I struggled to get free and tried to push him away but he held me tightly in his grasp. He ran his hand from my waist, to my hip then back up and around to the small of my back, while his other hand squeezed my wrist tighter. I tried to lean back from him but he only leaned in more, shoving his tongue in my mouth. I couldn't move! I couldn't think! I couldn't breathe! I thought I was going to pass out but I kept fighting until I managed to squirm form his grasp.
I screamed and slapped him across the face, harder then I'd ever slapped anyone. He reached for his cheek and I shoved him back. He stumbled and fell to the floor, landing on his butt. I shuffled back, still trying to comprehend what the fuck just happened! I continued screaming and yelled at him, "WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!"
He looked up at me innocently like it was an accident. He moved to his knees, apologizing. "I'm sorry, Kiri. I...I just," he sputtered but I didn't want to hear it.
I yelled at him, "STAY BACK! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
I hurried behind the counter to get some distance between us. I couldn't believe I let him get so close to me. That I let him touch me...KISS ME! That his tongue had just been- I wanted Derek! My mind was a mess, a jumbled up mess. I couldn't think clearly.
Roan got to his feet and rushed up to the counter, continuing to apologize. But I was having none of it. I just kept screaming, "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
I grabbed what I could around me and started throwing it at him I was so flustered. I grabbed the basket of sugars packets his wife had once thrown, hurling it at him. I took our toothpick holder, throwing it, handfuls of mints from our bowl, the bowl the mints were in, the tips jar. I didn't miss him once. He put his hands up blocking each item and just kept apologizing but he WOULDN'T GO!
I was upset. I wasn't thinking. I was just lashing out. I needed to calm down, I needed to think, but most of all I needed to get him out of here. I turned and grabbed the phone on the wall to call the police. Something I should have already done. I could almost hear Derek yelling at me. 'Don't talk to him, don't engage, just call the police.
Roan stopped apologizing then and yelled, "DON'T KIRI, DON'T OR I'LL PRESS CHARGES! I'LL SEND DEREK TO JAIL!"
I looked at him wide-eyed, bewildered, flashbacks of my childhood flowed through me, "UNLESS WHAT!" I shouted. "UNLESS I GIVE YOU A KISS!"
He looked at me and we both knew it...knew that he wanted more. I recalled that day in the closet, him trying to take my shirt off. I'd known something bad was going to happen back then that I had to fight. If I hadn't fought, if I hadn't screamed, he, it was all so real now...not a memory. I knew right then and there everything had come full circle. The nightmare of my childhood was repeating itself. "I'M NOT THAT LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE." I raged to him, to myself.
I quickly dialed the police and held the phone to my ear waiting to hear the ring and have them pick up. Our eyes locked and he looked pathetic with his two black eyes, broken nose, and busted up lip. He started crying like when we were children and he'd get caught. Tears ran down his cheeks and then, his sobs started to sound more like laughter.
I watched his lips quiver and twist into a smile. The biggest smile I'd ever seen. His eyes, his pleading eyes now filled with such malice and darkness. It sent chills down my spine and my mouth fell open as I watch him transform before me.
When I had first seen him I hadn't recognized him but I could fully see in now. Roan… the Roan I'd knew as a child. I knew that laugh, that smile. I was reminded of that day all those years ago. He'd chased me and caught me in the field. He he had shoved my face in the dirt. How he had laughed then, how he had smiled as if to say he'd beaten me but we...we weren't racing.
I trembled, furrowing my brow, the phone pressed tightly against my ear. I realized someone should have picked up by now. I couldn't recall having heard the phone even ring. I heard nothing. I was so focused on him that I didn't realize... I tried to stay calm. I quickly hung the phone up and then picked it up again. I listened carefully for a dial tone this time but there was none. The phone was dead!
I stepped back and let the phone drop. It bounced, dangling on its curled up cord. I swallowed as Roan's posture changed. He stood up straighter now, gaining several inches. His voice was deeper, darker, "What's wrong, Kiri?"
