The pizza was good and we kept things light for the rest of the night. When we turned in for bed I found it hard to sleep. I kept tossing and turning thinking about Roan. I kept seeing him step out from the alleyway with that bouquet. Blue roses... were still my favorite, I'd had dreams about them since I could remember and used to draw them when I was little. I thought they were mysterious and beautiful but them coming from Roan, made my skin crawl
I felt foolish for not having noticed him sooner. Perhaps I could have avoided him altogether. Yet from the moment I'd first seen him again I'd let my guard down. In the market I hadn't known it was him and at the party I'd let myself get upset. Finding out he wanted to apologize had thrown me and seeing him with his family mad me think he had indeed changed. I'd allowed him to apologize to me. I even let myself believe I might actual get closure.
Yet seeing him tonight... I felt old familiar feeling being to fester and boil to the surface. He'd said something to me when he'd handed me the roses but I couldn't remember what. I'd been so freaked out, all I'd see were the roses and him. Him and those fucking ice blue eyes of his and that twisted grin. Had he grinned at me or was I imagining it? I didn't know, it all happened so fast and there was already so much damage there, trauma from all those years ago. I found the lines between the past and present begin to blur and felt almost feverish.
When I did finally manage to settle down, I slept late and took a long cold shower, when I woke up. I looked at myself and though they were faint, I could still see the marks he'd left on me, with those scissors. I felt myself tremble, remembering the smell of that closet the crazed look in his eyes and the sound of his voice when he'd yelled at me. 'DIE! DIE! DIE!'
It was all so vivid and raw. I told myself he'd changed...he'd changed, he was different now, he had a wife and kids but that look on his face yesterday when he suggested we become friends it...it felt like the time he'd told me to kiss him, if I wanted my bag back. Yes, he had that same look in his eyes and that twisted grin...knowing he had all the power. I nearly collapsed in the shower feeling overwhelmed.
I told myself even if he wasn't different...I was. I wouldn't let him bully me. He had no power over me anymore. He couldn't make me do anything, I didn't want to and yet I felt like I did all those years ago. It took me a moment to collect myself. I skipped breakfast and tried to put on a brave front when Derek called to check up on me before work.
He was on break and said I could always call in sick tonight but I reminded him, I was closing and I didn't want Roan to disrupt any more of my life. I could tell Derek was worried about me. He reminded me again to call him if anything happened and I swore I would. I got ready for work and told myself everything was going to be okay. I had a plan going forward. I'd ask him to leave if he stepped foot in the cafe and if...if he ran into me outside again, I'd simply walk away...run if need be.
I could handle this. I could handle him. Yet I found myself lingering at my door and a moment of panic swept through me in the elevator. When I stepped outside, I worried he might have found out where I lived and would be there waiting for me. Yet he was no where to be seen and I know because I was on high alert and kept looked over my shoulder the entire time. It took me nearly twice as long to get to work and people kept looking at me strangely but I didn't care. It was better to be cautious. I wasn't going to let him sneak up on me again.
I was relieved when I got to work and still didn't see him. I checked the seating area right away this time and even the bathroom, to make sure he wasn't hiding somewhere. Admittedly things were a little nerve racking when Brenda clocked out. She could tell I was uneasy and asked if I was okay. I assured her I was and wished her a good weekend. I tried to focus on my work then but every time the bell rang, it had me on edge. I'd rush to the front counter to see if it was him and be thankfully when it wasn't.
It felt like one of the longest shifts of my life but he didn't show up. Part of me worried he was waiting until I got off work again. I walked home quickly but carefully that night, keeping an eye out for him but again, I did not see him. Maybe after scaring me last night, he'd come to his senses and had decided to just leave me alone but I doubted it. Just because I didn't see him today, didn't mean I wasn't going to see him tomorrow.
When I got home, Derek was on the couch with his head leaned back. I saw he'd shoved tissue up his nose and wondered if he had a bloody nose. However when I got closer I saw a cut on his cheek and bloody bandages on his both his knuckles.
I quickly rushed to him and asked, "What happened?!"
"Nothing," he wheezed.
"This doesn't look like nothing!" I said, upset. I dropped my bag on the ground and sat down on the couch next to him. "Tell me!" I demanded, "What happened? Who did this to you?"
Derek sighed and I could tell he didn't want to talk about it. I continued to stare at him, refusing to let this drop. After a few minutes he finally gave in."I just want you to know, I didn't plan for this to happen." He sighed and then continued, "Last night, after everything I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about Roan harassing you, after everything he did to you. So, I hung around outside the cafe today, to make sure he didn't show up again."
