I couldn't get away. I couldn't breathe…I couldn't breathe... I sucked in air but something was in my throat. Everything was black and I heard machines beeping loudly.
I heard Derek, distant...far away through my one good ear, "KIRI...KIRI!" I felt hands touching my chest...my shoulders. Was it Derek? Had Roan killed me? Had we been reunited in death? I felt Derek pull away and heard him yell out, "HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! SHE'S CHOKING!"
I heard scuffling as I struggled, seizing. Someone touched my chest, pressing me back down against the bed. "It's okay...It's okay, Kiri," I didn't know the woman's voice. I felt something pull on me and then the thing in my throat started to move. It slid out and I coughed and coughed but it was out. It was out.
I struggled to breathe and I couldn't see. I tried opening my eyes and felt something holding them shut. I felt tape being pulled from my eye lids and suddenly everything was bright. Someone was putting an oxygen tube up my nose. I felt someone else squeeze my hand. I saw Derek. He was alive!
He called out to me, "I'M HERE KIRI! I'M HERE!" I looked at Derek foggily, realizing it had just been a nightmare. I passed out again.
I dreamt of a warm campfire at night. Derek was sitting behind me, only he looked funny, like someone else again. I didn't care...it was still him. He wrapped a blanket around us both and I watched the fire with him.
I'd never felt so safe and warm. I knew everything was going to be okay now. He was with me, holding me in his loving embrace. I wanted to stay here forever...safe...forever in his arms. The fire crackled and I groggily opened my eyes.
The room was dark now...a few lights were on and I could barely hear some monitors beeping. Derek was hunched over on my hospital bed, sleeping. He had one hand extended out, holding mine. I gently stroked his hand and he lazily opened his eyes. He lifted his head and lovingly looked at me. I smiled back at him, realizing then that the nightmare was over.
"Hey..."He said softly.
"Hey," I said back my voice a little squeaky "What's going on?"
"Not much," he said yawning, "And you?"
I looked around the hospital room and shrugged. "Ehh, things could be better."
We both chuckled and he leaned in more. He softly kissed me before running his finger through my hair.
"Are you okay?" I asked noticing he looked really tired.
"Am I okay, she asks?" said Derek to himself, "Am I okay? Asks the woman who jumped in front of a bullet." I smiled and Derek lightly shook his head, "Don't you know better?"
"He was going to shoot you," I protested.
"He was missing. His aim was for shit." Derek said.
"You were lucky," I said.
"Hmp," said Derek. His voice was quiet, emotional as he said, "You were lucky..."
"How..." I started to ask and then swallowed, remembering bits and piece of it all. "How did you make it to me before the swat team?"
He smiled down at me, "When I got here, the whole place was just going into lockdown. I refused to evacuate until I knew you were safe. I snuck past security and was running all over this place, looking for you. I heard the gun shots and screams and came running."
"Only you would run towards danger," I groaned.
"For you, I'd run into a burning building. Fuck, I'd jump into a volcano."
"For you," I said smiling, we both knew what I was going to say, "I'd take a bullet."
He shook his head, "You ever do that to me again and I'll kill you myself."
"No you wouldn't," I said confidently. "You'd never hurt me."
He sighed and closed his eyes but we both knew it was true. I squeezed his hand tighter and he squeezed mine back. I still couldn't believe this was real, "Is this real?" I asked. I needed him to assure me that I wasn't going to wake up in that nightmare again...or in the back of a car.
"Yes," said Derek opening his eyes, "Yes...this is real. I've asked myself that a few times already." He sighed deeply, "I...I thought I'd lost you...that you were dead."
I looked at him, confused. I remember him saying that earlier on the phone but I didn't understand, "Why?"I asked.
He sighed heavily, "When...When Polly went to get you...the cafe…it...it burned down."
My eyes widened. I vaguely recalled smoke or an alarm...gasoline. I remembered him pouring it on the floor, now. Derek looked like he was going to cry, "When…they...they pulled a body out and it matched your dental records. I...I thought he'd killed you." said Derek.
I reached out touching his face, wiping his tears, "No..." I said. I could understand now why...why he'd sounded so strange on the phone. He'd thought I was dead...probably accepted it and then I up and called him at three in the morning.
Derek went on stroking my hair. "Hanging up on you was one of the hardest things I've even had to do, Kiri, but it worked. They found you. They found you and brought you back to me." I smiled and he leaned in close, softly kissing me again and again.
I smiled and just enjoyed the sensation for a while, the quiet, and then realized we'd been having a conversation, "My voice..." I said, trying to lift my hand to my neck. My throat ached and felt scratchy but it was well enough that I was speaking. It must have had time to rest...to heal. I recalled the tube and let my hand drop back down on the bed. I looked at Derek and asked, "How long have I been out?"
He breathed deeply, "A little over two weeks. I never left your side."
"Not even to pee?" I joked.
"Not even. Want to see the bucket?"
I laughed. It hurt some and he held my hand. "Shh, Shh, rest...just rest now," he said. "I'll be here when you wake up."