"Nn...nothing." I choked, unable to hide my fear, "Nothing's wrong," I scrambled for my cell phone, my heart racing. I assured myself I still had my cell phone. But I patted myself down. It wasn't in my pockets or my apron. I blinked, trying to recall when I'd last used it, my desk, I yes, I'd texted Derek. I must have set it down. I bit my lip and then dashed into the back.
I rushed up to my desk but didn't immediately see it. I threw paperwork everywhere looking for it but it wasn't there. I heard footsteps and looked to see Roan had come into the back. "Looking for this?" he said, holding my cell phone.
I looked at him wide-eyed, realizing he must have taken it when he'd kissed me. I'd been so caught of guard and his hands had been all over me. He must have reached into my pockets and took it! He continued to smile at me as he removed his glasses and said, "You're right, Kiri. You're not that little girl anymore. You're much more entertaining."
Entertaining? ENTERTAINING! What the fuck! I'm much more entertaining... what did he mean by that? I didn't care. I just needed to get out of this situation as soon as possible. If I couldn't use the phone then I'd need to escape and get outside, where there were others. I looked to the front, but I knew I might not be able to get past him, get around the counter and out the door before he caught me.
The back door was my only option. I quickly darted from my desk, moving to the very back of the cafe. The back door was an old metal push door. It let out into a back alley but it let out nonetheless. I needed to get out of here. I'd used it just this morning to receive deliveries so I knew it was unlocked.
I quickly reached it and pushed it, ready to feel the sunlight and rush of air on my face. The handle move and the door opened but only a few inches, it was stuck on something. Roan walked slowly and leaned up against a wall. He watched me as if I were some rat scurrying in a maze. I tried to ignore him, pushing on the door harder. I managed to get it open wide enough to see what looked like a chain. Someone had chained the door shut from outside. Not someone! ROAN! He'd planned this! I turned, looking at Roan. I realized my situation was getting worse and worse…
He rubbed his jaw and seemed amused by my sudden realization. I turned back to the door and just stood there, my hands clutching the bar on the door. He'd trapped me, the bastard had trapped me. I closed my eyes and scramble to think of what to do now. I heard Roan sigh after a minute or two and then take a step. I knew my time was running out. I needed to do something before he did something to me...like in the closet. I ran my hands into my pockets. All I had was a pen, some paper, and my mace! MY MACE! I still had my mace!
I'd almost forgotten about it. I'd overlooked it looking for my phone but it was here now and it was all I had. I clutched it and opened my eyes. I turned to see Roan a few steps closer to me. I turned my back to the door and shouted, "STAY BACK! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
"Stay back, stay away from me," his voice twisted in a mocking tone as he stepped closer.
I continued to clutch the mace in my pocket and confidently said, "I MEAN IT! I WILL HURT YOU!"
"More than you already have?" he hissed.
He took another step and I readied. He stopped approaching me and squinted his eyes at me. Noticing a change, he studied me for a moment and I watched his gaze drifted to my pocket. His smile wavered as he realized I had something that might interfere with his plans. I smiled now.
I breathed in deeply and confidently took a step forward. He took a step back. I took another step forward, pulling my mace out of my pocket and watched his eyes flicker as he took it in. Then, seeing that it was mace, he smiled once more like he'd thought I had something more powerful.
I swallowed and my smile wavered slighly. I assured myself my mace was powerful enough. It might not stop him completely but it would be enough to disable him, long enough for me to get past him. If I could just get to the front door then I could get help. I took a step forward, aiming. I knew I might only get one, maybe two chances, but I needed to hit him in the fa-
"Well," he said, pulling me from my thoughts, "Are you going to do it? Or not? We don't have all day."
He was goading me, wanting me to spray him and hurt him. What the fuck was wrong with him? I stepped up and he stepped back. Maybe I could get him to just keep backing up. "I...I don't want to hurt you." I stammered "But I will! I will if you don't back off."