I breathed in when I realized what must have happened. I knew how Derek could get whenever someone he cared about was threatened but it had been years since he'd been in a fight. I cried out, "What did you do!"
Derek sighed and then coughed but continued. "Well, he showed up. I just wanted to have a few words with him, to make it clear he needed to back off and leave you alone." I held my breath, waiting for him to go on. "As you can see, it got to be more than a few words. The little shit hasn't changed one bit. Okay, maybe he got taller but he told me to fuck off. He made it clear he wasn't going to listen to words. So I made it damn clear, he was going to leave you alone from now on."
If Derek looked like this I could only imagine how Roan must look. I knew Derek could fight, I'd seen him take down all those guys in high school and since then he'd only gotten better. I ran a hand over my mouth. Part of me loved the fact that Derek would do anything to protect me but we weren't kids anymore. Actions had real consequences these days. He couldn't just go around beating people up. I let out a heavy sigh. I just wanted Roan to leave me alone. I didn't want things to come to this. I didn't want anyone to get hurt this time.
"You can't go around beating people up." I said after a few minutes. "We're not kids anymore."
"I know but maybe if I'd kicked that little shit's ass back then, he would have learned to leave you alone a lot sooner."
"Derek," I said.
"Hey, hey," he said, painfully sitting up, "I didn't just beat his ass. I might have thrown the first punch but that bastard fights dirty. He has a strong left hook and that ring of his. I won the fight but he still went just as hard as me."
It didn't make a difference how hard Roan fought. As long as Derek threw the first punch, I knew it would be considered self-defense on Roan's part. Derek could be in a lot of trouble and it was all my fault. I got up from the couch. "I didn't want this to happen, Derek. I didn't want you to get into a fucking fight with him! I just wanted him to leave me alone. What if he presses charges now? WHAT IF THEY ARREST YOU!"
"HEY! HEY!" Derek reaching out to me and I went to him. He pulled me back down on the couch. "If that fucker wants to press charges, we'll press charges of our own."
"For what repeatedly apologizing?"
"No, for fucking harassment and stalking." said Derek sternly. "You told him to leave you alone repeatedly and he kept coming back. He waited for you to fucking walk home. I don't GIVE A SHIT what his reason was. He was escalating!"
"He-"
"Don't defend him, Kiri!" roared Derek before coughing. "You don't have to after all the shit he did to you back then when you were just kids. He's not fucking normal. He's deranged and I wasn't going to let him keep going. He nearly killed you last time!" said Derek. His nose started leaking again, "I'm not going to let that happen again!"
He was silent for nearly a minute before he continued on. He looked like he might cry. "You know I still have nightmares about that day, opening the closet and being too late."
"But you weren't." I said. "I'm okay now. I'm safe."
"And you're going to stay safe," he said.
His tissues had turned red now, "Your nose," I said, "Maybe we should take you to the hospital."
"I'm fine," he said.
I didn't believe him, "What about your arm? Have you forgotten you just broke it in two places? Just cause your cast is off doesn't mean it's like it was before. You could have broken it again!"
"I'm okay, Kiri. My nose and knuckles hurts like a son of a bitch but my arm is okay." he said, pulling me into him, "I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay. We're going to be okay." I sniffled. No matter what he said I still worried about him. "I love you," he said, "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again"
"I love you too," I said, "But you have to be more careful. I can't lose you."
"You won't," he said.
I let him hold me for a few minutes even thought he was the one who was hurting. Then I insisted he change his tissues and put his head back again. I kept a close eye on him all night, making sure the bleeding stopped. When we went to bed, I laid awake for hours just listening to him wheeze. I knew he was trying to protect me but what about him? I couldn't bear the thought of him getting hurt or in trouble because of me. I didn't want to lose him.
The next morning I was late getting up and leaving for work. It was hard leaving Derek when I knew he wasn't feeling well. I considered seeing if I could switch shifts with someone but it was so early and on such short notice. Derek got up just before I left and walked around for a few minutes, insisting he was fine. I could tell he was in pain but knew he wouldn't lie back down until I left. I kissed him goodbye and made him promise to text or call if he needed anything.
After that I had to hurry to get to work on time. I was still somewhat sore from running home the other day and began to wonder if I was out of shape. When I finally got to work, I scrambled to get everything ready and for a few blissful minutes, I forgot about everything that had been going on lately. I admit it was a nice mental break.
I managed to open on time and the usual Saturday morning early birds came in. I knew most of their orders by heart now. It was nice to see their friendly faces and make small talk. It almost made me feel social. Of course talking to someone at work was nothing like outside of work. At work everything was short and sweet nothing to heavy where as outside of work things could get complicated especially if anyone I knew asked me how I was really doing.