"You'd better," I said and then I looked at him...worried about Roan. That I might wake up again and find him here, like in my nightmare. I didn't even have to say what I was thinking, Derek just knew.
He moved a strand of hair from my face and said, "It's over. He can't hurt you or anyone else."
I looked at Derek hopefully, "Is...he dead?"
The sides of Derek's mouth curved slightly. He squeezed my hand and nodded, "Yes,"
I rolled my eyes up at the ceiling and felt like a great weight had been lifted off my chest. My eyes welled up with tears as I choked, "How..." I needed to know what had finally finished him off.
"You should rest," said Derek. He seemed reluctant to answer.
"I want to- I need to know,"
Derek stared at me for a minute and then leaned in. He spoke quietly and I focused on every word, "After you went into surgery I found out he'd been sent into surgery again as well. I don't know all the details but they put him in a coma to help him recover. He wasn't breathing on his own. They had him on a respirator in his own room." Derek's eyes were glossy now as he spoke. "There was only one guard on the door but he had to step away for a moment."
Derek pulled back and reached into his pocket. "I guess while he was away, there was a malfunction with the equipment. The respirator stopped pumping air and the alarm on the monitor didn't go off. He suffocated to death."
I stared at Derek as he pressed something into my hand. I looked down and saw three small electrical wires into my hand. I looked back up at him.
"It's over," he said.
My mouth opened as I realized what Derek had done. So many emotions...so many things ran through my head but when my lips parted the only words that escaped were, "I love you,"
Derek weakly smiled back at me and I knew we would never speak of this again. There was a knock at the door and Derek quickly pulled the wires from my hand. We turned to see Polly. She had a bouquet of pretty yellow flowers.
"Is she up?" she asked hesitantly.
"Yes, she is," I answered.
She walked over to my bed and put her hand over her mouth. She looked down at me and looked like she was going to burst into tears at any moment. I hope she didn't...cause then I would burst into tears and we'd flood the room.
Derek brushed her arm, comforting her, "It's okay, sis. It's okay."
Polly sniffled and nodded to herself.
"But see..." Derek said, "I told you so." I saw him smile, the kind of smile he gave when he gloated.
"I see," said Polly and then she whacked him with the flowers.
"See what?"I asked, wanting to be let in on their conversation.
"You're alive," said Polly. "When Derek called me the other night and told me you were," she let out a heavy sigh, "I thought he'd lost his mind."
"But I hadn't," said Derek confidently. "I'm not crazy."
"Not yet," she joked, "Give it time! But...but I'll give you this one. You can have this one for the rest of our lives. You were right, Derek."
We all chuckled and she sat down on the end of my bed. I assured her, "I'd never leave you guys, especially...since Derek made a request."
"What?" asked Polly.
I looked to Derek but before I could say it he said, "I will always love you."
"Hey...that's my line," I said.
"Yes," he said, "But it's just as true for me as it is for you. I will always love you as well, Kiri."
I smiled knowing he would, "I will always love you and have always loved you." I said and then paused, thinking 'I have always loved him'. My mind drifted for a moment to something I knew deep inside but I felt it slipping away, pulling back behind the cloud of my mind. I looked at Derek and Polly, confused. I didn't know what we were just talking about. "Oh...uh, where were we? What were we just talking about?"
Polly crossed her arms, "You were just telling Derek how much you love him but what about me? Where is my love?" she asked.
"Well, you're a given," I said, "I loved you before Derek,"
"Hey," he said.
"Ha," she said.
They both laughed and then leaned in and gave me a group hug. I started sobbing a bit overwhelmed by it all, especially after that horrific nightmare. I was just so...so happy to be with them again.
"Now… now," said Polly. Pulling back, she sniffled, "None of that or you'll have me balling up a storm." She wiped her eyes and then asked, "Do you think you're up for the girls?"
The girls? My mind flashed to something, light… sunlight… a beach… laughter... Mara and Candice...had...had...It was all fading away...crumbling. The more I tried to grasp it, hold onto it, the farther out of my reach it became. There was something about a dream, "I… I had a dream..."
"What dream?" Polly asked.
I couldn't recall in that moment. My mind drew a complete blank. I just stared at her and asked. "What dream?"
"Is she okay?" asked Polly, looking to Derek.
"She's on a lot of drugs," said Derek patting my head.
"Good drugs," I smiled.
"You better share," Polly teased, "But wait 'til Denny gets here. I'm sure he'll want some too."
I chuckled and she got up from the bed. "I'll be right back. I'd better save him from the cafeteria. Mara is into mashed potatoes now. She's been trying to turn them back into potatoes."
I chuckled, picturing it. She walked out of the room and it was just Derek and me again. He brushed my cheek with his hand and I rested my head against it. "I do love you," I said.
"Who wouldn't?" He said, "I'm pretty great."
There was uneasiness, a tension in the air. A strain within both of us after the trauma of what had just happened. But…but I had a feeling in time...in time...I yawned. Derek pulled my blanket up to my chin. I looked up at him sleepily. In time, I smiled, we would be happy again.
The End
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