Then I stepped forward but this time he didn't step back. He laughed and ran a hand through his hair, "See, that's the difference between you and me, Kiri. You don't want hurt me but you will if you have to. Whereas I want to you hurt you and I'm going to hurt you."
I gasped at his words and he exploded toward me, closing the three feet between us in seconds. I quickly pushed the button on the mace and it released into the air. It sprayed but Roan quickly covered it with his hand, ripping it out of mine. He threw it across the room and wrapped his other arm around me, pulling me into him and holding me from behind.
I screamed and coughed as my eyes burned and began to water. Enough of the mace was in the air to affect us both, but not enough to help. He squeezed me, hugging me from behind and I could feel this stiffness poking me. I cried out madly coughing. He nearly lifted me off my feet as he also coughed then roared out, "When are you going to learn? DENYING ME ONLY HURTS YOU!"
I struggled in his arms and managed to elbow him hard in the chest. His grip on me loosened as he burst out coughing even more. I managed to break free but he quickly recovered and came after me.I made it to the front counter but I coughed madly. I almost couldn't see my sight was so blurry. He grabbed at my waist and I tried to spin out of his arms but he managed to gab my wrist. I struggled to break free from his gasp but he yanked my arm bringing it behind me. I felt like it was going to snap at any moment and cried out. He turned me away from the counter and forced me into the back, pushing me to the ground.
I hit the floor hard and scrambled to get away on my hands and knees. My eyes stung so badly and I could barely see but I managed to grasp hold of a nearby mop. I hoped to use it as a weapon but Roan saw what I was doing. He came up behind me and grabbed the mop as well. He tore it out of my hands and threw it across the room. He roared out in frustration and I turned on my back so I could keep an eye on him.
I tried to crab walk away from him and look for something else I could use. I watched him wipe his eyes and then massage his broken hand. Before my blurry eyes he simply removed the cast and tossed it aside. I realized then that his hand wasn't broken. It was just another lie! I wondered about the video now but Roan lunged at me pulling me from my thoughts. I scrambled back but he tackled me, getting on top of me. He pinned my wrists above my head and glared down at me, getting close to my face with his own.
"I'm sorry, Kiri. I would have LOVED for our little game to go on a bit longer. But YOU had to go and speed things up with your lawyer and restraining order BULLSHIT and that...THAT won't do at all! I won't allow the authorities to interfere again."
I cried out, turning my head from side to side. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! This isn't a GAME! This is my FUCKING LIFE!"
"You never were very bright, were you?" he said, leaning in even closer. I could feel his breath on my skin now, "Did you REALLY think I WAS HERE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU! TO MAKE FUCKING AMENDS!?" I felt his spit splash against my face as he yelled in my ear. "IF ANYONE OWES AMENDS, IT'S YOU!"
"I DON'T OWE YOU SHIT!" I screamed. I tried to get him off me by lifting my body with my feet. I managed to move him some but he was way to heavy, he was crushing me.
"YOU OWE ME EVERYTHING!" He seethed. I could hear the emotion burning in his voice. The rage, the pain, "YOU STOLE MY LIFE AWAY! I told you... I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP THAT DAY IN THE CLOSET! BUT YOU had to go and be A LITTLE BITCH! And because of you I GOT EVERYTHING TAKEN AWAY FROM ME."
"You tried to KILL ME!" I sobbed.
"RIGHT! RIGHT! That is where we left off, wasn't it! THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME!"
"NO! NO! NO!" I screamed.
He suddenly let go of my wrists and went for my neck. I grasped hold of his hands as he tried to strangle me and dug my nails into him as hard as I could. He roared in pain but didn't let go, tightening his hold. Soon enough I couldn't breathe. I went for his eyes then remembering my self defense classes. I tried to press his eyes into his sockets. I ran my fingers across his face, trying to get to him but his face was so greasy and hard to grasp hold of. I realized he was wearing makeup. His fucking black eyes weren't real either!