When the rush was over I cleaned up and then spent the next hour or so accepting bakery deliveries. We usually didn't get a ton each day but once or twice a month we'd get all our deliveries on the same day around the same time. I took care of everything then got ready for the next rush that usually came in around eight.
At nine a woman came in and bought out all our cupcakes for the day. It wasn't unusual; our cupcakes usually went fast on the weekends. If anything, it was rare to have any left by noon. I replaced their empty spot in the display case with something I could easily make in house: crescent rolls with chocolate or vanilla filling. I loved pipping in the filling and couldn't resist having one on my break.
I cleaned up when I got back from break and noticed we were getting low on piping bags. I looked to see when I'd last ordered them and saw it had been two weeks ago but the supplier was still backed up. I got on the computer and was considering switching to another supplier, when the bell rang.
I went to the front and saw a woman rush up to the counter. It took me a second to realize it was Alison, Roan's wife. Her hair and clothes were a mess and she wasn't wearing any makeup. Her face was red and blotchy like she'd been crying as soon as she saw me she screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!"
I stood there frozen for a second. I'd completely forgotten about Roan's family. I recalled how worried I was, when I'd come home last night, to find Derek injured. I could only imagine the horror Alison must have gone through and the... kids. I had no idea what I should do or say to her! I doubted I could tell her it was an accident and that Derek hadn't intended on getting into a fight with him.
Upset at my lack of a response, Alison slammed her fists on the front counter, "DO YOU KNOW I HAD TO TAKE HIM TO THE ER LAST NIGHT! THE ER!" The emergency room! How badly had Derek- "HE WONT TELL ME WHO DID IT BUT I KNOW IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU!"
I was surprised Roan hadn't told her it was Derek. I just stood there, I was never very good with confrontations. I still didn't know what to do and the longer I did nothing the madder she got. I realized I had to do something, anything at this point. I put my hands up and tried to calm her down, "Please, Alison, just calm down."
"CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN!" She shrieked and flung a basket of sugar packets from the counter. It flew to the ground and the packets went everywhere. She waved her finger at me and screamed on, "EVER SINCE YOU SHOWED UP IN OUR LIVES, HE'S BEEN BESIDE HIMSELF, DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN TO TRY TO MAKE UP FOR THE PAST. I KNOW HE CAME HERE LAST NIGHT. I KNOW YOU HAD HIM HURT!"
"I didn't! "I said, which was true. I didn't tell Derek to hurt him. I didn't tell Derek to do anything to him. "I didn't even see him last night!" I added, also the truth. She looked at me, shaking her head. I was glad now I hadn't tried to explain what had happened last night. I don't know why Roan hadn't told her it was Derek but as mad as Alison was right now, I had no doubt she'd want to press charges if she knew.
I swallowed and looked at her like I had no idea what was going on. "I have no idea what you're talking about." I felt bad looking her in the face and lying but there wasn't anything Derek wouldn't do for me, if I had to lie to protect him, then I would.
She looked at me in near hysterics now, "WHAT! WHAT am I SUPPOSED to tell my CHILDREN when they ask what happened to their FATHER!"
"I...I'm sorry." I said, "What happened?"
She shook her head at me and began crying. She turned and it looked like she was going to storm out of the cafe but just before she reached the door, she stopped. She turned on her heels and came back to the counter. Her voice filled with emotion as she choked out, "My husband is a good man! Whoever he may have been when you were kids that's not him anymore! You don't even know half of what he went through! He...he was almost always sick as a kid and almost died several times! His father abandoned him and his mother. So his mother poisoned his mind, made him think he was sick long after he got better. She… she put him through hell! Whatever he did to you, HOWEVER HE LASHED OUT AT YOU, I'm sorry BUT HE IS A GOOD MAN NOW! A good husband! A GREAT FATHER! IF YOU KNEW HIM, TRULY KNEW HIM, then you would know! He goes above and beyond to help people, sometimes even at his own expense. What HAPPENED to him last night," she said putting her index finger down on the counter, "HE DID NOT DESERVE THAT!"
"I'm sorry." I said and I meant it. Her words sunk into me hard. I wanted to tell her I didn't want that to happen that I just wanted him to go away but I couldn't risk letting Derek's involvement slip.
"If you're sorry," she said, looking me in the eyes, "Stay away from Roan. Leave him and my family alone. I don't EVER want to see you again." She turned then and went to the door just before she left. She quietly said, "I'm sorry about the sugars." Which only made me feel worse.
She left and I stood there alone for the longest time feeling emotionally wrecked. I could understand why she was so upset. I didn't know any of that about Roan. I hadn't wanted to know. I knew deep down there was a reason he might have bullied me. People don't just do that without a reason but I had no idea. I knew his mother was scary but I thought she protected him. It must have been hard to have the only person in your life poison you. I felt guilty and sick. It just seemed like this whole thing was getting worse and worse.
As I picked up the sugars packets, I wondered how I could have avoided this mess. Maybe I should have just accepted Roan's request, done something with him and said we could be distant…very, very, very distant friends. And yet my skin crawled at the thought of being around him again. I felt awful about what went down but I really truly wanted nothing to do with him. I needed this to be over. I wanted to live my life with Derek and I wanted Roan to live his life with Alison and their kids. I didn't want anything but to go on...to just go on.
When everything was cleaned up I sat in the back and stared off into space trying not to think or feel. I couldn't wait for the rest of my shift to be over. Everytime the bell rang it was a struggle to put on a smile. When Tamatha showed up to take over, she thought I was coming down with something and suggested I get some rest. I thanked her and said I would before clocking out.
I walked home slowly, needing some time to just be outside and breathe. It was a beautiful day so I went to the park. I saw a lot of people running around and being happy. I found an empty bench and sat down. I closed my eyes and tried to center myself.
I listened to the sounds of nature around me and breathed in deeply. After a few minutes I was relaxed enough to started making some decisions. I didn't think I'd tell Derek about this morning with Alison, at least not right away. I knew it would upset him that she came to the cafe. He also wouldn't be happy about the things she'd said. Maybe in a few days when he was feeling better and some time had passed, I'd let him know she'd been by.
"Can I talk to you?"
Right now I planned to just go home and-
"Kiria,"
I opened my eyes, hearing someone call my name. I'd heard a voice just now but I hadn't thought they were talking to me. They sounded quiet, distant. I looked up as a figure cast a shadow on me. I didn't recognize the man. He was in a black hooded jacket with the hood up. His nose was bandaged and he was wearing dark sunglasses. I looked at him, confused.
He lowered his hoodie and took off his sunglasses, seeing my confusion. I looked closer at him and gasped, seeing it was Roan. My eyes widened as the saying, 'you should see the other guy' popped into my head. Derek had done a real number on him. He had two blood shot, black eyes, what appeared to be a broken nose, a busted upper lip, and various stitches. After a few seconds, I had to look away. I looked down and saw Roan's hand was in a cast. I breathed in deeply closing my eyes.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked again, his voice strained. I knew I shouldn't, I wasn't suppose to. No matter what he said I should just walk away. When I didn't respond he continued "or are you going to have Derek beat me up again."
I opened my eyes as they began to water with tears. "I'm sorry he...he didn't mean for this to happen. I swear, he just wanted to talk to you." My words felt empty as I stared up at him. There was no excuse for this much-
Roan put his sunglasses back on and painfully sat down on the bench next to me. "Well we 'talked'." he said before coughing. It took him a second or two to stop.
I didn't know what more I could say. I'd already said I was sorry, so I asked, "What do you want?"
"I'm sorry," he said. I almost couldn't believe it. He was apologizing. "About Alison. She told me what she did this morning. If you need me to replace anything."
"No, it was just sugar packets," I said, "I...It...her, it was understandable."
I heard him wheeze as he took a deep breath. "I didn't tell her who...did it." When I didn't respond he added, "I could have."
I cringed, clenching my fists on my lap and turned to him. A tear trickling down my cheek, "Please don't, Derek, he didn't mean for things to go that far. He just, he was just trying to protect me."
"From what?" asked Roan, coughing. "Me!" he added bitterly.
I pursed my lips.
"I..." he said, getting upset, "haven't done anything to you. Not lately and I apologized for-"
"I know, I know!" I cut him off, hearing it was a struggle for him to speak. He must have been in so much pain right now. I was surprised he was out and about, let alone here. "Why are you here?" I asked, "You should be in bed or something."
"I wanted to see you." he said. He half smiled at me and then immediately winced with pain.
I looked at him confused. Why would he want to see me after getting his ass kicked. He turned away. "To apologize for Alison."
"You didn't need to." I said looking at the ground.
"No she's my wife and this is...just between you and me. She has no business talking to you." It was strange, I don't know if I was reading into things but it felt like he was implying Derek shouldn't have spoken to him either, that it wasn't his business.
"I hurt you." he said drawing me from my thoughts, "It's up to me to make it right."
I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. We were back at this again. "I told you your apology is enough."
"You also told me there were some things I couldn't fix. I'm willing to prove you wrong."
Things couldn't keep going on like this, we were going in circles. I knew I had to be strong. I had to make myself very clear. "I know how you can truly make things up to me Roan, if you still insist."