Roan pulled his head back and away from my grasp but I didn't give up. I found whatever tender flesh I could grasp hold of and squeezed. He let out another painful roar and removed one of his hands from my neck then punched me in the face again and again. I threw my hands up trying to block the blows. His fist just kept coming. I felt blow after blow hit my face and arms.
My mouth filled with blood as it streamed out of my nose. I cried out in pain but it barely made a sound. I was feeling light headed but refused to give up. To my surprise he took his other hand off my neck and pulled back some. He grabbed something from his pocket as I kept fighting, adrenaline surging through my veins.
I squirmed and pounded my fists against him, trying to get him off me but he roughly grasped hold of my left wrist. I heard what sounded like duct tape then and soon felt it wrap around my wrist. He snatched hold of my right hand then. I tried to pull it away but he combined it with my left and looped both hands several times with the tape.
I sputtered, kicking and screaming, I was so full of adrenaline and fear now that I manged to lift us off the ground but he wouldn't get off me. He cut the duct tape with his teeth and then repeated hit me with the roll. It hurt but I didn't stop. I tried to bash him with my taped hands but he pinned them down with one hand. Then he tore off some more duck tape with his teeth and forced it over my mouth.
I stuck out my tongue and tried to get it off but I couldn't. He dropped the tape and moved his hand back to my throat, squeezing it once more. I knew this was it! He was going to kill me! He was going to finish the job he'd started all those years ago in the supply closet. I felt my already blurry vision go hazy. The corners around my eyes began to darken.
I thought of Derek. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Derek. This was my fau- I found it hard to think, to focus. I felt myself losing consciousness. In my panicked delirium I thought I felt his grip loosen, felt him let go altogether but perhaps I was mistaken and it was me that let go as everything went black.
I woke to someone slapping my cheeks, the smell of cigarette smoke and the taste of blood in my mouth. It took a minute for my eyes to clear and then I saw Roan leaning over me, smoking. It all came back to me. I looked up at him hazily and he smiled.
"Still with us, aye? Sorry." he said. He took a long drag and then let it out. "I couldn't do it."
"Do what?" I rasped confused.
I thought I was going to be sick or pass out again. It could go either way at this point. I turned my head to the side, listlessly. "I've killed a lot of things." he went on, "a lot. But you, I still can't do it." he laughed to himself then as if he found it fascinating. "I couldn't do it back then and even now, even after everything, you make me feel things. That's why I always liked you. Nothing else, nothing else in this world ever made me feel this way but you...you-"
I could see he wasn't talking to me. It didn't matter, I couldn't understand his manic ramblings anyway. I didn't want to. Graciously everything went dark again as I passed out. However I soon woke to water being splashed in my face. I saw Roan had one of our cleaning buckets and surmised, he poured a bucket of water over me.
"Good girl, good girl. Stay with me now."
I glared at him as it came back to me slower this time. I finally registered what he'd just said. He couldn't do it. He couldn't kill me. Or maybe he was just prolonging my suffering, fucking with me. I felt sick, so, so sick. I couldn't help it! I vomited but my mouth was taped. It quickly filled up and I began to choke. Roan saw my distress as I violently jerked. He ripped the tape off my mouth and helped turn me on my side. I let go all over the backroom floor.
"Shit, Kiri." he said as I took a breath and then did it again. He rubbed and patted my back, "That's it. Get it all out, let it go… let it all go."
I gave him a sideways glance, when I was done. I wanted to cuss him out but before I could he put the tape back over my mouth, sealing it once more. I laid my head back down and moaned. He dragged me a few feet away from the vomit and then clapped his hands together.
"Now, where were we?" he said, rubbing his mouth, "Right, I was going to strangle you." I cried out, tears streaming down my face, knowing I couldn't fight him and he laughed. He pulled my work apron off and used it to wipe my face. When he pulled it back I saw blood and vomit all over it. He ran his hand over my face, moving my hair about gently.
"Ah Kiri, Kiri, you still think I'm going to kill you. I might yet but not like this, not here and not now." he said, "I really did come here for you, you know. Let me apologize yet again for how things turned out." He laughed, finding it funny, "I'm sorry it took me so long to find you."
He put out his cigarette on the floor then reached for something in his pants pocket again. This time he pulled out a knife and opened it before my eyes. My eyes flickered as I recognized what it was and what it could do. Was he going to slowly torture me, cut me, stab me? At this point I had no idea what he was going to do...only that there was little I could do.
He loomed over me and moved the knife over my shirt. When he got to the bottom of it he lifted it with the knife. My breath quickened. He slowly lifted the knife until it cut through the thing fabric. Then he began to slide the knife up, cutting my shirt open.
I squirmed as he took in my bra and began to play with a strap, running the knife under it. He tugged at it and continued, apologizing, "I'm sorry it took me so long to approach you."
With a hard tug he cut my left bra strap and then the other. I began hyper-ventilating, understanding what he was doing. He pulled my bra off me and then ran his hands over my breasts, squeezing them in his hand as he said, "Shh...shhh..."
He held the knife close to my face, still squeezing my breasts with his other hand. "Let me apologize." He teased. He lightly ran the blade against my cheek, "That is what you wanted, right? For me to apologize for being so awful to you. Poor little Kiri, poor, innocent, defenseless, Kiri Lenk."
He cackled to himself, pulling the knife away. I watched him lightly drag it down to my jeans and closed my eyes. I couldn't! I wouldn't watch! "I'm sorry." he said, taking his hand off my breasts and tugging at my jeans. I struggled and whimpered madly as he began cutting them away from me.
When he was done he leaned in, running his face over my underwear. I opened my eyes and watched him take it in his mouth, pulling on it, biting it. He cut my underwear free on both sides and simply pulled it off me. He brought it up to his nose and smelled it. His eyes closed for a second, like he was taking in the most intoxicating scent.
It made me sick. He leaned in and looked down at my privates. He ran his fingers through my curls and tugged. I cried out painfully and he said, "I'm sorry it took me so long to talk to you."
He let go of my pubic hair and pulled back. He took the knife, closing it. He put it away and I watched his every movement then as he got on his knees and unbuttoned his pants. My nostrils flared as his zipper seemed to come down slowly and then I saw him pull himself out.
I looked away from it, true terror ripping through me. He was going to rape me! I pleaded, begging, but my voice was muffled by the tape. I wheezed, finding it hard to breath. I felt him lower himself over me again. I bit my tongue I was so scared. I tried to kick, tried to get my wrists free, winding them up and my hands started turning red.
He slapped me then quickly sharply. I looked at him and he said, "No, no, Kiri," like I was some fucking dog. "DON'T RUIN THIS FOR US AGAIN!" I ignored him, struggling to move any muscle I could. He backhanded me then again and again until I laid there dazed and delirious, barely holding it together.
He spread my legs and got between them. I felt him place himself at my entrance and our eyes locked. "I'm sorry I wasn't your first." he pushed to go into me but I was clenched up and dry, the driest I'd ever been. He let out an annoyed sigh, looking down at me. He nudged the head of his penis, trying to get it to go in. When it was clear it wouldn't without a little help he glared at me, "YOU'RE RUINING THE MOMENT, YOU KNOW THAT!?"
I looked at him and laughed. I didn't find it funny. I just felt like I was losing my mind. I was ruining the moment...THE MOMENT! FUCK HIS MOMENT! He was fucking raping me! He groaned and hawked up spit before putting it between my legs. Then he roughly spread it around with his fingers. He roughly shoved his dirty, piece of shit fingers inside me. I twisted in pain and tried to buck them out. "Save it, would you?" he playfully chuckled, "For when I'm inside you."