"I do," he coughed, "What is it? What do you want?"
I turned and looked at him determined, "For you to go-" He groaned but I wouldn't let him dismiss me. I know I'd said this before but I had more. I pressed on, "And keep living your life. Your wife tells me you're a good man now. Keep being a good man, a good husband and a good father, keep helping others. Knowing you're out there and that you've changed, that is enough for me."
"It is not." he spat, "I can do all that! I can be a good man and still make things up to you."
"I know you want to make amends but isn't it my choice? Don't I get to decide just how you go about it? This, this is what I want, Roan."
"NO!" he raised his voice upset, "I can't just walk away,"
"It's not walking away." I said. "It's doing what I asked. It's making amends."
"No not like that. I won't go!" he said. He looked like he was going to be sick.
"Why." I said, confused. "Why can't you? Hasn't all this," I gestured about with my hands, "Caused enough trouble for the both of us?"
He painfully chuckled "It's nothing new. You always seem to cause me trouble but still I like you, like being around you."
"What." I said completely lost now. He liked me? Liked being around me? He didn't even know me.
"I know, I didn't go about it the best way when we were kids but I've always liked you, Kiri."
My mouth dropped open and I couldn't help but scoff, "Always, always liked me? YOU USED TO hit me, push me and pinch me! You cut my hair, threw dog shit at me and you tried to kill me!" I'd heard when boys like a girl they sometimes bullied them but that, what he did to me was sooo much more.
I looked at him like he was crazy yet still he continued "I didn't know how to express my feelings back then an you were always running away."
"Because of what you did to me!" I spat a bit louder then I'd intended. A few people passing by gave us some side glances and I felt awkward.
"I told you I didn't know." he winced painfully. "What to do I...I wasn't right back then. I had a lot going on. A lot I needed to figure out."
I sighed, agitated, "Your wife told me some of it. BUT still-"
"I wished she hadn't. I wanted to tell you myself."
"Would you just listen." I said and then realized I'd been sitting here having an actual conversation with him. I didn't want this! The more I talked to him, the more I knew about him and the harder it made things. I wanted him out of my life! I didn't want to care about him! I just wanted this, all of this, to stop. "Just STOP," I said, "Stop trying to make amends to me. Stop talking to me, even if you like me. I don't like you."
I knew it was harsh but it was the truth...no not quiet. I hated him, even if I felt sorry for him. He was always going to be my tormentor. I couldn't just forget that. I maybe have accepted his apology but I wouldn't forget all the pain he'd caused me and was causing me now. No matter how sincere he was, I had to remember to stay true to myself and what I really wanted and needed.
"You just don't know me," he said quietly after a few seconds.
"I don't want to." I said plainly. "Please just understand that what you did to me, I forgive you, but it's always going to be there between us. It's always going to hurt me. So please just respect my wishes. Live your life away from me and let me live mine. Give me, give me peace."
He slumped to one side on the bench and didn't look so great. I leaned closer to him slightly concerned I might need to call his wife or an ambulance at this point "Roan, are you okay?"
"Why do you fucking care?" he hissed, his voice trembling with anger, "WHAT DOES MY PAIN MATTER TO YOU!"
He glared at me with such hate and for a second I felt like I'd gotten slapped across the face. I was reminded of that time, in the closet and could hear him screaming at me. "DIE! DIE! DIE!' More tears escape my eyes as I pulled myself together and got to my feet. I was just trying to be nice but I didn't have sit here and take this from HIM of all people.
"NO!" he called out as I took a step. He was suddenly panicked and desperate for me to stay. He quickly grasped hold of my wrist and held it tightly, "STAY! PLEASE I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well. Let's just sit here, PLEASE let's figure this out together."
I shook my head. "There's nothing-"
"Please, if you don't want to stay here, we could go somewhere else. Are you hungry? We can get something to eat, my treat just-
"KIRI!"
I turned my head, hearing my name. I looked to see Polly with the kids. She waved to me again, having recognized me, "HEY GIRL!"
"POLLY," I called my voice cracking with emotion as I waving back. I was so happy to see here. Roan squeezed my wrist even tighter and it hurt but then he let go completely, pulling back. I looked at him clutching his sides in pain. He trembled but forced himself to sit up properly.
Polly made her way over with the kids. She looked at me and then Roan. "Is that man okay?"
Honestly I didn't know, but I didn't dare ask him again. I went to her and said, "It's Roan."
Her eyes widened as she looked at him closer. He shakily got to his feet and spat "I'm fine." He put his hood back up and suddenly acted all tough as he growled "Tell your fucking fiancée, if he ever touches me again, I won't hesitate to press charges." He turned without another word then and hobbled off.
Polly looked at him and then looked at me, "Derek did that?!
"Yeah," I said sheepishly.
"Way to go Derek!" Polly shouted and fist bumped I was sure Roan overheard her.
"Polly!" I said, knowing that was awful.
"Seriously though," said Polly, leaning into me she whispered, "What the fuck is going on?"
"It's a long story," I said.
"I'm all ears. We just got done with the puppet show. I could use a good long story."
"I don't really fell like talking about it here," I said.
"Don't you live nearby?" she said with a mischievous smile.
"Yes, I do," I said.
"Come on kids, we're going to Aunt Kiri's."
"Yay," said Mara. I saw she was wearing a princess dress, "Do you have any eggs?"
"Don't ask," said Polly. She lifted Mara up and handed her to me. I held her as Polly turned her stroller around so we could walk to my apartment. I waved to Candice. It was rare to see her awake. She just smiled back at me shyly.
It took us a few minutes to get to my place. When we got there Derek was taking a nap on the couch. He was surprised to see Polly and the kids with me. I set Mara down. I'd only had to carry her a few blocks but I felt sore. I wondered how anyone carried their kids around all day long. I suppose you got built up to it as they got bigger but I was considering joining a gym at this point. First running was an issue and now lifting, I wasn't that old.
Mara quickly ran up to Derek as he sat up on the couch. She nearly flung himself into her arms screaming at the top of her lungs with excitement, "Uncle Derek!"
Derek caught Mara and gave her a big hug. I knew that had to hurt but he acted as if it hadn't. When Mara pulled back she noticed his injuries and asked, "What happened to your face?"
"I got into a fight with a pizza," Derek said.
Mara looked at him with astonishment. It was adorable. After a few second she asked, "Did you win?"
"Yes," said Derek, "I always do!"
"Wow!" she said and he set her down.
She went up to me and told me what Derek had just said. I chuckled and told her that was nice. Then she went up to Polly as she was getting things out from under the stroller and told her the same story as well. Polly just nodded her head as she pulled a blanket and a bag of toys out. She found some space in the living room and laid the blanket down as I set my bag on the kitchen table. She scattered the toys on the blanket and then got Candice who was currently listening to Mara's Pizza fight story. I took off my coat and Derek came up to me from behind. He put his arm around me and gave me a kiss on the back of the neck.
"How was work?"
Before I could answer Polly came bounding up us, "Uh uh, wait your turn. I want to know how you ended up with Roan Attley in the park."
I closed my eyes as I felt Derek pull back, "WHAT! Did he bother you again?"
"Again!?" said Polly, "He's been bothering her!"
I ran my hands over my face in frustration. If I never heard the name Roan Attley again, I swear I'd be a happy fucking woman. I turned and both Polly and Derek were giving me hard looks. I walked into the kitchen and they both followed me. Derek leaned against a counter crossing his arms while Polly kept herself in the archway so she could keep an eye on the girls playing in the living room. Before I could start talking Polly remembered something and quickly turned to Derek, "Oh, I saw you kicked his ass. Way to go! I wish I could have been there."
"Maybe next time," said Derek, gritting his teeth, "Apparently I didn't do it enough."
"HEY NO!" I said, pointing my finger at Derek, "You did plenty! No more kicking anyone's ass, understand me?"
"What happened!" said Derek.
"Yeah, what's been going on?" asked Polly, "Just because I've been busy with Denny and the kids didn't mean you guys couldn't call me."
"BOTH OF YOU," I said, raising my voice, "Just cool it." I loved that they both had my back but things seriously needed to calm down. Things felt like they were exploding all over the place. I didn't know if they were or if I was just amped up from Alison this morning and then Roan. I still hadn't processed everything he'd said to me.
I pushed it to the back of my mind. I'd think about it later or not. Right now I just needed to get through this conversation. I filled Polly in on what had been happening up to this point. When she heard I had just accepted Roan's apology, she nearly lost it. She'd thought I'd lost my mind. She started reminding me of the things he did...I thought I more then anyone knew what he'd done but found I'd forgotten some of them. It did not help things. I pressed on until she was fully caught up. She just kept cursing under her breath and shaking her head. She blamed herself for telling me Alison's message.
Derek stepped in after that for a few minutes. He told his side of things, how he'd made it clear once he found out that it was going to stop. I got to hear what happened between him and Roan, "So I waited," said Derek.
"Is that why you asked me what he looked like?" asked Polly.
"What," I said.
"The other day he called me out of the blue and just asked what Roan looked like nowadays. I was giving the girls a bath. I thought it was weird."
"Hey, I was just making sure I got the right guy." said Derek.