My eyes widened. How could he be so- He ran his fingers along my cheeks and near my eyes, "You're eyes, they were always so big and beautiful. The more frightened you get the more beautiful you become." He almost poked my eyes with his fingers but I closed them tightly.
A few seconds passed as I shivered. I heard him spit again and opened my eyes to see him spitting into his hand. He rubbed it on his dick this time before putting the tip at my entrance once more. "Now where was I? Yes! I'M SORRY I COULDN'T BE YOUR FIRST!"
He pushed harder this time, guiding his penis in with his hand. He rammed it up inside me and I cried out. My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head, and my entire body burned. I felt like he'd taken his knife, instead of his dick and shoved it inside me.
He grabbed my chin and made me look at him, made me focus, and said, "BUT I WILL BE YOUR LAST!"
He pulled back and then began violently pounding into me. It hurt! IT HURT SO BAD! I rolled my eyes back, wanting, NEEDING! PLEADING TO PASS OUT AGAIN! I wanted to disappear, to fade away and escape from this moment AND this pain... this pain. I heard him moan and grunt in my ear. It was hard to take anything in, time or space. I struggled to breathe, to break free as tears streamed down the side of my face. He adjusted himself several times, finding a new angle, a new pain. It felt like he was inside me forever that he was killing me. I pissed myself but he just kept going, unfazed.
He wanted this. He wanted this and nothing would stop him. He grunted, bucking into me crying out crying out my name like he was in the throes of making love. Gloriously…GLORIOUSLY I passed out almost hoping I wouldn't wake up this time.
I woke to water again. I felt light, heavy, warm, cold...sick. Someone was holding me spraying me with a hose. I weakly opened my eyes and saw it was Roan. I felt him spaying between my legs and then my face all over. I was weak, listless in his arms. I couldn't fight. I didn't try. I was barely aware my hands were undone. When I was clean he laid me back down on the floor. An alarm went off and he started cursing under his breath. It meant something to him. I didn't care. I closed my eyes and listened to him rush about in a panic.
I just laid there on the floor of some place. I opened my eyes. I wasn't sure where I was. No, I knew the tile. I reached out, touching it, tracing it with my finger tips. It was the place I came to often. The place I worked at. I could grasp the concept but not its name. I saw Roan's footsteps move back and forth as he poured something, some liquid. Then he left. He was gone. I was alone. I curled up in pain. There was so much pain but I felt weak numb. Maybe I was in shock. I heard the back door open.
I didn't even bother to look and see who it was. I just laid there and a moment later hands touched me, lifted me up off the ground. It was Roan. He was back. He carried me out of the café. I smiled that was the word...cafe...cafe...cafe...strange word...c..a..f...e. I was blinded by sunlight. I felt the wind on my face, it felt good, like I knew it would. I tasted blood in my mouth. Outside, I was outside. Roan struggled, moving to hold me with one arm under my breasts. I was limp and felt like I'd tumble to the ground if he let go of me, but he didn't.
I looked out, seeing a woman down the street. She passed by the alley way, passed by me on her way. Where, I don't know...the concept beyond this moment seemed distant, far off and out of reach. I felt an echo in my head. My own thoughts spanning on and on. Roan opened a car door and threw me in. Leather seats, smooth on the palms of my hands. My wrists ached. Roan grabbed my hips as I crawled and guided me from the seat to the floor of the back seat.
There was a blanket on the floor of. A dark one. I almost couldn't tell. It matched the floor so well. He pushed me down, on to it, then flipped me on my back. I looked up at him and watched as he pulled something out. A cloth, he pressed it against my mouth and held it there for a second. I wearily reached out with my hand, grasping hold of his wrist. He just looked at me until everything went fuzzy. I passed out.
I woke briefly hearing a fire alarm and smelling smoke. A blanket covered my face. I heard a car door open and shut. I felt the car shake, the engine roar, and then I was moving. No, the car was moving…I rolled my eyes to the side and passed out again.
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