"You shouldn't have done anything,"
Derek shook his head, "I told you I'm not going to let him hurt you again."
"So what happened?" asked Polly.
"Well, I waited. I walked up and down the shops and just made sure Kiri couldn't see me."
"If I had, I would have sent your ass home." I hissed.
"So..." he went on, "I finally saw a guy that matched what you told me," said Derek. "I called out to him just to be sure. He turned around and I told him who I was and that Kiri didn't want him coming around anymore."
"And?" said Polly. I wanted to know too.
"He told me to fuck off, that it was between him and her."
"I made it clear that there was no him and you," said Derek, looking at me intently. "I got up in his face and said he needed to back off right now and not come around the cafe anymore, or approach you for any fucking reason. I told him that I didn't even want see him in your line of sight.
"And?" I said, picturing it.
"The fucker just laughed at me." said Derek, shaking his head, "He told me he'd do what he wanted and there was nothing I could do about it."
I flashed back to that day I'd pushed him after he'd taken my backpack. I remembered him telling me there was nothing I could do and pushing me-
"So he pushed me..." said Derek, "And I pushed back with my fists. We got into it after that. I beat the shit out of him and then told him one last time, it was over. From now on he didn't bother you again. I thought he got the message. He told me fine, whatever and I went home."
"He went to the ER," I said, taking back over. I was going to wait to tell Derek about Alison but now seemed as good a time as any. I told them she'd come in nearly hysterical. I didn't remember word for word what she said but I told them the gist of it. Neither were happy, nor cared if he'd changed and they didn't have any sympathy for his hard childhood, not after the shit he'd done The fact that he was back in our lives making trouble was enough for them.
Polly was so upset that Alison had made me feel guilty that she wanted to call Belia up and ask for Alison's number. She wanted to tell her a thing or two and make it clear she needed to keep her husband away. I made her promise not to. I really didn't want any more trouble. I also didn't want her to know it was Derek that beat Roan up. She took a moment to check on the kids and I grabbed something to drink. Derek wanted to know the rest of it but Polly insisted we wait for her. When she was done taking care of the kids, she came back into the kitchen. She was calmer and I started up again.
I explained I was pretty upset after Alison's visit so when I got off work I just sat in the park for a few minutes to calm down. I told them Roan showed up to apologize for Alison. I told them I was clear with him that I wanted this to end, that him continuing to be a good man was enough for me. They were both sick with my response. Derek was upset I hadn't listened to him and even talked to him at all. Polly just thought it was all bullshit. They both wanted to know what he said.
I told them he said he couldn't walk away that he didn't want to go because he liked me. The kitchen exploded with their outrage. Mara ran in wondering why the adults were shouting. I was the only one calm at that point. I took her into the living room with her sister and watched her build blocks up and then Candice would knock them over and laugh.
Polly came out after several minutes and insisted they were calm and wanted to hear the rest. I really didn't want to at that point but I also just wanted to get it over with. I sat down at the kitchen table with them this time. I told them my response that I didn't like him and I told Roan I just wanted him to go and give me peace. They asked what he said and I told them he wasn't looking so good at that point and that he got snappy. I got up to go but he grabbed my wrist and quickly apologized.
Derek demanded to see my wrist and I showed it to him. It was slightly tender but I didn't think much of it. However when I showed him my wrist there were red marks where Roan had grabbed me. It was clear it was going to bruise. "I don't think he meant to grab me that hard," I said, "He was just in pain."
Derek and Polly were both very quiet as they look at my wrist. I was surprised considering how vocal they were the last few hours. Derek gently let go of my hand and then got up and walked off without a word. Polly just sat back in her chair and shook her head. "You're lucky Mara saw you today," she said, crossing her arms. "I didn't expect to see you there. When she said she saw you, I almost didn't look but I'm glad I did. Who knows what that crazy bastard might have done."
"Polly," I said, thinking she was overreacting, "We were in a public park and he was injured."
"Think about that, Kiri." said Polly, furrowing her brow, "If he was injured as badly as you say, what was he doing coming up to you at the park and grabbing onto you. Stop trying to defend him. You have to stop letting him hurt you."
"I'm not letting him." I said, "I was clear, today. I made it clear how I felt."
"You've been clear from the start and he keeps coming back," said Polly.
"To apologize-,"
"For his wife, for himself, it doesn't really matter what for, Kiri. Can't you see he's just using it as an excuse to get near you again?" she said. She looked disgusted like she'd eaten something awful, then leaned in and reached out her hand for me. I took it and she squeezed my hand continuing, "He's dangerous, Kiri. I knew it from the first time I met him and we were just kids. You have to stay away from him no, matter what."
"What do you think I've been trying to do? I want nothing to do with him. I told him."
"You did but clearly he's not listening, at some point, you have to do something else."
"Really like what? Do you want me to beat him up like Derek?"
"No," she said. "Derek and I, think you need a restraining order."
I thought that was going a bit far. I mean, yeah, he kept coming back but he hadn't hurt me...well not like back then. He just kept making me think of the past which upset me but he hadn't physically touched me. I looked at Polly and she looked seriously concerned. I furrowed my brow. Was I not seeing things right? Were they overreacting or was I not properly reacting?
Derek came back after a few minutes and nodded to Polly, "Could you give him a call?"
She nodded back and I wondered who he meant. Derek sat down at the table and pulled his chair over to me. "I called Bonnie,"
"Bonnie? Who's Bonnie?" It didn't click.
"Your boss,"
"WHAT! WHY!"
"I asked if you could get the week off," he said. "She's taking care of it."
"WAIT! WHAT! You can't just call my work and-"
"YOU just can't keep ignoring this!" said Derek, "You can't keep letting him talk to you. YOU CAN'T let him come near you."
"He- this is insane. I know I might not be seeing things clearly right now but this just seems like a lot. Roan technically hasn't done anything to me. He's just been bugging me,"
"Bugging you?" said Derek. He ran his hand over his mouth like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You said it yourself Kiri were not kids anymore. This isn't some kid bullying you. This is serious harassment, the guys already tried to kill you once, he never should have even approached you."
"I know that...I just- all of this is so messed up." I furrowed my brow and covered my mouth. "Maybe I'm in denial. "I've just been so focused on moving on. I want to believe he's changed and that I've changed that things are different."
"They are." said Derek reaching out to me. We embraced and pressed our foreheads together "We're going to figure this out."
"I can't just not go to work," I said. "I'm not going to stop living my life because of him!"
"I don't want you to stop living your life, but you can take a fucking week off to consider some shit." said Derek. "Consider it a vacation. You haven't taken one in years and Bonnie hasn't given you a raise in a while. You deserve some time off to just relax and figure this out. Polly is talking to Denny. He might know a lawyer we can talk and just to see what our options are. Until we figure something out when you do go back to work Polly or I will take you and come get you after."
How much time had they had to plan this? I'd only been in with the girls for like ten minutes while they were calming down. I couldn't believe how fast they'd come up with this. I also felt like things had come full circle...needing someone to walk me. "I can take care of myself, you know up until this point I've just been being nice."
"Well stop it. Stop being nice to this guy and I know you can take care of yourself. You're a strong, beautiful woman. You're my love. But we all have weaknesses. We all have things we need a little help with from time to time. You helped me after my divorce when I thought there was no point to anything. You motivated me to get up and get back out into the world. You showed me that it was possible to live and love again."
I smiled at him, "Things might not always be the way you want but you shouldn't give up. Polly and you, you gave that to me first. You gave me hope. Back then I was so hopeless, I nearly gave up but then you guys you came into my life. I just, I wanted you to know how grateful I was. I wanted you to be as happy as you made me."
"We are happy and you deserve to keep being happy too. We all do. Even that shit stain but for whatever reason, he's just not getting the message that there is no place for him in our life, okay. So just take the week, let's figure this out, and then...it won't be a thing anymore."
It was a thing now, wasn't it? I kept telling myself it was over, it was handled, that this was it, the last time. But somehow this whole thing had spiraled beyond my control, within a matter of minutes. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, "Okay..."
"Okay," Derek said.
For a moment we sat there until Polly came back out and told us Denny was going to call his friend and she'd let us know by tonight or tomorrow what was going on. The kids were getting cranky. Candice started crying and Mara wanted to see the eggs in our fridge. The fact that they'd been so good for so long was amazing but Polly needed to get them home.
She got things packed up and after a few minutes Denny came by and collected them. As she was leaving Polly gave me a hug and then pinched me really hard, "Owwww," I cried out. "What was that for?"
"Not calling me! I'm your best friend! The minute his family came into the cafe you should have called me. I know Derek is your fiancé but I'M STILL your best friend AND I should know more than he does...ALWAYS!"
I laughed and Derek called out from the kitchen, "I heard that," which only made me laugh harder.
"GOOD!" Polly yelled back. Then she turned to me and gave me a bigger hug. She whispered into my ear, "I mean it, call me day or night. I'm here for you."
"I know," I said.
She pulled back and said, "I love you, take care of yourself,"
"Always," I said though I guess that wasn't so true, "I love you too."
She turned and left. Derek came up when it was just him and me and held me for a few minutes. Then we had a quiet dinner and watched some TV. Neither of us said much that night, going to bed early. |
